nvrbesatisfied

ash had finally made her way to one of the empty classrooms, desperately looking for a place to ride out her troubles on her own. while she didn’t really care who saw or what they’d say – she just didn’t have the energy to deal with anyone or their drama right now. all that mattered was weathering out this storm – and the withdrawals. looking up, ash cursed under her breath as she saw someone else in the room already. “um, no. i wasn’t. i’m just looking for a place to hang out.” ash wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders, feeling shivers down her spine all of a sudden. “look – i’m just looking for somewhere quiet. i won’t bother you at all. you mind?” ash’s eyes were more pleading than they normally would have been. she just needed some peace and quiet. that was all.

LAURIE smiled and shook her head. “i don’t mind at all, honestly, come and sit down, you look like you could do with it.” she couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the other woman’s mind as she watched her for a moment. “are you okay? can i help in any way? i know i’m a total stranger but sometimes that’s the best kind of person you can talk to, i have no preconceived notions of you so i can’t judge you before you say anything…”

the rage had been building within hayden since the central told her to stay in the school. sure, they needed someone there to look after people – but did it have to be her? all she wanted was to be out there doing the job she was supposed to be doing. not locked in a goddamn school with the rest of lakeview. at least she had been able to make sure both gia and matteo were safe. that was important.

trying to make the best of it, though, hayden did some laps around the gym and took care of some minor injuries and panic attacks that had come about in the whole ordeal. she was just finishing with an older woman, surely someone’s great grandmother, who had twisted her ankle, when she felt taps on her shoulder. “give me a second and i’ll –” was all she could say before recognizing the voice coming from behind her. “i don’t wanna hear it.” she grumbled as she got up, turning to face laurie. “what the fuck are you doing here? you’re not gonna air your fucking dirty laundry in front of my new hometown.” hayden’s voice was low and riddled with annoyance as she grabbed her ex-girlfriend’s arm, pulling her into a supply closet in the hallway outside the gym.

“it doesn’t matter that you regret it, you get that right? it happened. it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. and you only regret me seeing it because you would still be fucking around with her if i hadn’t.” hayden snapped, running both hands through her hair. “why the fuck are you here? lakeview is mine. gia and matteo are here. this is mine. you don’t get to take this away from me too. you took everything. my job, my home, my hopes, my dreams, my future. this? lakeview? mine. you don’t get to take another thing that’s mine away from me.”

LAURIE knew going into this that it was going to be difficult but she hasn’t anticipated this level of rage from hayden. she stood and listened, her heart racing as hayden ranted away. “i’m here to say i’m sorry, hayden. i didn’t want any of this.” she understood hayden’s pain and anger completely, she would’ve been reacting in the same way had their roles been reversed. “i know i’ll never get you back hayden but i want to be your friend and i know that right now, that’s not going to happen but maybe in time you’ll give it a chance.” laurie was heartbroken and she only had herself to blame. “i know you won’t believe me but i love you, hayden. i’m glad you found out because you deserve better than me and i hope someone gives you that one day. i’m staying though, and i will make it up to you every day if i have to.”

Mars shook her head and slumped down in a chair, feet on the desk. They could hear their old teacher protesting, still as just as shrill when reduced to a memory. “Nope, not new, literally lost my virginity in this classroom,” They gestured, deciding to stop in the classroom for now. Maybe they’d find something else to do, given the lack of reading material. “Kidding.” They smirked, before adding “This isn’t the science cupboard.” under their breath. New people could be interesting. Sometimes. Up until recently, the people they had known most of their life hadn’t been prone to much change. “Like ‘Little Women’?” Mars asked with a raised eyebrow. “Lucky me. Margot, Mars is fine. Welcome to town, we randomly gather in this school and prepare for disasters every two weeks. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

LAURIE tried her hardest not to pull a face at the other’s admittance, losing your virginity anywhere in a school was exactly classy but hey, neither was cheating on your girlfriend of five years so she couldn’t say anything at all. “i guess yeah, like little women. though i’m a bit more like amy than i am laurie.” she laughed and rolled her eyes as mars spoke. “yeah okay, sure. you know i’d believe that because this town is weird. seems like not everyone is so bad though...”

Mars had circled the entirety of the school four times. They had counted. They were meant to be in the gym or something, probably, but that was too many people in too small of a room. One they had avoided more than most when they were a student. Mars didn’t like the smell or figuring out what it was they were suppose to say to either of their parents now that their father had decided to reappear. It was too much of a headache. They would simply have to find something else to occupy their time, which was becoming harder by the hour.

