vent

god i am truly fucking vile

something something too pathetic to live too cowardly to die

i am selfish and avoidant and a liar and can’t help but feel i am destined for death because i feel incapable and beneath any real victory or change for the better, even if i am objectively a better person (i think…?) than i was a couple years ago my life still feels like a pit i continue to fall deeper into and i feel increasingly overwhelmed and doomed and undeserving and and and and and

going to lose my mind forever at how unreal and unworthy and filthy i feel

i am so selfishly self-hating and it is truly exhausting and disgusting

once again feeling like maybe i am better off being single because god i am such a fuckup lmao i know that my urges to run and avoid are obviously also troublesome here but while my logical mind tells me to work things out and try to improve myself my emotional mind tells me he’s going to break up with me because i’m a terrible boyfriend and maybe i am idk! maybe i AM a selfish neglectful avoidant bastard!

mfw don’t know if i’m lying or not

hate it here actually i feel so lonely and pathetic lol. idk why i’m pretending hashirama would fix me when he definitely would not but it’s easier to think of an unattainable savior figure. i feel surreal and horrible

i’ve gotten so attention seeking lately huh? yet i still hate it, but i don’t, but i do

whew self hatred it is not the time babygirl

maybe i am a selfish cheating lying cunt who doesn’t deserve love, i really don’t know. i’m tired from the valium, i wanna sleep and not wake up for a long time, i want things to be fixed when i wake up

i got what i wanted but at the cost of my happiness

fucking sick and tired of it all this is why i should just be alone why did i let myself get attached to someone fucking idiot can’t help himself even though it’s worse in the end, only hurting people

I hate everything and myself most of all

Why do I keep wallowing in my own self pity god just kill yourself