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Since our uni shutdown, my advisor started doing one-on-one meetings with me and my lab mates. During the last meeting, she asked how my thesis writing was going. I panicked and lied and said that I'll have a draft ready by the end of July. The truth is I haven't even started writing it because I don't know how to start, and I think that it's going to turn out horrible. And ofc I feel awful that I felt I had to lie to someone who has only shown me kindness. Should I come clean? (2/2)

Hello there! it’s ok, you’re going to be ok. let’s take this one step at a time and see what the best, most doable plan is moving forward, yeah?

Let’s first start by talking about what a “Draft” is and is not. It’s not a final completed polished work of art and it’s not something that’s made perfect in a day; it’s not the 3-tier photograph-ready wedding cake you will eventually be making. 

A draft is basically: a vision to bake a cake and what kind of cake you want, a collection of ingredients for said cake, knowledge of your kitchen equipment, and maybe a few specific steps here and there (eg. what temperature to set the oven at). And with each version of the draft you’ll slowly build that cake, step by step. 

So for your thesis, it is absolutely acceptable for your first draft to be that pile of ingredients and a vision, aka an outline. Outlines are a great (and necessary, really) place to start. Because it’s a casual collection of words and phrases, you don’t have to deal with the overwhelming task of putting together sentences and paragraph and all that nonsense. Here’s a great resource about making an outline.

And once you start making your outline, you may find yourself putting in more and more detail, until you basically have some parts almost completely written! Here’s more about that. 

Turning in a detailed outline first is also a great way to make sure you’re on track for what your PI envisions your thesis to look like. And be sure to put that in the email when you send over the outline: “Can you let me know if I’m on the right track with the direction of the sections in my thesis?” and/or “Please let me know if you have any suggestions for additional sections”--stuff like that. 

Now, as to how to make sure you have that outline done by the end of July (or sooner! Wouldn’t that be a pleasant surprise for you and your PI):

Don’t wait for inspiration to strike--instead, treat your writing time like a regularly-scheduled class. “Habit has written far more books than inspiration has”. Set aside a block of time each day (and/or a few times each week) to write. And writing isn’t always typing on a word processor; looking up source material, editing, brainstorming--that all counts as writing!

Break your task into doable chunks. Staring at a huge task is overwhelming, so let’s break it down into less overwhelming tasks that are perfect for the block of time you have set aside for writing. How about let’s outline the Introduction tomorrow, and then do Section 1 the next time, etc. 

And plan out all these tasks on a calendar starting today until your July due date, so you can plan ahead and see how much you have to work (eg. do you need only 1 hour a week to write in order to meet your goal? or 5 hours a week?). I prefer doing it on an electronic calendar, in case I need to make changes as time goes on. 

Other tips:

Have a reference manager. EndNote is a popular program, but it costs $$ so I use Mendeley and its Word plug-in to do my in-text citations and references. (It will save you a lot of time if you already have in-text citations ready to go when you’re making your outline--plus your PI can also see what sources you have, and can make suggestions for ones you’re missing)

Save everything you delete onto another document, and save each manuscript version as its own document. That way, if you change your mind about a section, you won’t have to rewrite it. Before I do any major work on my manuscript, I save it as a new doc with that day’s date in the file name.

Seek other mentors. If your PI truly is very hands-off and wants to stay that way, but you need more help, you can seek out the advice of others. This includes, but is not limited to: other grad students in your lab, cohort, or program; other members in your lab like post-docs or other researchers; your committee (if applicable); other professors you’re familiar with. Even if it’s just to have a second pair of eyes to look over a section because you’ve been staring at it for too long. 

