I'm so tired guys, I'm so fucking tired. It's coming up to 2 years of trying to find bandmates and I've had a total of 4 people actually express solid interest and fit the criteria, and that have seemed promising and every single one of them has ghosted me. They just seem to flip from being incredibly excited and really chatty to nothing as soon as I try to organise a rehearsal. I have exhausted all avenues, I've tried all social media, posting on my pages, posting on local musician networking pages, musician communities, classified websites, I've hunted down instrument teachers in the area and emailed them to ask if they have any students who might be interested. I've tried the Uni and the college, I've tried local open mic sessions. I've even reached out to other counties in case someone is travelling or maybe in case they have a friend not on the socials they might mention it to!
The worst part is I'm watching my friends in other locations form bands extremely quickly, some of these bands are OBSCURE instruments too! And they're off gigging and putting on these incredible shows, I'm still here...2 years later with absolutely fucking NOTHING to show for it except months of wasted time and a lot of stress because I'm putting in all this chasing and work and I can't even find a single guitarist, who I have been assured by everyone are ten a penny! Are they!? Where?!
At this point I'm concerned that advertising consistently for such a long period has actually put people off and they think there must be something wrong with me and my inability to keep musicians when the truth is...I actually haven't gotten a single musician in all this time.
It's beyond frustrating to not be taken seriously by music festivals and events because I don't have a band, to be rejected because of something beyond my control. I don't know what else to do, where else to look. The only people who seem like they might actually turn up and not ghost me are the union folk and I can't afford ÂŁ250 minimum per person. I barely get paid that myself. I can't afford to pay ÂŁ750+ just for one gig to have a drummer, guitarist and bassist. I wish I could but I don't have that kind of money and I can't be charging ÂŁ1000 a gig, nobody would book me! Half of them reject me about my current rate and it's ...yeah. No wonder the only music around these days are tribute bands, it's so depressing.
I know I'm one of those people who doesn't have luck, who doesn't really get any pay off for hard work. I deliberately learned not to compare myself to other people because that would absolutely destroy my mental health if I did. But it's hard not to notice the people you gig with regularly are turning up with 5 piece bands these days and I'm still just...me...I'm the only one that hasn't grown despite trying.
I know there's nothing I can do about it, I know that's just how my life will always be but it doesn't mean I can't be once again disappointed that I'm still where I was ten years ago. I've fought to grow, I've fought to develop and...nothing. I really do wish that just once my work would actually pay off. It would be nice. It must be nice for those who see results from their work.
