My Name Is Fargo

I know you’re proud of me. I’m at almost a year of sobriety. It sucks some days when all I wanna do is drink away the pain of losing you. I haven’t been the same since the day I found out.

I never thought I’d have to go this many years without you in my life. In two years we were possibly gonna get married. And I was always serious. I’d have married you in a heartbeat had you asked. You? I don’t know if that’s how serious it was for you. But you would’ve been my endgame if you’d let me.

I know I shouldn’t dwell on the what ifs, but I do. What if I’d been honest about my feelings? What if you’d returned them? Coulda woulda shoulda.

I love you so much. It hurts less and less each day. But it still hurts. And I don’t think the hole in my chest will ever go away. But it’s getting better.

While scrolling through my likes on TikTok looking for a video to show a friend, I found one she made that she tagged me in. First time I’ve heard her voice since she died. First time I heard it since April, the last time I saw her.

I know people have previously messaged her bullshit about his death and I will fucking fight anyone who says anything bad or attacks her or says shit to her.