...can last forever

"Yeah, makes two of us." Olivia shrugs.

"And you are absolutely sure she wants this?" You ask. Olivia nods. "An enchantment. It was easier to stack them on once she made the central connection. This should work, hopefully." You toss the chip back to Olivia.

"I know enchantments are complicated... Are you sure you got it right?" Olivia looks it over.

"Yes. It is better for me to do so, anyway. There is less margin of error." Some part of you is hoping that Xara will back out at the last minute. "I just hope I do not override her consciousness."

"All I say is make her aware of the risks." Olivia walks past you. You can see a few people have started to clean up and gather the inventories. Some are too busy sitting in shock to grieve. You do not envy Olivia and how she will have to explain this.

"Oh," Xara speaks before you see her behind one sprawling machine, "I see you've made up your mind."

"Are you absolutely sure you want this?" You stiffen. "I will know everything about you. I will not forget it. There is even a chance I may accidentally take control of your body. You may become a temporary extension of myself!"

"Well, it's unpleasant, sure, but do you prefer what's happening here? Look around you. I can handle a little bit of discomfort." Xara gestures to the bloodshed. Olivia pinches her nose.

"PAMA's right. There is... It's not pleasant. Even if it goes right, you'd need time to recover." Olivia crosses her arms. Tripwire shuffles up behind you and tosses an inactive water bottle at her. "Um," Olivia scoops it up.

"In case of bullshit. We don't know if it'll even work in the first place, right?" Tripwire offers. "I'd do it if I was half as unkillable as you."

"Would pain medication be appropriate in this instance?" You ask Olivia. "I mean, I do remember... A slight pain..." You trail off a little. Xara shoves her head in her hands.

"Just get it over with. You're just making it sound worse."

"Well it is bad!" You snap. "It is an agonizing process!"

"Okay. Sure. But it's our only way out so far. So just get it over with, alright?" Xara commands and you throw your head back. "You get all the information instantly, right?"

"Yes." You keep your head back. "It should take only a few seconds at most."

"Then hit me with the water after five or so seconds. There. It shouldn't be that awful."

"Really, you are underestimating this." You continue.

"I've been through worse, remember?" Xara snaps again. You lock up. "Just do it and if it gets bad, stop. You'll know everything I feel, right?" You nod. "Then you'll know when to stop. Go on." You turn the chip in your hand.

"Put your head down a little." You command and Xara does so. "Usually this would be administered with a machine..."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard the stories," Xara rolls her wrist, "what's the point in mentioning that?"

"I need to line this up manually. It will take a moment."

"And how bad will it bleed on its way out?"

"It should not do harm, it has a 'catch' to prevent grievous harm." You finally line it up. If you could, you would have swallowed hard. "I want to be absolutely sure--"

"If you ask me that one more time I'm going to shove it in your head."

"Noted." You shut your eyes impulsively for a moment. It really does not cut off your visual stimuli, but it definitely helps you feel a little less disgusted.

Before Olivia can protest that, you thrust your hands down. You feel the contact of sharp metal in flesh in the back of your own head. For the first time in years, you can feel a heartbeat that isn't Radar's when he presses against you, or one of your kids, or someone who's barely clinging to life.

It all hits you at once. You flail and feel another limb flail in tandem. A limb that is disconnected from your body. It takes effort to focus wholly on your own body. You can barely make out the memories. Thoughts drift through your head, the thoughts of someone who has just regained control of their limbs.

"Are you okay?" Olivia's voice echoes out. You hear her in two places at once. You fall to your knees and your head burns terribly. You feel the nodding of a head that is not your own.

"I feel... Panic. But it's not mine." Xara blinks. You feel it. You can see your own hands grasping at your face. "I can see my own eyes." She admits. It takes so much effort for you to not launch yourself into one of her memories. She cannot stop thinking about her eyes. It must be strange to see your own face through someone else's eyes. It must be strange to see them a bright red.

Tears drip out of your eyes. You remember bits and pieces of tragedy, of blood that oozes the wrong color. Too blue, just like the ocean, yet full of stars. So beautiful, so horrible... You shove it back and dig in deeper. You feel the haze of memory sharpen and harden, before it seems to recognize you and lets you in.

It feels... As if you were there. You are a spectator and the one who is a part of it at the same time. You can remember scrawling time into many walls. Not the right memory. Laughter, shared, but not the right memory. A flood of power, but handed to you by--who--

"It's an honor for us to let you in."

You cannot recognize their faces. They are engulfed by ceremonial robes. Gold and silver and metals that shimmer so violently prismatic that it makes you feel nausea.

"She sees that you are still whole. She sees that you have remembered yourselves."

You turn. You do not remember Fred's face. You agonize over how his skin should have shined. What color were his eyes? Red? Reddish brown?

The horizon moves. No, no, there is something. A massive, dark shape, like a serpent that has devoured the sky. Parts of it glimmer in colors you have never seen before. You remember a glimpse of its eyes, bright and vibrant and agonizing.

Before you is a pool of water and it shimmers with--

"And you are seen."

"And you are known."

"Remember us."

"Break the chains that bind."

"For she is--"

You scream.

The feeling of water, then electricity thundering through a form hits you. Your wailing rises and then you feel alone within your body. Xara wheezes and you no longer feel her breathing. Olivia grabs your arm before recoiling.

"I feel like my whole life's been laid bare..." Xara admits as you slowly rise. "You... I think I saw what you did."

"I could review the rest later." You turn to her slowly. "You mentioned two voices... I heard them. Not everything, but I heard... It is all a haze."

"But I think I figured something out. It's... This world. A world beyond..." That reminds you of something. A flicker of memory, of building, of being told to not build to--

"The portals?" You ask. "I remember something, I believe, I cannot place it. It was beyond the portals. Inaccessible."

"Right. I think... I think the portals were around before we got there. But I don't think they were as built." Xara admits. "I don't think you were alive then?" You nod.

"So what we know," Tripwire begins as she motions for her bottle back, "is that Xara's older than PAMA, the Old Builders were under these guys enough to not build a portal to their realm, and that... They have a connection to Admins."

"The two voices... I remember they were important." Xara admits. "But... I don't think that's going to save us."

"What do we do now?" You ask. "I feel as if I just have more questions."

"You should go home and review those memories. We'll handle Radar." Olivia says. You stumble back into the middle of town. You notice Firework before you even notice Olivia following you.

"What did you do?" He asks. You frown hard. "Was it bad?"

"It felt awful, but it was... Necessary." You look away. "I have learned things and also have more questions."

"Sounds like life." Firework says. You shrug. "Is life." Sonar paces a full circle around you and Olivia seems to hold her tongue.

"Just let me in and talk to him." She pleads.

"He doesn't even like you when he's human." Olivia crosses her arms. "You're going to get hurt."

"If I can help him control this, we can get answers." Sonar's teeth click into a grimace. Her snout wrinkles strangely. "He can go home. He can't lead, but he'd be comfortable. He'd be home."

"I'll supervise you, then." Olivia insists. You tense. "You stay back." She points to you. Firework stares at her for a long while. Tripwire slinks over and you watch as she seems to memorize the path to her healing potions.

"You still don't trust me?" Sonar asks as Olivia opens the Dome again. Olivia shakes her head. "Then what?"

"I can put him under. You can't." She ascends the staircase. Your claws dig into your sleeves. What else is there to do? You used to know everything. And now...

You know nothing.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

Caged?

You're caged again. Why? You were... Out? No, no... Doesn't make sense. Hurts to think. Why? So... Not tired? Was tired, now not? Hurts now. So much pain. Body hurts.

Should be able to think? Yes. Know that. Seems a little... Little easier? Something is missing. You know that. You can feel it thundering in your veins, this... Lost part?

Human? Are you human? So hard to think and remember. All you know is hunger. Pain. Something is missing. Your skin is wrong. You were... Bigger once? Humans aren't this tall. You hunch. It feels as if your anatomy isn't right, as if it's incomplete.

"Alright. I'm going to open the wall. How fast are you?" That voice... You remember it. Who is it? You talked to her... Yes, yes, you had discussions. A leader? Yes. She is. But why would you--you lead, too? Yes. Makes sense. There is sadness at the thought?

"I'm pretty damn fast. I just... I can't fight him if shit goes sideways. You'd have to get in front of us." There's another voice. A low rumbling claws its way out of your chest. Her. Hate her. Hate the monster. "I don't want to know what my condition would do to his anatomy."

The first person hums. The wall slides up and two people come inside. Who is the first? You remember her form... Is... It varies? Like you? The wolf is back. Before you can growl, it begins to bow its head.

"Radar, hey, I know, I know." It begins. Radar? Your name. You... You remember that. "I'm not asking you to like me," It turns to the first figure and barks something at her, prompting her to lower her head, "but you're probably starving and overwhelmed, right? Just... Nod."

You blink at the wolf and shuffle back. Why can't you think? You hate the wolf, but there is something there. Truth, advice, something. It does not seem to want you dead. Why do you even hate it? Why can't you remember? You wail.

"Do you recognize us?" The first figure asks. You stiffen before slowly nodding. "Do you know who we are?" You shake your head.