If you do want to talk with your PI about your predicament, then go for it. It sounds like your PI will absolutely be understanding. You don’t have to say you lied, just that you’re experiencing some challenges with your writing and would like some help. I would suggest making a few points as to what you can both do to change moving forward, like: maybe dedicate a few minutes during your regular meetings to talk about your writing goals and process (or maybe even have more regular meetings), turn in more regular drafts for your PI to check, and get suggestions for writing resources or potentially other sources of writing mentors. 

god i would KILL to have a library like this someday

This other lab member of mine became a great friend of mine around the time I decided to switch labs. She had a different PI and was a year ahead of me, so I was comfortable bringing my concerns to her. Her support was instrumental in my decision and my current happiness in my new lab. She presented in a lab meeting the day I went to the director of our grad school and requested a change in PIs, so I missed it. I knew she had been nervous (it was meant to prepare her for for her preliminary exam) so I asked her the next day how it had gone.

Now. To put this in context, I need to explain my old PI. He was an almost eighty year old white man, and if it wasn’t his opinion, it was wrong. He was very, very bad at being a PI. He was also probably worse at being a co-worker. I recall at least three lab meetings that devolved into him yelling with another PI, and several student presentations that he was terribly mean and unnecessarily fixated on insignificant details. So it comes as no shock that he went after my friend.

My old PI (who was not involved in bacteria research AT ALL) had taken some issue with the strain of bacteria she was using, one that was selected based on clinical relevancy. This had resulted in a dissolving of my friends presentation into him interrogating her about this strain, interrupting her explanations and generally getting louder and louder and louder until her PI stepped in. Upon hearing all of this, I apologized profusely for his behavior and asked how she was doing now. She expressed to me how she had struggled to remain calm, and how she was ultimately grateful to her PI for de-escalating the situation.

Now here’s the part that hit me hard: my friend explained to me that she was grateful mostly because she wasn’t sure how much longer she would have been able to withstand his nonsense without raising her voice, to which I responded, “he would have deserved it. You were right and he was wrong, and it’s beyond time he was put in his place. He’s not your PI, and he’s not on your committee, so I think you would have been wholly justified in standing up for yourself.”

“If I’d had raised my voice at him, even a little, I would have been labeled an angry black woman, and everyone in that room would have written me off as a stereotype of my race.”

Oh. Ohhhhh. OH that hit me in the heart and the brain and the soul and I’m shocked I didn’t get a bruise. My sweet, strong, smart friend, who was a mom and a wife and a brilliant student and a kind soul, had to weigh every word out of her mouth with a gravity I couldn’t understand, and had never considered until that moment. And it probably says a lot about my white privilege and my bubble I’ve grown up in that I was 24 years old before this came across to me. But this conversation has lived in my head ever since, and my perspective of the world shifted because of it. I think what made this particular incidence so eye opening to me was that being interrogated by this man over stupid details was something that happened to me regularly, and had just pushed me over the edge. Realizing some level of privilege had protected me all along from it being worse was enlightening.

I’ve benefitted my whole life from white privilege (a thing my family doesn’t think exists). I’m nowhere near perfect as an ally or a friend or a person, but I want to be better at standing up for and alongside those who need the protection my privilege offers. I share this now in case it resonates with someone else the way it did with me.

This summer the NIH is offering free webinars on important career and professional development topics for students at all educational levels, including: career development series for high school or college students, series on preparation for graduate or professional (e.g., medical, dental, veterinary, pharmacy) school, wellness activities, and a scientific skills series.

The 2020 NIH Virtual Summer Enrichment Program consists of several elements:

The Summer Lectures, designed for young audiences and presented by some of the most respected investigators at the NIH

A summer curriculum that includes series of workshops for both high school students and recent graduates and for college, graduate, and professional school students, focusing on preparation for next steps on career paths, resilience for scientists, and career development and professional skills for scientists

A series of workshops presented by the NIH Institutes and Centers to highlight the research they carry out and STEM opportunities in their disciplines

The 2020 Virtual Graduate & Professional School Fair (August 4th – August 7th, 2020; student registration for the fair is now open.)

While there is no fee to participate in any OITE events, advanced registration is required. To register for events, please visit Upcoming Events on the OITE website, locate the events that interest you, and register.

Disclaimer: Since this is offered from the United States National institute of Health, it’s US- and STEM-centric.

Ahmaud Arbery. 

Breonna Taylor. 

George Floyd. 

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Coffees of quarantine II