catch me in the air

While Bash should have known that coming to Eureka, obviously with the intention of seeing Nura meant he’d actually have to see Nura was an inevitability, a fact of life, he was still completely winded by the occurrence. Seconds ago he’d had some sense of clarity, now there was only fog. What had he been thinking, picking at old wounds? On good days he convinced himself everything was well, that this was what life was. You fell in and out of love. Or, you had one great love, and the loss of it hardened you to the world. And time would flow and the pain might never, but you built an endurance to control your grief. When the appropriate window of time passed, and he could no longer discuss Nura without seeming like an obsessive loser, he’d held it all in, triaged his own wounds and pretended as though he was fine. And while that wasn’t the case, Bash could do his best to keep up appearances. If only because, some part of him thought Nura still thought of him, might check in on what he was up to, which one could do so readily in the age of social media. And if she did ever think of him, he wanted her to think he was happy and successful. He wanted to look like his life hadn’t been less without her in it, even though it very much had.

“Tour would involve a book out to tour with.” He replied, no jest in his tone, just a statement of fact. “Yeah, sure. Researching.” Bash agreed with a few nods of his head. “I’m uh— Lecturing. Visiting at the local college.” It was all a brilliant cover-up on the part of his publicist and manager to make sure he held on to a career that would burn up just as quickly as it had ignited if he didn’t take some steps to preserve it, including closing this chapter with Nura, once and for all. He didn’t need Nura to know about the Netflix deal, or his writer’s block. That his art, the thing that had once brought him such enjoyment, was now utterly joyless. Waiting behind Nura as she ordered, Bash waited for the inevitable offer — the question he was honor bound to reject, because he couldn’t accept her hospitality. “No.” He answered quickly. “— No, no thank you.” He added with a bit more politeness to his tone. “I can get my own coffee.” He added with a terseness to his tone. Once he’d ordered and they were waiting in their awkward silence, Bash looked to Nura from the corner of his eye. “So what have you been, um, up to? This city’s not exactly…” Where I’d thought you’d be.

⚜

Patience was a virtue that she had never really had to struggle with, if anything she had almost suffered from having too much of it. When it came to any kind of restaurant, cafe or bar her patience was usually endless but today she found herself lamenting that she didn’t have her coffee in her hand instantly. It was only so it would give her something to do, somewhere to look other than Bash. As he spoke Nura wished again that she had her drink, so that she could take a sip to buy herself some time to formulate the right answer. But was there really a right thing to say when catching up with an ex? She took a moment to process the information he’d given her, trying her best not to fill in the blanks with her own assumptions. Guilt still crept in though when she knew that she’d caused upheaval in his life, she couldn’t help but wonder if her leaving had left more of a mark than she’d intended. “Lecturing? Have you started yet or are you getting your barings before diving in?” The rejection of her offer was expected but it did little to take the sting of them, she found herself longing for the days when their orders would have fallen from her lips in tandem, mirroring how in sync they used to be. “Hopefully Eureka will provide you with some inspiration. The views around here are beautiful and the ocean too.” She left off that she had a house that overlooked the waves, reluctant to lay bare her life when it’s so far from the one that she’d imagined with him.

Even though his words trailed off she thought she still knew him well enough to fill in the blank herself. The implication still hung heavy with unspoken accusation between them and it was only made worse by the fact that she couldn’t claim he was wrong in his assumption. Eureka was where she had settled and it had its charms but London had suited her too, perhaps even more than the quiet life she had carved out for herself here. But she couldn’t help but feel defensive and a need to justify her choices, to justify leaving him, sprung up. “Not exactly London, no. But it’s -” The word that would have finished her sentence - home - died on her tongue when she realised only in that moment that it would have been a lie. With anyone else she might have been able to give voice and life to such a falsehood and mostly likely had before but she wasn’t with anyone else. She was with Bash. And when she was looking at him - looking at the one person that had made her believe that home didn’t have to be a place - she knew that she wasn’t about to lie to him for the first time. Their relationship had always been devoid of dishonesty when she’d always been able to be herself with him, openness and honesty came easily, and even though things had changed she was reluctant to tarnish the memory of what they had been be allowing lies between them now. “I’m happy here - my mum, friends, work. I got my PhD and my license, a job and I get to volunteer at this great local spot too. It’s peaceful here and it’s enough for me.” There’s a confession left unspoken and one that she’s certain will remain that way - that she knows she’s had to settle for this life without him and make herself content with any emptiness that she sometimes felt. But given that it was a life of her own making, it’s as much as she felt she deserved.

