Something?

Now people say a lot "I was born as a woman but fell myself as a man". Or "I was born as a man but fell myself as a woman"

But what it exactly means?

What feeling as a woman feels like? Urge to wear skirts? Pink colour? Give birth to children? Soft temper? What?

Women are highly different. So are man. There are a lot of woman that are like me. And a lot of with who I have only one thing in common - my genitals.

So what is feeling as a woman feels like?

As what king of woman you feel like? As me? As my friend? As my neighbour? Asd my mother?

All of us are different.

All of us have only one thing in common - body features.

This is the thing that distinguished men and women. Body. The personality doesn't have sex.

But does Shi Qingxuan need this person near him?

No.

God of what he was? Of wind. And...? I mean, Shi Wudu was god of water AND trade. Yushi Huang is the god of rain AND harvest. Ming Yi is the god of earth AND builders.

And Shi Qingxuan was god of wing AND ...?

That's why when he refused his god's powers they just gone. Because his powers were connected just to the element, but not to some sphere of real life. His ascension was artificial, he was constantly given powers by Shi Wudu and a lot of artifacts, that masked simple thing - he doesn't know what to do with his godhood except constantly trying to impress older brother.

He calls "Ming Yi" "Ming-xiong". But "-xiong" is a postfix that Chinese use to address elder friend, it's sign of respect. But in fact, Ming Yi (not He Xuan, but Ming Yi) is younger then Shi Qingxuan, weaker and not so reach. Why Shi Qingxuan treat hin as older, more experienced one? Because he needs some big brother in his life. He tries become more then a shadow of Shi Wudu, but can't separate and just finds a brother figure, some -xiong, who he treats like older brother and sees them as inseparable pair.

(Poor Shi Qingxuan, all this friendship was so lie, I doubt he calls someone -xiong again in his life)

Shi Qingxuan could be a god. He could ascend. He just need to grow up and understand what he wants, what he wants to do as a god for people, not for his brother, not for his friend. Instinctively, he feels thet he must become the defender of poor, homeless, unlucky. Maybe this is the voice of He Xuan's fate, this is what He Xuan destined to be, but never become.

Will Shi Qingxuan find his path? Moxiang Toungxiu don't answer "yes" or "no". But she shows that he could survive, have enough inner strength to save kind heart even after treachery of people he loved most, and to walk the hard path of learning what re really want and can do.

There are a lot on stories about vengeance an grim avengers.

But stories about good people, who knew one day that all his life was a lie, that all they had was taken from another person, and try to start anew? About person who live not their fate?

There are really few of them.

That's why it's really sad that Sho Qingxuan's story has open end. Come on, story of person who-never-ment-to-be-a-god-but-become-it-nevertheless would be so interesting! And unusual!

I saw people say that he won't ascend because he doesn't have fate of god. But! In the end of the novel he STILL has the fate of He Xuan.

Also, I read about concept of fate in Chinese culture. It's not something that is engraved in stone. It's hight possibility. It's a chance. For example if you have fate of brilliant scientist, but drink and party all days long, you won't become the scientist.

If we look to the TGCF heaven's officials, we will see, that many of them get to the upper heaven from middle heaven. Basically they become gods because they had a lot of time - hundreds of years - to cultivate. Did all of they - Linweng, Mu Qing, Feng Xing - had fate to become a god? I doubt. They weren't some exceptional personalities or heroes, they were talented + get eternity to train.

And those whose fate was to become a god? Some of them weren't cultivators at all. But they had (a) some exceptional talent or feature, (b) get a chance to do some heroic deed, and then ascended.

So, taking the fate of He Xuan, Shi Wudu, on the first place, taken this chance. There are a lot of talented, brave, or noble people, but heavens don't pay attention to them for some reason. And Shi Qingxuan got heaven's eye on him. But he didn't get any exceptional talents that He Xuan had.

In the same time, he isn't without talents. He is charismatic, strong-willed, noble, and kind. And heavens are like: "OK, what we have here? Not a great cultivator, not a scholar or artist, not a warrior... Hmm, for what we make him ascend? Oh! He has a wish to defend commoners from the rich and spoiled one! So, let this be the reason he ascends".