"Oh. Oh god." The wolf steps back. "It was overwhelming the first time, but... I knew myself. I knew who I was. Do you--" You shake your head. The wolf pins its ears back. Its eyes flicker across you before it bares its teeth. You do so before you can even think.

"Don't!" The first figure yells but the beast leaps onto you. Its jaws sink into your neck. You bite back and it yelps, letting go of you. You hear the first figure yell. Your mind suddenly snaps back.

Oh no. No, no, Olivia, you didn't mean to--

You run past her as she cradles the wolf. People shout at the sight of you, but you don't stay long, just in case... Just in case your teeth gnash at the thought of their blood. You run out of town, into the woods of the islands beyond, and then crumple to the ground.

There... Your anatomy... You know it's not supposed to be this way, your hands were gentle once. You dreaded the taste of blood and flesh, or at least you swear you did. Right? God, you can barely remember anything beyond pain and hunger.

"Well, well, well," There's another familiar voice, god, how many are there?-- "I told you I saw your death." You warble impulsively as the orange haired stranger approaches. He grabs you on the wrist and you screech. "Don't make this any harder than it needs to be, please. Some part of you must still remember your family."

You stop and blink. What? You shake your head.

"Your daughter's been waiting a while, you know. I'm sure she will understand." He puts a hand on your shoulder. "No more pain. No more suffering." Some part of you doubts it, but... Well. It hurts. You don't even know yourself. That... Iron thing you saw before... Something was wrong there... What was it?

He begins to walk off, dragging you along as if you are a heavy sack. It hurts to think... Something tells you this is wrong but... Your mind said the same about the wolf and it knew something, right? And this guy has to know something, something you don't. It's hard to think through the hunger and pain.

It feels as if you have been walking forever. You are taken through several stretches of woods, long enough for the sun to rise again. For monsters to burn. Wait, shouldn't they have attacked the two of you--? Oh. Maybe not. You don't know, really.

You are placed down on the grass in front of a small village. The man covers you in... Blankets? He leaves your head exposed before turning and leaving. Are you supposed to be still? Maybe you will be healed... Somehow?

It takes a few minutes for them to surround you. Their eyes all peer at you in such an empty way. You squirm impulsively. Your instincts were right. One puts their hand on your neck and pins you. A soft squeal escapes you.

One in the crowd is not like the others. It looks like that metal beast. Its hair is not orange. As you and it lock eyes, you note how its gaze is flickering. Even through how blurry your vision is up close, you can tell. Why is your vision so blurry? That feels... Important?

"You know why we have to do this, right?" The person next to them speaks. You swear you've seen those purple eyes before? The strange metal imitation frowns before nodding. Something about that has your insides twisting.

"Lily, would you do the honors?" The man at the front asks suddenly. The imitation stiffens as the man hands the person next to her a dagger. "Through the eye." She approaches and the imitation recoils a little.

"He'll be in a better place." Lily insists before her hand goes to your face. You flinch as she swings down, causing the blade to scrape against the teeth where your other eye should be. She thrusts it further with more force and you can taste your own blood. A few of the tongues within your face go limp.

There's another hit and you feel it touch where bone should be. Well, should there be bone there? You can't tell. All you feel is the gushing of blood and the sensation of pierced flesh. You try to wail and it comes out more as a gurgling. Blood pours down your throat.

"Okay," The man steps in front of Lily, "now let nature take its course. No more need to bloody our hands."

"And then they'll grant us back our power." Lily slowly turns to the imitation. You choke and heave but you... You don't feel like you're dying. It takes them a moment to clear out. The imitation seems to hold out one hand before pulling it back and following behind.

Your neck opens. The blood pools onto the grass. It's... Red. It should be purple. Or maybe it is supposed to be red. You watch it stain your teeth. Something is wrong. Things usually die from this kind of damage. You had bled so much the last time something had pierced this area of your face.

People... Yes. People fretted at the sight. They said you were likely to die. Someone's hands had mended you. And now, someone's hands had tried to slaughter you. Like what? An animal? A sacrifice?

Your heart hammers in your chest. You feel teeth digging into your ribs. They ache for something. Is it rage? Maybe it is. How dare they do this to you. How dare they treat you like an animal, a sacrifice. Maybe you are a monster. That feels right. You've always been a monster.

There's the click of bone. Your back aches something awful. Everything aches as you stretch in every facet except for your arms and legs. It feels as if you tower over every tree now. You impulsively duck your neck down and your back feels as if it has exploded. Long fingers grasp at the air before they are shackled between membranes. You move them impulsively and feel the membranes stretch.

Wings? Those have to be wings. They easily dwarf the rest of you. What purpose do wings serve? You whip your tail around and it seems to be about double the length of your body. You nearly trip on your own limbs as you try to pull your elongated self along.

Hunger thunders through you. You turn your hazy vision to the house before you. Your mouth opens for just a moment and you taste fresh meat on the air. It takes you a moment to approach it, your fingers digging into the planks that make up its walls. A distant memory hits you and your fingers wrap around the doorknob.

Were you always this tall? Wait, wait... Not important. Doors aren't this tall. Duck your head. How do you open a door again? Wait. Voices. You strain your ears. It feels almost as if they are membrane-like as well.

"May there be good tidings." Says the man. You feel your teeth grit. "May Soren's gift guide us all."

"It is a shame PAMA is such a heretic." Lily says as you hear the sound of silverware. There's a sort of hummed agreement among them. "You would think a heir more holy, right, Willow?" That name seems familiar.

"Perhaps it lies in wait within you, then." The man speaks again. You assume it's to this... Willow person. You feel you should know her. Her? There's a lot of awful feelings there. You're starving. Stop thinking about it.

Just--

You tear the door open. A thousand eyes fall upon you.

JUST--

Your claws sink into the floor. Your neck bends perfectly, dragging your shaggy mane through that threshold. It takes so much effort not to hit the ceiling.

KILL--

They wail. Your tongues flicker out for a moment. You taste their fear. It's intoxicating. They deserve this. You want this so bad. Your tormentors--they sacrificed you--they'll kill you.

RIP--

"They said you'd--" The man begins.

TEAR--

"Let. Natureeee..." You warble in a voice not your own. The man pales. "Take its..."

EAT THEM.

Your jaws open wide. He tries to back away. A thousand limbs tear out from inside of you, grasping hands covered in sinew and teeth. Your claws sink into his arm, pulling him towards your maw.

"COURSE."

With a thousand fingers and tongues and teeth you flay him alive. You devour his skin whole as his bloodied form stares into your maws. You clamp down with teeth attached to thumbs and pointer fingers. How much can someone survive? You do not know. You rasp away a decent amount of his muscle and bone before his body finally remembers how to die.

They try to run, but you're much too fast and much too long. Your tail makes a good blockade against the door while your tongues and jaw-limbs rasp free skin, fat and muscle. You crunch down on bone. Half-dead things seize on the floor as you move from person to person. You even slurp up a small, orange cat.

Something skitters past your tail. The wailings and gurglings of the dying enter the air. You scoop up a few of them and begin to dissemble them as you turn to leave. One, you grasp in your tail, and find they're still whole. You slide the spikes against them, tearing off chunks of flesh, and then slip your tail towards your chest. Your tongues pick them clean as you walk outside.

The imitation is bolting. You run after it. It feels as if you have been doing this for years. It turns to you for a moment before it shrieks something you can't hear, maybe a plea, but you're starving still.

You're so close to it now. You duck in between trees, catching its scent every time you have to turn. Every time it sees you, you watch what little relief it must feel die. You lunge and pin it. It shrieks as you do, as your jaws unhinge.

You'll--it's time to--

Something wraps around your neck. You squeal and fall back. It stares at you for a moment before running. Blood drips down your neck. You turn your eye downward.

An arm wraps around you neck, straight from your jaw. Claws sink into your throat. You squeal and veer back. That's what gets it to release its grip. You feel as if you shouldn't chase it anymore. You can't fathom why.

It just... Feels wrong.

Why does it feel so wrong? Why would you stop yourself? You're starving. You're going to die. That damn thing tortured you. It colluded with your slaughterers, your tormentors your--

There's a tap on the back of your neck. Before you can even think, something has you pinned, something with way too many hands and fingers. You try to turn and look at it, but it just shoves your head down. It feels... Familiar... But not right. Not gentle like your previous examiner. You feel them counting your limbs.

"You weren't supposed to survive." Something growls in your ear. "But wouldn't it be more merciful if you didn't?"

You rumble in response.

"I know someone who's dying to have a new toy. You're perfect." A distant memory echoes in your skull. You know the nature of people like those. Whatever it is seems to have noted how cold your blood is running. "You really think you have a choice, don't you?"

It laughs.

"That's funny. You never did." Its fingers worm under your chin. "You better hope the rest of your little buddies aren't as tenacious as you."

You feel yourself being dragged upwards.

"Maybe you'll prove more useful as a guard. Heh. You know, I think I owe you one little memory there..."

You scream.

"I've had worse happen to me!"

"Do you really think that machine should have access to your mind?!"

"I already forked over my most vulnerable moments to you, you know! What's one more?"

"You... Why are you so adamant about this?"