“I don’t know if that means that I’ve gotten awfully predictable,” which wasn’t something Kevin could rule out with any degree of confidence, but despite his remark, which didn’t really bother him all that much, particularly in this regard, “Or, if it means you just know me really well.” He gave Nura a fleeting grin, giving her expanded review careful consideration. He appreciated that, despite her initial reaction, she didn’t try to write the book of entirely — if he was going to be the one reading it, anyway. Just because they tended to have similar tastes, after all, didn’t mean they always agreed. “Maybe I would, but it sounds like something I want to get from the library, not, you know. Own a copy of forever and ever,” he replied lightly. He took out his phone to make note of the title and author, and then slipped it back into his pocket before he was tempted to check any of his ( silenced ) notifications. “Maybe I should ask this — what would you recommend without reservations?”

⚜

“I don’t see predictablity as a particularly negative trait.” If anything she saw it as a positive one after a childhood marred with chaos, there was something comforting about being around those she found reliable, trustworthy. “But if it makes you feel any better I find most people somewhat predictable, especially the ones I know well. Occupational hazard.” Wry smile was sent in his direction before she nodded at his decision. “I’d say that was the smart option. And then if it does turn out you find more to like in it then I did, you can always get your own copy.” Barely missing a beat she replied to his question with quick candour. “Almost nothing.” The words are truthful despite the playful smile on her features but she’s quick to explain herself lest he think her facetious. “I think every work has its pros and cons and what might be flawless for someone won’t be for someone else. That’s part of the beauty of them.” As she’d spoken she’d moved back along the row to a familiar title she’d spotted earlier when she’d toyed with the idea of purchasing yet another copy. “But this is my favourite,” After pulling Persuasion from the shelf she held it out to Kevin. “- recommended with reservations.”

Just because something could be, and often was, a solitary activity, didn’t mean it had to be one. Kevin had found that browsing for books was the rare exception, made even better with a friend to bounce ideas of, and sometimes to poke gentle fun at things with, like funny titles or cover designs. “Well, that answers the question I hadn’t asked,” he remarked as Nura caught sight of the book he was holding. He really had been wanting her opinion; to ask whether she’d read it; so he didn’t mind her blunt assessment of the title. “Does it ruin the rest of the book, or is it just a bad ending I can kind of ignore?”

⚜

Flicker of amusement crosses her features, undeterred by his remark when they’d browsed together enough times that questions seemed inevitable. “I knew it would be coming.” Absentmindedly she picks up a book of her own, flipping it over as she spoke. “I wouldn’t say it completely ruined it but it had all this potential and it fizzled out. It left it falling somewhat flat for me. Unsatisfying is probably the best way to describe it.” Light shrug was given when she knew that not only was she hardly an authority on the written word but that writing of all kinds was subjective. There was every chance that Kevin would be able to find some meaning in it that she had missed. Or maybe they’d find themselves sharing the same opinion. “But then maybe you’d be able to see something in it I didn’t.”

Despite having an eye for the aesthetic, Nura had never been someone who needed a lot of material things in her life. Most of her interactions with her parents during her childhood had been formed by them gifting her with something expensive to ease their guilt over not being around for her. The gifts had been used as a poor substitute for their time, love and affection and even now she couldn’t help but find that she valued the more priceless things in life as opposed to whatever money could buy. But she wasn’t completely immune to any kind of spending and had a handful of vices that meant that she could still be parted with her hard earned cash. Books of any and all kinds would always be on her list of exceptions when it came to material things.

