NoGoFoYoZo

The past few weeks have been hard for me. I lost someone I cared deeply about.

I tried my hardest to at least set things somewhat right before we parted, but to no avail. I fight for the things I care about. I don't just give up and go. It's not crazy. it's not stalkerish. You'd be wrong to think that (Hell, I stopped calling after that one time out of respect and not to freak you out). It was love, pain and hope with a touch of desperation. Fighting, reaching out. I don't just up and move on. It was a sign how much I cared and wanted things to end right. Not just for me. But for us. Because this person was very special to me.

I had to try to show that things didn't have to be this way and never had to go the way they went ever again. That mistakes were made on both sides.

By now time has passed and I can be certain that there is not going to be any sorting out, no talk, not a word. If you wanted me to stop trying, all it would've taken was a genuine word. Not simply ignoring me while spying on me or blogging my private messages.

I don't stop for a single no. Not when something is this important to me. But a genuine no or stop and I would've walked away. Any sign of life. Anything that made sure that I could stop trying.

I've shown all my care, energy, love and sadness. No response at all. I've never been more genuine and more humble to anyone in my life. But it was ignored.

People told me she wasn't worth me and that I should never take her back or contact her after what she did. And that was even before the whole blogging thing got out.

I took the chance and tried anyway. I followed my heart. But it was a dead end.

The past few weeks have been relentless on me. I slept bad, ate bad and couldn't concentrate. I've never been this ruined over love in my life.

I took my chances of finding someone from the community and building something fantastic, something that would carry over from online to meeting up, to possibly building a future with. I was that serious about it. After just a few months that sounds crazy, but everything about it felt right. Moreso than it had ever before in a relationship. But it was not meant to be. Or maybe it was but it just burnt down before it even got started. And I was left in the flames trying to save what we had and burned with it until it was completely gone.

I have to leave Tumblr and the community behind.

I can't be here anymore. Not after this.

I'll be on Steam and Skype. Let me know if you want to keep contact. I'll delete my blog in a week or so.

Thank you all for everything, the memories, the joy, the good times and the bad times, the support and trust.

Good luck out there.

Peter

Combined the last few posts into one for convenience.

Added later:

Yeah some random thing came up and I raised an eyebrow and had to see if there was any reason to care but nope. Oh well.

Time for me to fly and meet someone worth investing into.

I’ve been thinking about leaving the community for a longer time already, especially since the ridgearound streams went on halt, but I figured there wasn’t gonna be a better time than now, with all the stuff going on.

Don’t get me wrong I still love seeing the posts on my dash and reading through em but now there’s no more sap to post and I’m kinda done here.

And with most people that I care about and that care about me I’ll keep contact one way or another. ^_^

Unfortunately the drama (ugh, drama) spread from a private thing to a whole bunch of people that got stuck in between my story and hers, and I never really wanted people to pick sides or tear the community apart even more, but that wasn’t my call :\ It got burst open and here we are.

This also means that I will cut contact with a few other people that lost my trust. Turning a blind eye to the insanity that is her and her cruelty, immature revenge and total neglect for trust and respect.

I know she could be great, funny, seemingly caring, oh I know.

But she also has a very damaged, monsterous side to her that most people don’t get to see until it’s too late.

Anyway. Gonna make some coffee and celebrate an end to shittyness.