Beset by hatred for so long he does not know how extrication might look, the harrowing echo of it sears with each breath he takes, staining the edges of his vision in a sickening red. A revenant of the past he roves through memories and his present simultaneously, at times he was uncertain to which he currently belonged. The apparition of Jing Yuan descends upon him with a terrible clarity, his voice a baritone that felt hauntingly familiar, despite the smooth lilt of it those words abrade upon his skin leaving him red and raw. He fixes his stare forward, the vacuous scarlet that coiled around his pupils is cast strange and malevolent under the shuddering fluorescent lights. He cannot ignore it, even if he confined those wraiths in the darkest reaches of his mind they would find him, they always did. The breath that falls from the grim receding of his lips is a moribund hiss, as if he were dying or already dead. He had been both of those things and neither all at once for such a long, long time.

To have the General sneak into one of these public toilets, however, is not a sight one can catch easily. One, because, well, Jing Yuan does have his own private toilet, both at home and at the Seat of Divine Foresight. Second, because that’s the thing about being sneaky: one’s not seen. Or at least trying not to be seen.

Ren had chosen a good moment to make his way into one, more distant and less used. Jing Yuan had caught a glimpse of him by chance, perhaps even led by one of his finches, but this is a mystery for another day. Or night, given that the automated solar system above them is already displaying the nighttime. Jing Yuan barely has to lean onto a wall to see the object of his sneakiness, seemingly a bit lost in his own daydreams. Though, daynightmares might fit better in Ren’s case.

“Wouldn’t that be the best outcome?” Sighs Jing Yuan in a reply from a conversation that maybe he shouldn’t have started. Talking to the souls lost in the past are always painful to him. Jing Yuan is such a masochist. “No records of this rage. No memories of the pain. You’d fare much better were you not to remember the road you took.”

Willingly, Jing Yuan mustn’t say. He’s not aware of how much Ren remembers, but when they all talked together like adults— well, uh, just a little bit like adults, given that soon enough two of the four began trying to kill each other— Ren seemed very lucid and in the known. As much as Jing Yuan’s heart broke seeing Jingliu striking him down, he had expected some sort of… reconciliation between Ren, Dan Heng, and their past.

His hopes have always been unfunded when it came to his friends.

“I will be waiting.” Dan Feng closes the door then, watching from the window as Yingxing drives away. It seems that he may have a date soon. His alarm goes off and he notices that it was true: a date with work. The doctor shakes his head to try wave off that pretty face, the softness of his lips, and how overall good Yingxing looks. He must focus on work.

Yingxing texts him first, and Dan Feng replies in kind. Albeit, his texts are much dry, without tone tags or emoticons. It feels polite enough, he supposes. They reach a consensus about a day for Yingxing to drop by, replace the piece that must be replaced, and then they can go for dinner. If Yingxing had tried to make any flirtatious comment, Dan Feng did not notice. He’s not very good at taking hints when it comes to romance, even less via text.

When the fateful day comes, however, Dan Feng is caught up in a surgery that lasts much longer than it was planned. Thus, once he’s done, the first thing he does (after talking to the family of his patient), is call Yingxing. He tells the man that he is on his way and apologizes for the delay. Thankfully, Yingxing’s scheduled arrival was set to a few minutes ago, giving Dan Feng an idea that he didn’t let Yingxing waiting for too long.

So Yingxing is very confident and full of anticipation when he makes his way back over to Dan Feng's. He rings the doorbell and is left waiting for a while, but he doesn't particularly mind. He reties his ponytail and checks his appearance in his phone once more, and that's when Dan Feng does show up, looking... "You look like the love interest in one of those terrible medical dramas." The ones where there's always copious amounts of making out in the elevator. Yingxing's teenage girlfriend liked to watch them and make fun of them, only for both of them to somehow still grow invested. Giving Dan Feng an appreciative once-over, Yingxing decides he likes reality more.

Dan Feng is about to compliment Yingxing’s look when the man casts a… was that a judging gaze? Or is it just appreciative? By the way he’s looked over with lust in Yingxing’s eyes, he supposes the latter, then. “Wouldn’t it make you the main character?” Dan Feng cocks an eyebrow up, the lines of his face not displaying much, but the softness of his teal eyes are enough to tell on his playfulness.

