The Weird One

Today is January 2026

I'm still learning how to love you right, Sometimes i get it wrong but i promise you, I'm always trying.

She didn’t wanna be here most days, but she had to be strong most of the days and for her sister. And maybe now that’s why she exhausted now, she grew up too fast and had her childhood stripped away from her. And always had to be the hero. But in reality, she was the one who needed to be saved. She was the eldest daughter, always holding it together when she wanted to fall apart.

The one who swallowed all of her pain, because no one ever gave her any room for it. People tell her she’s so mature and independent for her age, like it’s some sort of accomplishment. When what they really should be saying is, I’m sorry you had a bad childhood and never got to be a kid. She spent so long being the strong one that no one ever thought to check if she was okay. No one never asked if she was tired.

Before you try and understand me, promise me you won’t run. Because I’m scared that if you ever see me, like, really see me, you’ll wish you hadn’t.

Please don’t try and figure out who I am. Because I’m afraid that if you figure it out, you won’t want me anymore.

If you squint really hard and your head on its side, you might find out all the things are wrong with me.

And I wonder if you do, if one day you see me for what I am, would you hold me tighter and love me anyways. Would want me as I am? The truth is, I’ve been trying to fix myself my whole life. And still everything I touch tastes like resentment

I’m sad in ways I can’t explain. And angry at people that don’t even exist, at least not to me. Not anymore..

I keep trying to be this soft person, this delicate, light hearted person. But what if that’s not me? What if that version of me is unattainable? I wear bright colors, make silly jokes, and laugh at things that aren’t even that funny. So no one will notice that the insides of me are cold and dark.

It’s Father’s Day today, and I’ve been thinking of you.

Things between us and Mom weren’t easy, and that shaped so much of life for me. But i wish you were still here dad. You mattered. You were part of who I am.

I miss you in ways that are hard to explain. I miss the parts of you that made me feel safe, or proud, or cared for, even if life didn’t always make those moments simple.

I wish you could see who I’m becoming. I hope you’d be proud.

Even with everything, I love you. I always will.

Swiping right for you it was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me and its always gonna be you 🫶🏻

Happy V day love ❤️

@alostsoulfinallyhome

She is healing my inner child.

When I'm with her all my problems go away.

When she tells me I'm pretty, she helps me become more confident than ever

Just her being herself, makes me fall more in love.

When she holds me around other girls I feel like I don't have to compete.

I always hope I'm enough for you, sometimes I feel like I'm not, and that scares me because I think you'll find someone who is. Someone who can give you everything I can't. Someone 'better" than me. Is it crazy of me to feel this way? Tell me I'm more than enough, tell me you're always gonna be here. No one in this lifetime or in the next could even begin to measure up to the way you make me feel or to the way that I feel when I'm with you, I loved you in my past life, and I love you in my present life and I'll love you in the next life. "I love you" means to me that I accept you for the person you are and that I don't wish to change you into someone else or any other way.

JJ