Nova

I love Evie so much. Her story has become expanded so far that PB really is only 10% of it. However, she is really special to me that I just want to keep it for myself for the time being.

In terms of Balls in the Court, I feel a lot of guilt in writing that. I wrote TBIOC before I really understood PB in depth. Secondly, I wrote that to kind of hurdle myself over some trauma. But I dunno, there is a lot ick for me and uncomfortableness in terms of that story.

However, since canon is...well...canon. In the canon universe, Evie would not have accepted Tommy's death. She would have no family. She would not have accepted that he killed Arthur. She would not have accepted Ada died....

First, thoughts on the movie. Now, 90% of the film had been spoiled for me before watching. I went into it thinking I was going to hate it. Especially in terms of Arthur's death. Much of it had not made sense and did not feel like Peaky Blinders. I've had pre-notions that I was going to hate it. However, I watched it Saturday. Now, was it good? No. Did I like it? Not really. It was a weak plot and it did not feel like the story I knew. However, I didn't hate it. Actually, as a movie, I thought it was entertaining enough. I actually liked Tommy's character in the film arguably more than I did in some seasons. It felt raw, vulnerable, and softer? Was it the Tommy Shelby I knew? No. However, I liked it. Barry Keoghan wasn't my favorite actor for a while. However, his performance in this film, in my opinion, was outstanding. I enjoyed the roles that some of the recurring cast played. Ada's send off felt like a punch in the gut.

So yes, while I didn't like it and there were parts I hated, I actually didn't DESPISE IT. I thought Tommy's send off was just fine.

Secondly, where am I going with my fics? As of right now, nowhere. Eventually, I may finish TBIOC. I may write more for Evie. But as I am concerned right now, I am done. I've been working on original work for publication. That has been taking my time. In terms of TBIOC, I feel a lot of disgust and regret in terms of writing it. When I started writing it, I was going through a lot mentally in terms of past trauma. So, right now, I don't know what I want to do with it.

Evie? I love Evie. Evie still brings me comfort. However, I have decided, I want to cherish her story for myself. Again, for similar and personal reasons. In terms of her canon lined story, Evie cannot exist without her family. Certainly not without Tommy. So, hopefully you can read between the lines as to where she ends up or more so what she ends up doing after Tommy's death.

Lastly, the fandom, my presence, and hate? I have been grappling with this for months. My blog has just become a place for me to talk to people in DMs and rant about what's going on in the world. I hardly do any writing, reading, or fandom stuff.

I'm actually tired of fandom. The older I get, the more I realize I don't care to be part of it. For many reasons. One being no one knows how to get along. Another being no one knows how to communicate. Another being no one understands that you can't control how other people 'fandom'. And everyone is always up another person's ass. I don't know, it just becomes tiring.

I notice I am just much happier fandom-ing alone. Watching it myself, writing for myself, doing what I want for myself. And no matter how people put it, when you are part of a fandom publicly nothing ever is 100% for yourself. There is always a mask to be worn. And I feel with Tumblr, I have to do a lot of masking, a lot of censoring, a lot bowing down. There is always this competition, which is so dumb. I won't lie, I have been in my own drama on here. Some I have caused, never on purpose, but nonetheless caused. Some I have not. That being said, it's so much drama. In every fandom, there is so much unnecessary fucking drama. It feels like cliques in a fucking high school. Something that should be built with community is always filled with people who just don't know how to be in a community.

I honestly rather just write for myself privately and maybe post on Ao3. I was much happier the month I was not on here. So is it goodbye? I don't know. I was going to delete my Tumblr Saturday cause it hit me then that I just don't give a fuck. I saved all my work. Then I told myself to wait a day. And to be honest, I still want to delete. Cause the more I keep it up, the more I will log on. I appreciate the few friends I made here. Those of you who I talk to regularly and are more than fandom based friends, I have you on other socials. Everyone else, I appreciate our friendship and conversations.

For now, however, I am gonna say goodbye. If you are a friend on here who wants to keep in touch elsewhere, let me know.

Cause while they say "fuck Trump", "fuck Musk", "Fuck (insert vermin here)" they're still profiting off the system. They still live in multi-million dollar homes, own estate everywhere, wear thousand dollar clothing, drive the most expensive cars, go on multiple vacations a year, go to lavish parties, etc.

"Oh, but they donated...." Okay? Are you that gullible that you don't know how celebrities profit off donations? How rich people and businesses profit off donating?