The 18 Types of People You'll Date In Hell
On Tinder, we swipe right towards the green heart when we fall in love. On Plenty of Fish we might sent a long missive, enthusiastically listing the things we have in common. On Grindr we just constantly write, "got pics?" over and over. There are many ways to find love, but what about dating etiquette after the Prince of Darkness sentences us to a life of burning pain and humiliation? Our handy print-out-and-keep guide will ease you into the process of dating in the pits of Hell.
1: The Hot Dumb One
“Why am I in hell? What did I ever do to deserve this?” They scream over and over whilst being on fire. You can’t work out what you ever saw in them.
2: The Guiltless Damned
Moan, moan, moan, moan, MOAN. Talk about a nag. These folks were unlucky enough not to get baptised because they lived in a time or place where whichever-religion-you-most-agree-with didn't exist. Maybe they lived lives that were nigh-on saintly. Who cares? They ended up in the old purgatory anyway.
Bring your earplugs because they are bound to go on and on about how good they were; or they don't actually believe in hell and are sure this is all a horrible dream; or that they are a caveman and their religion just consisted of hitting a rock with another rock. YAWN. Expect to hear the world "guiltless" a lot. Smug pricks.
3: Cleopatra
Bring your flicked eyeliner and brush up on your hieroglyphics as you're in for a rough ride. Dating Cleopatra can be difficult- she's wont to give details of her Caesarian section (her nickname for her ex, Julius) and she'll always be comparing you to her brothers and husbands. As in her brothers who are also her husbands (She married two of her brothers, it helps to know about what she calls “Cleopatrian history” when dating Cleopatra).
You'll know if you've hit it off because she'll come round rolled up in a carpet singing, "Cleopatra - comin atcha!"
In Hell, of course, compliments like "you're hot," or "you've got a smoking body," or "you're a heart-breaker" have a very different meaning. We'd suggest that between being roasted alive and having your heart dissected, getting a Cleo a Valentine's card that reads "you're my rock (that's not on fire!)” as that is actually the best thing you can say in hell.
4: The Smotherer
Jeez! We all need a bit of room sometimes. Often the people that are meant to care for you the most end up really smothering you. Sometimes you need a bit of space. Sometimes you especially need a bit of space between the front of your face and a large feather pillow. Like even half an inch would do. Jesus. Sometimes it feels like there’s just no nice, considerate people in hell.
5: Dude Who Plays A Flute With His Bum
Up here in the mortal world, you'll end up at a bunch of parties where someone whips out a guitar and starts jamming “Wonderwall,” of course in hell when someone whips out a guitar, they are literally whipping a guitar for being an evil guitar and making other guitars gently weep. So instead at parties in Hell, someone will inevitably play a flute with their bum. You’ll probably break up when you realise that’s how they blow out the candles on their birthday cake, too.
6: Lord Bonesmasher of the Lake of Screaming Wastrels
We get it, he’s got a hot bod from smashing bones all day, and his lake of screaming wastrels is, like, your jam. But he has trouble connecting emotionally and your requests to take things more seriously will be met with replies like, “ME SMASH BONES NOW,” and when you go to all that effort of preparing a nice meal, he’ll be all like, “ME ATE SMASHED BONES ALREADY.” His sexting is curiously thoughtful and eloquent erotic poetry though.
7: A 1950s telephone
We all have some crazy times and need to sow our wild oats. So while you don’t have to worry about too many responsibilities, why not wrap your fingers in that flexible cord and dial M for "i’M dating a telephone!"
8: A Ghost Made of Fire
Oooh! Is that a spooky ghost? No. Because you can see it coming a mile off because it’s made of fire. Although things will soon heat up in the bedroom, you’ve got to ask yourself, is an almost-intangible exothermic reaction really the type of person you want to bring home to your parents when there’s no more room in hell and the dead walk the earth with their significant others.
9: A Snowball
“The one that got away.” Their tender lips lingered on yours for the briefest of moments. Their embrace left you tingly like someone had put ice down your back. Their dangerous curves glistening in the light. But they had to go and no one knows if they’ll ever be back. Why did they have to leave you like this? Why?
