No lost Words

just go listen to the playlist

 Thank you for singing this masterpiece 

does anyone ever see these? I always wonder. butterscotch discs and strawberry hard candy always in my purse, just so ill be like one of those sweet ladies that always have candy 

You ever just start to panic when you have to do something alone like.......my anxiety levels shoot up to 100 real quick 

on tik tok 

My laptop broke but now i’m back :)

I’ve never loved and felt something more in my entire life. 

I’m afraid of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I’m not sure what scares me most anymore,  the person I am now or the I’ve slowly been making myself into, The person who suffers alone, cries alone, eats alone, sleeps alone, but absolutely hates being alone.

I saw a game that caught my eye yesterday and it was only $2 so I was like why not. This game is about mental heath and it really helps you get to see a bit what others might be going through. without you the monster in your head is nothing. I really liked this short game and I think it was worth the money. 

Love yourself. Be the best you that you could ever possibly be and embrace your imperfections cause no ones perfect. 

I love when I find a book I can truly imagine happening. Every word and thought played through my mind like a movie. I could never seen faces though. I can read a book and imagine a character, maybe it’s a tall skinny guy with a positive demeanor. light brown hair and a smile that could light up someone's day yet I can’t see the smile. His face is unknown and out of my reach. It’s always been like this for as long as I can remember but I quite like it to be honest. leaves me always thinking. 

For the past few years, at the end of the day, I would review my day. I’d pick out everything I did wrong and beat myself up for it. I’d think back to all the times my parents made it clear I was a fuck up. I’d take every detail to heart and just cry and cry and cry. I should be able to go home and feel safe, loved, and comfortable. But I don’t. I feel disappointment radiating off of them. everything I did was a disappointment after another.  Hate and resentment built up, not for my parents, but for me, When I got upset I always did the unexpected. When you get upset, sometimes you do the unexpected of yourself, I can’ t take back the things I did and It took me a while to learn from them. I'm still learning. Not everyone is perfect, I can’t take back the cigarette or two I stole just to see if I could smoke the pain away like my mom. I can’t take back the nights I spent sitting in my closet ruining my skin to try and control the pain that constantly overwhelmed me. Or even the mean things I said to my friends cause I wanted to take my anger out on someone. I can keep learning and find better ways to handle things and I can learn to ignore the people who take the time out of they’re day to make me feel horrible. I feel like I’m just rambling at this point. I never know exactly what I’m gonna say. In a way, I feel pathetic for writing about my feelings and my life and letting people read it. then I remember I’m not doing it for pity or anything like that. This is for me to feel like I can say what's on my mind instead of keeping it inside. It’s for anyone who feels like they hide under a mask, whether it’s in your own home or out in society. Fuck EVERYONE who wants to take your voice away from you.  THIS WAS MY OFFICIAL FUCK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HURT ME! 

After a long day, I just want to relax and maybe take a nap. Instead I get a list of things to do along with some yelling. I never get a break anymore. I’m struggling and all i get is some yelling. no help. 

I think its absolutely, positively angelic that someone can be so beautiful. The way the room lights up when they walk in or how they always make you laugh. Personality is what makes someone so beautiful.  

I have a photography account on insta :) check it out?

I hope that you guys NEVER EVER feel like you have to apologies for being yourself. Sometimes it might be hard being you, but every single moment you are being yourself, in a way you are being free. Free to be who you want and if being you is a problem for someone else then you have to let someone go. Choose yourself. I should be taking my own advice if I’m being honest. This is coming from someone who hates every detail of their body and personality. I’m working on myself at the moment, but to anyone struggling or on the verge of, this is for you. Choose yourself and remember as long as you are you and you accept that, you are going to be ok.  Have a lovely night.