Yingxing doesn’t discuss on who’s paying and Dan Feng is pleased with it. He doesn’t like to repeat himself, and there isn’t room to discussion when he sets his words— because Dan Feng is a little stubborn shit. He’d never admit being wrong unless something serious might occur from it, and honestly, rarely does he offer that olive branch. As they make their way deeper into Dan Feng’s home, the doctor has to pause on his tracks, cocking an eyebrow towards Yingxing once more. This time, he’s serious, no tone of concealed mirth or even flirt. “Yingxing, the piece you need to replace is from the sink of the kitchen. I assure you I’d never impose that you have to be present while I shower.”

Maybe other people would make fun of it, maybe they would be sly and take advantage of the situation. Dan Feng thinks that Yingxing is being genuine and thus, replies accordingly. He did get Yingxing’s agreement though, and so heads towards the second floor where his room and a few more adjacent rooms are. Such a big house for only one occupant. Before disappearing, though, he adds, “make yourself at home, please.”

Dan Feng makes a short work of cleaning up, deciding to wash his hair again tomorrow instead. He did it last night so it should be fine. It takes less than ten minutes for him to come back to Yingxing, hair down and face slightly flushed from the warm shower. The doctor decides to let his locks rest today, so he’s going to let them free. Dressed on baggy jeans and a skinny black turtleneck, fabric hugging the muscles of his body, Dan Feng barely shows off the skin of his hands and face. He’s lean, but he can pack a good punch.

⋆˙⟡ Jing Yuan and Jien YueXia

Bowing her head slightly and closing her eyes for a moment Jien expresses her gratitude to the agreement to postpone this meeting with the Marshal. A night of dreamless sleep is what she needed and a clean day afterwards, free of work, that alone would suffice in recharging her to take on a braver and more jaded face for the Marshal. For a brief moment she indulges in questions of the character she is yet to meet, the potential temperament she may hold, the lines of her face and her way of speech. She has never met her, yet she had already made a dozen faces for her and a dozen more stories and personalities.

“An ending.. As such, immortal or not, we will all meet our end and so will that tree that has caused you so much trouble. As long as we don’t think ourselves trapped in checkered boxes, we’ll find a way” she told him, smiling her tired, yet no less genuine smile. Those words seem to have exhausted her vocabulary on the particular matter, even if a sea of thoughts could be spewn between them both on the meaning of life and death and battles, the topic ended there and then.

His answer to her question was one she expected, but she found herself caught off guard all the same. Owlishly blinking at him was the only answer she could muster in the moment as though he had suddenly spoken in a language she barely knew the words of. The people, that was his answer and such an honorable one at that, selfless as well. Jien couldn't help but envy him in the slightest at that moment. He had his fire, his reason, and it was as firm as the foundation of a house. Her tail embraced the leg of the chair tighter as if to soothe her nerves. "You make me proud to simply be around you, General.." She smiled at him and felt her cheeks hurt a little from that, failing to put more praising words to voice, but she truly felt pride as well. It made her happy to hear him say that.

“My reason?” She echoed, hoping the words would buy her just a moment longer until she could think of a response herself. Her arms folded over her chest and one hand rose up to rub its fingers against her chin. “...I don't know..” she was no longer looking him in the eye, but rather the mole just below it, or perhaps it was the stray hair that fell over his face. For a moment she sounded like a child saying it, lost and unsure, but her smile made up for it well enough. “I don't think I found that reason yet, I just keep going forward. There's no way back, just forward. No reason” she concluded plainly, not finding the flowery words to decorate her speech with. She had her reasons once, she remembered the feeling of purpose, the strength and the fire of it, but she had lost it with age. It was meaningless, but the people around her, the people she watched pass and grow, they were full of it. It was good to see, perhaps that was her reason? To see growth? Perhaps.

The look of surprise in his friend’s face is by no means unexpected, which doesn’t mean Jing Yuan won’t laugh from it anyways. The sound of rich, even but deep voice engulfs this little bubble of theirs, real joy expressed oh so rarely when coming from this man in particular. Why does he find it so hard to be honest with these around him? Obviously, it is the ranks! As the General, Jing Yuan is restricted to particular patterns of behavior, and only when in the presence of his most trusted friends— friends, not subordinates, although sometimes the line mingles— does he share the truly, fleeting feelings of his old heart.

Yes, that’s more like it… he didn’t come here to hear about serious topics, nor did he come here to work, either. All what the General wanted and waited for was a friend returning home, to welcome and to shat away in the limited time they possess. “Next time we reunite, we should do so around a jar of wine, my friend.” Mirth is still in his voice, and his expression doesn’t change at all as he hears the answer to his question. Why, not everyone must have a reason to keep going, not everyone has a big purpose beyond existing. Jing Yuan’s was a choice he made for himself, one that brings him joy whenever he can see the people around him living happily— even if at his desk, a lot of paperwork is waiting. He can, too, feel the truth in her words, knows that she means it when she says he makes her proud of joining the Alliance. And he’s certain that it won’t be something easy to find, her purpose that is, but as long as she’s looking for it, isn’t it the beginning?