10: The Prince of Darkness
Let me tell you, asking “Why aren’t you the KING of Darkness, then?” makes for a really awkward date with Lucifer. Sure, he’s independent and financially solvent - he’s not answering to God any more and he’s got his own place - hell, he’s got his own HELL. But his fashion sense is so grody. "Put a shirt on, dude. And get those cloven hooves filed down, gross. Why’ve you got that giant fork from The Little Mermaid? It’s creepy. Put some lotion on, you’ve gone all red. "Now I’m the nagging one. You see how stressed out I am? I don’t think we’re making each other happy. No, please don’t cry, your tears are made of freezing cold sulphuric acid and will stain my moccasins.”
You get the picture.
11: Prince.
12: A Disembodied Scream
Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you for a change, instead of being the one that’s always a shoulder to cry on. You think it’s on your shoulder, anyway. It can be rather disorientating. Anyway, you dated them because they had no body to dance with, but now you’re finding that although there’s always lots to talk about, the physical side in the relationship is rather lacking.
13: An Orb of Pure Evil
Wow! Check out those slick dance moves. But MAN are they BUSY. Evil is in demand in hell and an orb that’s purely made of evil has a lot of commitments. Sure, it’s nice to have a career, aspirations and goals - but when your significant other is running (floating) around zapping everyone with a foul, malevolent penumbra every second of the day, how are you ever going to cuddle?
14: ATNAS
It’s not until you glimpse their driver’s licence in the mirror that you realise you’re not dating Santa at all. You’re dating his evil twin! What you thought was him shaking his belly like a bowl full of jelly is actually him rocking his pendulous gut like a sack of screaming cats. What you thought was a quaint little quirk of him bringing you lumps of coal for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas is actually him bringing you lumps of coal for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas! You thought that red suit, long beard, and bobble hat seemed familiar. But instead of it being old Saint Nick it’s more like Saint KICK IN THE TEETH. Get the hell out of there, dude! Atnas is nothing but trouble.
15: A Skeleton
