Just leave the Quaker's by the door.

is that song actually character-coded or is your brain a character-shaped hammer looking for lyrics to nail down somewhere

*lights a cigar with a match and leans back in my plush leather chair, looking out through the blinds at the city. my fuckin city.*

literally every problem i've had in my adult life has been solved by open and honest communication. which is fucking stupid, first of all

like i can't even just a little bit solve my problems with wanton violence? for real??

i'm like a caricature in a children's show. "and then Whimsy took a deep breath, made a few polite phonecalls, and everything resolved itself 🥰" fucking hell man when do i get to punch someone hard as fuck in the jaw

the best analogy imo for ocd is mosquito bite. its so itchy its driving you crazy and you know scratching it will make it itch so much worse later but you need it to stop right now and scratching it feels so good and even when you dont want to scratch it and you feel like you could handle the itch you cant even stop your hand from scratching the second you stop focusing on not scratching. except ☝️ what if it was inside your brain and instead of an itch it was terrifying overwhelming distress

Noted: misogyny is a skill issue

I think if I heard I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas in the correct circumstances it could move me to tears. It's like the promise of a brighter future that never came to pass

something about Toy Story toys is so strange to me. versions of animated characters based on real world toys, turned back into toys that are slightly different than the actual toys. slinky dog with a rubber spiral instead of a classic metal slinky. the porcelain bo peep and cloth woody turned into jointed plastic action figures. when toy story 4 came out and i saw a $30 talking action figure of forky, a character made out of a spork and a pipe cleaner, i stood in the walmart toy aisle staring at it like cameron from ferris bueller's day off staring at that painting in the art museum