the ruminatorrr

sometimes i talk about how awful it was to feel trapped by my daily makeup routine and how i couldn’t leave the house without putting on a full face and it played a major role in the misery of my high school experience because i had to spend so much extra time getting ready in the mornings and that followed me into my early 20s as well and it was hell and it was so incredibly liberating to go through the slow and uncomfortable but ultimately essential process of getting my bare face back and having makeup be an optional accessory instead of a mandatory uniform. and the response always tends to be ah yes of course, because of your trans and your masculine. and it’s like aha so close! actually! I think if I ended up being a feminine cis woman I also still would not deserve even a second of that shit! I think trans women and nonbinary people and every human alive should have the option to leave the house without a single cosmetic product ever touching their face! but thanks for playing!

and when I say people should have the option obviously I do not mean “yeah you can but everyone’s gonna treat you like you’re frumpy and weird.” I also kinda don’t even mean “you’re beautiful even without makeup!!” because like. well of course i think many people are. some of the most beautiful faces i have ever seen in my life have had not a drop of makeup on them. and that’s awesome or whatever. but it’s also kind of irrelevant to the overall point I’m actually making. really what im saying is it shouldn’t fucking matter if you are beautiful or even pleasant to look at at all! you should be able to just be, all the time no matter what. everyone around you should just treat you like a person who is worthy of respect and fair treatment regardless of what you look like. I am of course keenly aware that that is not presently actually how things work much of the time. but that end goal is what my stance on makeup is informed by. you should never ever ever fucking need it to be treated with decency.

the reason sex scenes exist in fiction is because sometimes people have sex but also to find out what the characters are lying to everyone including themselves about by wrapping that agonising vulnerability in a treat like giving medicine to a dog

you can also hold them down and force their jaws open so that they develop traumatic associations with treats if you want to and this is fine because they are not real

(talking to myself about my oc plot) this shit is mad interesting #layers (remembers ive only posted like 2% of it) youll just have to trust me

we have a very healthy victim/abuser relationship, actually, thanks for asking

parker:)

one of the best parts of making up increasingly wild and specific aus with a friend is sending them posts like "this is sooo blorbo in torture chamber au number 15" and they reply back like "YESSS btw have i told you about my latest idea for how to torture them even more" and you get to enjoy a little snack and kick your feet with glee

parker:)