PFFFFT. They’re good for a HARD BONE, but not much ELSE. Am I right guys!?!? AM I RIGHT!!? PFFTTHNHH HAHAHAHA
16: Yourself
You have loads in common, you’re exactly your type. But after a while you realise it’s actually just the one face occupying one place in spacetime geometry but your experience of it is on two different bodies, you are conjoined behind the face, your bodies merely cut-outs like a seaside photo opportunity stand. Sometimes you can feel the other you moving the mouth and eyes, and sometimes you have control. But really you are both just puppets and there is no true identity. 17: The Ancient Ones From Beyond Time
ẗ̨͎̤̪̩̘̥̻͙̼͕̗͕̭́̐͛̓̀ͪ̅̆̊ͨ̎̔͗̆̈́͘͠͝o̸͇̥̭͍̼͚̥͓̦͍̘̮̪̟̗̺ͦ̄͆ͨ̾̒ͨͩ̀͘͘͟ ̵̡̜̗̟̗̞̖͕̳̘̹̖̗̓̆ͫ̌̐͜͜͝ͅt͒̒̒̏͌͗ͮ̇̌̓͞͠͏̗̦͔̙͔͔͓̖̬̹̟--ẖ̴̡̻̜̣̥̤͉̤̯̬̺̮̝̿ͤͯ̓ͮ́͠e̷̵̢̡̤̹̼̮͙̝̊͐͂͌̑͒̽͐ͦ̂̒ͩ̋̎̃͒͗̕ͅm̢̡̛̫͚͍̫̭̩͇͋͛͆͗͌̍ͥ́̕,̴̸̵̢̨̫̮͕̠̱̟̭͊̈́͂̌̀̊͂ͅ ̷̡̧̛̥̣̮͚̘̞̤̹̯̘̠̦̙̩͛͑̊ͮͧͧ̚̚į͇̤̫͖͐̋͌̏ͭ̈́ͤ̍͑ͦͨ̓ͧͤ̀͞͞ṋ̗̖̭̟̬̺͎͈̭̭̞̗̞͚̼ͨͮ̃ͬ̊ͣͦͪ̐͊͑ͬ̏̍̀͡ ͥ͆̏̃̉ͣ̾̔̓̔̈҉̸̧̠͚̮̼͖͚͓̮̙̳͢͞s̵̖̠̭̯̝̼͍̱̝̙̦͈̬̗̈́͋͐̍ͣ͝ͅp̓̓͒ͭ̄̽̏͛̏͘͢҉̹͖̗̞̰̳̜̹̀͝í͛̅̋͛̚͏̵̛̖̱̩͓͍̱̟̝̭̤͇̣̜̟̭̳́͝t̷̸͈͇̮͙̱̬̟͍͕ͮ́̉̂͒̾́̏͐̊͘͝͝e̵̴͖̲̱̗̞͓̖̼̞̲̼͓͎̠̜̱̋̋̀ͮ̅̾͊̈́̀̚͢ͅ ̯̪̞̟̻̳̼̭̘̗͓͔̓ͮ̍͂̄̍ͧ̈́̂͌̎̿͛͗ͨ̉̎ͭ̕͜͝ǒ̴̡̲͍̥̣̖̜̭̺̙̣͚̤̮͔̖̩̣̘̰̑̆̈̆ͪ̒̆ͬͥͯ͒̏̀͘͢f̷̸̟̟̱̹̠̪̪͖̱̹̌͌̏ͩ́͋̅̀̂̓͐̋̒̿ͭ͑͂͜ ̸̨̨͈̳̻̝͍̟̬̗̩̥͉͕̥͔̯̯͛̔̎͌͐̐ͭ͋̚i̧̢̽ͭ̐̔͂ͬ͒͊͏͢҉͉̯̞̼͇̹̲͔͈͙̰̝̗̭̯͚͕̭t̶̨̫͕̮̹̣̺̫͕͆̇ͯ̓͑̋̈́ͩ́̃̿̆͂̕͝š̘̘͍̠͙̰̥̟̹̳͕̠̻̠̟̙̎͆̅͗ͪ̉ͫ̓ͮͨ̏ͭ̓͆͛͟͢͞͝ͅ ̲̬̖̫̞̭̻̙͗͒̐̏͌̉̍̽͗͊ͯͦ̊̑͊́̚͜͢͝h͑ͧͭͦ̍̄҉̸̼̟̭̩̘̳̦̖͕̦̕i̡̨ͬͥ́̌̔͛̿͑͒̇͛̔ͩ͘͟͏̥̳̝̙͙̘̥̳͍̭̲̠̖͉s̴̙̩͍̹͊̓ͩ̚͟ ̧̛̬̘̙̝̘͐̓̾͌̊ͪ͛ͣͥ͑ͧͬ̓̔̓́́͟ͅh̶̨͖̤̥̺͈̬͚̰̙̉̋ͪ̆́̊͐ͨͫ͌̃̋́ͤ̚o̧̪̯̩̜̣̝̳͎̜̟ͥ̾̓͊ͭ͂̑̓́̚͢ͅͅͅͅů̋͒̓ͪͫ́̓̎ͤ̅̀̚͏̻̱̲̻̮̘̠̣s̡̯̪͖̜̬̮̘̺̭͓̊͆ͦͮ̒͋͌ͪ͘ȩͤ͗ͪ͏̤̰͙͔,̻͕̺̪͎͚̩̙͈͕͈̳̰͔̣̭̖̒͌ͬͥ̎͋̿͒̓̏ͦͯ̐ͮͣ̎ͫ͘͠ ̢͎̞̲̭̾ͨ͛ͫ̐͊̑͊ͦ̒̔̚̕m̴̧̻̮̤̖̪̙̺͎͙͖͕̮̜͉̻̥̬͕̰̊̑ͨ̓̍̽͐͛ͣ̉̊ͧ͘͘ǒ̶̸̺̫̹̻̥̝̩̠͎̤͕̦̠̬͙̱̙̑ͭ͂ͦ̾͆̏̆̏ͤ̊̾̌͌̚̚͘͜r̶̢̗͈͓̺̮̺̄ͤ̄͋̑̅̈̂̏͌̃͛͛̀͡eͦ̄̾͏̀҉̣̙͈̯̩̠̳̱͎̥̝̙̦ ̭̖̼̣̠̦̣̦̞̙̼̮̙̿̎ͪͫ̋ͣ̉ͪ͗ͬͦͤͧ͛̌̓͂͗ͧ̀͘͞͝͠ỹ̼̫̬̥͖̥̳̞͍͖̝̠̉̓͋̀̋̕͢͡͠ͅó̴̧̡̼͇̰̰̯̭̳̯̫͖̜̖̯̲̪̥̭ͫ̎̆ͯͭ͆͟ͅų̉ͮ͑͊ͪ̂̈̎ͪ͐ͬ̂ͮ͊̂҉͢͏͇̫̼̖̹͎ͅ ̷̢̝̥̬̹̘̘̫̞̮͓͈̯̲͖ͮ͊ͪ̓͋̕͢͝h̸̨͎͍̦͖̙̥̹̝̭͉̤͎̅̐̌ͥa̶̛̲̖̮̞̤̬̘̱̪̖͔͇̤͕̳͍̳̭̦̎ͨ͌̌ͫͭ͛͑ͧͭ͗͋͘͝v̨͉̮̼̤̠̘̣̖͙̬̞̝̰̯̹̺͗ͧ͛ͩ̅ͬ̒͂̉̈͊́̚̚͘͝ḙ͈̙͚̗̺̤̟̠̣̼̹̗̬̥͈̪̩̬̇̎͛ͮ͒̄͠͞͞ ̶͎̱͎̣͈̣̙̥̫̣͕̻̫͖͈̹̖̮̣ͩ̄̊ͦ̂̉̑ͩͧ̇͜͢͞t̤̬̣̣̺̜̖͙̯͎̮̤͆ͨ̌̓̃ͯ͑̂̎͂ͦ̂̽́́̂̾̕͜͜͠ͅo̵̶̵͙̘͉̮̲̱͇̝̜̍̈̃͌̈́͌̚̕͘ ̷͖̫͚͔͊̓̃̏ͯ͂͑́̂ͪͥͧ̀ǎ̐̍̊ͤ͛͐̇̇̋̍ͪͪͧͧͮͩ͋͏̫͕͕͚̞̫̙̀͜͟͝s̸͔̬̺̰̘̩̈̒̽̓̕͜͜͝ͅk̨̬̘͖̻͈͎̗̄ͣ̿̄͐̿̂ͭͤ͒ͤͬ̂̐̅̓͛̒͂͠ ̨͔̜̞̝͓̞̲̜͖̬͚ͦ̈̂͗͑ͦ̉̆ͮ͢͠y̸̧̭͖̱͎̱̓̋̿̓́̏ͯ̍́̍͒͐͞o̷̧͓̩̭̯̤̖͎̗͕̟͎̻ͪ̓̾̉̉͒̾̊͟͞u̅̾̅̓̅ͧͯͩ̓͂̀ͭͦͮ҉̡̪͇̫̖͔̳̦̖͚͡ ̧̏͛ͣͣ͑̊͊̀̿ͣ́ͬ҉͢҉̧̥̹͔̫̱̹̤̣͕̜͙͉͍t̡̖̥̙̭̰̥̪̭̟̣̬̩̪͖̜͉̠̘͊̿̽̽̏̏̓̐ͨͭ̒ͣ͗͐ͨ̽̄̓͗̕͝͞o͖͎̰̺̟̬̬͓̹̼̥̹̱͆͌̾̉̑̀͘͜͞ ̢̧̦͇̳̹̠͔͐ͮ̎́̊ͫ͗ͫ͘͡d̡̦̩̲̻̲͇̪͖̖̭̲̤͗̊̍̋ͣ̀͢͢͠ͅỏͪ̍̓̏̿ͮͯ̐̇͐̎ͬ̄ͦ͏̩̙̜̳͇͙͓̣̦͇͕͞ ͤͭ̉̍ͦ̉̀͂̈́͊͌̎̑̓̇̋̌͠͏̲̲̖̳͟͞͡ą̴̤̱̲͓̺̦͙̫̜ͥ̏̏̈́̅̒ͫ͜͝͝ ̶̵̢͖͎̳̞͖̳͖͍̻̞͇̙̜̙̮̼͛̊̃͒͒̀̄ͦ̾͆ͣ̑̍́̈̇͗͢ͅt̆͐ͩ̒ͨ̚҉̡̞͚̥̼̘̙̳̩̭̙̞͓̙̼̙͙ͅh̨ͦͮ͒͊̀́ͤ̿͆̉͆̉͂́̅́҉̤̬͎̞̜̳̟̻̬̙͔͈i͒͆ͭ͐ͥ͛̋̓̈̓́ͪ̽̀͌͋̇͘҉͉̻̬͍̬̱͓̗̳̟ṉ̴̵̰̼͔̺͚͉͓̳̳̱̩̮̲͇̣͕̽ͣ̐̋̓͌͐ͤͭͣ̐̏͌̃ͫ̀͜ͅg͑ͦ̾͊̒̈̉҉̵҉̪̝̹͙͓̦͎̳̣̺̩ͅ,̶̡͈̼͙͇̖͓̥̝̯̜̟̩̹͔̯̜̑̀̿̓ͤ̂̅ͥ̈̒́̎̀̚ͅ ̴̧̫̹͚͈͕̦̹̖͇͕͆̓̅̂̑͑͋ͨ̒ͪͫͥ̂̓̓͒͗͋ͭ́͟͞b̷̡͔͎͖͇̘̖͙̱̼̪͉͇̤̃̎͐̊̒̊ͪ̇ͣ̒͗̋̋̓͂͠ű̵̴̦̱̳̦̪̩̪͚̗͍ͭ͑̒̒͛̃̀͗͌ͨͣ̓͜͝ţ̫̼͖͙̲͕̭̉̃͆̿̂͛̿̿̊͒̎̅̒̽̒̄͢͟ͅ ̉͑͗̎ͨͯ͑ͣ̂ͫ҉̜̱̰̰̱̻̪̠͈̳̼͚̹̩̳̤̟́́ͅn̵̢̧͈̳̬̭̱̞̼̞͋ͩ̋͗͑̾̉͑ͭ̚̕ơ̬͍͉̰͙̳͕̻̘̣̪̏͊ͭ͒̓͌̐͒͂̈́̃͂̏͘͡ͅw̸̷̐̓ͣ͂͐̎͌̽̈́ͪͬ̀̐͏̢̠̮͍͉͉̪̱̜ͅͅ,̢̨̮̞̘͉̖̻̼ͮͩ̑̄͗͊̒ͩ̚ ̴ͧ͌̉̌͆͌̏͐ͭ̀ͫ̆ͨ͛̀̀͋ͣ̌͏̀҉̵̳͓͚̼͉̝̮̤̤̖̣̟̱͔͈͓y̒͐ͭ̑̃͂́̎̐͂́ͦͩ͂̒̚͏҉̣͎͎̮͍͖̰̗͉̺̮̼̠̹̻o̡̙͚̭͓ͧ̂ͨ̇̓̃͜ȕ̸̵̡̲̘̤͓̫̣̤̥͉͓̥͓̻͖͖̙̓̊̉̐̽̋͜ ̷̧̛̪̪̦͎͙̭͍͒ͣ́̽̓ͧ̆ͮ̃̀͟ç̸̙͕͈͚̻̯ͥ̃̒͋͌̃͌ͩ͂̒̀̔̇̓̿̓̂̓̓́̀͝ͅaͣ͒ͬͫ̐̑͊ͬ͏҉̵̷̻͚̯̤͍̲͞n̶̲̼̒̉̉̂̓̓̉͂̊ͬ̓̆̊̈̒̍ͭ̄ͥ̕͞͞ͅ ̵̴͇͖̻̪̙͚̮̭̰̩̪̗͔͙̫́̏̈́̅̿͛ͅb̸̢̛̞̝̯͍̳̦̭̞̹͍̃̍̀͛̐̀ę̴͖̦̦̮̪̣̜̠̙̖͕̦͙̲̦ͬ̍͛̓́͛̒̅͒ͮ͗͑͋ͣ̇̓̎̍͘͘ ̘̲͎̼͔̟̱͗̌͐ͥͬͥͮͯ̕͢a̡̛̯̲͕̯̫̪ͣ̌̐̉̑͑͋̈́͘͟b̖̲̗̠̦̱̋ͭ͆̽̀̕͠͡l̡͖̤̣̱͓̠̦̝͓̱̖͍̳̳̙̣͇̯͌̆̊ͪ͛ͭ͐̈́̅̈́ͫ̾ͤ̂ͭͪ͠͠e̢̲͔̙̹̊ͥ̇̽ͦ̑̽͘͡ ̸̴̡̥̹̫̬͈̰͚̭̪͇͙̩̩͚̙̱̥͈ͣ̌ͧ̒́̒ͩ͊̄̍̎͟͞t̗͙̱̱̜̞͚͈̬͒̽ͨ̏ͨ͋̿̔ͮ̉͗̽̔ͥ̈́̀́͟͟o̶͔͕̩͓̟̗̳̯̱̩͇͖̤̯͖̝͊̑̾ͯ̉̏́̕͞͝ ͬ̉ͧ̀ͩͭͯ͆̓ͦ͏̺̝͇̟̫̳̙̘̪̰͔͘f̢̧̛̤̘̤͉̞̭̤͓̰͇͔̞͚̠͉̙̝̘̄̃ͣ͒ͫͨ̈́ͥ͂ͨ́i̷̝̫̻͖̼̪͈͉̺͔͉̺͖̩̅͆̎̒ͅn̷̨̢͓̪̞̞̦̲͙͎̙̜͚̱̠̳͍̤̒̔́ͨ̓̊̕͠ͅd̡̜̺̜̱͔̟̭͉͔̦̗̥̙̋ͨ̓͛ͣ̿͛́̕͟ͅͅͅ ͪͧ̿̽͂̉ͯ̐҉̦͇̟̕t̵̴͗̀ͧͬͧ̓̔̃͆͗̒̈͝͏̵͖͎̹͕̺͕̥͓̺͔̰̹͕͕̫̬ͅh̄͒̔ͥ̉͛ͬ̚͏̡̼͕̲̗̫̮͍̺̬̤͜͝ȩ̴̨ͨ͊͒ͪ̌̊̎͘͏̙͈̱̠̗̫͍͕͎͔̹ ̶̢̛̜̤̹͎̙́̽ͪ̏̉̓͒̈́̓͊̀w̵̵̡͑͛ͫ̂ͫͯ̈́̉̒ͩͭ̓̾̎̋̓̔̔͏҉͙̘̹i̵̖̥̣̳̘̬̣̫̯̹̘̙͙͔̫͖͔ͥ̆ͪ̊̐̕͢ͅl̈́ͭ͊͑ͯ̈́͌̔ͮ͏̨̢̠͔̦͘ͅl̵̹͎̰̬̩͍̩͖̗̗̠̻̝̝̯̇ͦ̉̑͗̽͝ͅͅ,̶̷̗̰̥̫̭͉̥͛ͥ̑̑̉̽ͯͮ͂̎ͧͥͯ̃̍ͧͧ̋̚͢͜ ̗̤͙͔̪̘̹̘͉̯͉̖͓̄́̉̈́́̉̉̍̂ͪ͘ȋ̸̯̖̩̠̤̩̺͚̯̟̭͈̝̜̪̏̀̄ͦ̀s̵̭̠̳̺̙̰̪͎̯̥̗̱̑ͥ̉̓͑̽̈̍̔͢ ̛̼̝̖̹̠͚̤̫̺͓̭͖̦̩̿ͩ̽̉́̐͆̈́̒ͥͧͮ̽̈̀̃̌ͭ̚̕ͅsͦ̌ͪ̽ͫ͊͐ͫ̿̃̈ͤ̋́ͭ̇̽ͭ̀͟͝͏̘̻̭̦̩͙̙̲͙͎̗̟̠̥ͅͅț̸̷̜͖̦͎̒̍̇ͬ̂ͨ͌͛̾̾̅ͩͤͩͩ̕͢ï̸̵̶̞͖͙̯̤̱̝̌ͣ̽̑͗̾͆̕͟l̡͈̳̣̟̺̯̯̆̂͒̊l̍ͩ̍͆̉̑͌͗̆ͤ̏ͧ̓ͩ̃̒͒͘͟҉̲̩͚̠̀͠ ̴̵̘̭͖̹̥͇̖̻̥͑̌͂͊ͣ͜t̵͕̬̫͕͚͚ͪ̉ͨ̊ͯͨ͗ͩ͌͟͞h̶̷̫͙͓͈̺̼̜̗̝͓̖̪̪͓̗̯͔̬̒ͦ͂́̉͊ͩͤ̕͘͞e̴̛͓͔̜̙̜̬̟͎̞ͤͨͥͦͬͭͫ͂̈́ͯ͂̊ͭ̃̿̈̍ͧ̿͜ͅͅͅͅͅr̷̶̖̹͖̟̙̱̮̞̥̰͖̦̤ͨͫ͑͌̃̍ͮ̈́e̴̡̨̛͓̣͔̬̰̗̩ͫ̀̍͂̈́͗͌́ ̧̍̐͋ͫ͆ͨͦ̋͏͚̖̻̤̦̪̫̮͉̙̭͍͓ͅt̢̢̛̠̙̣̯̺̙̳̠̃̌̔ͫ͂ͥ̄̎ͬ́̒̑ͨ͒̕ơ̓͋̒ͩ̿̈ͩ̃̎̌̑̌͛̎͞͏̗̫͍̰̗̣̲̥̹̺̞̺͙͘ ̸̩̟̲̗̲̯͍̯̗̻̊͂̀̽̓̕͟t̵͎̭̪̦̼̼͚̹̜͇̥͎̪̫͊̀͐̒̃ͪ̍ͫ̄́͘͠a̵͖̗̱̺͖̖͓̺͍̫̥̺̠̥̝͍̝͕̥ͭͤͤ̈̏̂͑ͪͥ̍ͮ͒̾̊̋ͫ̿̔͘͟͡l̛̙̻͇͔̪̮̩̘͈͉̭̲͚̟̯̼͇̹̿͌ͫ̎̔͐̀͟kͮ͋͂̽̃͂ͦ͊̋̍̽͛ͭ͛̆ͦ̅̐̚͡҉̨̹̲̞͎͉̺͖͚̖͠͞ͅ ̧̳̳̟͕̗̯͖̩̳͎̹̋ͧ̄͑ͦ̊̿̓́̋̂̍̔̐ͪ͐͊͢͠w̡̋̿̉ͩ̋̓̚͏̴̟͔̭̠̜͚͖͙̫̳͎͖ͅi̷̶̱̗̘̮ͧͧ̀ͮͮ̽t̽̊͊̐̑͆̏̀͏̷̨̣͓͕̩̝h̡̬͕̭͕̰͖͉͕̬̲ͥͯ̑́͌ͩ̋̈͊ͯ́́͜ ̡̀̇ͧ͗̂̌ͫ̂̚͏̜̠̫͚̞͉̠̬̯͖͍̘̳̭͎̝̝͝mͪͩ̒͊̀̌̿ͤ͗̈́͗̏̒̓ͧ̈ͥ̚҉̢̗̹̙̗̳͎̙͇̞̫̭͔͖͍̱͠a̵̵̡̗̻̫̜̱̻͎͂̓̄̾̕ň̵̴̷̬̻̠͎̺̜͔̟̜̜͍͚̪̫ͩͩ͐̚͟y̵͇̭̠̱̞̭̙̥̻͓̮̘̺͎ͤͫ́̎̎͡͡ 18. The author of this article