They stalked into another room without so much as a cursory glance. Often other people just blended into the background, especially when Mars was focused on something else. They were searching, occupied. “I’m not possessive.” They shrugged indifferently in response. Mars searched the bookshelf for one of her old favorite books with the hope it would be more of a distraction than the last. Without something to work on or take apart, Mars bored somewhat easily. They sighed. There was nothing more than a rouge copy ‘The Great Gatsby’‘. Change in the syllabus, probably, stupid. Mars swung on her heel and cursed F. Scott Fitzgerald for not the first and probably not the last time in their life. 

With a slightly titled head, Mars looked at the other person for the first time. “You new?” They had been a resident of Lakeview as long as they had been alive and while they didn’t doubt there were plenty of people they didn’t know, or would ever really know, there weren’t a lot of faces that they hadn’t seen before. This one was new, they were almost certain. Quite the welcome.

LAURIE furrowed her brow as the other walked into and around the room without a care in the world, laurie could only hope to be that carefree. she watched the other person for a moment or two and was intrigued by them instantly, they seemed to just have something about them that she was intrigued by. she pulled herself out of her daze as the other finally spoke and she nodded with a smile. “arrived a couple of weeks ago, i’m guessing you’re not new.” it seemed that most people in this town had been here their entire lives as had their parents and their parent’s parents and it was quite something to move to a town where everyone just knew everyone. she sat atop a table and let her legs swing over the edge. “i’m laurie by the way. i guess now is a good time as any to introduce myself to the people of the town and lucky you, you’re the first.”

“I’m not sure a drink would go down well right now,” Joanna murmured more to herself as her hand came to rest on her stomach. She really did want a drink right now, anything that could take away some of this heartache. But if a strong cup of tea was all she was going to get then she’d take it. “Please don’t, I, I can’t take him not coming if you asked.”

“you’re right, sorry. that was silly of me.” julie pulled joanna into a hug again and held her tight, she couldn’t even imagine the pain that she was feeling and she wished that she could take it from her. “okay love, but if you want him or anyone else just tell me okay? i’ll do what i can.” she moved back to the kettle and made two cups of tea and she placed them on a table. she grabbed her chair from the front of the room and let joanna have it, she sat down on one of the kids seats herself and she must’ve looked absolutely ridiculous. "i wish i could take away your pain, jo.” she spoke softly as she reached out a hand for jo’s.

Joanna couldn’t help but sob as Julie brought her into their arms an she clung to them unsure if she could stop crying now that she had started. It took her a few minutes to understand what Julie was offering her and she gave a small nod that heading to the kindergarten did seem like the better plan than trying to make her way out of the storm. “I don’t want to be alone,”

she nodded silently and wrapped her arm around joanna’s shoulder, she guided her around the side of the school looking through the windows and keeping joanna as out of sight as she could. she fumbled in her purse for the key to the kindergarten and let joanna in, following closely behind. she moved over to the kitchen area and grabbed a couple of cups out. “you want a cup of tea? i know you probably want something a lot stronger now but the sugar will help with the shock.” she turned on the kettle and moved back over to jo, not wanting to leave her side for long. “i wont leave you if you don’t want me to sweetheart, but do you want me to get thomas?”

“Don’t! Just don’t. I can’t, I can’t do this I can stay in there with all of them knowing. I need to go, I need to see her I. Oh god, the last thing I did was argue with her.” As soon as Joanna had seen it was Julie some small part of her anger had fled instead replaced by a heavy sense of grief. She brought her arms around herself with a bitter scoff. “What’s the point? He won’t want to be with me will he? I don’t even know where he is but I can give you a guess.”

JULIE pursed her lips and let out a small sigh, she reached out and pulled joanna close wrapping her arms tightly around the brunette. “come on darling, don’t think like that. i’m sure he’ll want to make sure you’re okay.” she rubbed circles on joanna’s back and kept a tight hold of her. “we can get you through to the kindergarten without having to see anyone, only i have the key so there won’t be anyone else there. i can come back for joseph later, he’ll be okay with a friend for now. i can leave you with the key if you want to be there on your own, i don’t have to stay if you don’t want me to.” she had lowered her voice to a soothing tone and continued to hold joanna as she spoke. she dropped a friendly kiss on joanna’s head and pulled away a moment to look at her. she wiped a couple of stray tears off of joanna’s face and rooted in her pocket for a tissue. “i can’t promise that everything will be okay but i can promise that i will be by your side through all of this.”

@lakeviewstarters​

“I, I need to go. Please just let me through.” Where Joanna was planning to go she wasn’t sure, she just knew that she wanted out of this school, away from the whispers and the stares that had started as soon as everyone’s phones began to get the notification. She didn’t know if she could go through this pain again and she blindly pushed at someone standing in front of the door only stopping once she was outside.