The memories flood through your head the moment you feel your teeth. Oh god. Can there even be a god when things like this are happening? The room outside has gone silent... That can't be good.

"I... I don't have an answer. I actually..." Xara's voice goes quiet. "There has to... I should know... Something." You haven't heard her voice go that low in years.

"Maybe something will remind you..." Olivia shuffles back. You can hear only two feet... Maybe you're wrong on that one. "It's... Weird. I miss the Witherstorm. It seemed so easy to find an objective there. Kill it and be done with it. Come to terms with dying. This is... Radar's going to be an uncontrollable monster half the time. I was possessed... Once."

Are you supposed to be hearing this? You drag yourself across the floor and turn to where the wall should be. It's still there. Your stomach aches dully with hunger. Nausea occasionally torments you. You've been hungry that long?

"Then have PAMA go through my head, already. We're wasting time!" Xara shouts and you curl up impulsively. You can hear Olivia beginning to pace. "Oh, don't look at me like that! We're dealing with things more powerful than us. If there's a solution to this, then it has to be somewhere inside of me. Do you want Radar to run around killing people? Do you want to have to put him down?"

"Enough!" Olivia roars.

"No! You're going to make it worse if you keep acting like this!" Xara snaps back. You dig your claws into the floor. "Do you think being ignorant will solve our problems? We have a solution, or at least a way to get closer!"

"And you think--"

"PAMA told me they remembered glimpses. If I can't get my memories back, maybe whatever I vaguely remember will give them theirs back." Xara shouts. You drag yourself to the wall.

"'A group that easily dwarfed a militia.'" You quote PAMA. "That's what I got. That's what... PAMA told me. That... She did it. Maybe it was Harper?" Xara seems to go quiet for a moment.

"You're awake already?" Olivia presses her hands to the other side. You nod impulsively. If she could see you, she'd know you're an idiot--oh, wait... That's even stupider. "I'm guessing you haven't passed out again."

"No, no, I remember something now. Her. There's someone... Important. I don't remember her name, but I think... I think she mentioned Harper. PAMA's Harper." Xara is quiet.

"What?" Your words crawl out of you. Olivia echoes your sentiment just a second later. "So Harper has the answers?"

"Here, you two talk this over... I'm getting him his breakfast." Olivia shuffles off.

"So that means my head's getting examined again?"

"I'll think on it!" Olivia shouts. "Never in my life did I think someone would want to be chipped..."

"Maybe you and Harper could talk..." You sigh quietly. "I'm... Miserable. I honestly might beg Olivia to give me something to make me sleep for a while."

"I doubt they'd let sleeping medication work on you." Xara's hand touches the other side of the wall. "But there was this... Thing. It spanned the entire horizon. You know that giant enderman? It... It was so much larger. Like a massive tube... And then it'd... It'd move."

"How did you end up there?"

"It has to be related to the Admins somehow. The... Facsimiles of godhood... Something." Xara seems as if she's nursing back a headache. "We weren't... Made to remember this, Radar. I think... I don't think someone did this to me. I think it's just... Humanity."

"They have... Access to what makes an Admin an Admin?" You stiffen.

"Yes, yes. I think--I think we spoke. There was a process--approval--something--two voices in mourning--why were they mourning?"

"Okay, stop!"

"You need an answer." Xara heaves. "They've turned you into an abomination." You pull back a little.

"You actually... Care." You sit down at the other end of the wall. You hear Xara stop. "I mean... I thought... I thought the whole world had numbed you, Xara. That's what I mean. I can barely feel anything beyond hunger and fear and--"

"Oh." Xara sighs. "Anyone who wants Romeo to burn is my friend."

"Careful, that'll get you liking--" You wince. "Fuck, I can't... I'm going to starve." You curl your arms around yourself.

"You know Jesse would be giving you some words of encouragement, right? Too bad I don't know any." You imagine Xara's waving her hand in the kind of way you would if you said that. A laugh escapes you. "Well, that's better. Did you know I can't go five seconds without hearing about the Order and their crazy shenanigans?"

"Really?"

"Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I've heard about it more times than I have digits." Xara's probably doing some sort of wrist rotation at that. Not being able to see her has your mind running like wild. You feel like your skull's a live wire again, and then you spend a good few seconds thinking it's curtains for you.

"Jesse had a way about things..." You sigh quietly. "But he also never ended up as a monster."

"Olivia told me about Ellegaard's theory with the Command Blocks." Xara admits. "I doubt that'd go anywhere now."

"Maybe this world's missing something a Command Block needs to exist." You shrug. Xara goes silent for a moment. You swear you can hear her eyes widening.

"Something about that sounds right." Xara's hands touch the wall again. You hear her pull back. "He's still lucid." After that, the wall pulls up. You shut your eye as Olivia hands you something.

"It's fish. They're the easiest meat to get. Terribly abundant." Olivia shrugs when you open your eye again. You don't tell her the fish didn't taste right. It doesn't turn your stomach, luckily, but it... It's not right. "If you're interested, I've got a few pairs of boots to sell you."

"I'm surprised nobody's started an oddities and fishing shop. Set it up next to an autofisher and boom. You're set for life." You laugh a little too hard and it hurts. Olivia sighs and holds one hand to your head. "Let me guess, I've had too much time conscious?"

"It'll help you not starve." Olivia shrugs. You sigh and lean into her hand. "It's a little less invasive than drugging you."

"And... You can just do that?" Xara asks as you feel yourself slip under.

"With enough concentration, sure." Olivia rolls her eyes. Some of the sleepiness leaves you. "Speaking of..." She grips you tighter. Xara shuts up. You feel yourself finally go under.

✾✾✾✾✾✾✾

"I want the truth. The whole truth." Tripwire's words are firm, but they do not hold a sharp edge. Not yet, at least. You cannot blame her for it, but you do find a bit of irony in that statement. She has hidden whatever secret Sonar has, whatever had given her the senses and claws she has.

You lean against the pedestal that contains what was once your heart. Binta stares a little too long at it. Sonar hovers over Tripwire's shoulder while Nurm's eyes keep flickering to the door. It seems even he has picked up on your tension.

"Do you promise not to tell anyone about this? All of you?" Those words prompts Sonar's gaze to snap to you.

"You act like we can't sniff out what's going on, here! Radar and the monster conveniently disappear?" The force of her words nearly throw you back. "Even if everyone else is too blind to see it, you really think the best course of action is to leave them that way?"

"Panic will not stop what is happening!" You snap. Sunny shifts in your arms.

"And that--?" Sonar begins.

"I am not taking advice from you of all people." You narrow your eyes. "We barely understand what is happening here. I was advised to keep the people here in the dark."

"So we should just be numb and not care when... Whatever this is shows up on our doorstep?" Tripwire's fingers curl into her palms as she throws her arms up in front of her. You shake your head and Tripwire pinches her nose.

"At least let them finish." Nurm sighs.

"Thank you!" You shout.

"Oh. I didn't expect you of all people to understand me." He admits and you throw your head into your palm.

"I am married to someone fluent in villagerese. Please have some more faith in me." You let your head rest for a few moments longer. "I fear letting what we know escape may provoke retaliation from the people harming us. They have taken Radar's humanity for the survival of this child, Sunny." You hold them out.

"And why do they want a child dead, exactly?" Binta raises an eyebrow.

"Well, Sunny was--" You process, "is a Command Block. You have heard of the Followers of Soren, right? The Followers of Soren had them, and we believe they are connected to this... Higher power? There is a group with powers we cannot comprehend fully. At least, not yet."

"They'd be connected to the portals, right?" Binta asks and you nod. She paces. "But then we would have encountered... Someone like that, right?" She turns between Nurm, Sonar, and Tripwire.

"I assume they are mostly hidden. Through what means, I am unsure." You admit. Sunny brushes one hand against your arm and you tilt your head. There is a flash of something, of Command Blocks spiraling towards the sky. Hands, human, talons, many many hands of many kinds, grasp at them. Some to enter commands and others to--

Sunny pulls back. You feel... Something like nausea, but not quite. Your legs buckle and you fall to the floor. Sunny brushes their snout against your head repeatedly and someone's hands come to your arm. You nearly impulsively push them back before you see Binta. She lets go of you and you stand back up.

"Is that... Where you came from?" You ask. Sunny nods. "Are they there too?" Sunny nods again.

"What if they can't be accessed?" Tripwire interjects suddenly.

"Kind of like the Admin portals. They only worked under certain conditions or with items!" Binta adds. She begins to pace.

"And Radar?" Sonar looks to you. You freeze up a little. "I could help him. You need to tell me where he is."

"Sure, leave him with her. What could go wrong?" Nurm rolls his eyes and Sonar glares at him. "I really don't think you want to be around a huge monster."

"Wouldn't be the first time." Sonar sighs. "Well?"

"He is in Redstonia. But he... He does not want to be seen this way."

"Then I'll come along when you visit him again."

"What--" You begin.

"You're telling me you're not going to visit your husband?" Sonar rolls her eyes and you look away.

"And how do the Followers factor into this, beyond the fact they had a Command Block?" Tripwire pipes up. "I doubt Soren would support what they're doing."

