Obey Me! Shall We Date?

MC: Can I use them as ear warmers?

Beelzebub: What do you mean?

MC: Nevermind.

[ONE WEEK LATER]

Beelzebub:

So like, I know that when people do pact headcanons it’s usually all sweet like, “Oh look, they’re so connected!” but also what if the pact marks and pacts in general were just… weird and did weird things sometimes? Well here you go.

Lucifer

Any time the MC feels belittled, Lucifer’s pact mark burns like it’s trying to shout at people for them.

Whenever the MC is looking for confidence, they can rub Lucifer’s pack mark and they’ll feel like they can literally take on anything. (Translation: So stupidly confident that they’ll jump off a cliff and legitimately believe they’ll land perfectly fine because they were awesome enough to make a pact with Lucifer so there).

Lucifer’s pact mark glows the brightest of the bunch - and that’s saying something - the MC can use it like a flashlight if they have to. It refuses to be outdone by the others after all.

Mammon

The pact mark sparkles like a glitter sticker whenever the MC touches something expensive - almost like it’s encouraging them to run off with it… 

Mammon’s mark tugs and pulls him towards things that the MC touches often, which results in him “stealing” some of the MC’s favorite stuff in order to hold onto/use himself (their pillows and pens are common targets).

Since Mammon’s pact mark came first, it’s connection between Mammon and the MC is the strongest. It has so much influence that if Mammon or MC say each other names, they will actually sneeze.

Leviathan 

Whenever the MC uses one of their others pact marks, Levi’s mark will glow like a fucking Christmas tree like it’s trying to say, “Hey, I’m here too! You won’t forget me right?? Right?!?”

Naturally, sometimes when Levi gets envious of something it’ll spread to the MC too, but since there isn’t always an easy target to be envious of their brain will make some… pretty big leaps in logic. (*narrows eyes* “Look at that fucking lamp over there… I bet it’s mocking me… Well shut up! Not everybody can produce light like you, Lamp!!”)

After getting Levi’s mark, the MC can start to hear the thoughts of fish… Henry 3.0 2.0 is surprisingly eloquent and a 100% Mom friend. They see why Levi talks to him so much…

Solomon: If you could rearrange the alphabet, the first thing you’d do is spell SEX and then laugh about it for hours.

Asmodeus:

//om chapter 16 spoilers!! 

Prompt: You know how some schools do that thing where you take care of a fake baby? That at RAD but with everyone getting an enchanted doll that acts like an actual demon baby.

Lucifer

He nearly has a heart attack when you saunter up to him with a demon baby on your hip. It’s a chubby little thing, with solid black eyes and little stubby horns to match. 

He clears his throat and recovers his composure. Tries not to think about how his heart is pounding a frantic beat against his ribs.

He has two thoughts at that moment.

One: Fuck, he really hopes that it didn’t spawn from one of his brothers. 

Two: Fuck, you look really cute with a baby.

“Where did you get that…?” Lucifer asks. He isn’t sure he wants to actually know the answer.

You grab the baby’s plush little hand and wave it at him. He grimaces. 

Your smile is pearly and Chesire. Evil. “It’s Diavolo’s! And mine.” 

“Lord Diavolo’s.” Lucifer unthinkingly corrects you, and then your words suddenly hit him like a fucking freight train and it feels like the breath has been punched out of his lungs. “Lord Diavolo’s? Excuse me?” 

Lucifer stares at the baby again, horrified, trying to find any resemblance of the prince or you in its weird little chubby babyface. How is that even possible? 

“Well, kind of,” you say, and his gaze snaps back to yours. “Remember how Dia was asking me about human schools? And I told him about that thing called the ‘baby project’? Where students partner up and take care of a fake baby for a week? Well, he ran with it, and now some of the RAD classes have to tote these things around for the rest of the week.” 

…Oh. 

“So it’s fake,” Lucifer confirms. He holds his breath—lets out a sigh of relief when you nod. 

(He sees it now—can feel the hum of magic wound tightly around the chubby, cursed, drooling doll.)

“And Lord Diavolo is your partner?” Lucifer asks, trying to gain just a little bit more clarity about this situation.

(Diavolo isn’t even in your class, why is he participating???)

“Well, not exactly—he was going to be, but Barbatos snatched him away from me like a thief.” You plop the baby onto his desk, no consideration whatsoever for all of the delicate paperwork now under its dangerous diaper butt. “It’s so unfair, but they did look really cute with a baby, so I’m not that upset. Anyways, you’re my partner! Say hello to our child!” 

Taken aback, Lucifer frowns. “What? I never agreed to that.”

You scooch the baby closer to him. Soulless black doe eyes stare directly into the depths of his fucking soul. 

You grin. “Come on, Lu, be my baby daddy!” 

He grimaces. “Don’t say it like that.”

You give him your saddest, biggest, most pathetic puppy eyes you can muster and—

And that’s how he gets roped into being your baby daddy. 

For the week, at least.

Wink wonk.

He’s so conflicted over it.

On one hand, he really doesn’t want to take part in the baby project. The doll doesn’t even do anything fun, like induce hallucinations or spontaneously burst into flame like real demon babies. Also, he’s super busy with a thousand and one other things, you know.

Buuut on the other hand… he likes you a lot.

So he’s going to be the goddamn best pretend baby daddy you could ever ask for. 

He’s going to make damn sure that you get the highest grade for this assignment, but afterward? Be prepared to suffer for dragging him into this. 

