tiny tragedies.

Selfish. You before anyone else. Your twenties, designed you to be self absorbed. Because nothing else matters except you and your thoughts and your feelings. #haole

I had a dream about kissing you and laying with you. You even took me to a skatepark and it was wonderful. UGH.

Sometimes I see your face and I wish you were just a stranger. I still reminisce on the good times we had; you did the same with her. You have a girlfriend now, even when you told me you didn't want one. I see the lies, they produce tears that are salty enough for the ocean. #fyto2016 I loved you for all of those days.

When I believed for a second that I was worthy, I was shot down. I took a chance on something beautiful, to which I would normally turn away because beautiful things just don't fit into my hands. To the cute boys and to the pretty girls; I always thought I was too ugly for you; that my rolls and doubble chin hid my beauty; my obnoxious laugh made you hurry away. When I lost weight, I thought every thing would be different. That people would see me, and not my fat. For a second it was true; but I just love french fries. And the pound I see is X 10, not 1. My face is rounder, my smile sinks and does not penetrate past my insecurities. The world is daunting- I hear nothing of the things I am beautiful for and so I sulk in the things I already believe. When he decided that I wasn't good enough, I engulfed myself with thoughts that it was the truth. Try as I may to convince myself that it was he who was not good enough, I am the one unhappy. I wanted to hold his beauty in my hands, I wanted something beautiful. I was jealous of those who got to share his presence; I just wanted some too. I don't know why, but I wish it wasn't so. Was it my own fault, I often ponder.

Am I Really Okay? It's been a few weeks since I've stopped smoking. Sometimes I feel like I really want to, but then I remember that I actually don't miss it at all. I don't miss the anxiety, the laziness, the mad munchies. What I am unsure of is: who am I without it? I am learning new things about myself that, even when high, were so obvious. Things like: insecurities, responsibilities, life goals, ambitions, and morals. I just want to embrace who I am, what I am here for, and the future that I am creating for myself.

Good News Everybody! NOE IS BACK. Birth control makes you bat-shit-crazy. I also realize that I've pushed those closest to me away. & I've also realized that sometimes we make the poorest decisions. I wouldn't have done it any other way. In the end, I am grateful and will continue to soar.

I never thought I'd die alone. I laughed the loudest, who would've known.

these cuts are deeper than they seem.

It was consensual. I agreed and it was wonderful. The aches and pain were worth it, I tell myself. My mental health is suffering for those seconds of pure enjoyment. The sunset, the skateboard, the sarcasm. It's over, it's done, it's goodbye.

nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

every time I stop and think for a second... I want to kill myself.

If I just sleep...

You are trying to keep me intertwined in your life. I kindof want to be there. I will, I will, I will... Read into every move you make. You cannot just fuck me & say we're friends. You cannot tell me you had a connection with me and then let me go. I am the stronger of us both and... I will make you see the greatness in life. You are special, Even if you're really an asshole.