the color blue

had a hard drive crash early in the semester and lost a lot of the source files for my scores so i had to re-engrave them but extra work notwithstanding that was not the worst thing bc i was sloppy the first time around and this time i made sure they all looked v good

kinda overwhelmed myself this semester bc in addition to all the grading i usually have to do i also taught a section of intro music theory to the freshmen and while i really enjoyed every minute of the teaching i became Very Familiar with all-nighters spent grading and then trying to finish my own work after that, at the end of the semester i went about 60 hours without sleep and a week later im still not fully recovered

i didn’t finish any music this whole semester so i really need to step it up bc i can feel o getting impatient with me. basically i tried to do something too ambitious and failed but im afraid to tell him i gave up on the project

im scared for next month, i turn 24 in a week or so and then the end of january is so frightening for me. im thinking of all of you and i hope you have been holding up well and i miss you and resent myself for having disappeared but by now youve all known me long enough to know i’m p flighty but i am still here, you are still in my mind and i can only hope that knowledge gives us all a little extra strength to keep going, or a little comfort