Tacendas

I said “Marc, when I go back and people ask ‘how was DISNEY WORLD?’, ...what do I...how do I even fucking answer that?” and he replies 

Just clocked out of my last shift that I might ever work at Disney and parked my last FriendShip in the marina. I can’t sleep because all I can think about is driving the boats and dicking around with the captains. Also I haven’t written down anything about the boats and boat captains and if I don’t, I know I’ll fucking forget, so here it goes.

FriendShip 1: It does everything you want it to do and keeps up speed. It also doesn’t have the step down. Only disadvantage is the annoying door handle that everyone tries to GRAB AND FALLS OVER PULLING THE DOOR HALFWAY OUT GOD.

FriendShip 2: HAS THE FUCKING HANDLE ISSUE TOO AND IT’S SLOW AF and the number on the boat isn’t even there anymore it’s such a pos but it’s always in the lagoon so it’s all good.

FriendShip 3: the STEERING, UGH kind of slow too.

FriendShip 4: My assessment boat.....I hated it at first because it always came in so fast and reacts too quickly and in general is just super powerful but once you learn to harness it...it became my favorite boat. Broke down a couple times on Brenna and started bleeping it’s oil light every time you brought it down to 6. I still love you 4.

FriendShip 5: slow af and last boat to drive in the marina..also “didn’t turn it off” apparently. I blame the boat.

FriendShip 6: Eh, slow, always in the lagoon. Nothin special

FriendShip 7: I drove ONE day on NYE when it was finally back in service and it was basically the 3 but even less responsive. However it’s super fast. It’s also a lot longer than the rest...making it annoying to tie up.

FriendShip 8: ...The beloved 8. Zach’s favorite boat. Super fast, super responsive....just sometimes too damn fast.

As for the boat captains, we had too many funny times to count. There was all the times Marc went to managers for some tussle he had with guests. There as Jacob always turning on the damn fans and exterior mic like a dickwadd. There was Zach always ranting and raving over the 8 and IllumiNations (who freaked out as much as I did when we witnessed the dry run of it in the lagoon that night). There was Danny and his crazy ex wife and random stories out of no where. There was baby Mike that was not so baby and wanted so bad to break the rope at yacht and beach after leadership thought the best way to fix an old rope is TAPE IT. There was Brenna always welcoming me to the dock with “hey beautiful!”. There was Lucy saying “i’ll just quit im not gonna take that shit” with a straight fucking face when the managers said we all failed our audits and we’d get a talking to (also my training partner and AmGard pal). There was Cole who got hit on by every woman alive and partied like crazy but somehow we still saw eye-to-eye on life outlooks and the people we worked with. He’s also the only other person that got along with Marc with me. There was Jason N that was always so goddamn sarcastic to me and claimed he hated my jokes but then offered to drive both ways because I know he actually loved them and me...There was Jeff that offered some serious life advice. There was Zac A that was a little shit but made me feel like a part of the family with the boat captains and was always happy to see me.

There was also the older CP’s and the other night two old ladies started harassing Chris for yelling at them to get off the dock. They were fucking crazy and even when provided a coordinator, they only wanted to talk to Chris. He ended up crying which was pretty sad and pathetic lol.  Our coordinator Dave was pretty awesome too. We bonded one night at the china bridge when I asked him about his history. He said “whatever you do, don’t get sucked in. Don’t let Disney suck you in”. Ever since then he was always so happy to see me and he usually worked the mid day shifts where I would constantly complain about how hot and sunny it was. It was kind of a tradition between the two of us.

There was so many “Does this boat go to magic kingdom, grand floridian, port orleans, disney springs, contemporary, epcot when it’s closed??”

And the phrase every boat captain loves most “Our car is at Hollywood Studios”.

There was the time Marc went up to guests - “Does this boat go to ___?” “Sorry ma’am only on Thursdays” *Man stares for 15 seconds completely infuriated* “HA IT IS THURSDAY!”

There was the time Cole and I kept ringing the bell over and over at people down the Disney channel and guests are motioning “WHAT??????” like we’re trying to signal them something.

Of all the things I’m gonna miss, I’m gonna miss zach, I’m gonna miss Marc, and I’m gonna miss driving those stupid FriendShip boats.