bluehazefeelingz

I've been debating to write anything. On here. On my journal. I guess I'm kinda scared of what I'm going to say but at the same time I've been thinking about it almost everyday. I know I accept the reality of how my life is right now. I know I feel stuck and I should be doing something to move forward. Time doesn't wait for you so I feel a lot of pressure. I'm not like other adults that I wish to be but then again I shouldn't be comparing my life as to how others are living because it's my fault I am where I am. I am responsible for my future . I'm still trying to figure it out but I try not dwell on it too much because I get bad anxiety and I shut down. Thinking about the future does get scary but I can't avoid my future too. too much on my mind right now :/

It's been a while since I've been here. I've been writing on my journal so I lowkey left my blog behind for a while . Anyways, I think it's coming back again. I've been feeling really negative lately and the negative thoughts are coming back. I know I'm depressed and it will never go away but I feel like I've been doing good on not letting negativity get to my head for a couple of years. But I've been feeling vulnerable lately and I can feel that I'm going back to the dark side. And I don't like it. I don't like how it makes me feel. I feel weak. Once I'm deep in the hole it's hard for me to dig out of it. I'm trying to be strong but I haven't been myself lately. I want to ask for help and talk to someone but I feel like I can overcome the bad thoughts like I've done before. Sadly, it's becoming powerful and it's trying to break into my barrier.