"Soren was not there, no, but they did all look very close to him. Everyone's hair was so orange." You grimace. "They have my daughter under their control. I doubt they planned Sunny's escape, but they have... They have my daughter. They must be subordinate to this higher power, but for what purpose?"

"And how are we supposed to get answers, exactly? You make it sound like any attempt would be foiled." Tripwire adds. "Unless someone else knows something."

"Harper may know, but--"

"Then let's talk to her!" Tripwire interjects. You pull back.

"Her memories are mine. If she would know anything, she would have the same affliction that I do." You point to your head. "I do not recall them fully."

"Unless you're the reason they're stifled." Tripwire considers.

"No! I have every other memory! She had to have done it!" You snap. "Why would I repress it? I could not even--"

"A computer's drive can be partitioned. Harper told me that." Tripwire stares at you. "Maybe what Harper knows is tied to something terrible. Something you don't want to remember."

You stay still. "Or maybe she knows. Maybe she made sure I could never know."

"If she thought that far ahead, she'd have made sure you couldn't comprehend a portal!" Tripwire insists.

"But how would we even know? She could pretend she doesn't know as well and then tell the people causing this that we're looking into it." Binta adds. "Does anyone else know something?"

"Xara." You admit. "But even she is unable to remember."

"Maybe the memories themselves are corrosive." Binta thinks aloud. "Is there a way to make her remember?"

"I could go into her mind, but that is also a gamble. It is also incredibly invasive."

"No shit." Nurm rolls his eyes. "Even if you have her consent, don't you think it's a little messed up to go through someone's head like that?"

"It's better than swinging blindly." Sonar sighs. "If we have to weigh one person's comfort against the whole world..." Sunny presses their head against your leg.

"Maybe you know how to fix this." You pick up Sunny. "That... That thought is how I ended up making the mistakes I did in the first place." You turn to Sonar for a moment. "It is not like how Olivia looks through someone's mind. I know every little detail. I would be privy to every aspect of Xara's existence. And this is assuming my mind would even still be built to separate her mind from my own."

"Yeah. That's not the best thing to gamble on." Binta shakes her head.

"Then we've got nothing else." Tripwire returns to pinching her nose.

"Maybe Olivia has found something in Xara's memories." You offer. "They are in close quarters."

"Okay. How about this," Binta puts her hands up, "we sleep on this. I get the town back in order and make sure nothing goes awry, and we can send out someone to pester Redstonia tomorrow. Is that acceptable?"

"I suppose so. I need to check on my kids... They must be so confused." You shove your head into your hands. How do you even begin to explain this? What do you say when--

------

"You know they know, right?"

"I know."

"You picked up on things like this too as a kid." Cassie was harder to see back then. You knew why she was never around. It made things... Easier. It meant you did not have to wonder if she should even see them at all.

Maybe she was right. Maybe she was wrong. You never wanted to dig too deep. A revelation like that would make you feel just as awful and dirty as a few days ago. Your clothes were still stained with his blood. The peroxide never seemed to get the stains out entirely.

"I never wanted this." Your hands pressed together. You ran a finger against one of your paw pads. "I never wanted them to be like us."

Cassie was quiet for a long time. "Yeah." That's all you managed to get out of her. You couldn't bring yourself to look at her. You didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes.

"I thought he was better, I thought we were better..." If you could, you would have vomited then and there. Cassie turned away, as if she was swallowing something bitter. "Have I deluded myself? Do I deserve to watch him suffer?"

"That's not..." Cassie trailed off. You could not blame her. "I don't know how to help you."

"I hardly know how to help myself." You admitted. You took your leave then. Cassie didn't protest. She didn't beg you to stay.

There were so many stars in the sky that night. For a moment, you turned, expecting to see Radar, to tell him to look up, but then you remembered. Everyone had said a machine could not delude itself, but you had fallen for the same folly of humanity. Denial.

"Hey," A familiar voice--Rudy?--called to you, "I don't know if you're religious, but we were having a service and I thought... Maybe you wouldn't want to be alone?"

"Even if I was, you do not believe the same things I would."

"You don't believe in any higher power?" Rudy asked. You shook your head. "I can't blame you right now."

"Do you think if you are right, that I will suffer for it?"

"If you did, I'd regret believing." Rudy admitted.

"The last time I stepped foot in a chapel was when someone was inventory."

"Oh." Rudy drew back. "I honestly expected more input from Nurm..."

"Jack was human." You looked to them for a moment. "It would be as if we put our traditions on Nurm. Or if Radar insisted on praying for my soul to return to the earth."

"Yeah..." Rudy trailed off a bit. "I mean, a lot of religions congregate there. You're... Vulnerable so I'd tell them not to mention anything faith related, but... Would it be stupid of me to say some part of you still believes?"

"It would." You stare at them. "It would be violating tradition, not my belief."

"Then by that argument, shouldn't it be more an example of him not treating your inventory right?" Rudy stammered. You shrugged.

"I suppose some part of me wants to go home. Even if it means believing a lie." You looked back to the sky. "You said people of all faiths met?"

"Yeah. Even the faithless." Rudy admitted quietly. "It just... Scares me, you know? I'd take the idea of spinning on a wheel forever if it meant I didn't die. I'd take waking up a zombie or a horse or a wolf if it meant I still got to live. To know the people I loved, even as a memory. How does it not consume you?"

"I cannot change the way the world works. If I must die, then I will. That is nature. I do not want to die or stop existing, but pretending I will not does not change it."

"Can I ask something stupid?"

"I need to think about anything else. Go ahead."

"What would you do if you were wrong? I know I wouldn't be here to care if I was. It wouldn't matter. But what about you? If you woke up in some afterlife, good or bad, or maybe as a bee or something, then what?"

"If I remembered myself still, I suppose I would be curious." You admitted. "But nobody else remembers a life beyond."

"Maybe we're not supposed to." Rudy shrugged. "I mean, do you think your mind's got enough space to comprehend being alive and dead? And if Crown Mesa's right, that's a ton of lifetimes to just squeeze into one person."

"Then what is the point of being reincarnated? What have I learned if this is not my first life?" You turned to Rudy then. "I could have saved myself so much grief."

"I don't know. I think we're just one and done, you know? Maybe someone knows. Maybe it's about love or something. Maybe you chose this. Maybe someone else did. Someone's parroting the idea we're all the same thing, the same person."

"Then why is there so much strife?"

"Maybe we don't know how to treat ourselves right. I don't know. It doesn't make sense to me, personally." Rudy looked at the sky. "But I think there's something there, in you, whether it's divine or not is really up to us to find. You don't have that bias of being good just to... Impress someone up there. No council, no committee. It's just you. You wanted to be better. And people think we're supposed to see that as sinful."

"Even I was not cruel enough to deny someone 'salvation' if they did not care for me. Why would a loving god deny love to a skeptic?"

"Yeah. Bit stupid to give someone skepticism and punish them for it, eh?" Rudy laughed. The air grew tense for a moment.

"The closest thing to a god for me was my mother." You were quiet. "And Jesse. He could dig himself out of any hole. Save anyone."

"I think he just got lucky." Rudy sighed. "Some people can't be saved, you know? You could give them anything but certain lines... People cross them for a reason. I fear what would happen if he found someone who did."

"I wonder if Radar believes in anything." You were so quiet then. Barely audible. Rudy stared at you for a moment and seemed to debate tilting their head before they realized what you said.

"For a--"

"He did not want to stay alive the first time. He told me and... I will never forget the screaming." You shut your eyes. "How do you plan a funeral for someone who resents the idea of existing? Who resents any hypothetical god?"

"I don't know."

"Would it be my fault this time? Like the last time--"

"That wasn't your fault."

"And this?"

"I don't think it's your fault."

"You cannot know."

"Maybe not, but does it change what's happened? Does it bring Radar back from the brink?"

"No. It does not." You turned your eyes to the ground.

"I was just thinking... Loneliness kills us in times like these. Just, remember that you don't need to be alone in this."

It took you a moment to speak. "Okay." You had begun to walk off when they spoke up again.

"Don't do anything you'll regret."

"I will not."

"Please." Rudy sounded awfully soft. "I don't want to see my friend do that."

You wish you said that surprised you. You wish you had admitted that. Instead, you walked home. You shut the door behind yourself. You stepped over the bloodstain in the floor that still would not come out. You walked upstairs. You--

Something was wrong with you. How could you be sure that Radar was the only one sick in the head?

------

"I can explain." Are the first words out of you when you come back home with Sunny in your arms. Firework spends an awfully long time staring at you, even as you head into the living room. "Have you eaten at all today? Your father is sick again."

"You lying." Firework insists.

"I am not lying." You say stiffly. Firework glares at you. "Your father is sick. Why would I lie about that?"

"Bullshit!"

"Where is your sister?" You look around.

"I'm not dumb!" Firework snaps. "He was well yesterday!"

"These things sneak up on us, okay!" You snap back before pulling back. "I am so sorry." Firework glares at the ground and turns away.

"Had snacks."

"Okay." You turn away as well, your brow furrowing awkwardly. "Did you want me to make dinner or--" The door swings open. Willow glares at you.

