Blaaq

Awsomeeee!!!

16 Years Ago.. 16 years ago.. My lowest thread is knowing im in this alone And my most success is not becoming what u thought I should be Im congested. I only speak when im spoken to And conveyed with the perhaps Grasping on a voice, that wont reach I rather your tantrums open your eyes Than what i considered is not known I am composed. Constructed. Controlled. Consumed. Dispised. Disposed. I am what u say I am-but your concerns is altered by optimism and suppressed reality I am mazed' amazed, barefooted in a hallow advance Just waiting when fear pumps, and anger ignites and compressed, then explodes firing rage out of my compacted attic Revolving 360..720..1080 til impact is expected Eating flesh...into the blood...enter and exit as planned- panning left of my organs Corrosive flange, inflamming this fucked up heart Catching my deepest woes, and jacketing my biggest threat The 10 year old me, engaging death at the hands of God What am i supposed to feel for? Why the fuck am i here for? Heels floored Gears of war Fear Lord, examining this kill course Is this the life you scribble more Bitter boy, lets rewind and gather these weird thoughts

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Sweet Ballads of Illumination

It was the 12 year old me Staring at the barrel of a loaded gun Possessed and obtain by my father Concealed with intentions that i wasnt man enough to walk in his steps I carry this secret in my lungs for 14 years Looking at death while fearing God, it was this moment that man, my own father would be useless to my understanding The nose kissing my intellectual drum Cocked in 90 degree position ready to blow my childhood back into a bloody fetus It was these fucking tears, that kept him in belief, he had me motherfucka yanked in his vise, stealing my soul And i let him, shackled like a slave binded with steel twisting and popping It was at 12, i suspend myself to wither my existence I was afraid of living, sufferage, pain, motherfucka i hung like chandliers in a mansion Gutting myself, disgusted with my own fear Disect this pain mama, cause daddy dont want me here no more I fight and kick in frustration, my refusal to breathe was complicit but sweet Soft and quiet...like the country roads of Newsome I rather had died-than to know it was I....

I really dont owe yall niggas no explanation Why my actions are final, justified, seal the deal and let narrow bullet to enter these veins Ima cold hearted brother, with no value No worth No faith anymore As if God was staring me down while the gun were lifted Eye level position, cocked with anger and disappointment Frustrated with self, being that im suppose to be a brother to you A son to you, and you expect what you thought I just live out this portrayal for you Me versus God, God versus what little soul i rather sell it for I mean motherfucka you had one job, and you express betrayal You made me feel like i was ten again-compact with a theory again Got me thinking you lead me on, arm stretched gun shoulder length from its destination You said you would never leave me But u left me where my father left me What my mother denies What my family bury You left my heart to rot Because i have nothing to fight for....im at the bottom scraping my knees because of you motherfucka Picking my brain to get you out my head Deteriorating the boy in me, flaming the memories thats got me here Protecting my past like thats all left of me Piercing needles, tacks, to follow thru with pain I seek today, my tomorrow walks jagged Corkscrewing my embodiment Its i again with three in a clipse All with a name on it...squeezing trinities with no return I give you back what you instilled in my veins The father, the son, the holy ghost I give it back with intentions to swallow you whole And spit you out in grotesque I am in a bind, covet with pain, bride by love and conceal with pride I am exactly what you thought i couldnt be Characterized and compiled with opinions Vile in lies, fouled before truth Corrupted in sin, internalize with deception I thought this gun would allow you to see me as i am, boy trapped in his regrets Corner with agony, reconcile with hate Gun heavy, tight to the wrist, tunnel in confusion Tears drowning, lips trembling with fear.. And as you does sliding from my palms Fainting your words Dimming my vision As if this was a dream in a dream of a thought in a idea of an allusion

Wishing you godspeed