There was nothing that helped her unwind quite as much as reading - except when she tossed in a glass of wine for good measure. Browsing for them was a hobby she would have happily done with or without company but that didn’t mean that she hadn’t been pleased to make friends with someone who had a similar appetite for reading. It was a comfortable quiet between Kevin and her as they wandered through the shelves. Her attention shifted to the book in her friend’s hand, wry smile dancing over he lips as she spoke. “I would say that’s a good choice but it forgoes realism for dramatic flair towards the end.”

God, it was so strange. Hearing his nickname falling from Nura’s lips. They hadn’t spoken in years, their only exchanges the odd text message about his book tour, or a birthday, and words were employed sparingly. He knew why he’d been shipped off to Eureka, but he’d sort of been avoiding — well — this. “No, no I’m fine. Don’t make a fuss.” Because the last thing Bash wanted was her help. Not in a too-proud-to-accept-help sort of way, but because his embarrassment left the chance reunion falling rather flat. He dabbed at himself with his hands, head shaking as he glanced down at the mess he’d made. It really hadn’t settled in, that it was her, her, and no one else. He hadn’t been ready, probably never would have been, but it was all happening in real time, and Bash’s brain was running at a mile a minute. It was too late, though, as Nura offered a tissue, and his manners were far too polished to possibly reject the offered kindness. “Thanks.” He replied lamely, using it to lap up some of the spots on his shirt. “I — um —” He tried to summon an excuse, any, to cut and run. But then, looking at her, he’d realized he’d never once lied to her, and couldn’t possibly make a habit of it then, despite the circumstance. Despite everything. 

“Yeah, sure. I have some time, I guess.” Bash had too much time, really, but he wasn’t going to own up to that. “You’re, um—” Looking well. Every possible compliment felt odd, impossible to force off his tongue. So he left the sentence hanging, incapable of offering her anything. He shook his head, then, looking away to ditch his ruined coffee cup into a nearby trash can, tossing the used tissues along with it. What was the proper protocol? Hold the door? Not hold the door? Buy her drink, let her buy his? What level of civility was called for, what was too much, what might reveal the chink in his armor? “After you, then.” He gestured, instead giving her the space to get the door for herself, if only to let his gaze linger on her, every second spent looking at her feeling simultaneously familiar and deeply foreign. 

⚜

Selfishness was a trait that she strongly associated with her parents and had spent her whole life hoping that it wasn’t one of the few things that she would inherit from them. The way that they’d placed their own needs above everyone and everything else was always something that she had vowed she wouldn’t do. But she couldn’t help but wonder if somewhere along the way the independence that she’d been forced to develop had begun to shift into that dangerous territory of chosing her own wellbeing over another’s. Bash had become living, breathing proof that she was far from immune from being self centred and now that he was stood in front of her again she was forced to remember that her choices hadn’t always been victimless. First in chosing a future of her own instead of the one that they’d dreamt of, the one that they had spent years building together. And now with her belatedly realising that in her haste to give herself a moment to compose herself she’d undoubtedly drawn even more attention to his mishap. She had to fight to keep herself from reaching out to help the way that she would have used to - without thinking and as easy as breathing - but the reminder that she gave to herself that it was no longer her place almost made her breath hitch. So her hands remained by her side and all she could do was watch, hating the stiltness between them and hating even more that she’d been the one who’d caused it.

There was so much that she wanted to say but every word died in her throat, the sudden tightness of it making it difficult for her to even think about speaking. If she could have even decided where she wanted to start. Lips parted slightly as she attempted to smooth over their so far jagged interaction when she noticed that he seemed to be grasping in vain at words just as much as she was. So she had to settle for the obvious and posed a soft query into what he was doing in town. “Are you on tour at the moment? Or researching?” She already knew the answer to the first question given the way she had been unable to resist keeping tabs on him. As much as she’d removed herself from his life, she’d never been able to properly remove him from hers. He was woven into her far too deeply for her not to care. When their time came her order was placed, it had changed ( more out of necessity than anything when she’d been disappointed in the tea options since she’d moved ) and part of her didn’t want to find out that his had done the same. But for all her hesitancy and reluctance to recieve more proof that things between them had changed, politeness won out. “Can I get yours?”