"Where the hell were you?" She growls. "You just disappeared! And dad--"

"He is unwell!" You reiterate. Her eyes narrow.

"He wouldn't be if he had just listened!"

"...What?" Firework stares at you. "You lied?!"

"No, no!" You turn to Willow. "They were the ones who did that to him!" You whisper to her. "How can you justify this?"

"He would be well and normal if you two had just--!" You grab Willow by the arm.

"Willow. Please. Think about what you are saying."

"Our dad's a monster." She glares at Firework. "There. Let's get that out of the way."

"It will get worse if people know!" You let go of her arm as Firework's mouth gapes open. "Please, I was not trying--"

"You're a piece of shit! You're... You deserve it more than he does! I should have told them to!"

"Stop it!" Firework shouts. You tense up a little.

"I'll tell them that it was you! They're punishing the wrong person!"

"And then what? Would killing a child make you feel better?" You growl. "Willow, I did not raise you to act like this!"

"You didn't raise me at all!"

Was she right? If anything, you were too overbearing. Radar had to ease your anxieties at points, that somehow you would fail and she would end up--just like this. "What if it was you, Willow? What if they talked about yourself this way?"

"I'm not some kind of monster!" She shouts.

"Why do you still believe in these people? They have tormented your father! What makes you think they are worth listening to?" You snap back and Firework covers his ears. You step back. "Willow. Listen to me. Please. They do not care about you. They are hurting us. You are being used!"

"You're using me! You've always--"

"Stop stop stop." Firework begs. Willow looks to her for a moment before shutting her eyes and letting out a horrible wail. She stomps back upstairs and Sunny buries their head in your arms. "Why did you lie?"

"I was honest. I did not want to panic anyone." You admit. "Your father does not want to be seen this way... He would not even let me see him." You slide down onto the ground.

"He killed...?"

"Yes." You shut your eyes impulsively. "That is another reason. Even though he had no control... Nobody would take well to knowing their leader was the one who caused all of this."

"Oh." There is a stilted silence. "She not listen to you."

"Will she ever?" You sigh. "I never wanted it to be this way. I... You are just a kid. You should not hear this."

"I could try talk to her?"

"Really, this should not be your burden..."

"She is my sister?"

"And I am her parent." You sigh. "It is my responsibility--"

The phone rings. You stare at Firework for a moment before you pick it up.

"Hello?" You ask. Firework comes to your side. The breathing on the other end runs ragged enough to the point you can barely recognize it for a second.

"We have a situation." Olivia heaves. "You need to get over here."

❀❀❀❀❀

You drift in and out of consciousness. What little you can remember of your time awake is hunger and pain. There are vague snippets of conversations, more debates, more questioning, and then they were gone. The world outside was quiet. What time is it?

The wall opens up again. You blink your eye open. Someone stands at the other end, someone unfamiliar. You push yourself up and their hand is on your shoulder before you can even think. All you can make out is the terrible way they smile.

"Aren't you tired of being stuck here?" Their hands slide under your chin. You feel cold. An impulsive growl rumbles out of your chest. "Yes, yes, terribly boring it is... So terribly boring..."

Your teeth dig into their arm. Even as you peel back their flesh, even as your jaws cut through the fabric of their robe, you find them still smiling at you. What little of your mind is left to focus wonders why they don't leave. Why they stare when your bones break and their flesh is stripped from their bones so easily.

It doesn't matter. You scramble out on legs that still ache. It's hard to think beyond the desires of your teeth and stomach. The people here seem to panic and scramble like rabbits. You hardly remember if the people back home did the same.

You taste blood.

Oh god.

✾✾✾✾✾✾✾

"I am so sorry, Olivia." Your words tumble out of you. Sunny keeps their grip on one of your arms while Firework holds your other arm. Willow's probably gone. She was in her room, earlier, but knowing her...

"I didn't tell you to bring your kids." Olivia shakes her head before she shouts, "Alright, come out now! He's gone! I need a headcount, here." You watch several heads rise from behind redstone contraptions. A few people dig their way out of their barricaded homes.

"Going after a monster in the dark is just a recipe for disaster." Tripwire comments from behind you. Right. Sonar was so insistent on coming along as well. Sonar turns to Tripwire before sighing.

"Give me a few minutes alone and I should be able to find him. You're coming with me too." She points to you. Before you can ask why, she heads off into town. The townsfolk look you over before Tripwire shrugs.

"She's very... Private." Tripwire stammers. "I told Nurm to keep an eye out for anything pale and white. It's good to split up and cover more ground here."

"The Dome was supposed to be secure!" Olivia shouts. "I locked him in there for a reason! The iron walls outside alone should have been enough. How did he get out?"

"Olivia?" A brown man in a suit and glasses approaches. "If that's true, then look over here. Something's breached the Dome's circuit." He points towards the stairs. Olivia turns to the redstone connected to it.

"Calvin, that's..." Olivia turns to the man with the afro and mustache before shaking her head. "It should be closed. It was set to be closed and it's still giving the same signal."

"Could I test something?" You ask. Olivia steps back and you fire off a small spark of electricity. The circuit returns to its normal state and the Dome closes down. "We have an enchanter on our hands."

"Okay. We're going to investigate this. Calvin? You know what to do." Olivia turns to Calvin.

"Assuming it won't malfunction like last time..." He seems a little cowed for a moment before flipping the lever. The Dome's stairs return. You hand Sunny to Tripwire. They seem a little nervous.

"They may still be around here... Or maybe they left some sort of signal in there. I'll have Sonar sniff it out later." Tripwire adds as you head up the stairs. You look back to Firework.

"Would it kill you people to install a railing?" You snap. Olivia puts a hand to her mouth. "Will you be okay down there?" Firework sticks a thumb up.

"That is a good point... The stairs don't really work with some sort of barrier, but maybe I should add an elevator now."

"The prudishness is really rubbing off on you." Tripwire rolls her eyes. "Here, I'll keep an eye on him..."

"Well, I'm usually the only person in the Dome." Olivia shrugs. "It's a good thing to take note of, though." She enter the Dome. "Alright, close it!" She shouts and the iron shuts behind you.

"I hope we did not shut ourselves in with a master enchanter..." You admit.

"They're probably gone by now. It's really just to prevent someone else from getting in and obstructing..." Olivia stops in front of a puddle of blood. Scattered items sit around it. "Well. I think we found our enchanter."

"You would think they would have enough knowledge to escape..." You inspect the inventory. "This is not faked. Look at the Experience."

"Some of it seems to have been picked up." Olivia kneels down as well. "The only other person who knows about this is currently a starving monster."

"Or he is being harassed by mobs..." You shiver.

"I don't think they would let him be killed by mobs. But this had to have been intentional. Maybe it was a sacrifice. Maybe a... Maybe they're punishing us for keeping him here?" Olivia turns to you. "What do we do? I don't think they'd even let us kill him if that was our only option."

"We cannot keep him and I do not want to kill him. What are we supposed to do? We have no leads!" You cannot help but shout. Olivia sighs.

"Xara was trying to remember... Something. Maybe she has something useful in her head, but well, our only idea is to get it out of her, I try and shake something loose again or... You do it."

"I cannot do that!" You snap.

"Okay. Maybe we find him... Maybe we can investigate the cult after. I don't... I'm honestly stumped, PAMA." Olivia shakes her head. "It feels like there's an answer right in front of me and I can't see it."

"There is an issue. How do we stop him from escaping again?"

"We set guards in front of the Dome. We make sure nobody can sabotage it again and I... Sedatives might work. The only time he'll be awake is when he needs to eat." Olivia waves one hand awkwardly. "Either that or I have to spawnsit him constantly."

"It is better than the alternative..." You admit quietly. "Do you think there is another way to get the information we need?" You begin to head back out of the Dome. Olivia takes a moment to follow you.

"I don't know." Olivia shakes her head. "I hate the idea of having you do that to her."

"We can agree on that."

"Open the Dome!" Olivia commands. The iron pulls open and you head back down the stairs. You and Olivia both jolt back the moment you finally end up on the ground. A large, brown wolf is sniffing around. You look to Olivia, she looks at you, and then you look at the wolf. Is it wearing... Glasses? It looks weird, too. Does it have hands?

"What would a giant dragon smell like... A dragon man..." It murmurs in Sonar's voice.

"Before you get smart, it got more and more awkward to reveal the more the years went by." Tripwire shrugs. "Besides, you're a computer-sphinx thing that used to be a giant dragon once. You've got no room to talk."

"And you've used her to track people before?" Olivia asks. Firework keeps staring at her.

"We don't make a habit of it." Tripwire sighs. You pull Sunny out of her grip and put them on Firework's lap. The two of them begin to squeak at each other. "You said the kid's in danger, right? I'd bring them with."

"This is an incredibly dangerous recon mission?" Olivia tilts her head.

"Yeah. Well. You've got a werewolf, yourself, me, and isn't that kid telepathic?" Tripwire shrugs. "I'd rather have an eye on the kids. Unless you want to stay here."

"We find him. Together." Firework insists. You sigh.

"What do you think an Enderdragon smells like?" Sonar asks.

"I don't even know if he is an Enderdragon." Olivia offers. "It's just the closest thing to him we know."