So guess who ended up making a discord server? It’s ya girl. There is a couple of rules I ask for yall to follow when you join, I don’t mean to be strict but I have  nearly 7,000 followers and I would like the server to stay a nice open place for everyone who wishes to be a part of it!

Lucifer grips your chin. Tips your head back just so, until it just slightly aches and your neck is laid bare to him. “Perhaps I’ve been too kind, and I’ve given you the wrong impression.” 

He smiles at you—eyes shining and shadowed and says, "Should we remedy that?” 

You grip his wrist. “Be kind to me, be mean to me—whatever makes you happy. Though I like you as you are, Lucifer.” 

That cute little scrunch in his brow appears, his grip relaxing just enough for you to pull his hand away. You hold it with both of your own—press a kiss to his knuckles and smile there. “You know, if you don’t like the petname, that’s all you have to say.” 

And he can only stare at you with a charmed, slightly exasperated smile, BECAUSE YOU’RE SO FUCKING KIND AND DENSE AND HE JUST WANTS TO RAIL YOU

                                                             ~

Mammon chokes on his juice box. In between sputtering and choking (and you slapping the shit out of his back) he croaks out, “What did you call me?!” 

You sheepishly rub circles on his back—trying to soothe the remnant sting—and say, “My angel baby.”  

Crimson blooms on his cheeks. He gives a nervous cough. “I’m nothin’ like those guys, y’know. I’m way better! And don’t you forget it!” 

You snort and ruffle his hair. Mammon leans into your touch—you’re pretty sure that he doesn’t even realize it. “Okay, okay. Noted. Don’t be such a baby about it.” 

Mammon scoffs, “Oh, we’ll see who the baby is,” then swipes your juice box right out of your hand and fucking runs.

                                                             ~

Levi stares at you—his heart flinging itself back to cling at the bars of his ribcage. He kind of feels like it might drop out of his ass. Did you just call him an angel?! Like, as a petname?! Do you like him that much!?! But, no—no, there’s no way you’d ever give him such a sweet nickname—

You grab him by the shoulders and shake him. “Hello? Earth to Levi? My lil angel water baby??” He doesn’t move. You shake him harder. “What the fuck, dude, BREATHE!”

If his jaw wasn’t hooked to his face with all sorts of complex muscles and ligaments, it would have hit the floor. He splutters like a fish and blushes hard—freezing up like a shark turned on its back—and screams. 

                                                              ~

“You think so?” A faint smirk lifts Satan’s lips. As he considers what you said, he mindlessly chews down on the pink plastic straw of his bufo-egg tea. An angel? Him? What did he even do to bring on such a comparison? 

You gently bonk him on the head. “S’just a petname, Satan. Don’t get lost in that pretty little mind of yours. Come back to me, please.” 

Politely, he wrinkles his nose. He grabs your hand—threads your fingers together and squeezes. “I wasn’t getting lost. I was just thinking about how you’re truly the angelic one.” 

                                                             ~

Asmo cracks a cheeky grin—makes a delighted noise and throws his arms around you, pinching at your cheeks, and nearly knocking over both you and the chair you’re sat on. “An angel?! Oooooo you’re just so cuuute!” 

He pulls back just enough to look you in the eyes. “Go on, tell me more~”

You jolt—swatting at the back of his head as you recognize the familiar tug of magic. He laughs. You pinch his side and say, “Don’t use your persuasion powers on me, you frog!” 

Asmo recoils. “FROG?!” 

                                                             ~

Beel blinks at you, equal parts confused and happy, loaded fork pausing halfway to his mouth. “Did you call me an angel?” 

You’re sat in the booth opposite him, barely visible behind the mountain of food on the table between you, but he sees you nod enthusiastically. “Yeah.”

He slowly brings the fork to his mouth. There’s a warmth in his belly that has nothing to do with the food—stirred up by the butterflies you always seem to invoke. “Why?”

You shrug. “I just think you’re sweet.” 

Funny—he feels the same about you.

                                                             ~

“Hey, that’s sweet.” Belphie smiles at you, slow and lazy. He pulls you into a soft hug. Nuzzles his cheek against your own and says, “You kinda remind me of a gremlin.” 

For some reason, you can’t find it in yourself to be that upset at him. Only a lot, instead of a lot, a lot.

You—ever the adult—stick your tongue out at him.

Belphie—ever the child—tries to bite it. 

You headbutt him. Just a little bit. As a treat. And say, “I’m trying to compliment you, jerk.” 

Belphie snickers and softly bumps his head against yours. “So am I.” 

MC: You said “this is gonna confuse me so much tomorrow”. Apparently drunk you likes to play pranks on sober you.

Asmodeus:

This is clearly the RAD schedule.

Teeth headcanons >:3 because monster teeth are sexy (I will tag not safe for tumblr)

Lucifer

Pretty basic demon teeth honestly, very sharp canines

The rest of his teeth are straight and human-like

Mammon

Very sharp and pointy canines, his top canines are doubled up with two teeth on each side

They are thin and small like him

Leviathan

All his teeth are pointy!

Like shark teeth, they fit perfectly together when he closes his teeth

Asmodeus

At first glance you wouldn’t think he has unusual teeth, but his pointy teeth are at the very back

You can only see them when he’s laughing a lot, or trying to show them

Satan

Very sharp top canines like a vampire, with sharpish incisors to boot

Sometimes they stick out when his mouth is closed

Beelzebub

VERY big teeth, especially his bottom canine teeth

Almost every tooth except for his incisors are like molars

Belphegor

Like Lucifer, sharp canines but they are far more dull and round

His teeth are pretty big

—