And Shi Qingxuan ascends when he punishes some rich, but spoiled brat. This is what heavens want from him. Before fall we see him fighting corruption at the heaven and helping Xie Lian, an outlaw (irony - the real corrupted man was his dear brother)... But then he gave up power. Xie Lian asks himself, why Shi Qingxual lost his power so easily? And the answer is... That he didn't do what heaven's want from him. He had to become defender of the commoners, not a shadow of the Water Master! It isn't like he can't be a god, but he lost his way.

Deep in the heart he feels it. That's why he wanted become a beggar before Shi Wudu's death, before He Xuan drops him in the Capital. Parly it looks like an act of self-hate, but in the same time this could be a path where his-and-not-his fate pushes him.

Moxiang supposed to say that Blackwater will watch upon ol'Feng till his death.

The reason of my suffering for several years was incorrect translation of Chinese text and fandom love for drama.

Personally, I think that Shi Qingxuan will ascend.

First, he still has fate of He Xuan. And his personality is noble and strong-willed enough to go to the heaven. How much heaven officials would tore god's power of their body just because they think they don't deserve it? Well - we have Xie Lian, who asked Jung Wu to block his power and take his luck away, and Shi Qingxuan.

Second, Shi Qingxuan's storyline is paralleled to Xie Lian's. It's not a coincidence that they goes to each other's bodies several times. They both wanted to be good gods, but they weren't experienced enough, not mature enough to see the truth and accept it, and fall from heaven. Both of them were "helped" with this by demons who were disguised as gods (Jung Wu and He Xuan).

(Yes, I see the role of He Xuan in the Shi Qingxuan's story is similar to Jung Wu in Xie Lian's story, sorry, beefleafers).

And like Xie Lian after his long-long journey was dragged to the heaven by his fate again, Shi Qingxuan probably will too. He hasn't 800 years, but he is young enough to have a lot of lime to find his path in the life. He tries to do it, he at last goes the road he choose.

Beside, there are roots in the Chinese mythology. One of 8 mythological immortals is a crippled and dirty beggar with tangled hair and iron crook. His name is Li Tieguai and he is patron of healers, who keeps his healing potions in the crook-neckpumpkin. Well, we didn't see Shi Qingxuian with crook-neckpumpkin, but he is crippled and is shown giving some water to diseased beggar. Master of wind is gone - but what about the god of healing? Also, Li Tienguai is eccentric, emotional, travels a lot, and not only patron of healings, but defender of poor people. All this aligns with personality of Shi Qingxuan really well, isn't it?

Again and again I see that people mention some kind of interview or tweet where Moxiang Toungxiu that Shi Qingxuan won't ascend, through I never see the interview or screen of the tweet. Is this mistake, misinterpretation, or this information really exists?

Because if Moxiang really said this, this makes all arc of Shi Qingxuan is pointless. He tried to bee a good gog, a good person so hard. And that's why he became a beggar. To redeem the fact that he lived with fate of another person and the life of the person was broken because of it. But if won't get ascension and won't reincarnate, as Moxiang said, all this is pointless. Just dull masochism to punish himself for things he didn't do, he couldn't control, he just didn't know about.

He could come back to heaven as subordinate of Pei Ming, for example, and help people. He could take riches that him with brother collected while being gods and use it to live normal life, even to some charity. He could try to became a clerk - he is literate, after all, and this not common thing in ancient China (even in ancient fantasy China).

But he choose to become a beggar. Crippled beggar. The last time we see him in the novel Xie Laing see that he is really thin. So he is starving or ill. And this means that his life won't be long - he is just a mortal, after all. With the "no reincarnation" rule it means just an end, soul just dissolves into qi. All him carma, all this doings, all of this means nothing, he was just sentenced for the crimes he didn't even know about. In the same time even Qi Rong, who literally ate people, He Xuan, who held prisoner real Ming Yi hundred of years and become a reason of his death, who drowned many sailors, and Bai Wuxian, who did all kinds of crimes, weren't punished so hard.

So if the information about "no ascension and no reincarnation" is true, it just make all Blackwater arc extremely dark with moral "In this cruel world better kill hundreds of people then try be a good person and seek to find redemption". But in the same time - such vital information must be said in THE book, not in some interview/tweet. And if this ifo is real, I just don't understand the logic of the author. Completely. If she wanted to show that Shi Qingxuan, along the logic and laws of this world, must die completely for the crimes of his brother - this must happen in the book, not behind the scenes.

That's why obsessive thoughts about the Shi Qingxuan don't want to go away. Because I just. Don't. Understand. The point of all this.