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You are a mystery detective that solves fake monster crimes. When you finally meet real monsters, they reward you for being their most trusted agent against identity crimes

But isnt this the plot of scooby-doo?

Your party tells you to fess up cause you have strange abilities other necromancers don’t have. You tell them it’s cause you treat the dead like Family instead of servants. Turns out necromancy grants more powers if you truly honor the dead

I mainly just explain that building sandcastles with old dead dudes out of their wives' ashes is fun for them and they take it as bonding time

i write the fastest when im trying to get a 5k word essay in on time, but i put it off to 15 mins before class when its due

"You see, magic is complicated, it would require you years of study just to let you get the right mindset to start learning the basics." "You have no idea how to teach me, do you?" "I have been doing it for so long that at this point is pure muscle memory and I have forgotten all the theory.

this is just what having ADHD and trying to teach someone how to code is like

You are Julius Caesar, and you are in a council meeting. Suddenly, Brutus stands up, then the rest of the council members. Then a hundred other time travelers draw their daggers.

The time travelers kill all but 23 of the council members, and then disappear. I still get stabbed, but only 23 times instead of 200 times.

“But wait, if you could break out of my evil trap, why not break out immediately?!” “Honestly, I like hearing you talk. Not in a romantic way but, have you ever thought of starting a podcast?”

uhm i think i know where this is going and i don't like it

Your spells are custom-made for you, by you. Usually it doesn’t change much, but tonight you were robbed and as the thief tried to cast one of your spells, he burned to a husk before he finished the first line. Your party takes a step away from the book.

You explain that the spell burns people that steal from you to a crisp, no matter who casts it.

You were a god of textiles; respected, but generally considered a minor deity. But everything changed when mortals started regularly describing spacetime and reality as a 'fabric'.

Now it's time for me to start ripping the fabric of reality because i never received enough respect

you've noticed your party mage has collected every sort of luck potion they could get their hands on during your quests. Which you found odd because they never drink any. That was until at a royal feast they chugged them all and walked up to and asked the royal sorceress out on a date.

She said no. A few months later, it turned out she was a cannibal.

It was a long & hard road, but you've finally brought peace to "the blasted lands", unifying the orc, goblin, ogre, undead, & other various inhuman tribes & collectives into one functioning nation. You're very proud, but for some reason, the humanoid kingdoms are now calling you "the Fell Lord"

As it turns out, you fell off a cliff nearby in a previous life and ogres can tell if they knew your past life.

"Fool! No weapon forged by mortal hands can defeat me!" "Oh i know, that's why I brought the rock." "What?"

Your parents managed to keep the family curse a secret from you, hoping that they had finally managed to break it, but as you grow older it becomes clear that you are cursed as well. They try to explain the curse and its effects to you, but you just think it sounds cool.

The curse is that you can pull unlimited 10/10 girls, but none of them want to commit until you can find a 2/10 that likes you

You are a time traveller. There are other time travellers that also exist. There is a year called "the anomaly" that no time traveller ever returns from. The anomaly is starting to expand, reaching into years before and after it and steadily growing larger.

this reminds me of the time traveller jail thing

"On today's seminar of microaggressions towards your colleagues - vampires. Vampires don't live in castles. Count Dracula lived in a castle because he was a Count, not because he was a Vampire. Yes, Brad?" "You've been around for half a millenium but you don't have a castle? What're you doing?"

Honestly, I just fuck around and do random shit all day instead of making money, i mean, it's not like I can starve so i don't really need food or water.