“I’m certain you heard the stories of the travels of Akivili the Trailblaze, correct?” A rhetorical question, and as such, he doesn’t wait for her answer before he keeps going, “the crew of the Express has never been set in stone. For some travels, a few were present, and in the next, different faces join— while familiar faces leave. That is the nature of the path of the Trailblaze, to find your purpose amongst the stars, no matter how far from home are you.” It is not something only present in the path of the trailblaze, of course. But this doesn’t belong to this story, and thus, Jing Yuan leaves it aside. Jien is someone that doesn’t belong to this world, someone that was sent here through other means, however—

“Wine.. how about I bring us a cask of a fine red from these summer islands I visited on a planet far away? ‘Harbour red’ they call it. The smell alone is rich enough to get you dizzy” she smiled, cheeky this time, as if fighting back a bigger smile than the one she was wearing now, her previous embarrassment still not having let up. Her tail had gone back to hugging the leg of the chair like a snake climbing up a tree trunk. There was no real feeling in her tail like in that of a real organic limb, but she had it for such a long time, the feeling of it was phantom, so real, what once was premeditated actions and sways of the tail had long since melted into a display of her own inner mind. Especially in times where she found herself in safe bubbles like these. Laughter and drinks and food and good company. “I don’t drink usually, but I’d be more than glad to try this sort with you, hmp- if you’d like I’d be more than glad to give you the full cask” she added, words rolling from her tongue effortlessly without much of a forethought in the moment. Seemingly caught on to her mindless ramble she breathes in and shakes her head, shaking off the simmering and bubbling words that nearly fell from her lips. For a moment, the air tasted of early summer and golden fields again, it smelled of freedom. That thought, along with his own mirth, brought a smile up on her face once more. 

She nodded at his question about the Akivili. A better question would be - who hasn’t heard of the tales of the Trailblaze? It sounded like a fairytale in various lights, she had heard some short retellings from a merchant whom she traveled with for a time, others she read from so many books and heard from street story-tellers. Akvili was gone now, yet so many still followed in THEIR footsteps. Although many stories about THEM are not exactly something Jien would believe, there was hope to be found in the silver rails that made pathways throughout the universe. Hope is the last to die -  one little proverb from her own home that was applied well to the Express and its trailblazing crew. And as such, perhaps there was hope to be found for her as well. 

“Hm..” she looked down, at nothing in particular and in thought of his words. She gave a nod. “I have no doubt the path will lead me somewhere I can call home..” she told him, feeling warm from within. There was a home here already for her, the cozy little place she could never stop thinking about when the expeditions took her far from the Xianzhou Luofu and when all seemed lost and hopeless. Is that not what home is? A place your heart cries and yearns from when so far apart? “I think you gave me a sweet little idea for a short story now..” she suddenly muttered, remembering a children’s book she read about a similar topic of travels and finding a place to belong. “It will be a bit more.. childish from my usual works, I think, but no less meaningful. Going far from home only to find your way back to the same place you started at” she mused. It wasn’t so much a new idea, but the conversation had sparked that primal instinct of an artist yearning to touch the canvas and paint again. Inspiration had seeped into her bones like warmth, making her feel even more alive in his presence.

“Are you planning to test my half-millennia tolerance to alcohol, my friend?” Truth being told, Jing Yuan no longer drinks that much. You can’t call a jar a day much, either. Wine to accompany his daydreams, wine to help him sleep. Even the Healer Lady had given him prescriptions of warm wine for the night. So, while Jing Yuan wouldn’t say he can tank all and any wine, he can puff his chest to the blatant defiance. It soon fades though, the quirk of his eyebrow softening, the challenging expression coming back from the normal. Jiyan is not doing it out of malice, and it would be nice to receive something that isn’t poisoned for once. “Mm, but my interest is picked, I must admit. How much of this alcohol is able to get down an elephant, and how much more of it would be needed to get the General of the Xianzhou Luofu drunk?”

Truth being told, Jing Yuan fears— if only a little— the outcome of his drunken stupors. Feixiao had shown him pretty clearly just how bad a situation could get, making Jing Yuan a little wary. It would be a good battle to test Yanqing, that’s for sure, but could Jing Yuan face Yanqing while drunk? Memories of fighting his Master would surely resurface. Mm, maybe he should take pre-emptive measures before enjoying himself. Just a little part of his brain was saying that this would likely result in him sleeping like the dead and waking up only three days later with a headache, but better be safe than sorry.

