nyamcattt might be back on tumblr?

i will be opening my acggoods store this thursday 7/16 which means i can ship to the US again :D bunch of new merch and characters for #overwatch and #deadlock. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!!!

>>>> link to store (shop is empty rn and will go live on thursday) <<<<

we didn't have a great relationship, so grieving is complicated, but it's grief nonetheless. yesterday my cousin came to my house and asked me what really happened between me and my brother. it was fine, i did owe my cousins an explanation, and it's been long overdue. but recounting years of abuse is never cute. i've always thought recalling trauma feels like another kind of trauma in its own.

my relatives have no idea. no one did for most of my life. i've been told and even forced to do things i have complicated feelings about during the hospital visits and funeral by relatives i don't even know. my closest cousins knew something was going on, but they didn't pry. they've been helping me a ton, with visits, paperwork, the funeral, and even defending me from pushy relatives. when i told my cousin about the abuse, she was very understanding and told me she'll tell my other cousins so i don't have to repeat it.

i think i've been managing pretty well, all things considered. dead father, dead brother, and my mother who is very ill and has started to lose her memories and cognitive abilities. it all feels so dramatic even for my standard. time and time again people have called me strong. i wish i wasn't. it feels pathetic to say this, but it feels so lonely.

there are plenty of thoughts i wish i could share with people, but every time i want to try, the words aren't coming out. it feels too dramatic. all this--death, grief, trauma--never feels appropriate. people are always uncomfortable about death. my research work is about grief and death, and people still get awkward about it in academic context. personal context is pushing it.

people are so nice to you when your brother died. just like when my dad died. they bring you food, they come to see you, they check up on you, they send messages asking how you've been doing, but most avoid talking about death.

i know from experience that after days, or maybe a week, everyone goes back to normal. around then, the funeral flowers wither too, but grief stays. then it's just you and your grief alone, and you still never got to talk about death.

not once then when i was just a teenager, and not now, have i cried in front of anyone about death.

ok so now what.....

(reference credit to ZenMa_Trang's KozuMegu Love Live! fanart)

here's the version without moira's stupid tall head covering the good part. i hope this isn't spicy enough for tumblr to remove it

Do you wish to update it someday maybe? Even if just to add a couple characters to it

Love your arts a lot! <3

hey, glad you're playing again!! you actually reminded me to update it today. i've been meaning to do it since the beginning of the season, since other people have asked as well, so here it is!