Things that are Things.

My mom loves her fiercely but that is just the truth of it

My mom was a troubled teen and was in a gang and beat people up after the gang beat her up for years and she was interracial relationships when it was not ok and got trouble for that. She stole, she ran away, she swore and drank and all of it

Doesn’t make it ok that her mom beat her but she did. Her older sister was her mom’s best friend because she was also an alcoholic so they would team up

But that’s still her mom and sister and she still cries from missing them

So when she was talking about how all the people she prayed to in heaven helped her I said “yeah but I bet Nana and Auntie Judy are up there saying what the fuck” and she was smiling ear to ear “you never met my mom but that’s exactly what she would’ve said”

Again I can’t overstate that I don’t prescribe to any religion. It’s a weird case because I was raised catholic but feel very connected to Islam because I spent a while in my twenties reading Quran and fasted for Ramadan. I read daily Hadiths on a Quran app but in the same way I read a good quote or poem. I think there is something to take out of any message that involves doing good. I do occasionally read a Bible verse in the same way but at the end of the day I think of it all as a comfort. To me if there is something out there it is the same thing with a different name. I don’t believe in the guilt of religion and I don’t believe “this happened because I prayed or this happened because god willed it” My mom’s outcomes are astounding and beautiful and I am grateful for whatever had to happen for this to occur. But I don’t believe that God answers prayers for those who deserve it. If that were the case there wouldn’t be war, there wouldn’t be miscarriages or rapes or hunger or children who spend their lives in hospitals or parents who bury their kids. My best friend Roshni who died was incredibly religious and for me I believe she got to where she wanted to be. If you believe in heaven I believe in that for you, if you believe you come back I believe you will, if it brings you comfort and hurts no one by doing so, praise be. At the end of the day I want to people to feel safe and loved in whatever way they need.

But when my mom got sick I absolutely talked to whoever she prays to and I brought her to the Vatican to be blessed and I brought her today to church. I told her mother “if she can’t be here with me at least she can be there with you”

But in the spirit of her mother I just have to scream to the universe “MOTHER FUCKERS SHE’S NOT DONE YET”

They then discovered she has excellent bio markers

They did one small session of radiation and her brain cancer is gone

She did 3 15 min sessions of immunotherapy which she stopped in November

Today her doctor told her she doesn’t need any more because nothing has grown and essentially there is so little cancer there is nothing else for it to fight

She doesn’t have to come back until October

Her doctor said she has rarely seen this happen but when it has patients can go 2-3 years without any treatment or growth

She will get scanned every 3-6 months but her doctor was in awe

I am in awe

We are all in awe

She said that the doctor told her “if you still thought you were going to die you wouldn’t be smoking” and so she said when she goes home she is going to try again to limit herself

We will see

But today we celebrate

I live in a Hispanic neighborhood and so we have a statue to La Virgen where people leave flowers and candles

I am non religious but I asked her if she wanted to bring flowers and we saw pink roses at the store and she said “my mom always wanted a house with pink roses”

Her mom died when she was younger than me from lung and brain cancer and her sister died at 49 from lung cancer

So today we celebrated but we also left flowers for her loved ones that didn’t get this chance

So I spoke to my mom and this is the situation with my cousin and obviously we are encouraging her to do everything in her power to seek additional help and leave the situation

So backstory

My cousin is very Italian from Revere MA and has been married many times and she has currently been married maybe 15 years to a man who is also very very Italian and he has also been married many times

He is a man all about showing an image and having people know him everywhere he goes like Sopranos vibes

He had known my cousin for years but then got weight loss surgery and finally approached her because he felt confident and she’s a beautiful woman

She has two kids and three grandkids so he’s been the grandpa their entire life and is very entwined with the family despite being a raging douche

Any time I’ve met him he’s hit on me and uncomfortably held my hand and reminded me anything I want in his home I can have it and if anyone I meet hurts me he knows people

He’s also very racist but tricky about it so he’ll mention that black people are allowed in his house etc

