MUCH NEEDED FASHION ADVICE FOR THE MASSES #002
I, like many other teenagers, am dreading the idea of summer ending. The threat of school is creeping up upon us like the expiration date on barely-used LUSH products. But, with the inevitable trip for "back to school shopping" that you will all take, I figured I should release some of my knowledge into the world, so you will all be better equipped to handle yout parent's money this year.
I've chosen to give advice on a store-by-store basis, allowing each and every one of you a chance to absorb my genius. Stores are rated from lowest to higest, lowest obviously being Wal-Mart and highest being Neiman Marcuss.
Wal-Mart
I can't help you. Just... don't buy anything Duck Dynasty related.
Thrift Store
Definitely stick to a more hipster/indie style. Whatever you find won't fit properly (perfect), will be in earthy tones (even better) and will probably still stink after a couple of washes. Get some dread locks or dry shampoo to help complete the look, but be sure to buy your beanies unused.
Target
Honey, I know Target has everything a white girl could desire (including a Starbucks), but it is way overpriced and for no apparent reason. Head on over next door to Old Navy.
Old Navy
Already thinks it's fall for some reason? Regardless, pick up some much needed shirts, pants and any workout gear or clearance swimwear you know you'll never use. If you can find something in the summer clearance that isn't visibly damaged then go for it, but be sure to keep your receipt.
JC Penney's
If you're no longer in middle school, go to Khol's or Macy's.
Aeropostale, A&M, Abercrombie
See JC Penney's.
Khol's
Wait until they're having a sale, or you've accumulated enough "Khol's Cash" to make it worth your while. Ignore the 'Candies' and 'clearance' sections. Make sure to get everything in a size bigger than normal, otherwise it won't fit.
Macy's
Be ready to spend double the money you spent at Khol's for a dress. Don't bother waiting for the sales, just pick whatever you want out and cry when your mom says it's too much.
Forever 21
Congratulations on being skinny enough to shop here. Go crazy, but keep in mind the Grace Helbig rule - all accessories will last the same amount of days as the dollars they cost. (12 dollars, 12 days.)
H&M
Keep your subscription to Teen Vouge. You have great taste. You come here for outfits, not pieces, so be sure to buy everything as a set to wear. Everything's a knockoff, but this is Lima. No one would be able to tell.
Neiman Marcuss
Call me, I'll give you a free fashion consultation you rich and fabulous human being, you.
Well, I hope this makes those end-of-the-summer shopping sprees a little easier on you and your mothers. Be sure to contact me if you need a fashion expert to attend to your trip. My services are free of charge, as long as you let me take pictures of you to use in my portfolio. Happy hunting!
