Blushing Buckeye

It’s officially finals week here at Ohio State which means I’m only three tests and a project away from being over halfway done with my college career. Which is CRAZY. This year has been very long and tiring, but I’ve reaped so many benefits. 

This year I worked as an Office Assistant at the front desk of my residence hall. I had the opportunity to work with incredible people and got to meet so many residents!

Not only was I a team captain for BuckeyeThon, my school’s Children’s Miracle Network dance marathon, but I also became one of 140 general body members of the organization! I’ve truly found my home within BuckeyeThon and I know joining this cause was and will continue to be the best decision of my college career. I cannot wait to see the opportunities and growth this organization will bring me in the upcoming years.

I was elected Co-President for my dance organization! I look forward to this challenging experience and am excited for the change to change things up a bit.

Lastly, I was hired to be a Resident Adviser for the upcoming school year. I cannot wait to take on this new leadership position and help so many freshman with their transitions to college! I hope I can be a role model for them in a way. (I also hope I’ll be able to manage all my work and responsibilities. I’m about to be one outrageously busy girl.)

Sophomore year of college is a thing that is already in full force! This year has already been such a blessing. I have my own room, I’m working at the front desk of my dorm, I’ve made new friends, and I have a pretty decent schedule. 

I’m still sticking with my business major, which is very reassuring. I’ve also picked up minors in both Nonprofit Studies and Theater and love the classes I’m taking pertaining to the two.

22,000+ steps. 12 hours. One cause.

Sometimes in life, you face challenges and obstacles. Last night, I faced a challenge that was a bigger obstacle than I thought it would be, considering it sounded so simple. At BuckeyeThon, I danced for 12 hours for children suffering with cancer. We were given one simple rule: no sitting. It was easy at first, but as the hours went on and the tiredness began to hit around 3 AM, I wanted nothing more than to give in. But every time I almost gave up, I thought of the children. The pain I felt last night in my knees, feet, hips, and back are nothing compared to what children with cancer experience on a daily basis. You realize that you’re doing what you do for the kids, and it suddenly gets easier.

Last night, I laughed, sweat, cried, and loved harder than I ever had before. Being with thousands of fellow Buckeyes for hours, all fighting for the same cause, was absolutely mesmerizing. We all put in so much energy and effort for one night to make these kids feel like kids again. And it was so worth it. 

I worked so hard over the past few months to raise money for the kids. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to raise $1150 personally. I was constantly reminded throughout the night of the enormous difference I am making in the lives of so many. There are no words to describe how I feel. I could say I feel happy or honored, but those emotions barely cut into the surface.

At the end of today, it was revealed that, as a school, we raised over 1.5 million dollars for the kids at Nationwide Children’s Hospital. Many tears were shed and hugs were shared. All our hard work paid off. We, as a Buckeye community, managed to raise enough money to help change people’s lives and (hopefully) put an end to pediatric cancer.

Sometimes classes are hard, and that’s okay. But what’s not okay is when they cause you to have a breakdown in the middle of lab. 

I’m currently in a computer science engineering (CSE for short) course about databases and spreadsheets. It’s a requirement for my business major. I hate it.

I unfortunately don’t understand any of the material that is being taught in lecture, making it very difficult for me to do homework and lab assignments. This week’s pre-lab was even more difficult than the rest - so much so that I spent three hours on the first part and got the wrong answers, just to do it again the next day for another hour and a half, getting the wrong answers yet again. I never completed the last two parts of the assignment because I was beyond confused and too anxious to try and attempt anything. (This is not like me. Normally if I don’t finish an assignment, I freak out until I somehow get it done. This time, I didn’t think twice.)

Lab was yesterday and it was based off this pre-lab that I didn't know how to do. The instructions for the lab were only two pages, and on those two pages was maybe 20 sentence of information. Based on this minuscule description we were supposed to create a whole spreadsheet. How? 

I attempted it the best that I could, but I just couldn't understand what I was asked to do. I tried to get help from the people around me, but their words were confusing. I began to feel so anxious and flustered. My face began to heat up and I had to blink back tears from falling out of my eyes. After attempting the lab for another minute or so, I broke. I left the computer and ran to the bathroom, crying harder than I have in a while. I felt like a failure and a mess. I still do. 

The first month back at college has been difficult, harder than I ever imagined it would be. I’m constantly tired. I’m not comprehending lectures. I’m not finishing coursework and turning in the material anyways. I have no motivation. I’m anxious and sad and feel like I’m on the verge of tears constantly.

Last night I didn’t finish my math homework because I didn’t know how to complete two of the questions. Instead of working to figure it out, I threw in the towel and just gave up.

I’m very bad at updating this blog, but I want to continue with this as my year continues at college. I’m now in my second semester at the Ohio State University, and I’m loving every second of it. I’ve had my ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade my experiences here for anything in the world.

In my first semester of college, I experienced so much.

I moved almost two hours away from my family, and I was alone.

I began studying at the school of my dreams, only knowing enough people to count on one hand.

I made new friends, and got to spend time with old friends who I had previously only seen in person once or twice.

I joined a dance group and got to continue my love for dance.

I had my first kiss and have never talked to the guy since.

I somehow was lucky enough to sit behind Hillary Clinton as she rallied on campus.

I talked to a guy for the first time, and though things didn’t work out in the end, it was nice to know that people CAN like me in a romantic way. I just have to find the right guy.

I got to visit my old studio, feeling happier than I ever had when my teammates screamed and engulfed me in hugs, but also experiencing the heartbreak as I drove away remembering how I’ll never dance with them again.

I got to storm the football field after the big win against Michigan.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of a friend I’ve grown up dancing with.

I appreciated every moment I got to spend with my family as the year went on. I never realized how much I would miss them until I didn’t get to mess with my brothers and hug my parents every day.

I laughed.

I cried. A lot.

I had countless anxiety attacks over school, even more about death. 

I struggled with classes and procrastination, yet somehow managed to find myself on the Dean’s List with a 3.785 GPA. 

However, the best part about starting college was that for the first time, I was finally able to be myself without any fear. I could be hard spoken, political, and a huge nerd without fear of people from my hometown constantly judging my every move.

So the year is flying by and first semester is almost over! What?? It’s week 11 of 16 for my college classes and I’m so glad I’m almost complete with them. I have extremely good grades in each of my classes, except for biology. I accidentally forgot to take a test on time and only got half the credit for it, so a 48/100. I now have a 91% in the class. We live and learn, I guess!

I got on the A- honor roll for 1st nine weeks at my high school. Although I would’ve preferred an A, pre-calc was my only class that counted towards the honor roll and I struggled with it a bit at the beginning.

I got my first college acceptance letter in the mail 2 days ago! It was from Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. Not only did I get accepted, they want to offer me a $18,000 scholarship over 4 years. ???? I can hardly believe it.

I’ve also finally decided what I want to do with my life! Next year I plan to study business with a minor in dance! 😊

And finally, today I scheduled my classes for my last semester of high school! WHAT?! I’ll be taking pre-calc at my high school again, while still getting college credits for it. I’ll also be taking Technical Writing, Intro to Business, and Humanities! It looks like it will be pretty stress free as far as my classes go, which will be nice because I already know the rest of my life will be hectic!