So my mom and cousin fell out a bit years ago after being very close because my mom didn’t like his shit

He has an adopted daughter from a previous marriage and he’s always had a very sus relationship with her and they are too intimate for father and daughter

My cousin said this and he got pissed and started treating her and my cousins and the grand kids like shit

Then they had a birthday/Mother’s Day thing and he disappeared from the party to go downstairs with his daughter and her husband alone

My cousin went down after a while and said it was messed up because everyone was waiting to sing him happy birthday

When he came upstairs she was doing dishes and he grabbed a plate and threw it in front of everybody

Then later on she found out he was cheating for 8 years with many women

So when she confronted him he threatened her saying he had guns and would kill her

She got a restraining order and when they came to collect his guns he only gave some and they found more at his girlfriend’s house and hidden in the ceiling tiles at the house

He got out in jail for 4 weeks

He owns a security company so their house is beyond monitored by him and she’s come home several times with him inside the house and so the police are there all week

We are very concerned for her and upset that it is real but it’s crazy because my mom was shocked after all these years my cousin would share so much

I live for other people’s gossip

Cousin I haven’t seen in 10 years? Tell me about how they just married a woman after 40 years with a man.

Other cousin whose house I walked out of on Easter in 2017 because her husband and son were racist as hell? She’s divorcing him because he’s a horrible person? Que sorpresa.

Also

I will absolutely tell other people who are even further removed

You work with me? You know Tammy doesn’t like her 80 year old sister’s new boyfriend

We weren’t especially close and hadn’t worked together in years but every once in a while I think to myself “Reiju should be here”

I also lost one of my best friends ten years ago unexpectedly and for the same reason and they blend together in my head

I am not familiar with that dynamic

For ten plus years I never met his girlfriend and other people had met her

We are friends who always talked about mental health or checked in and I am someone he calls when mental health is hard

I’ve always respected and supported this relationship he has but always said I’d love to meet her

She had never come to company parties or BBQs or any other events I’ve been to but has met other colleagues

He’d always say oh she’s self conscious and so she’s nervous to meet new people

I was one of the first people to see the ring when he got it

I also threw his going away at work the week after he proposed and three days before I was fired

Well in May they got married

I wasn’t invited but it was a quick thing after like a month engagement so I assumed it would be a small crowd

He invited several colleagues including people he’s known for less time

At his bachelor party he texted me pictures and then asked if I’d be able to fly to the wedding in three days

I said yes and he never mentioned it again so I assumed it was a drunk invite

An hour before walking down the aisle he called me because he needed to hear my voice and settle his nerves and he told me all the sweet things he did in the morning for his wife

I thought it was a bit weird since he could have talked to the people at the wedding

Today his mom died unexpectedly and I’m pretty sure I was one of the first people he told

She died in her sleep and he called me at 8:30 am

When I was able to call him back at 10 he said he found out 3 hours ago which means he called me pretty soon after

When I spoke to him he said he just needed to hear my voice

I consider us close friends and value him so much and obviously would have flown out for the wedding and would absolutely fly out for the funeral like I have for other friends but I get the vibes the wife might not like me or want to meet me hence the not being invited to the wedding

The trainer asked me about myself and what I do and I said “well obviously patient services but I also love live music, doing crafts and my dog”

There is a person who always comments on my instagram stories and who I interact with

I’ve thought this was just one of my guys in PK for the entire time

Nope

I ordered Paapdi chaat, sticky rice and a specific order at Baskin Robins

Tonight being the night before I start work I decie d to order the rice and Paapdi chaat

This is what the bag from the Thai spot said

So I guess I’m the only person ordering 5 rice at a time

I’m irate because it’s bullshit to say “oh just let her do what she’s going to do”

Lettuce is on my list of foods I do not eat but I’m still scared

List:

Iceberg lettuce

Cooked peppers

Squash

Zucchini

Melon

Pork chops

Almost all cooked fish

Non poached or hard boiled eggs

Meat from Taco Bell