Nornbabbles

I quit the internet guys. I did a long time ago, but I never told anyone even though I owed stuff. I can’t even remember if this ‘incident’ was the beginning of last year or this year, I don’t really have a good sense of time anymore. Maybe I should have talked to someone, I had been talking to a few in the community via emails after the incident, but never about what was going on. You know how we guys are... we keep our emotions to ourselves.

I know I owed a lot of art stuff to the creatures community, but honestly this... THING... killed my artistic vibe and I ain’t got it back since. This piece here telling what happened is the most art I had done since the incident and it is at least a year (or 2?) old. I tried coming back here and there, but my heart just wont let me. I’m ok now I guess, I have joy in other things, but being online... it’s just not happening. And I used to be such a people person, but now I just don’t want to be close to anyone.

I just wanted to apologize and say goodbye before I no longer have that chance as I will be giving up the last of my worldly possessions soon. I’ll be a permanent resident of my local Buddhist Monastery(ies) within the next year and beginning my journey of becoming a teacher there myself. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of, that I have prepared for my whole life with self discipline, trials, and religious pilgrimages. Though I always expected to fully retire to a monastery when I was much older. I’d like to say the incident had nothing to do with me beginning this journey, but me pulling into myself from the world after said incident was definitely a factor that helped me leave the world behind and pursue this lifelong dream early.

I’ve been so ashamed, so afraid, that I haven't even looked at the Creatures website forum page since then. Not once. I can’t handle any ill word towards me due to my sudden absence, but I can’t blame you because I never told any of you. I just suffered in silence, as a man I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone I had been overpowered and even worse, that it had altered me. I hope you can forgive me and understand that I just don’t have that creativity anymore, that I can’t make what I promised. I guess I just wanted you to know that I didn’t ditch responsibility because I chickened out or something. It’s because I was hurt really bad on the inside of my soul and even if it scarred over, it will never be the same as it was before. I hope you can forgive, and I hope you can forget me because I’m not coming back. I’m sorry for letting you down and disappearing.