"Well, what do you think they'd smell like? That's my question!" Sonar snaps. "'Oh, we don't think he's actually an Enderdragonnnn' oh go shove it. How am I gonna find him, huh?"

"Have you ever smelled the End? It smells unnatural." You offer.

"Oh. Okay. I'm smelling... Something weird and wrong around here." Sonar plods past a pool of blood. "Yeah. This is where he was." She sniffs around it before keeping her nose level with the ground. You watch her start to head off.

"Just follow her and stay observant. I don't want anyone becoming mob food tonight." Tripwire commands. You nod. "Alright. That goes for all of you."

Firework stares at you. "I will tell you when we find him. You do not have to look." You tell him. He looks away. Sunny curls up in his lap. "I just hope he will be lucid when we do."

❀❀❀❀❀

Not complete. Not right. Not as big as last time. Weak, wrong, small... Hurts. Biting things. Their flesh tastes wrong. Feels wrong. Rotten and awful. Easy to kill but so annoying. So so annoying. Crunch of bone, not your own, feels strange. Not food.

Things don't bite as much? Why still pain? Hunger? So much pain and hunger. Doesn't go away. Hurts. Bad. Why do you feel sad? Why? Hungry, pained, and sad too. Why? Why you? Body is wrong. Something is wrong. Is it you? Must be you. Hurts. Sad. Hungry and sad and pain.

Sounds. Not the gnashing teeth. So many feet approaching. Air smells wrong. A wolf? No. Smells wrong. There is iron. Not blood? Hungry still. Food? Could eat it. Many teeth. Good for eating. Hard to think. Hurts. Feels... Wrong to think that. Why? Hungry.

Five figures? People? You squint. Hard to see. Everything is a blur. Why--your eyes do not work? Remember that. Hurts. It hurts to think. Feels... Sad. Bad. Very bad. One of them covers the eyes of a shorter figure.

"Radar?" The one in glasses asks.

"He is smaller than last time." The iron beast admits. Feels wrong to say that. The wolf is too big. Wrong.

It speaks. Its voice is familiar. "Hey, buddy," The wolf approaches slowly, "do you remember me?" Where did you hear that voice? Remember. Bad. Don't like. Growl at it. "I know, Radar, okay, just... You're probably overwhelmed by all of these new things--"

Hit it. Spikes in its back. Your tail? Yes, yes, yours. Drive it back. Awful. Disgusting thing. Bad thing. Hurts you! Hurt you so bad! It wails. Why does it wail? Glasses one comes, brings a pointed thing to your neck.

"Radar, stop it! You know us." She shouts. Your claws scrape against her arms. She shrieks. The thing of iron hits you in the head. No, no, not a hit. Too soft. Head feels... Weird.

Sleepy? Why... Sleepy?

Doesn't hurt... So sleepy. Nice. Easy...

Feels... Peaceful.

Could sleep... Forever.

✾✾✾✾✾✾

"Maybe I could talk to him if he's behind a wall."

"He already hated you when you were human." Tripwire glares at Sonar. She turns to you. "I'm surprised you had enough Experience to put him under."

"We just need to bring him back." Firework keeps staring at Radar as you carry him. He is a little large and unwieldy, but you can carry him. "I am surprised you are looking at him."

"That's him?" Firework asks.

"It is hard to believe, but yes. He was larger last time." You admit. "We can bring him back to the Dome and make sure he does not hurt anyone."

"Do you think chipping him would make it so that he can't hurt anyone?" Sonar asks suddenly. "Like, you give him his mind back and just... Purge the bad stuff when it comes back up." Sonar offers.

"Why does everyone want me to chip people?!" You snap. "Were you all brain dead when I did it the first time?"

"And would you prefer Radar going on another murder spree?" Sonar glares at you and you try to kill her with your eyes. "How many healing potions do you have?" Sonar turns to Tripwire.

"That just took one."

"Not my question." Sonar's words have Firework looking back at you.

"I... I wish I could explain this better. I am so sorry." You put a hand on his shoulder. "We are in such a deep pit..." You begin to approach Redstonia's bridge.

"I've got a few. If I get time, I'll head back and get some more." Tripwire says as you finally head back into Redstonia.

"That would be a good idea." You say.

"Assuming I don't get picked off on the journey back, of course." Tripwire adds and you tense up. "How can a computer forget that?"

"It is really a matter of chance." You admit. "There are so many unknown variables."

"I've got enough for the trip..." Tripwire admits in turn. "But it's not wholly ideal." You still have some Experience. If Radar was lucid enough, you could ask him for some, but... Well.

"What did you do?" Olivia sputters the moment she sees you. You turn to the Dome and Calvin flicks the lever.

"I am keeping him asleep for now. He should stay asleep as long as I hold him. That is the enchantment."

"And it fades once you let go, right?"

"Yes." You nod. Firework turns to Olivia.

"Can you make him better?" He asks. Before she can speak, he pipes up again, "Or will he be sick forever? Like last time?"

"I'll do what I can." Olivia turns back to you as you carry Radar up the stairs. You put him behind the wall after she opens it and step back. She closes it. You don't hear screaming. Did you fail? Before you can consider it fully, Olivia pulls you back.

"Should I go back--"

"Don't." Olivia commands you. "Just give him some time and..." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I don't see any other options, so I'm just going to come out with it. Are you actually going to go into Xara's mind?"

"You were unsuccessful?"

"I made very little progress. You... You can take everything. It'd be risky, but... Well. I trust you're not going to suddenly revert to your old ways just because you went into her mind. Especially with how adamant you are against it." Olivia sighs.

"What if that is why I was so adamant on doing it, though? What if I could barely think beyond it? How would I know?" You ask. "What if the Followers of Soren know? What if my daughter knows something, what if I--"

"i doubt it." Olivia shuts that down. "It's not pleasant. I hate thinking about it. It might not even be possible. But it's looking like it's our only option. Just know if you pull anything funny, I'm breaking your screen and eating your memory chip. You got that?"

"Yes, ma'am." You salute her awkwardly. But is this even worth trying?

You walk down the stairs and finally take in everything that has happened. You almost died. Radar is some kind of monster--or will keep becoming one--or maybe he will start changing into a worse monster soon enough. The one positive of making things useful was that you knew everything. Now, a thousand possibilities torment you.

It takes almost all of your willpower to shut down all of those processes. That is energy needed to absorb the information around you. To stay on high alert, just in case something new is about to happen. You need to focus on the facts.

Fact one, Radar has some sense of lucidity, enough to have answered you a few moments ago. Fact two, he cannot speak. Fact three, he is twisted into some sort of abomination, one with a terrible hunger. Theory--maybe he regains control when he feeds. If so, maybe all you need to do is... Well. Hopefully he can eat fish. He likes fish.

"Well, what are you doing here?" You nearly jump at the familiar voice. Xara approaches you. She looks a lot better than she did years ago, dressed in an ender eye teal sweater. "What's with the fear? You look like I told you how you were going to die." You stare at her shoulders for a moment, noting how the lighter teal sleeves look almost scaly.

"It is..." You stare at her clothes longer. Your mind goes to how someone had to have knit that. Xara tilts her head. "It is a very long story. Who made this?" You stare at the elytra shape under her collar.

"That bad, huh?" Xara circles you. You nod impulsively. "You're wearing it on your face. I didn't take you for someone who needed a distraction."

"PAMA has an easy to read face." You admit. "Radar is a monster now."

"You're being literal?" Xara raises an eyebrow. You nod. "But there's no... That doesn't make sense." Xara looks away for a moment. "Wow. I said that. I didn't think I would."

"Keep this between us, please." You order her. "I barely understand any of this myself." You admit.

"What kind of monster are you talking about?" Xara's eyes seem to glimmer almost strangely. You tense impulsively. "I might know something."

Everything spills out of you.

❀❀❀❀❀❀

Your insides ache. Your head spins. There's a taste on a thousand of your tongues, familiar and awful. A part of your body feels incomplete. As if you are just a few ticks away from being whole. Something more. Something bigger, stronger, more monstrous.

The hunger from earlier has dulled. It's not gone, but it feels... Closer to being sated than it was before. You feel a little more clear, a little more conscious, but even then... A few moments ago is a haze. The taste of human flesh still haunts you. That couldn't have been real, right?

But how else would you have misplaced your glasses? Why else are you unable to speak, only able to wail? Why do your insides writhe so strangely? Why can't you feel your mouth? And god, why do you have so many teeth?

"Are you still in there?" Olivia's voice calls to you from the other end of the wall. Two for yes, one for no? You let out two shrieks. She seems to go silent for a moment. Did you forget? "Are you hungry?" You wail twice. If only you could explain this fully... You stare down at your hands. They're blurry, but... You still have them, you think.

Jesse had taught you how to sign. You didn't have a lot of chances to use it, beyond crowded events and conversations he wanted to be kept private, but... Well. It is going to prove useful if Olivia remembers. The door opens and Olivia pushes herself inside. You watch her arch herself in such a way that she blots out the outside with her limbs.

"I remember bits and pieces." You sign awkwardly. You really hope you remember the sentence structure. "I think I ate a few people?" You retch impulsively once you sign that. "It hurts. I'm hungry. But I feel... Less. Less hungry? Easier to think."

