I love you so much it hurts me like nothing ever did. I'm a skeptical person so I don't have any courage for dreaming about you in my future but goddammit, I want you. I want you. I don't believe in a happy ending but I want you. I want you. I always want to have some me-time with myself but I always afraid to be alone that's why I keep holding your hand way too tight.
( Please do tell me if it hurt, I'll let you go. )
I always say that my dream just stretched into next week and I never have any long-term goals but imagination about me and you together in our own world haunted my dream.
( This is hurting me. I like it but it hurting me. )
I'm being way too careful with promises and sweet talks and if you noticed I avoiding the use of forever in my poems about us it's not because I don't love you. I'm afraid, darling I'm afraid. Life is a blurry road, a movie with an unexpected twist, a journey with an unknown destination, a trip without a map.
They said well, you have each other, let each one of you guiding the other and I keep asking myself is this the right way?
( I want to see you fly.)
I am a logical person and I don't take feelings as emotion, I take it as a long-ass thesis or some math equation to be learned and I expecting myself to understand every bit of it but love? How can we understand love? Do you know how much I doubted myself and asking the petals do they love me, do they love me not a thousand times each time I think you avoiding me?
( The petals lied. They said you love me. Do you? Please do. )
I'm gonna go to hell. Honey, I'm gonna go to hell. I love you so much I think God wouldn't like it. Gold dripping from my body tastes like yours, angels would be burning with jealousy.
(And they became satan when they fall. Angels shouldn't feel jealous. God loves them. I'm the one who supposed to be jealous.)
Do you remember the incorrect text we read together? The one where this person said to their significant other tell the whole world that I'm yours and the other whispering to them you're mine because they're their world. I want you that much. You to be my world. Me to be your world. I want us to be proud of the excessive amount of love we had but I'm afraid the whole world would be exploded because it's too fucking much. God would hate it.
( Why God hate us? They have everything. )
But a big question. Do you love me? Do you love me as much as I love you?
( I feel like I never deserve to be loved but I want you to love me. Please love me. )
My daisy petals bury me five feet below the ground and the ground is my doubtful heart but rain comes and the flood that wipes the whole thing is you kissing me goodnight.
( Stop the time. Fuck, stop the time. )
I want you in my next week, and my next week after, and my next week after, and more, and more. I wish God let me dream. I can hear both angels and devils laugh at me.
( Why we kept saying angel first before devils? )
I had a severe panic attack last night. I thought I lost you. But your last chat still as cheerful as you always been and now I wanna die. I don't wanna die. I've sinned way too much I think Lucifer themself would take me as Hell's ambassador on earth. My body craving for you. Hands in my cheek and tongue in my lips. I want you to tear me open like a pandora box. The plague is all mine. I would take it.
Do you ever dream about it? Your hands tracing my back? Or your lips whispering sweet nothing to my ears? If you do, I'm gonna die right now.
( Butterflies in my belly told me not to.)
I wrote this in one hour after looking at you for like five hours and listening to your voice for two hours. And it still feels like not enough. I'm craving for you. Petals, do they want me now? The roses are blue, violet isn't red. I want to fucking kiss you, but do you want me to bleed? My blood is rose and daisies swimming in glass dust. No flood this time. I just love you and my body couldn't contain the emotion.
I love you so much it hurts me like nothing ever did. I'm a skeptical person so I don't have any courage for dreaming about you in my future but goddammit, I want you. I want you. I don't believe in a happy ending but I want you. I want you. I always want to have some me-time with myself but I always afraid to be alone that's why I keep holding your hand way too tight.
( Please do tell me if it hurt, I'll let you go. )
P.S: I'm drunk when I write this.
P.S.S: I'm sleeping in your clothes. I want your hug. The stuffed animals puked on my face. They hate me.
P.S.S.S: Gabriel comes to me last night. His wings slapped me right in my fucking face. I guess I never accepted in heaven. But I don't care. You are heaven. Our favorite songs say what if we rewrite the stars well fuck that, what if we build our own universe? Regulus is way too bright and Aldebaran and that snobby Antares makes me dizzy. I'll name the sun after your name. Alpha Centauri would be pissed off. We don't need him.