Read my thoughts

My ADHD has locked in while shredding and started to ponder why there is so much bitterness in the Freebord vs Summerboard community.

I am not affiliated with either. I own both the Freebord and the Summerboard, and have paid for both out of my own hard worked. So what I have to say is my own personal opinion and I am relatively involved/observing while being in both communities. I will admit that I am not the best rider of either boards, but I ride both for the same experience, but for different reasons, and I HAVE NEVER GONE SNOWBOARDING.

Let's talk about my unbiased opinion, and share my experience with both.

If you are beta, would have clicked out by now, because anyone who doesn't have an open mind to have a conversation is not worth the time.

So have let me ask you,... Have you ever heard of a bicyclist mad that that motorcycles and mopeds were ever invented? Have you heard of people who skate a 7ply deck at the back of truck bay complaining that BOOSTED Board put all E-Boards on the map? Have you ever heard anybody who owns a screwdriver mad that other people own power drills with multi attachments?

The barrier to entry between a Summerboard and a Freebording is..... it depends.

So I ride both, the Freebord and the Summerboard.

In the early 2000s I saw my first Freebord video on YouTube, and I was in love. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxyJKmA6kSI And I think a Freebord was the first thing I bought with first paycheck from my first job ever. I didn’t put any thought into where and how I was going to learn and my Freebord came pretty much arrived the next day. So I put it together and realized, there isn’t anywhere safe in my neighborhood for me to learn. I had no hills, but had some slope area at work when I worked on a college campus. During my breaks on graveyard I would only get myself to learn the skill of being relatively confident with my toe side slide. I had no community, just me wanting to learn how to drift, even though I have never gone snowboarding

I fell on financial hard times and sold my Freebord on Craigslist. [Because that was the only thing I owned to my name] I couldn’t find time, or plan a safe place to just feel the experience of snowboarding. [[Btw! Did I mention I have never gone Snowboarding. Even though I have owned 3 snowboards, that I have meant to ride, and bought and sold. Let’s not get into that! 😅]]

I think over a decade later, I see someone selling a Freebord on Craigslist. This guy wanted to sell it for, I think was $150. I asked him if he would take $75. He agreed and said, "I don’t even know what the fuck that is. My brother had that here for years and I told him if he didn’t pick it, I would sell it, cuz my apartment is too small to have his junk lying around." I grabbed the board and felt like a winner. I found a nearby hill and gave it a few tries and ate shit. I worked, and never got around to being able to find a safe spot to plan to shred. Life Happened and my Freebord lived in my closet for years....

And then!! I saw Leiftech video https://youtu.be/5m5M3FZgpTA

I was working a low paying job, and had a sudden amazing opportunity to make more money, and bought my Leiftech in 2018, then upgraded to the Summerboard Christmas gift to myself in 2019.

I was obsessed on riding the Leif until there was no more sun, because I could find a safe parking lot in my part of town and I would shred right after work. And then installed an inverter in my car to charge my Leif so that at the end of my shift, I could go for a ride at any park or parking lot, not having to wait for an empty hill when people finally settle down at home so I don't get hit by a car by everyone also working a 9 to 5. I just pulled my Summerboard out of my trunk to any parking lot that was relatively empty.

Ok ok, let's not sound completely biased... the Leif/Summerboard has had so many mechanical issues since I've owned it. Belts ripping. Motors misfiring. Centers wheels cracking. Price of maintenance. Hence, the reason, I pulled out my Freebord from the dusty closet, kept the trucks and bought a wider deck that matched my stance on the Summerboard. [If you think, because you can ride a Summerboard, you can ride a Freebord. You're wrong!!!]

Because of mechanical issues that come with driving any machine, I bought a new deck for my freeboard, and scavenged and plan and hunt the area for potential safe hills and plan the timing, either super late at night or super early before cars get on the road. It was a lot of planning. BTW, I was hit by a car from behind hill learning to go down a mellow hill.

But when it came to the Summerboard, on the weekend, no matter where you are or what time, you can find an empty parking lot, or even driveway to learn.

Now which one do I love most? It’s like asking, would you rather ride a bicycle or a motorcycle. It depends...

They share the same experience, but are in different categories like bicycles and E-Bikes. Skateboarder and E-boarders. At the end of the day, we are all just having fun.

Let me end this with a story I vaguely remember, and it goes a little something like this: There was this bird every morning who would just sing it song as loud as can be during the sunrise. The bird flies in front of a mans window, and the man says, "You annoying bird, get the fuck out of here!!' The bird flies to another man's window and the man say, what a beautiful day. Thank you bird for that beautiful song. Wake and bake broo!!" The bird flies away and continues to sing, because that is its nature and didn't even notice either man.