“The entire cask is certainly too much, though I appreciate your offer. You bought it for a reason, did you not? Besides, even if you hadn’t, it would be much funnier to trade some with Lady Fu’s morning tea than spend it all on me.” Is Fu Xuan in danger? Maybe. She should watch out for herself a little thoroughly during this week.

Thankfully, Jien seems to understand the words coming from Jing Yuan’s mouth, and he can’t help but offer her a soft smile. He feels weirdly useful like this, able to help his friend at least a little. This sensation might as well be the real reason behind his choice to ascend rank and take Teng Xiao’s vacant position after the sedition of Imbibitor Lunae. What he did not expect was to suddenly have her turning this ‘proposal’ of viewpoint in a story, but isn’t it very fitting? Jien is a storyteller of her own right, and although Jing Yuan is much more a fan of her works narrating real-life situations, especially these where strategy and action is included, he knows that all kinds of works striking in her mind are worth-while. However, when she suggests using a younger version of him, Jing Yuan can’t help the mirth that clings to his eyes.

Oh, she’s in for some teasing, alright.

“Is this General too old to partake the journey as your main character, my friend?” The challenge is back to his face, a knowing smile plastered on his lips. Somehow. He looks much fiercer, the gold of his irises now shining with a threatening edge to it. Of course, he means no good, but it’s an invitation and a dare all the same; ‘do you dare talk such a thing of me?’ Most people would be excusing themselves right now. Jing Yuan reserves himself the right to not comment if these kinds of reactions bring him amusement.

With a deep, fake sigh he keeps going, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “And old heart, unable to chase its dreams. Would it be due to its old bones? The gray hair seems to match this picture of an old man you have of me, my friend, but I must inform you that it was here from the very beginning, contrary to the old age found in short-life species.” A finch suddenly jumps out of his hair and Jing Yuan’s face turns into surprise for a moment before he goes to play with the finch, getting it to jump onto his free hand. “Tease aside, it would be an honor for me if you’d like to use my figure in your writings. I just have one condition, aside from using my name plainly” his golden eyes flick from the finch to Jien, a somewhat naughty expression passing over his face. “Do give me some thick waist, hm?”

taken from random videos

"Go do something else. Damn, just let me murder in peace!"

"I lost my clothes in a crypto bet last night."

"I was literally just wearing an entire Ravenclaw pajama set that I got for Christmas last year because apparently people think I'm way more into Harry Potter than I actually am."

"I'm too sexy for therapy. Therapists can't handle this much sex. My sexiness is too sexy for mental health."

"Our connection has just been really lost over the past years, and I just don't understand why my trust is just gone, and I don't feel like I can tell you the truth anymore."

"Oh, you want me to spend money? Hahaha. No thank you."

"I know the freaks come out at night, girl, and I don't want to be one of them."

"I just wanna make a house and be cute. The American dream!"

"Why just cry at home when you're not invited to the party when you can just force yourself in?"

"Who needs real life when you have delusion?"

"Someone that dresses like this for Halloween is the type of person that thinks drinking White Claws is a hobby."

"Weed? What? No, I'm sorry, I believe in Jesus."

"I feel like I look terrifying in the worst way possible."

"Don't gatekeep me right now. I'm just trying to have fun. Let me enjoy myself, okay?"

"There are things you can do on the internet to get things you need. Because it's the internet."

"I already forgot what song I was singing."

"Am I stalling because I'm scared? Maybe."

"Do it one more time. Do it again, please. One more time for the family, please? One more time for the kids? Can you do it for the kids? Do it for Obama?"

"I didn't even wanna go to prom with you in the first place. I was just asking because I was being nice."

"All you need in life is someone that knows how to work wires and then suddenly your cat will come back to you."

"Have you seen those Furby snake things? Who though that was okay?"

"I'm afraid of everybody who has ever invested in a Furby."

"It knows what it's going to eat for dinner tonight, and it's me."

"Who needs to spend millions of dollars recreating Squid Game when you could watch a guy with a couple thousand dollars in his bank account scream at a Furby instead?"

"I don't think I should be saying the word abort around children. Is that not allowed? Honestly, probably not in this political climate."

"My niece does not like me."

"I probably shouldn't be calling a baby a bitch."

"You sound like a drunk toddler who can sing."

"The world is dying and ya'll still going to the beach."