TOO BAD. WALUIGI TIME.

Not once has Waluigi seen a familiar face since his arrival in the city. Not this time, not the last... it’s been nothing but strangers and strange creatures. He doesn’t mind, per se, but there is a part of him, deep, deep down, that might feel a bit... reassured by a familiar presence.

Maybe that’s why he’s so excited to see the crown princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. Although they’ve butted heads many times in the post, both as a part of their games and on the sidelines, it’s nice to know it isn’t just him - even if he swears he would rather it was.

“Yeah, you definitely look like the smartest human there is.” The sarcasm in that statement was so thick, it was practically a brick wall. “Do I look like the kind of Gem who would know? I wouldn’t be walking if I knew where to get a vehicle.”

That was… actually a really impressive manoeuver. 10/10, would totally nab the gold at the Olympics (if Lucas actually knew what that was). In lieu of prizes, the oddball guy gets one boy’s bemused clapping.

Oh. Lucas wasn’t expecting him to hail him like that. Looked like he had some sort of electronic device, but… what’s that on the screen…?

“…Wait.” It’s him. That was surreal. Was this just some weird side effect of the scientists’ oversight? Or something more… sinister?

“They… they’re always watching us,” He said in a hushed whisper. “Every second of every day… but I didn’t know it was like this! Oh, god…” Was he on there too? He didn’t want to be on a screen! “Quick, turn it off!”

An unexpected (but well-deserved) round of applause catches him off guard, though he refuses to let it show. His slight startle is transformed into an elegant bow, complete with fancy flourishes. If there’s one thing Waluigi knows, it’s how to cheat effectively; but if there are two things, stage presence is the second, and all the world’s a stage.

This player (whom he has silently dubbed “Cheeseball” in lieu of asking his name) is bemused by his antics and startled by the display on the screen. In Waluigi’s eyes, the fear he shows is evidence that he knows more than he’s saying “What, what? Out with it!” The system light flickers in his hands, his refusal to turn it off a testament to his determination to get some answers.

“I don’t know, they’re probably all on the street. Why don’t you walk on out there and look for them, yourself?”

Well, Wario too, he supposes.

Waluigi sprints through the crowd, calling for the woman he swears is just beyond his reach (as everyone, as always). “Princess! Hey, princess! It’s-a me! Waluigi!” Gloved fingertips brush against her shoulder and the woman turns, shattering the fragile illusion of happiness she might have brought, had it been her.

“Ah, man. You’re no princess.” She’s no Daisy, that’s the problem. “Man, what does Waluigi have to do to find a nice princess who also has butt-kicking tennis skills that are maybe almost as good as his? But don’t tell anyone I said that. They can never know that someone is even close to Waluigi’s greatness at anything.”

“Listen up, you luck goomba. I have decided that you look something like a guy who might have played sports once or twice, maybe a few years ago, who knows. That’s why you will play one of these sports with Waluigi, and I won’t take no for an answer! Now, where is the nearest fieldcourt?”

Unassuming pedestrians may not notice a single lone ranger camping out in a tree until he launches the first water balloon. Whatever the mysterious blue liquid inside is, it doesn’t smell pretty.

“Wahahaha! Look out below!” 

Splat!

“Hey, green person! Yeah, I’m talking to you! I need a car or a motorcycle or something with a big motor that goes really, really face. Where are the vehicles?”

Pictured: Waluigi holding a handheld video game system.

“Wahahaha! Waluigi wins again!” In game and in person, he does a victory pirouette. “Hey, kid. What is this? Waluigi doesn’t remember being filmed. Is someone spying on me? I demand the truth!”