Ju$T 4 kicks

What makes you comfortable to come up to me and tell me my ass looks nice in short shorts at the gym, nigga, leave me alone

I’m way more naive than I’d like to think myself to be. And every once in a while it blows me how people act towards me. Especially people I’ve encountered in day to day life. Idk. It’s not that I expect sun shines and rainbows out of people I know of “in passing”, but damn, is saying hello illegal or something? Why walk past me like you never met me before? Is it something I say or do? Or something I said or did? For example: there was a gym manager at an old gym I used to work out at, I saw this woman practically everyday. She was kind, and I was kind back. Nothing big, no big deal. We greeted each other every day, and was cordial, I see her at a new gym, and I’m trying to keep up the cordiality, because I recognize her, so I try to say high, and move on…. why the fuck is she acting as if she never saw me before. Wtf is that about?? Same with a co-worker. I thought we had a cool… friendship kinda vibe going on. I ask for her phone number and I’m sending funny Tik Tok memes to this number, she gave me a fake number. Mind you, she’s gay, I’m gay. wtf?? Idk that really hurt my feelings. Because I feel a way about how off and strange people behave or act towards me? Is it me? Am I weird? Am I off putting? Is my energy wrong? Am I not friendly? Like why act as though you’ve never seen me before? Is it weird to hail someone you have always spoken to in passing? Have I made too big of a deal out of this? Or do I like people too much? I truly don’t understand why I receive the weird social interactions I receive. Like why hand me a fake phone number, why not just tell me “you don’t want me to have your phone number”? Do you smell loser on me? Am I mean low key? Do I give r*p*y vibes? Idk, I’m tired. I feel like I’m genuine af in a world of people who are anti social. And I’m trying to learn how to be more social, and come across socially inept or strange people.

I just don’t understand why it couldn’t work out with him

Im deeply insecure. And that’s why im hung up on niggas that paid me dust. Thats why I won’t give other men more chances, that’s why I don’t make the first move. I’m the first choice to people I don’t choose, and not an option to those who could have better. Never ending cycle.

I wish I could just turn back the hands of time. Just one time. I would go back to 2010. I want a do over so badly

He’s not thinking of me but I’m thinking of him. I play this cruel joke on myself every time, involuntarily

Truth is I’m just not good enough for nothing or nobody. I’m worthless

Back to back rejection. Rejection from everything and everyone. Looked at like I’m some monster. Not dating, no job prospects, no friends. No close connection to anyone. Feeling outcasted all my life. It’s getting to a point…

None of the major cities I’m applying to are giving me call backs. NONE. I’ve applied in Chicago, New York, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Raleigh, Charlotte. I am simply not getting any job offers. I’m SICK

Tired of holding in how I feel.

I no longer have a positive outlook on tomorrow. I always pictured myself doing better than I am. I never let my current circumstances determine my tomorrow. That changed yesterday. I don’t see myself doing better tomorrow. Even though I continue to try and work on myself, I just don’t think it’ll happen for me because it hasn’t happened ever. It’s never the right job, city, degree path, or options for me. I can never make enough or do enough to have enough and be enough.

I’m just as insecure and downtrodden as when I left. I didn’t improve any part of my life. I didn’t actualize my dreams, I didn’t get a college degree, my vote didn’t save America. My actions have not landed me a boyfriend, I never moved out of my parents home. And all the while I aged to 30. Everybody else has gotten more beautiful; more work experience, more rich, and more stable. And I have blown up my life, and still haven’t moved an inch. I wanna **** myself.