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Got my autism OKU card, theres one relief i felt- at least apa2 jadi kat aku , the dr will know, and the world will know.

Huge difference between headlines being ' a girl died' vs ' an autistic person died'.

kekadang aku takut dengan masa aku skrg, ada one guy aku kenal dia ada anak. tapi commitment pulak nanti nak jaga anak dia, i dont think im ready really. tapi nak kenal org baru pun susah jugak.

the guy i also kenal dlu pulak turns out he's the worst communicator ever.

You know what the biggest problem is within the Islamic community in Malaysia that I observe? Tak actually peduli dengan member kat dalam tu.

Macam contoh, I was grieving, told this one Muslim sister in an Islamic gathering group about this. I thought after joining tu, they would actually be with me every step of the way, like a Muslimah sister would. But no — dia jarang mesej. Even after I told her I lost my mom. Kenapa dia tak actually care and check up? Group WhatsApp pun sunyi. Mesej bila diorang ada barang nak jual or event-event je. Tak nampak macam a group of people yang actually friends.

Lagi satu, dulu aku masa uni, ada akak ni rajin sangat baca buku Islam. Tapi masa tu aku selalu pergi mana-mana sendirian. Aku menderita sangat masa tu, tak banyak kawan, social anxiety. Tapi bila aku tengok akak tu, dekat je dengan aku, pergi kelas Quran sama-sama, tapi tak pernah aku tengok dia tanya khabar aku. Padahal buku-buku agama dia baca mesti ada sebut pasal kemasyarakatan — meaning, check up kalau kau tengok orang yang dalam circle kau tu sorang-sorang or nampak sedih, actually ambil berat.

Setakat ni aku kenal seorang je yang bila dia tengok orang sorang-sorang atau susah, dia akan extend help nak tolong, nak berkawan dengan orang tu. Dia ni autism tapi cikgu, and amat baik hati.

Aku harapkan group-group Muslimah aku join tu macam tu. Rupanya tak. Banyak yang datang event, dengar ceramah, balik. Ada juga aku join group reading Muslimah, banyak diorang share pasal baca buku agama. Tapi aku tak tengok diorang address aku sangat kat situ. Macam takkan tak ada antara buku agama diorang baca yang sebut “check up on others”?

Aku pun banyak tolong this one girl kat reading Muslimah WhatsApp group tu translate buku ADHD yang dia baca, tapi lepas tu aku perasan kalau aku tak mesej dia, dia pun krik-krik. Lepas tu banyak pergi activity buku tak ajak aku sekali.

Like dia tak fikir ke kalau orang tolong dia, should make the person feel welcomed jugak? If you follow Islam totally, you should actually check up on jiran-jiran or orang dalam circle korang, especially kalau diorang tak cakap banyak. Ni kau banyak diam je — why? I was suffering beb. I wanted a connection. But they just don’t. It’s frustrating.

Apa salahnya korang bila baca buku tu, actually be like, “Hey semua, jom buat gitu-gini,” actually make connection, actually care, actually follow up orang dalam group Muslimah korang, even dia tak cakap banyak pun. She would appreciate it. Tapi rupanya banyak datang event, balik buat hal sendiri je.

Especially akak yang kat uni tu. Kau ingat Islam hanya how many books you read ke? Mana sifat kemasyarakatan kau? It’s sad. I genuinely thought you all would invite me like real friends, atas dasar Muslimah tu bersaudara, check up on me sometimes. But you didn’t.

What’s the point kalau Islam pada korang setakat baca buku, pergi event dengan orang-orang alim lain, and that’s it? Why the only one I met that does all that, dia bukan dalam group Muslimah pun?

It’s like you guys ada “ceramah buddies”, not willing to actually make a connection dengan orang dalam circle Muslimah korang.

And when I try to reach out pun, aku cuba sembang dengan budak yang aku tolong translate ADHD book dia tu, dia macam endah tak endah je. Siap disable comment kat Instagram story. What’s wrong with this? Islam patutnya korang reach out and peduli dengan community korang. Why didn’t you?

Nampak orang tu duduk sorang, tak banyak kawan tapi pergi ceramah — tanya khabar dia, ramah mesra dengan dia, reach out. Itulah ISLAM. Bukan pergi baca buku, gelak-gelak dengan kawan Islamik korang, then balik.

aku tak tau lah rasa berdebar tiba2. it always become like this. ajak adik makan sekali dia kata x pe lah padahal alu dah nasihat dah dia jangan duk kat bilik je.

but i also feel very uncomfortable, berdebar. and usually when its like this, i hated that.

I saw them packing and I get more nervous.

Dear Allah, if you have any way for me to search for spouse the halal way, show me. For Allah You are the Most Powerful.

Make it easier for me to do it halal.

But your parasocial self had to be misandrist and hate all men equally. I'm telling you, this has NEVER happened before in Cinna's community. The hate all men shit only happen after she collabed with valkyrae. Rae's fans love to pretend they're nice but then they tweet the most stupid shit about Lacy and Ron. I watch cinna because her fans community used to not be crazy and very chill. They get Lacy and Ron's humor and cinna has the same humor as them. But once Rae fans came in they try to police every single shit and hate on Cinna's friends and the male streamers she collaborated with. They don't even care if cinna likes them or not , all they know is they hate men and try to tell Cinna what to do. Ngl if Cinna collaborated more with Valkyrae after this I am not going to watch her anymore because I know Rae's holier than thou hate all men fans are going to be annoying. They don't even realize how kena they're going towards the boys. When Rae Collab was announced the guy streamers fans were actually happy and spamming Ws. But when I look at Rae fans they're being disgusting as fuck by how they're speaking about the boys . Sure some of them are writing gooner comments but it's because they're young boys, probably like 14-16. You have to accept that instead of blocking people from collabs totally just because you don't like some of their fans. Literally only Rae fans were blocking all the fun and taking all jokes seriously. They don't even realize how stupid they look to other people.

Doing this to your friend is like taking Muslims to a bar, a Hindu to a beef shop ,etc. Jessi talk so much about being judged and leaving the Mormon faith as a result, yet she judges her religious friend for being..religious. the fact that they can't even comprehend Jen does this by her own accord and not just because of Zac.