CLOSED START FOR: @nuraxsayedwilson​ LOCATION: humboldt bay coffee company, downtown

Sebastian took a long drag from his cigarette, loitering outside of the coffee shop with a hot coffee in his free hand. He had somewhere to be that morning — some lecture at the local university as a part of a summer series, or something of that nature. He’d not asked a lot of questions, hadn’t pressed his publicist for details. Any ounce of resistance these days put his career at risk, when he’d written nary a sentence in that past few years. There was a sense of foreboding about existing in Eureka, that trouble was just around the corner. In the proverbial sense, of course. He’d come to Eureka on a mission, seeking closure to a wound that had laid bare for the past several years without any true resolution. But there was a part of Bash that found safety in his woundedness, it had been his identity for long enough now that he had no recognition of himself outside of his longing. 

But, stick around long enough in any one place, and that proverbial trouble would round the corner and leave you spilling hot coffee on yourself out of sheer shock. He quickly ditched his cigarette to the ground, a coughing exhale emitting from his lips as he hid the butt under his shoe, needing that hand anyway to wipe briskly at the spilled coffee. This wasn’t how he’d pictured it going — actually being in Nura’s physical presence again. He’d certainly thought he’d have been cooler, looked aloof, or something. Or something. He wasn’t sure what, of anything, she’d seen, what amount of embarrassed he should feel. “— Nura.” He stated the name with a foreignness, though it had once been so familiar. Achingly so. He knew where she was located, of course he knew. They shared university friends, ones who mentioned Nura in passing, sometimes just to see if Bash would still spark an interest. A cruel little game, but he always gave in to his curiosity. He couldn’t help himself, couldn’t stop himself from all the ways his mind wandered when it came to the woman in front of him.

⚜

From a young age she had told herself that she enjoyed her own space and was content in her own company. For the most part it was true but she couldn’t help but wonder sometimes if it was a trait she would have always possessed of if it had come about by necessity. A lonely childhood leading her to find contentment in solitary pursuits rather than needing to be joined by others to find some enjoyment. Of course, she was more then content with her life and her time was filled by work, friends, books and time at the ranch. But as much as she claimed fulfilment and was certain that she was believed by others, she’d yet to truly make herself believe it. As full as her life was it had never mattered how much she did with her time or how many new connections that she made, there would still be a self inflicted hole in her life. Always something - someone - missing that couldn’t be replaced and her new life in Eureka would always feel bittersweet when she knew what she’d given up to start it. Still she refused to allow herself to indulge in self pity when the decision had been entirely her own and she had had years to adjust to the consequences of her decisions.

Quiet afternoons in a coffee shop with a book happened to be one of her favourite ways to spend a day off and she had almost arrived at her destination when the sound of her name from a voice she knew as well as her own caught her attention. “Bash?” Speechless for a moment from disbelief she had nothing else to say but his name. She wasn’t really sure if she still had the right to use his nickname so casually when she’d been the one to make them strangers but everything in her seemed to reject the idea of calling him Sebastian. “Here, I think I have a tissue somewhere.” She wasn’t sure he really needed one considering she’d barely taken her eyes off his face, trying to convince herself that he was really there. But if nothing else it gave her a moment to collect herself, eyes reluctantly shifting from him to her bag as she rummaged for a tissue. Moments later she had produced one but too quickly to have really decided what to say next. After all, running into an ex was new territory for her. She had questions, dozens of them, but she wasn’t about to interrogate him in the street and so there only seemed to be one option for the next words she spoke. “I was just about to get one of my own, if you’d like to join me?” The levelness of her own words surprised her when she’d felt certain that the thumping in her chest might have rattled her speech and made her voice shake.

