OINK!

titsay
$LAYYYTER
dirt enthusiast
Cosimo Galluzzi

blake kathryn
NASA

⁂
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
todays bird
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Misplaced Lens Cap

if i look back, i am lost

tannertan36
tumblr dot com

oozey mess

Janaina Medeiros
seen from Spain

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@nutcasewithaknife
OINK!

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sheep detectives is finally out on digital which means i can show you guys one of the funniest movie scenes of the year so far
[ID: Video. A trio of sheep walk past a church. The trio is made up of Lily, a Shetland sheep, Sebastian, a black Castlemilk Moorit sheep, and Mopple, a Merino sheep. The conversation between them is as follows:
Lily, looking at the church: What is this?
Sebastian: This is the church where someone named God lives.
Lily: Who's God?
Sebastian: It's a bit confusing. God is a shepherd.
Mopple: So he could be our shepherd.
Sebastian: No, because he's also a lamb.
Lily: What?
Sebastian: And he's also invisible. And he's made of bread. And he damns things.
Lily: Dams things? Like a beaver?
Sebastian: Yes.
Lily: So God is a big, invisible lamb-beaver made of bread?
Sebastian: Yes. And they eat him on Sundays.
Mopple: Poor God. /end ID]
"I would never jeopardize the beans" pales in comparison to it's newest successor, "beans r not woke. How could u do this?"
nature is so beautiful
Is Tumblr aware of Count Binface, current hope for our nation?
Let me explain:
Grotesque fascist grifter, Nigel Farage, is the leader of Reform, the racist far right party he created because UKIP got what it wanted (Brexit) and it sucked.
Having tried and failed to be an MP many times (but somehow getting more screentime than any Liberal Democrat or Green politician), he finally succeeded in the last election because people were so overwhelmingly pissed off with the Conservatives, and many right-wing people saw Reform as the new Conservative Party; partly because it's full of rejects from the Conservative Party.
Speculation: he doesn't really want to be an MP, he wants to be a fascist grifter. He's annoyed by suggestions he do things like Be In His Constituency and Serve His Constituents.
He's recently been caught having accepted a VERY large amount of money from some unsavory people that he insists was a totally legitimate 'donation' and not breaking any rules.
Only it did break the rules and it's very clear that it did and things are in motion to hold him to account.
To avoid this, he has resigned as an MP, saying this is a protest at his treatment by the 'establisment' (he is a rich fascist grifter, but he likes to cosplay as a Man of the People). This has triggered a by-election, in which he is standing, with the hope that the people of his constituency will either elect him in a resounding win, indicating they don't care that he's corrupt (having not heard everything the investigation is uncovering), or someone from Labour or the Conservatives will win and he can swan off to America, free to grift again because of what the 'establishment' did to him.
Only, all the major political parties have agreed not to stand, stating openly that this is an obvious stunt and they won't legitimise it. So if he doesn't win, he can't say it was because he was too much of a rebel and the Establishment went against him, he'll just be a loser, which doesn't play too well with the right-wingers he wants to grift. And if he does get back in the investigation will go forward without any kind of 'mandate' from his constituency buoying him up.
But. There is another option.
COUNT BINFACE IS RUNNING.
Count Binface is part of the grand British tradition of joke candidates who stand as a protest option. They usually don't get enough votes to get their deposit back (which is supposed to deter unserious people) but they don't care, because DEMOCRACY.
Of course, Count Binface has never won, but it is hilarious to see a completely serious pathetic fascist concede defeat while standing next to a man with a bin on his head to whom they are democratically equal.
But if nobody else is standing. And if enough people in Clacton-on-Sea are finally cheesed off enough with Farage not doing anything for them, there is just a chance that one of the funniest things to ever happen in politics will happen.
Imagine. Imagine for just a moment that the Grotesque Fascist not only loses, but loses to Count Binface.

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[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
one aspect of mlc that gets funnier every time i think about it is that if there was a list of Most To Least Normal About Li Xiangyi, Qiao Wanmian would have ranked first. The woman who used to be his fiancée and who had grief dreams for a decade was the most normal about him. And then you would skim all the way to the bottom of the list and the last name listed would be the name of the person whom li xiangyi loved all his life the most in the world
the in-universe rumours are experiencing a completely different plot btw. they are living through a romance drama where 1) the son of a minister is engaged to the princess but shock! they have both disappeared! did they elope? did he finally join jianghu? why won't he settle down and be a good husband? and 2) two former jianghu stars are getting married even though the woman was previously supposed to marry the #1 swordsman who died young and tragic, the other man is sooooo greedy and also she's a whore for moving on! but isn't it better that she marry? he built a house for her! by contrast the reappearance of li xiangyi and di feisheng is a third act twist, especially when the obvious choice to finally kill the big bad for good - fang duobing - does......... not........ do that.
Two animals who appreciate the Warm Lamp
PROJECT HAIL MARY (2026)

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its important to make sure your leaky alien best friend gets enough cuddles
when the eulogy throws shade
You don't have to grieve alone.
it doesn't matter to cats what kind of bad week you're going through, they'll come into your room and start doing repeated bulldozer attacks on you
Bixia, what about this humble subject who has transformed from a boy into a girl?
DRAFT DODGING???
NOT ON MY WATCH, TRAITOR!
oh, and i suppose we'll just MARRY our way to victory???
why hello there 😏😎
DELETE YOUR BLOG TRAITOR NO ONE IS TALKING TO YOU
MARRIAGE ALLIANCES ARE FOR COWARDS 10/10 LEGALISTS AGREE #xiongudni #moduchanyudni
guy who’s salty he didn’t establish a wildly successful dynasty through this method of diplomacy say what
EVEN YOUR HORRID SHEW WIFE HAD ENOUGH COURAGE IN HER FRAIL, WOMAN'S BODY NOT TO CAPITULATE TO A DISHONOURABLE MARRIAGE WITH MODU CHANGYU! #moduchangyudni #xiongnudni BUT THE MIGHTY HAN GAOZU GOES CRYING TO THE CHANGYU'S WIFE AT THE FIRST SIGN OF ENCIRCLEMENT, AND BEGS FOR #heqin LIKE THE COWARD HE IS! I'D CALL YOU A WEAK, PATHETIC GIRL, BUT THAT WOULD GENUINELY BE SELLING YOU SHORT!
for all you’re trying to insult me by saying I’m worse than my wife, her regency lasted longer than your entire dynasty.
so let’s all have a think about that….hmm….
LOL! not a difficult feat, seeing as Emperor One-Hit Wonder's dynasty only lasted for 14 years.
I AM NOT OWNED!!! I AM NOT OWNED!!!!!!!!! I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR. I CAN ESTABLISH A STABLE DYNASTY!!! I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR. I CAN SELECT AN ABLE HEIR!!!!!! I AM A GLORIOUS EMPEROR. MY CITIZENS LOVE MY REGIME!!!!!!!!!

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long distance friends pets feel like celebrities because you can only be parasocial with them
you dont truly know how their fur pets. you will never know them like that
furthermore they have no clue you even exist
The reveals this episode makes the scene in season 2 so much more funny. Daniel giving shit to loumand for having Lestat as their shared boyfriend when the whole time he’s been the third in their little psychosexual experiments. Ha ha you both fucked Lestat says the reporter to the two vampires, one of whom has been chasing him around for half a century and the other one who’s been sitting at home with a clipboard jotting down the findings