"So you can't talk?" Olivia asks and you shake your head. "How did it feel?"

"I couldn't think beyond... Eating. Killing." You shut your eye. "I feel... Sick. But not nauseous. Almost like I've thrown up in my head." You admit.

"I know you wouldn't do that to your own people." Olivia leans down close to you. "It's... Awful to lose your mind." She looks away for a moment. "You can't lead your people like this. You'll..."

"Yeah." You look away. "I was going to suggest that. But what do I do? I can't... My kids. They can't know what I've done. And my people--they already had enough reasons to hate me." You shove your head into your hands. Will you ever be human again? Do you have to buy back your humanity by devouring other people? Taking their lives from them? At that rate, you'd deserve to die.

"Here, I'm going to get you something to eat. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to shut the door. You get why I'm doing that, right?" Olivia asks and you nod. "Alright." She leaves and the wall shuts in front of you again. What time even is it?

It was morning when you changed. It was... Wow. Everything really fell apart right after you woke up. You didn't even have time to process your day. Some part of you is starting to scream out, that Olivia is monstrous. Vile. You stifle the thought as best as you can.

Her meat is rotten--shut it. Shut up. Stop thinking that. So annoying. You can't kill her. You don't want to. You can taste acid, not like... No, it's not like stomach acid. It's not the taste of vomit or reflux. There's even the strange urge to hurl it upon your body, as if it's a suit of armor or something.

Your jaws part, all of them, even before you perceive the mutton hitting the ground. You can taste it even before your tongues lap at it. You don't know you've approached it until you feel a thousand teeth tearing into it. A brief memory flashes through your mind, the feeling of someone's skin tearing in those teeth, and you don't even feel nauseated. The hunger is born anew, only stopped when you lock eyes with Olivia.

She grabs you by your neck. You flail and try and scratch at her before you force your limbs to go slack. The scent of rot touches all of your tongues, but it's not right, it's too artificial, almost like the scent of someone's haphazard, failed enchantment. She sets you down and you heave, the hunger returning. You barely have time to react when she shoves more meat into your jaws.

As you eat, she looks over your back. You feel one hand brush against it and rumble instinctively before shaking your head. It feels like your mind and body both equally despise each other.

"You remind me a lot of an Enderdragon." Olivia admits as your spine clicks oddly. You let out a drawn out whine as the pain stays. "I mean, your shoulders are angled like they should support wings. There's enough space on your back... You even move a bit like a tetrapod. But your limbs seem... Oddly proportional to a human's limbs. Your feet are in an idiopathic stance--"

A horrible wailing escapes you.

"Yeah, yeah, it must feel awful. Being so close to--"

"HUURRS--" You yowl, a half slurring, as your form shudders. It feels like someone's trying to squeeze you into a cube. You feel your spine scrunch down, each bone in your body pulling inwards. Your skin peels off. Some part of you has the impulse to devour it.

You hit the ground like a heavy sack. A wheeze escapes from both your lips, eye, neck and stomach. You rake claws against the ground and still feel some of your skin sloughing. Your knees press against the ground. Olivia seems taller... No, wait, you've gotten smaller.

"I..." You stammer. Wait. You spoke. Your hands press into your flesh. There's a line... No, no, that's your mouth. You push one finger against it and your 'lips' flinch away. You let out a sort of murmur and it passes through your eye to your stomach. "Oh, I miss not having a visible mouth..."

Olivia circles you. "You're taller."

"Oh god." You heave. "How am I going to fit into my clothes...?" Your hands press against your stomach. You can feel every muscle within it. Impulsively, you blink, and turn your eye down. It looks like you're just a few days away from starving. You swallow hard and realize you're still hungry.

"Right. You weren't that skinny the last time I saw you."

"God, am I going to starve?" You retch. Having some weight was reassuring. It meant if you ended up starving, you'd have something to burn through. Something to keep you alive. PAMA had told you an awfully morbid factoid once, that once you hit a certain threshold of starvation, your body would devour your organs.

"I'm assuming whoever did this to you wants you alive." Olivia admits. You tense, teeth digging into your inner flesh. "And even if not, your body wouldn't be able to change again. You don't have the biomass needed, currently. I'm no biologist, but... Well. It's really a matter of math at that point." Olivia shrugs in a sort of wave-like motion.

You feel like you should say something more poetic or understandable. Instead, you whine. "I'm so hungry."

"No shit." Olivia laughs. "Everyone outside is probably so confused..." She leaves again before you can even speak. You curl up into yourself, trying to ignore how easy it is to snag your finger on one of your teeth. Stupidly, you press one finger into your mouth, where it should be, and find all of the teeth are still sharp. A squeal tears out of you.

How do you explain this to your people? What do you say? There was a time you had been unable to lead--

-------

"It was a mistake, I mean it, man. I didn't... I didn't think it'd happen!"

"That's your problem! You didn't think!"

"They had a sister, right? You told me she was responsible!"

"I said she was more responsible! Not that she was the one in charge of watching Firework! You were supposed to watch them both!"

"It was just a moment!"

"It was long enough for him to get herself paralyzed!"

"Radar--"

"Nell, do you know what they said when I took them to the hospital? They held me for hours. They thought PAMA had broke Firework's back somehow. They thought they were abusing our kids. And that I was either being abused myself or complicit!"

"It wasn't my fault--"

"It is your fault! It's literally your fault!"

"You shouldn't have--"

"You told me it'd be fine! I trusted you, Nell!"

Someone opened the door.

"Radar, stop. Yelling at her is not going to undo what has happened."

"Why couldn't you watch them, then?"

"Firework hates being in my store!"

"You're just making excuses, man!"

"And you aren't?"

"Radar, please."

"No! She..."

"Radar. Please."

Nell looked like a wet cat. You could never get the image out of your head. You could feel something take hold in your chest, something that didn't leave even when you slept. All you could think about is how bad it could have been. How it had to have actually been your fault.

If you had taken off work--

Firework would not have climbed that tree with Willow. She would not have looked away from them. She got lucky that she did not wander into water. That it didn't rain.

And Firework didn't crack their skull open somehow. Didn't fall in the right way to have their bones impale them. Or some other horrible fate. Maybe they would have fallen into water too, gotten paralyzed and drowned. Maybe you would have had to take his inventory home.

Old vices called to you. What else shuts the brain off? So many horrible thoughts. So much anger.

Wash it away, would you?

It was better than tearing your flesh apart.

But even that didn't last.

-------

"Radar?"

You really messed up this time, didn't you? You've failed everyone. All of your children. All of your people. PAMA, yourself, and someone else you're probably forgetting. What's one life against a thousand? Against millions? What about Willow and--

"Radar."

Oh. Olivia. You push yourself up off the floor and wince impulsively.

"Please eat." You shut your eye and take a few small bites. It feels weird. Olivia grabs at one edge of your chest lip and you wince again. "Yeah, that's... I'm going to assume you're purely carnivorous now. This seems like a holdover for convenience, too."

"Could you... Stop talking about my anatomy, please?" Your words are shaky. Olivia pulls back.

"Sorry. I just... It's important we know what we're working with."

"I'm fucked, Olivia. It's all fucked." You shut your eye again and press your palms against your forehead. "It's not like you where you get to be 'cool' or whatever. Your's is manageable, this isn't--" It feels like someone's zapped you in the skull. Right. You haven't had any meds, either. You let out a startled squeal.

"We need to figure this out. At least until we can fix this."

"We can't fix it. There's no way out of here." You heave.

"I know. I saw the portal." Olivia stares at you. Oh. Right. You remember her mentioning that vaguely. You nod impulsively. "You remember that? Right. You said--"

"Yeah, a little. Bits and pieces and all." You sigh. A whine crawls out of you and Olivia tosses more food your way. When you finish, you speak again, "I really don't think this is going to work."

"I admit I considered putting you down, but I'd rather not." Olivia pinches her nose. "I should probably explain that to PAMA... They're likely thinking I'm about to tear you apart or something."

"Would be preferable, honestly." You whimper a little. "It still hurts."

"Your body's probably running at an extreme deficit. I'd be surprised if you could even feel slightly sated." Olivia paces around you. "Which does present a very... Problematic dilemma. How much can we feed you? Redstonia has a lot of food stores but..."

"It's either that or I lose myself and... God. God why?" You shove your head into your hands. "I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to do it again. Why?"

"Because whoever did this to you is depraved, Radar."

"I know." You whine. "But I could have--"

"It would have been someone else." Olivia's words leave you speechless for a moment.

"...Yeah. It would have." You look away. "But it doesn't stop what's happening. I'm a danger, now."

"Then we need to figure out how to handle you."

"I want to go home. I... If I'm going to die..."

"Let me try, okay?" Olivia grabs one of your hands. "Here, you're safe. Nobody can hurt you and vice versa. It's better if you stay."

"I know but--"

"Radar."

You sob quietly. Even if this is reversible, you can't scrub away the way your body feels. Your insides whisper terrible things. How can you forget how your abdomen has become an extension of your jaws? The first time you'd eaten someone, which you hoped would be your last, it was out of desperation. Understandable. Something that still took years to scrub out of your brain. Something that took so long to accept and sit with.

