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Claudia was my dark child, my love, evil of my evil.
She, she, she, it is she… It is often she. And in the old songs and in the long nights, she holds him in the softness of her arms, in her arms that are open, in her arms that are wide, that are open, that are always, that must always be open. And in the old ways and in the old laws, this was arranged. All this was arranged. And who arranged it? Did Amel? And that is what it means to be loved. It is Amel. It is always Amel. It is often she… Into the land where the dead are kept, where the dead are worshipped. And why the days without number? And what am I for? What is this for? And what should Amel do with it if not to answer? And why are they throwing stones? And why is she curled on the ground? And why is it wound… And in my eyes is desire, and why is it desire? And why does he tell her what God has said? And why Amel in their mouths? And why must my voice be smooth? And why must I sing so low? And why is she kept? Why must she be kept? And why in this place must she be kept? And what does it mean if you are not asked? And what does it mean if you are not answered? And what is it to see and to know, but to be told… You have not seen. You have not known. And why is her tongue cut out? And why is her death prolonged? And when will it stop? And who will stop it? And why must they, must we, must I, must he, must they, as the millennia, unfold? Why the girl curled? Why her eyes lowered? Why on the side of the road? Why limp in the straw? I am the girl! I am the god! I am the voice! I am the song! I am the night! And I can answer! I can arrange it! I can say rise, and I can say speak! And I am her! And I am she! And I, I, I, I am the answer!
don't interrupt 🤫❌🫵
"I'm just trying to get through nights, sis." INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE Season 2, Episode 2 | Season 3, Episode 5

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THE VAMPIRE LESTAT ⇢ 3x04 | THE DEVIL'S ROAD
Let me guess, 71 in a 65? You want to tell me what's in that bowl right there? That's cocaine. He exercises his… right to remain silent. You mind repeating that for the body cam? Oh, the body cam, democracy's compact mirror, which is funny, because that was a joke, because this is actually, um, powdered makeup. Delilah doesn't bark at makeup. I'm gonna have you all step outside now. You'll need a judge's warrant, so…
what people often dismiss about kabru's characterization is that he was a spoiled kid for a big portion of his life. it's not that he just can't bring himself to clean his room, he actually has no idea how to do chores. refuses to learn even. his friends even make fun of him because of it, when they aren't concerned about his health. the funny thing about "grilled mushroom" is that he has no idea how to cook, not just monsters, just in general.
he's a typical idealist in a materialistic story and it's interesting that kui didn't really subvert that trope at all, it plays out in a very straightforward fashion. he spent a lot of time living noble life, not concerning himself with material, because it was others who took care of that. he keeps living with this mindset, only concerning himself with big ideas, even if it something that damages his health.
in the point of view of the story it's a character flaw, something he needs to overcome in order to truly understand how the world works. so of course he has to confront the reality of his body and the value of material world as part of his character's arc, that's just how it usually works in the stories like this.
you know, i said that kabru's storyline in dunmeshi follows a typical "idealist in materialistic story" trope and doesn't subvert it in any way, but i've changed my mind. i think it goes a little off the beaten path and it's what makes it interesting.
the thing is, stories usually are very unkind to characters like that. so, you're an idealist? how about putting you into the worst situation in your life, make you beg for food and shelter, drag you through the dirt to make you realize the truth of material? but dunmeshi isn't unkind to kabru. yes, it puts him into "the situation", but reality is, it's not unkind to him at all. kabru is interested in people, so what story does is making him see the value of material through his connection to another person.
doesn't mithrun exist in some form of idealistic perfection, where you quite literally don't care anymore about eating or sleeping and only focus on your one goal? when it's only you and the purpose born purely by your mind? isn't it the sort of existence kabru would want in the pursuit of his own goals? since he himself prefers to ignore the material, possibly even sees himself above (beneath) it all? it's interesting that human desires, as it should occur to kabru, are on the edge between material and ideal, it's a part of being human in the first place.
and well, what kabru quickly realizes by spending time with mithrun is that this sort of existence is harsh and cruel and dehumanizing. as much as kabru would like to think otherwise, to have meaning is "to want" and to acknowledge that "want" instead of denying it for greater purpose. and to acknowledge that "want" you need to fully accept your own humanity.
in some sense yes, kabru is forced to confront material, but he's not hurt by the process. he helps a person, makes a friend. he finally has a few good nights of sleep, he eats, he thinks about eating better food. he has a chance to share his memories and culture. he can talk through some of his concerns with the person he has no reason to put his facade for. kabru literally has a slightly stressful vacation and reconsiders a lot of his view in the process. and yeah, as much as i enjoy it when the narrative is cruel to its characters, i loved this a lot.
because dunmeshi is the type of story that wanna be materialistic in the positive sense, not in the negative, the lacking sense. it's not the story about hunger, but about satiation. so, it doesn't show you a process of breaking and isolating someone to bring them down to their humanity, but it heals them and gives them community to accept that humanity as a good thing instead.
i think that kui portrayed kabru's mental health issues in a very interesting way, but it's what makes it subtle to some readers. the fact that he seems so functional to the readers, especially in the first few appearances, not to mention that a lot of his problems and symptoms are not obvious and can only be seen in additional materials, seems like an intended choice from the character writing perspective.
the way kui constructs his character centers around the idea of duality. he switches between two "faces" in the story constantly, he uses two speaking styles (and two pronouns indicating them), he's a tallman who lived with elves for a long time and carries both cultures, he's caught in the conflict between long-lived and short-lived races, he's constantly stuck between two choices in his inner conflicts (what to think of laios? should he prioritize preventing another tragedy or taking away power from long-lived races?), he's bisexual. kui also made him a gemini, yknow, a zodiac sign associated with twins and duality.
there's a certain theme in this and it does affect the way we interpret his personality and choices and it goes beyond text, it's metatextual too. it's a sway between what's hidden and what's shown to the readers about him.
the thing is, i think his mental health issues are meant to be downplayed and hidden, because it's true to his character. what do we notice about him in the main story and what's hidden? well, one of the first things we see is that he's not great at fighting monsters, he suffers from ptsd that makes him basically freeze up just from thinking about them. images of dead people turning into monsters, tearing each other apart and eating each other haunt him, making him feel ill from monster food. he downplays this a lot, hides it from other characters, straight-up lies about it, but at least readers got to see it.
with a keen eye you might notice that he doesn't eat enough food, almost never eats anything on-screen. he mentions that he's never cooked food in his life: wait, kabru, don't you live alone? in that sense "don't you wanna eat?" moment reveals two details of kabru's character at once: we got to see his aversion from monster food related to ptsd, but also his inability to notice his own hunger in general. he's strong and he almost always wears armor, but we know that he often dies in the dungeon. the armor hides that he's pretty scrawny for someone who fights physically, again, something that we can only notice after he takes off his armor (symbolism!).
funnily enough, here we have our first glance at this through additional materials: in the info page about the importance of calories and fat, kui mentions that kabru has lost a lot of weight since he started exploring the dungeon, because he died a lot. what it means is that he doesn't eat enough to cover the loss of weight. subtle, but clever detail.
speaking of him not knowing how to cook, this is another clever detail that hides bigger truth: kabru doesn't know how to do chores, he doesn't take proper care of himself. extra materials reveal to us that kabru lives in the basement, lacking light and clean air and he doesn't know how to clean his room or how to iron clothes and simply... never cared to learn? this is mostly omitted from the main story, even if it does have a place for it: for example, his journey with mithrun becomes infinitely more fascinating, when you know how little kabru cares about himself. but since those chapters are told through kabru's pov, he basically "hides" this from the reader, takes control of the narrative in the same way he tells a polished version of his tragic backstory.
he talks about mithrun's story like there's no connection, like he's not literally looking at the dark mirror of himself. and, ironically, he chooses to not be vulnerable in front of the readers just like young mithrun wouldn't. extra materials give us a glimpse again: when in the main story mithrun said "i can't fall asleep without spell or potion", in the extra comic (literally behind the scenes) kabru says "i use alcohol to help me fall asleep". there's a connection and kabru sees it, but he's not telling it to us. (and yes. there's evidence that kabru is an early-stage alcoholic. we can see bottles under his bed and what he says basically imply that he depends on alcohol: he's not using it for recreational purposes, he's using it as a substance to make himself sleepy and, probably, less anxious. when that dependence turns uncontrolled, it often leads to full-blown alcoholism).
bigger connection to mithrun is of course kabru's refusal to accept his own humanity, to see that he's alive, that he has his own needs and desires. he's suicidal in the same way: he can only see his goal, he doesn't care about his life, he only sees the value of his life in relation to that goal and he never think what's gonna happen to him after he reaches this goal (because he unconsciously believes that "the after" wouldn't happen to him). and he doesn't reflect on it, again, until he's met with a question "what do you want to do?". the way he doesn't see himself as alive is omitted again in the big portion of the story and only really comes up in the end, when he asks "what was the point of my survival?", in a basically joking moment.
but we can see it through the symbolism, through his connection to death in the story, through his eagerness to sacrifice his life for the idealistic goal in his mind. and of course, we can see it clearly through his mirror: there's a strong parallel between kabru almost committing double suicide while chasing his goals and mithrun literally getting himself killed while chasing his own.
what i'm trying to say, it's interesting that kabru uses his control of the narrative to hide his own vulnerability from the readers. maybe mithrun sees himself as leftovers and it's something cathartic for him to admit in the end, but kabru really doesn't want you to see that he feels the same way. that he's also "leftovers". but you see, they are standing together in that panel. as kabru continues to try shielding himself from your view, kui puts the mirror next to him, revealing what's hidden.
Kabru x Toshiro. Do you see the vision

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it's a bit cold outside
Kabru scribble
TOUDEN SIBLINGS MY LOVES ❤️
labru. i love labru.
does anyone else think the king is awfully close with that one advisor of his !?
bonus under the cut !

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some labrus and kabru redraws i did a while a go (i love drawing kabru so much i need to redraw every panel hes on)
Yeah