ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴀꜱᴏɴꜱ ᴡᴇ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ. (ᴄᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ?)
finding out this ‘relationship’ doesnt matter to him as much as it does to you.
“Why dont they know about me, Chris?”
The silence that followed was so loud you could almost hear every thought in your head overlapping one another, the ringing in your ear getting worse and worse with each second that passed.
You were begging him in your head, begging him to hold you and tell you this was all just a simple misunderstanding, tell you that you got it all wrong, or atleast say that this was some sick joke that somehow went over your head.
All of the times he lied to you flooded your mind all at once, you wanted to believe you misunderstood everything but his lack of words wasn’t really helping. You stood there, rethinking every word, every excuse, every reassurance, the pit in your stomach growing twice as much each time you form a thought.
You couldn’t even look at the man in front of you. He wasn’t even looking at you anymore.
“LOOK AT ME GODDAMMIT!” You cried out with the small amount of power left in your voice.
“Listen-…I can explain.” He finally spoke up, still avoiding your eyes. He looked dishevelled, you felt so pathetic for wanting to take care of him even after all of this.
“I wasn’t ready to tell them.”
You stared at him for a few seconds, you couldn’t tell if you accidentally stepped into a set for a k-drama, or if you were actively being aired for a stupid prank channel. You weren’t even hurt anymore. You were just offended at this point.
“Oh my god. You’re serious?” You scoffed, surely not.
“I was scared, okay? You know how my job is. I just wanted to protect you.”
“By hiding me? Chris, we’ve been dating for 9 months!”
“I was just trying my best to keep you safe, I dont know why you’re reacting like this.”
“Thats bullshit-! Whats up with you these past few weeks? You’ve never acted like this before!” You desperately needed to know why, why he was being like this in the first place.
“I dont know, y/n, its just- it doesnt feel the same anymore. I dont know if i can do this.” He finally looked at you for the first time ever this since argument started.
That was when you felt it. The pit in your stomach growing up to your chest, your breathes getting heavier, thoughts overflowing, everything threatening to spill out of your mouth yet you couldn’t seem to get the words out. Your mind searched for meaning, for even a slight hint as to why and what could’ve brought him into wanting to leave.
You only had one simple question.
“Why?” You looked at him with teary eyes.
“Its not you, its me. I dont mean to hurt you, y/n. I just dont feel the spark anymore.” Chris looked at you with a pitiful expression. It made you sick.
“So you lied to me all this time? Well- what about your parents, do they know about me?”
You atleast expected his parents to know, but it made you feel even more nauseous when you didnt get a reply.
“Please what- Chris?..you lied to me and ignored me for weeks. You made me sit and wait for you to pay attention to me, you told me you were busy and i trusted you because i didnt wanna seem like a toddler. YOU DIDNT EVEN COMMUNICATE WITH ME AND BURIED YOURSELF IN WORK, AND NOW YOURE TELLING ME YOU ‘JUST DIDNT FEEL THE SPARK ANYMORE’?”
Your emotions got the best of you and it didnt even matter anymore. You took a step closer to him, waiting for him to see you even though you were right in front of him.
“What did i do?” You said, pushing him backwards. “Tell me what i did.”
“All i did, was love you, Christopher! I tried to be there for you no matter what, to support you even when you were losing yourself. I tried my best, and this is how you repay me?”
“Please, just tell me what i did wrong.”
“Im sorry.” That was all you got.
You stepped back, gulping down every word left unsaid. “Okay.” You replied while picking up your bag and heading to the door.
Your hand shook nervously around the door knob, you wanted to turn back, to curse him for making you feel this day. But you didnt. You didnt have it in you to do it.
You turned the door knob and walked out right then and there.
The other two boys were around the corner, whispering to themselves about what was happening when you walked out, they gave you a small sorry gaze but you couldn’t even be bothered to look. All you wanted was for the ground to eat you alive, or for a meteor to strike you. It didnt really matter how, you just wanted to disappear.
You walked out the building, waving at a nearby cab. Oh you were so ready for the huge tub of ice-cream living in your fridge.
The home ride home felt like a dream. And no, not the typical moment you think of when you hear the words ‘dream’, or ‘dreamy’. It felt like you were unable to think or process everything around you, like you were disconnected from the world itself.
…………………………………………………………………………….
The moment you entered your apartment, you couldn’t help but curl into a ball, your head digging into your knees. You dont know how long you were sat in front of the front door shedding tears.
When you got up, it was already past midnight; And being honest, it was pretty obvious you weren’t getting any sleep tonight.
Upon checking your phone, you see that you have 1 missed call from Chan. (Which you rightfully ignore, though a part of you wished he would reach out and apologise and everything would go back to normal.)
Nothing felt fair. You did everything you could to get nothing in return. You wanted to understand why.
Were you really that hard to love?
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An: i think im allergic to making long fics please help