Her work schedule had kept her busy throughout most of pride and whilst she counted herself among those who would have celebrated it, she’d always been private enough that it was never too much of an issue for her if she missed parts of it. But luck seemed to be on her side when her afternoon off aligned almost perfectly with the event that seemed it would suit her most and so she found herself studying a cocktail menu, trying to decide which one would compliment her afternoon best. It might have seemed as though she was stalling but in reality she was just discerning, she’d always been secure enough in herself that doing things independently wasn’t something that fazed her. ( A lonely childhood had almost forced her to be self sufficient that way ) But for all her comfort in her own company, she still welcomed that of others. So when she cast her gaze around and it landed on someone familiar it was an easy decision to double her order, settling on a whisky based cocktail. Small smile touched her lips in greeting as she approached Kevin, offering one of the glasses to him as soon as she was close enough. “I noticed your glass was empty. I guessed at the drink but I’m banking on our similar taste in books might mean a similar taste in cocktails.”

“Will you shut the fuck up and help me?” Leo growled under his breath, not too concerned with his tone, knowing that Nura, despite their work-only friendship, understood and knew his demeanor and attitude well. “Please,” he added, knowing his mother would have kicked his ass if she had hear him.  Despite the two having been shoulder to shoulder in much more stressful situations than this, this one had Leo flustered.  While Leo was fine with people, and was always more than happy to tell them to fuck off, that didn’t mean he invited either, and the thought of having to explain over and over again to the pissy moms that frequented the coffee shop at this hour what was going on, made him want to tear his fucking hair out. 

“I clicked a bogus link, the screen is frozen and my power button has decided to give up the ghost.  If you can make it stop I will do your pre-intake patient screening paperwork for a month.” 

⚜

She’d learned a long time ago not to take the emotions of others too personally when in her experience it was rare that they were ever truly aimed at her. In this case she had extra evidence to that, given that she was familiar enough with Leo and his way to be certain that his words weren’t solely out of frustration at her. Smile touches her lips and dry words leave them. “Seeing as you asked so nicely.” Rising from her seat she moves to the one next to him, pulling the offending laptop towards her. After years of pouring over research she’d developed somewhat of a knack for computers and while it was initially a challenge after a few moments she managed to get the machine to comply. With a shake of his head she dismissed his offer, hardly considering her actions worth it. If anything it was almost making it up to him that she hadn’t been helpful initially. “You don’t need to do that. Don’t tell anyone but I actually quite enjoy the paperwork.” There was something soothing about the way that she could be methodical with it, following the format already laid out for her. “I’m assuming you have a perfectly innocent reason for why this happened?”

where: humboldt bay coffee company who: anyone ( @eureka-starters​ )

Leo understood that not everyone worked a 9-5 (he certainly didn’t) so he couldn’t expect his apartment building to be dead silent in the hours he wasn’t working in the middle of the day.  But he had at least assumed people would also have the same realization and not have extremely noisy afternoon delights.  With a huff he had packed up his laptop and found shelter in the local coffee shop.  Granted, the noise level wasn’t a whole lot better than his apartment but at least he wasn’t having to deal with what sounded like a fairly poor attempt at faking an orgasm in surround sound.  

After ordering a coffee and setting himself up at a table, Leo attempted to get to work.  Scheduling was literally his least favorite part of his job.  And he had said several times (in vain) that he would quite literally take a pay cut if he didn’t have to deal with the scheduling.  Frustrated enough, the man eventually started to google if there were any programs that he could input info and shift needs and would spit out a schedule for him.  But before he knew it, his own computer was making the same sounds he had left his apartment he tried to escape from.  He wasn’t sure how it happened, if he had clicked on a bogus link or what, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t get it to shut up.  

“Oh Jesus Christ. Stop. Stop. Stop.—Please, I swear.  This is not intentional.  I swear, I’m not the guy that goes watching porn in public places.”