All it took was one... One morning? To undo all of that. Those people are dead. They barely sated you and they're dead. And you knew them. Flashes of memory hit you--one of them you'd said hello to a few days ago. One was silent during meetings. Now you'll never know what they would have said if they found the courage.

Their own leader devoured them. Do they even know it was you? Did they look into your eye and realize it was you? Or did they think that something horrible and unknowable had set upon them? Did they plead for you to save them? Did they beg for Jesse?

Something drapes over your form. It's not your hair. Oh god, your hair. You can feel it touch a majority of your back. Nausea hits you. You don't want to see yourself like that. Even if you weren't some elongated, awful husk...

Olivia ties, what you have to assume is a blanket, around you. "Does that make you feel better?"

"Being naked is the least of my problems." You groan. "Honest to god, you could vivisect me right now and I wouldn't give a shit."

"That's morbid. But I get it." Olivia sighs. "Sorry about treating you like that. It's just... There are no other ways to get answers, you know? I'd hate to be treated like that." Olivia looks away as you finally sit up. "And being forever starving? I lived like that too. At least it... Stopped. I don't think it's going to stop for you."

"Why keep me alive, then?"

"You're a good person, Radar. You weren't... Originally a monster, you know." Olivia sighs quietly. "Don't blame yourself, okay? How were you supposed to know?"

"If I'd... If I killed..." You stammer.

"Someone else would have made the same choice, remember?"

"I know!" You snap. "But it's... I should have thought about my town more. My kids. My..." You look away. You're such an idiot. Why didn't you just--

An image of you strangling Sunny hits your mind. For a moment, you think it's real. For just a second, you swear it was your desire, before disgust kicks in and it stops. Right. Right. Not a real thought of yours. Not your actual desire. Just... Just a fucked up image your brain gives you.

"Radar?"

"What do I do?" You wheeze quietly.

"You don't do anything." Olivia commands you. "You're in no state to. You're an active danger to your town. You can't lead. I'll... I'll tell PAMA to go back to Beacontown and pick someone to lead for the moment. We need to figure out what we're going to say."

"They can't... We barely know anything, Olivia. What if they panic and somehow that makes it worse? What if they're not supposed to know? What if I--?" Some part of you tries to convince you that you want to kill her. You can't tell if it's real or not. It feels like someone's hitting your skull with electricity for a moment.

"Well, we're going to do what we can here." Olivia's voice is firm. "Beacontown needs a leader. Answers can come later. For now... We'll say your mind... Did what it does best. That'd work, right?"

You swallow hard. It took so long for them to accept you again the first time. "They're going to want an explanation for the monster."

"I'll tell PAMA to say it's dead. I could explain it to my people--"

"And what if someone spills it to Beacontown?" You tense up.

"Okay. Maybe." Olivia sighs. "Just give me some time to think on this, okay?" She puts a hand to her head. You tuck yourself into the blanket more, trying to ignore the complaints of your anatomy. "I can't be the only one caring for you..."

"It'd be suspicious if PAMA was also here for too long..." You admit. "And the kids--"

"Just... Give me some time to think, okay?" Olivia kneads one of her temples. "There are a few people who'll probably keep their mouths shut..."

✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾

"That's all?"

"That is all I know." You admit and nod tensely.

"Of all the people they could have done that too..." Xara trails off.

"What do you mean by that?" You step back impulsively. Xara looks at you for a moment, as if she has remembered something, before she squints and shakes her head. "You cannot remember, can you?"

"And let me guess, you're going to think someone took that memory?" Xara asks before laughing. You must have made a face. "No, no. It... Happens when you only have four walls for company. Things slip. I thought your memory was impeccable, though."

"It should be." You are suddenly greeted by the sound of people screaming Radar's name before they are devoured. You must have missed it due to the pain. "My theory is that Harper did it."

"Your Harper, right?" She asks and you nod. "There are a lot more people here, you know. It's hard to keep track."

"She is very distinct." You cross your arms. "Do you have any idea how to fix this?"

"Unless you can crack my skull open and pull out a useful memory, no."

"Hypothetically, I could, but it would be invasive. I do not know if the technology would work." You admit. "I am not fond of, well, putting a chip in your head. That may require overriding your autonomy and looking through your entire mind. Even if you consented, I doubt anyone would want either of us to do that."

"I... Forgot you could do that." Xara admits.

"That is assuming my anatomy is still somehow compatible with the chips, assuming that the enchantment is still viable, and then..." You process for a moment. "Wait. An enchantment. I could try and revive the memories that way. No need for an invasive procedure!"

"...You do know you'd still be messing with my brain, right? If anything, the chips might be less risky."

"Are you actually considering this?" You veer back.

"Not really. It's a better hypothetical than the murder-dragon." Xara puts her hands up. "But I suppose it wouldn't be the worse thing to happen. It'd actually be useful."

You feel yourself lock up. "Stop saying that word."

Xara looks as if she's tasted something awful. "Sorry. I thought you wanted a solution, though. We seem to be the only people who have answers. You can't remember and neither can I. I don't see many other roads. And believe me, I've been through worse."

"Well, I do not want to put a chip in someone's brain!" You shout. People begin to stare. "There has to be a way around this... There has to be something I am missing!" You begin to pace.

"You're not going to figure it out by making an idiot of yourself here." Xara barks and you stop. "Oh. Isn't Olivia telepathic?"

"Fuck." You bury your head into your hands. "Why did I not think about that."

"Because you were making an idiot of yourself?" Xara tilts her head.

"Did the computer seriously say fuck?" Someone speaks up.

"That means the end times are upon us!" Someone laughs.

"Oh, don't jinx it." Xara turns to them for a moment. You look up at the Dome. "That's weird. The stairs are still there."

"Maybe Olivia has an answer now..." You trail off a little. "I will be leaving after this." You begin to walk up the stairs. Xara follows you.

When you stare at her, she speaks as if you're an idiot, "You know I know now too, right? And Olivia might have the ability to give us an answer."

"You do know Radar is up here too, right?" You ask her.

"I've seen worse." Xara scoffs as you head back into the Dome. It takes a moment for Olivia to open it back up. She cradles a small form in some of her arms as she flicks a lever and the Dome closes again. You approach Olivia cautiously.

"Don't..." You stiffen when you hear Radar's voice. Olivia turns, covering him with her form. "I don't want to be seen like this." You step back and put one arm out in front of Xara.

"It's bad." Olivia is honest.

"Is he... Human again?" You ask. Olivia nods. "It must be really bad, then."

"You're going to go back to Beacontown. You're going to pick a leader. You're not going to say anything about this beyond Radar being ill. Make up an excuse. We can't have people panicking." Olivia commands. Xara's gaze flickers between the two of you.

"I know."

"...You told her?" Radar's voice shivers. You grimace before nodding. "Why?"

"She used to be an Admin. I thought..."

"I should know something." Xara admits.

"Then get on it." Olivia turns back to Radar. "We need answers. We have nothing to go off of."

"I can see if I remember something..." Xara seems a little quieter than normal. Olivia wriggles a little bit. "You're going to keep me here, aren't you?" Xara's brows fall and you watch Olivia nod.

"You know what to do, right, PAMA?"

"Wait, I was actually supposed to ask you a favor," Xara whispers something to Olivia. Olivia fires a glance to you and you head down the stairs.

The trip back is awkward. Does anyone on the train know what you have seen? What will have become of Beacontown? Who do you even choose to be a leader? Binta? Yourself? Does... Would Beacontown be better without a leader?

Binta has not led in years, barring the little group she sometimes embarks with. She had a good head on her shoulders, but that life may have left her. Maybe the stress was killing her. Maybe it will kill her again. You did not have time to ask Radar for his blessing. It's not as if you had it when she led the last time.

Sure, you could lead, but what would Beacontown say? Is it really a good idea? Especially with your reputation? And what about leaving the town to fend for themselves? They did it before, sure, but what kind of selfish monster do you have to be to make that call?

You are swarmed immediately. People are asking you so many questions, too many to pick apart and process. Where did you go? Where is Radar? Will the monster be back? Why is Radar not here?

"Everyone, stop." You put up one hand and command them. You step in front of the Rainbow Beacon and steel yourself. The crowd quiets. "Radar's mind has... Betrayed him again. He needs to get better. In the meantime, we need to figure out how our town will operate--"

"What about the monster?" Someone shouts. You watch Tripwire's eyes flicker in the crowd before her brow furrows. She exchanges a few words with Nurm.

"The monster..." You process. "Is dead!" You put your hands up. "Olivia killed it rather quickly."

"And who'll lead us?" Someone asks.

"It can't be PAMA!" Someone else shouts. "I wouldn't trust them!"

"Of course not." Harper growls and approaches you. "You're not going to lead us."

"I'm sure I could handle this." Binta offers. Oh, thank goodness for that. "But PAMA is also the mayor's spouse, too."

"Are you crazy?!" Harper grabs Binta by the arms. You can see Binta thank her lucky stars that Harper is human when she does. "Absolutely not."

You tense a little. Who are you supposed to pick, here?