@fartvvaves

i’ve been sitting making beats since 5:30am and my ass is numb for it

my greatest achievement will always be farting with a smell so bad, otto made me pull over so he could puke in someone's flowers

why don’t people prank call anymore?

@sissyspacetits i would have shared!!! next time i make some, i’ll make extra for her ok.

speaking of food discourse. at my old apartment i had a grill on my balcony and i was cooking salmon on it one day and the neighbors from upstairs left passive aggressive notes on my door because of the smell :) 

if you don’t cover your teeth like an old person with their dentures taken out to bite into ice cream you’re wrong

some of you were raised wrong and it shows

there’s a special place in hell for people who drink room temp water

i have risen and i’m thinking about those ‘crushes but they get weirder’ tik toks and wondering why guy fieri hasn’t been featured in a single one yet

sometimes when i remember something i’d forgotten about, i stop and make the same face raven makes when she has a premonition but it’s not half as cool