⚜

A healthy work-life balance wasn’t always the easiest thing to achieve and initially it had eluded her when she was always too eager to pour her all into her shifts. After coming a little too close with burning out only months into her full time career, she’d quickly realised that it was something that she needed to work on. To begin with she’d framed it to herself as it meaning she could provide better care for her patients but eventually she had begun to do it for herself as much as she did it for them. So a somewhat firm line had been drawn between her work life and private life and despite all the friendships she had formed during her shift, very few of them actually lasted past the hospital doors. Some might have found it strange to feel so close to people who were still almost strangers to her but it was what worked for her and she still found herself valuing those colleagues as highly as she valued her friends.

But as much as she enjoyed the various dynamics in her life she knew that it was just as important to take time for herself too. At least once a week she grabbed whatever she was reading ( making sure that it was a novel and not a research paper ) and headed to a coffee shop. Usually the sounds of the other customers was just the background noise she needed but today a rather unexpected sound caught her ear. Brow raised as she looked up from her book subtly, not wanting her curiosity to cause embarrassment, a quick glance to see what was happening. Instantly she recognised the face and the face, expression shifting to one of gentle amusement. “I guess I finally know how you spend your time off from work.” They shared an easy respect and what she thought was an understanding, neither of them particularly forth coming when it came to their private life. “Though I don’t think that this is what I would have had my money on.” 

OPEN STARTER at Happy Tails Dog Park in Humboldt Hills

Sara wouldn’t exactly call herself a recluse since becoming a mother of two. But she certainly hadn’t been making trips into town very often. Had even, somewhat, fallen out of touch with those closest to her. But, striking a balance between handling the two-month-old, one-year-old, and herself had proven to be more of a struggle than she had anticipated. One that often left her feeling like leaving the house was in nobody’s best interest. 

Today, however, she had readied them all and tucked the two boys into the stroller. Arlo, leash in tact, walked beside them, his tail wagging as the four of them made it up the road. Happy Tails Dog Park wasn’t too far from the cabin that Sara couldn’t walk and the weather wasn’t so chilly that it kept them inside. In other words, it was as good a day as any to get out of the house. So, Sara did. 

In a matter of minutes following their arrival, both Bennett and Patrick were crying and Arlo was eager to be let loose. And Sara? Well, she could do little more than pray for patience as she dug around in the diaper bag, pulling both a pacifier and bottle from its depths. No sooner than she popped the bottle into Patrick’s mouth Bennett launched his pacifier into the air, Sara watching as it bounced off someone. “I’m so sorry.” Her tone was tired, but polite with just a hint of amusement as she curled a smile onto her lips and moved forward to grab for the Nuby. “We’re training for the MLB,” she joked. “Never too early to start, right?” ​

⚜

The thought of getting a pet was one that she found herself weighing up more and more. Having decided years ago to settle in Eureka and having no real plans to go anywhere else, it seemed like a natural step. Always one for gathering evidence before making a decision, she’d offered to begin walking her mother’s dog when she had time in order to test the idea a little more. It was strange now to think that there had once been a part of her life where she couldn’t have imagined them having a relationship of any kind, let alone one where they saw each other regularly. 

Forgiving her mother had been a slow process but it was true what they said about age bringing perspective. Whilst she was certain that she wouldn’t make the same decisions and choices that her mother had, she certainly had more understanding of why they might have been made. Their relationship had improved he had long since let go of any bitterness that might have tinted the way that she viewed mothers with their children, leaving behind only the sweetness of it. So when she arrived at the dog park and saw the family scene playing out, she felt no ache in her chest. At least not in the same way she did with fathers and daughters.

Surprised glance was given as she was broken out of her reverie by something lightly colliding with her and she’s quick to reassure there’s no harm done. “It’s fine.” Brow raised at the next comment about starting early, she’d read countless papers debating the topic but she wasn’t about to start giving out unsolicited advice, least of all to a mother. Instead she just smiled, tone casual but warm. “Well it looks like it’s paying off then.” Sports were still somewhat lost on her other than casually watching a game with friends but she felt like she’d seen just enough baseball to carry on the joke. “Although that might have been a foul ball.”