A Steambird Special Written by: Anonymous Raccoon Published: June 20, 20XX

"Now I know what you're thinking but, no, this isn't due to another injury of Teyvats favorite man in the box. I'm serious! For once, it seems like he's not coming up with excuses to get closer to her. The man's just given up on hiding a thing!

For anyone that's somehow not aware of what exactly is going on with the soccer world's biggest not-couple-couple— which is insane! Like watch a game or open social media people. Well anyways, back to what I was saying because I guess it's fine that some people still aren't in the know (But seriously? C'mon now guys...).

Here's the short story: Mondstadt's national team recently hired a new medic, and— as helpful as she's been for the team— there's a certain player that always seems horribly distracted by the newest addition. Which player? Well of course, the 6'8" beast that guards the goal! Varka has been absolutely bewitched by this lady, even long time fans have been shocked!

So this medic, Nyx Y. Poo, right? (Jeez, what kind of a name is that? Her parents must've hated the girl or something.) What exactly makes her so special? Well, we'd have to interview Varka himself to find out since no fans can seem to figure that out! But of course a gossip mag can't get all that... Anyways!

The guy has, truly, fallen head over heels in what feels like just a week! His injury report has been over the roof as of recently, his saves becoming more reckless just so he could have an excuse to see the medic in the middle of practice. And have you seen the way he looks at her? Like she's one of the 7 Archons! She might as well be with the way he seems instantly healed the moment she touches his arm or leg and flashes that wry grin at him. But it's not like he's faking it, right? Right...

And recently? The two have been seen together even without Varka being "hurt" in way! (So his little boo-boos were just excuses to get her close!) They’ve even been spotted together off the pitch. From public relation parties, where a medics never been invited to before (and there's surely no way that she's a certain goalie's plus one, that'd just be absurd.) all the way to restaurants for dinners (scandalous!) and, gasp, in his car?!

But that's not even the craziest part, they've only been "hanging around" with each other far more since the Teyvat Cup has started! Which, by the way, typically doesn't see individual teams bringing in their own medics since they have highly qualified ones on hand for the tournament. And suddenly Mondstadt's not only brought along their very own, but rumor has it that Nyx has been spotted, multiple times, in and out of Varka's hotel room!

Seriously man, what's going on here?

Well I'll tell you what! The best goalie that Mondstadt's ever seen and their resident medic have been [REDACTED]!

Ugh, forgot how censored this damn place is. (Hey boss! What happened to freedom of speech, huh?) Well let me say it nicer then. They've been "making love" behind the public's backs. And we're the most important people, hello?! Unbelievable how much they tried to keep from us…

Because, and I'm not trying to jump to conclusions or anything, there's no way that's the only thing those two have been up to. They're practically love birds behind closed doors, I just know it!

Like, and listen closely now, Varka is well past just "eye-[REDACTED]" (come on now, that too??) her, there's some chemistry between them going beyond just the bedroom and spilling into every part of their (maybe shared) home.

And he's not the only one in this maybe-almost-possibly-completely-secret-not-relationshiping-couple that's head over heels. Because Ms. Nyx the Medic over there? Yeah, you'll never catch her running as quickly to any other actually injured player as she does when Sir Varka the Great Actor gets "hurt." Yup, that's right. The girl's got priorities, that's for sure.

I know what you're thinking, "there's no way she only cares about him!" But I would never lie to my loyal readers, promise! Sure, it could just be because she has less or more energy sometimes and maybe that's obvious when she's running to Varka but taking a nice, leisurely jog when any player asides from him gets hurt.

Do I have the evidence to prove it? Well, no… You'll just have to take my word for it. And speaking of words, you ever wonder what those two talk about?

Like, Nyx isn't exactly the bubbliest person around. And yet, she's always smiling when she's caught chatting with the super saver of team Mondstadt. So either he's more of a charmer than he let fans believe or he's got his favorite medic wrapped around his finger (and his [REDACTED]) (dang it).

Yes, yes, this is a whole bunch of speculation I'm throwing at you guys, but let's recap the important parts real quick! 1) The two have been spotted together on several occasions with no injury related excuse. 2) Varka has vouched for Nyx's allowance into the Teyvat Cup, despite her being unnecessary. 3) Chances are that his teammates aren't exactly getting all the sleep they should in the hotels with the "guest" visiting Varkas room regularly. 4) The cold medic we've all come to know and expect on the field seems to be warming up to just one ( 1 ) particular player on the team.

So what does this all mean? They've been shaboinking! (Don't judge me, I couldn't just flat out curse here.) But I think they've been doing more than just sharing beds and spit, and one day the two might be sharing a last name.

Now don't just take my word for it, because how reliable can a street raccoon be? As amazing of a reporter that I am, it's always up to the readers to decide their own opinion. So, tell me what you think of this maybe-definitely-super-secret-not-relationship-that's-totally-something between Mondstadt's medic and star goalie. Are they actually together? Or just getting it on behind everyone's backs? Orrrr is this little raccoon reporting on the worlds biggest stretch?

Love ya' raccoon-readers. Thanks for reading and see you guys next time, with exclusive interviews of some of the star players and even the elusive medic herself!"