The pettiness from the if you're in the communities is only coming from one direction. The community is like the bicyclist petty about motorcycles.

We, who get on a board, get on a board for the nature of having fun. If you spend so much time clouting on one shredding community over the other. The other community is just shredding and having fun. Shred on my shredders!!!!

I've been given this amazing privilege to having been one of the most highly sought after Medical Sales Rep in the south territory of my town. I will be relatively vague as I am still currently active in the industry. Long story short why I consider it a privilege; All of my counterparts and competitors in the industry all have a minimum of a bachelor degree. I started off taking phone calls and pushing papers at $17 an hour, then in 3 years promoted 3 times in one year, to starting making $27.50 per hour on the sales team, then few months after that to making $67k plus bonus for one of the largest medical services company in the USA. After multiple competitors compete for my employment and my market influence, I sit here today with a salary of $75k with bonus during the COVID-19 Pandemic, but I am struggling and I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow.

When I first started off in Medical Sales, I was just adrenaline driven to be making this kind of money with the use of my personality. I felt like, I am getting paid to make friends and be a positive influence in my industry. Everything I was doing was exciting, until you realize, you are only as good as you last month, and your success varied on the influence you had to manage with a team that isn't yours (You can be a good sales rep, but that team can make or break you also). I was sent to the Emergency Room 4x in less that 3 weeks for anxiety attacks, all during R&R, when I should be most relaxed. I saw my primary physician who prescribed by a SSRI and to see a psychiatrist. Me, now, 4 years later, after weening myself off the SSRI the first year of use, I finally booked that appointment with her for an ADHD assessment.

For years my friends in the industry have been saying they think I may have ADHD. I looked into it for awhile, but somewhat doubted the possibility. Growing up in a religious household, ADHD are for those kids who lack discipline or spanking from their parents. Plus, I was typically behaved, just couldn't sit still. And, on occasion, less frequent that not, I would get in trouble for my inability to sit still. I thought it was normal, because watching everyone in class move every now and then was normal... unless you were only paying attention to everything that moved in the class rather than you teacher giving the lesson.

As you can tell, as you read, you also may feel that you have ADHD because you forgot what you originally was reading this for. Don't worry, me too!! hahaha!!!

So even before I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, I've watched a lot of information on ADHD. and the way I behave started to make sense. I thought that it was normal to have your thoughts all over the place, but now that I am an adult, it is coming to the determent of my performance during work and even life.

I clearly have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria associated with ADHD where I feel that I am not good enough, if I feel what I am doing may never be enough. I get crippled and frozen when the direction of focus keeps changing. I struggling letting go of the last instructions knowing I may possibly extract from my last work, while focusing on the new instruction, completely wrecking how I approach them if I was given the chance to just focus on the first goal.

I still love the industry. I actually strongly believe in a business model I developed for the industry that would cut significant amount of overhead and still allow distribution of services faster than the competition (which also serve as referral sources for the business). But I feel that I am stuck. Like, I can't get this company or any company to care enough to see the bigger picture.

So now what? Let that business idea go? I don't know. I want to see it happen, but I am tired of fighting my way to the top for my patients. The closer I get to the top, the conversation becomes less about the people I serve.

I fell into this role by hard work and luck. I have learned so much because of the hats that worn in the industry. I understand that I have a system that will exist whether I am the one who pilots it or not, and if the company that pilots it will care as much as I do. That's if they figure it out.

But at the determent of my mental health and trying to discover whether I should just seek a career in the things I am interested in for potentially less money. That is a scary thought. Am I giving up everything I worked hard for?

I love sharing stories. I love making videos. I love skateboarding(even though I suck at it). I feel that there is more that I should bring to the table. Like I will never be good enough. And here we go again with RSD that comes with ADHD.

It has been almost a decade since I’ve been on Tumblr, with an undisclosed account. Haha!!

When I first came on tumblr, I treated it as a personal diary of my observational thought of the things I was into at the time of the post.  My peers then started to find me, and I felt as though I started to shift away from the things that got me on this platform.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t being fake, but the focus of my content was not what I created a Tumblr account for. 

So what are we going to do with this NEW account?  Honestly, I don’t even know.  I just know that I would wake up at times at 2a.m. and type for hours, go to sleep, then read what I just wrote...  I am not gonna say that they were amazing, but definitely surprised on the outcome of the messages that were written out.  Maybe one day, I’ll revisit the old posts and share them here.  Maybe..