“Please leave me alone,” She hissed when she heard the door open behind her.”

JULIE watched joanna’s face as the notification was read by everyone in the room, she saw the pain that she had seen just months before when jack had been killed. she couldn’t stand by and watch her leave, she was worried the other woman would get hurt either by the killer or in the storm and she wasn’t going to watch anything happen to her. she left joseph in the capable hands of her friend and headed towards jo. “hey, hey!” she jogged to catch up. “jo, you can’t leave, it’s dangerous out there. come on inside love, we can find somewhere quiet away from everyone.” she realised that jo probably wouldn’t want to be with anyone but her husband right now and while that stung a little, she understood. “i can find thomas if you want or anyone else…let me help, i’ll do whatever you need me to do, sweetheart.” she had no idea what she could do to help in this situation, when jack died she had kept her distance a little, while her and joanna had once been together, they weren’t anymore and she couldn’t act as if they were, the relationship had ended a long time ago. joanna was married with a family, a family that had seemingly just been torn apart. she wanted to pull the other woman into a hug and never let go but she was sure that was that last thing that joanna wanted.

Bonnie had lived in Lakeview for many years now and she knew she’d never leave the town unless something happened like Lee wanting to leave or perhaps Anya wanting to go too. The benefit of this did mean that she recognised many of the people in town, so when she spotted the blonde she was somewhat intrigued to meet someone new.

“No sorry don’t worry, I have a room elsewhere.” Bonnie saw no point in telling anyone apart from Anya that she’d be hiding away in Lee’s office for the majority of the time. “I just thought you were new that’s all and wanted to check in.”

LAURIE couldn’t help but smile at the kindness of the other and she could feel the tugging sensation of guilt in her heart again as she thought to herself that she didn’t deserve anyone’s kindness. “i am new, you’re right. you must’ve been here a long time to notice that,” she stood up and reached a hand out. “i’m laurie, i moved here a couple of weeks ago but i’ve been unpacking and settling into my new routine so i haven’t actually explored the town yet, it was quite a surprise to have to leave my apartment for the first time in two weeks to stay somewhere that i have never been before for who even knows how long.” she realised that she was rambling and made a point to stop herself before she scared the older woman away. “thank you for checking in on me, it’s nice to have a friendly face be the first i see. i’m sure i won’t be met with such kindness by everyone around here.” her smile faded into a frown as she thought about the real reason she was in town.

LAURIE had never thought that she would leave dc, she’d been so happy there and it seemed as if she had found the place she would stay until she retired and then she had always dreamed that she would move somewhere warm and by the ocean to live out the rest of her life. that all changed when she had cheated on hayden and subsequently ended their relationship. she’d had a little time over the time they had been separated to look back on her actions and work on herself. the day she arrived in lakeview, she had arranged to meet with a psychiatrist to work on her issues and make herself a person that people deserved in their lives. she decided against telling hayden that she was seeing a psychiatrist because she was sure the other woman would think she was guilt tripping her in some way but she really wouldn’t have been.

 arriving in lakeview had been a rollercoaster of emotions for the blonde and she had given herself time to unpack and get adjusted before she ran into hayden somewhere, probably at work. the announcement was a startling snap back to reality for laurie and as she moved herself and a small amount of her belongings into the school, she felt scared and overwhelmed for the first time since moving two weeks prior. laurie found an empty classroom where she placed her back down and looked out of the window, this was home now. lakeview, not the school. 

LAURIE had spent her first two weeks in lakeview unpacking her belongings into her new apartment, she had taken the time off work to avoid bumping into hayden at any point before she was ready. she was still amidst her time off when the announcement was made that they were to take shelter in the school. laurie didn’t know the area at all and got lost several times on her way to the school. she walked through the door and looked around to see if she could see hayden around, she really just assumed that hayden would be working and didn’t expect to see her. there was no mistaking her when laurie actually spotted hayden from a distance and she felt her heart beating so heart she thought it would explode. 

she headed over slowly and tapped the other woman on the shoulder. “hayden...hey. now, you don’t have to speak, just listen,” she let out the breath she had been holding and looked down at her shoes, too ashamed to make eye contact with the woman she had once loved. “i am so sorry, i made a mistake and i really screwed up, i know i did and i want to make it up to you...i want to show you how sorry i am. eleanor -- she -- we’re over and i regret everything that happened, especially you having to see it.” while laurie knew that her and hayden were over for good, she hadn’t lost hope that they could eventually be friends, she knew that the brunette deserved better than her in a relationship and she had begun to accept that.