Ju$T 4 kicks

Tired of holding in how I feel.

I no longer have a positive outlook on tomorrow. I always pictured myself doing better than I am. I never let my current circumstances determine my tomorrow. That changed yesterday. I don’t see myself doing better tomorrow. Even though I continue to try and work on myself, I just don’t think it’ll happen for me because it hasn’t happened ever. It’s never the right job, city, degree path, or options for me. I can never make enough or do enough to have enough and be enough.

I’m just as insecure and downtrodden as when I left. I didn’t improve any part of my life. I didn’t actualize my dreams, I didn’t get a college degree, my vote didn’t save America. My actions have not landed me a boyfriend, I never moved out of my parents home. And all the while I aged to 30. Everybody else has gotten more beautiful; more work experience, more rich, and more stable. And I have blown up my life, and still haven’t moved an inch. I wanna **** myself.