no lotus

I don’t want to hear your bullshit about how love is a social construct

Love is important to me

I am too good for Facebook, and so are you

We don’t have infinite time

Some things are precious, but they aren’t things really

I fear death, and I am not ashamed about it

I fear life, and I am ashamed about it

Google has a monopoly, and nobody seems to care

All this miraculous technology, and we are mostly using it to look at pornography and play games

Edward Snowden acted heroically because he sacrificed his comfortable lifestyle to warn an apathetic country about violations they don’t even care about it

Let them eat electronic money

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I feel like if anything were actually based on merit, I would have already won by now

Nietzsche is far more dead than God

This is the end of the first poem

* 

This is the second poem

“Fool myself once, shame on me

Fool myself twice, shame on me

Fool myself thrice, I hate myself

Fool myself four times, suicide is an option”

All I’ve ever wanted is everything I’ve ever wanted as soon as possible at as little cost to me as possible

Is that really so much to ask?

I’m not at all confident that people get what they deserve

This is the end of the second poem

  *

  Third poem

This is a prayer I say to myself:

“I know you’re unhappy;

I promise to learn to help”

FYI probably the worst thing the internet did for our generation was popularize nihilism, but who can say whether the chicken or the egg came first?

I don’t mean to be brash, but you’re all fucking cowards

Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep 

Lil B rawest rapper – Lil B

Am I bad person for not reciprocating oral sex?

What if I told you that I did not even want her to suck my penis but was afraid to tell her so because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings?

I’m talking about my generation

Language itself is a fractal, probably

Emptiness is form, and form is emptiness, and so on

I used to enjoy Zen koans, but now I don’t enjoy anything

The end

*

This is the fourth poem 

Who was it who once said, a little philosophy inclineth man’s mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men’s minds to religion?

It was Francis Bacon

I Googled it

We are living in a dark age where bacon is not really just a food anymore but also a highly marketable meme, and people think they are some thing

I went to the mall, and boy were there products

Disregard love, and have sexual intercourse

Damn, I will never be younger than I am right now

When you don’t have a good reason to live, you don’t have a good reason to live

Material comfort does little to combat immaterial discomfort

I’ll see it when I believe it, and not vice versa

Some people masturbate by having sex with another person

Hell is unrequited love  

Why is everybody constantly mistaking technical expertise for genuine intelligence?

I suppose it could only be the way it already is

Otherwise, wouldn’t it be different?

You and I are exactly the same

These are just words

Would not a rose smell as sweet etc.

You’re imputing the meaning

Everybody needs an inspiration, and I choose Kanye West

When they ask me how I finally made it through in the end, I will utter one word:

“Kanye”

 That’s the end of poem four

*

 Here’s poem five

I only want to make you believe me so that I can make me believe me

I have heard it said that what you put into the universe is exactly what you get back

Well, I must have put some real bullshit into the universe ha ha ha ha ha ha ha no but really

Obama is probably trying his best, just like you are

Unfortunately, Obama’s best is still not good enough

If you gaze into the social media, the social media gazes also into you

You are what you consume

You are not a statistic

You are many statistics combined

The only way out is through

Unable to sleep willingly, so now I got these pills that make me

I am ordering chicken fries in the Burger King drive thru because I read a lot of tweets about chicken fries

I am not above being influenced by nationwide marketing campaigns

Advertising works because people think it doesn’t

I am only human, and I wish I were more but I’m not

Anyway last week I went to the hospital, and I am afraid to write about it in any serious manner not because I am ashamed of my mental health but because psychological issues are grossly overused in lit and cliched to the point of, it disgusts me

I think the banality of my suffering terrifies me more than my suffering itself 

I have read too many Wikipedia articles, and now my perception of reality is warped

Great

Why is every writer such a fuck up in all things other than writing?

Let’s agree to try not to kid ourselves any longer

Maybe don’t hate the player but hate the game(?)

Maybe hate the player for playing a broken game(?)

Maybe love the winners who find alternatives(?)

Are they even out there(?)

Are you there God(?)

It’s me, Mark(?)

Is the kingdom of heaven within me(?)

Do I have Buddha nature(?)

Will I ever forgive myself for causing my very own suffering(?)

Will I ever find something like happiness(?)

Will I ever find a love that can last(?)

Check out my blog, and check out my active presence on social media websites

I am mostly desperately seeking external validation

Funemployment stopped being fun a long time ago

You hate to see this type of thing happen, especially with yourself

Let me take a selfie so somebody can like it and in some way reaffirm to me that I am not a horrible and ugly person who will die alone

Am I right?

My resume is a list of things I didn’t want to do but felt I had to do in order to have the opportunity to do other things I actually want to do

The personal brand is nothing but capitalism finally breaching the gates of human identity itself, and it is nothing to glorify

Am I wrong?

I don’t want the means of production

You can keep them

An ok moment to end this poem

*

New poem

The defecation is hitting the oscillation

I am supposed to buy a lightbox which emits “natural sunlight” and shine it on myself for fifteen minutes a day, but I have not done so because it sounds humiliating

My mom tells me that she’s very worried about me and that she loves me

I am very worried about me too

I do not love me

I am really sorry, Mom

This is the end of this poem

*

Another poem

I miss smoking weed

It provided some kind of relief

Prozac and Wellbutrin are providing no relief

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is providing little relief

A doctor told me I’d never find the motivation to do anything if I kept smoking weed, so I stopped

After stopping, I still don’t have the motivation to do much of anything

I’ve learned helplessness because I’ve put a lot of time and energy into things that have not paid off

I have a degree in English from a prestigious university and it seems not worth the money I paid for it

I deeply loved a girl for a few years and then she left me for reasons I don’t understand

Now I am alone

Great

I miss you

You provided some kind of relief

I’m afraid to be alone because I’m afraid to be with myself, and it’s a problem

I have heard it said that people find confidence attractive, but I tend to find confidence disgusting

In fact, it repulses me

When I was in the hospital, there was a piano, and I would play it sometimes

A patient asked if she could listen to me play

I told her I didn’t know how to play piano

She said she would leave me alone, and she did

I think I upset her

I still feel bad about that

I could’ve just let her listen to me play

I didn’t need to tell her that I don’t know how to play piano

I could’ve pretended

One can always pretend

It helps sometimes

End

*

I do not know which number poem this is

There are no communities left in America, only networks

Somebody I had been seeing asked me if I am into polyamory

I told them no

I am a highly monogamous person

They then asked me to be in a monogamous relationship

I told them I would think about it

I don’t like that they changed the type of relationship they wanted so quickly

I don’t like change

I’d like to believe in my generation’s enthusiasm for polyamory, but I have a deep suspicion that it has a lot more to do with our flippancy and fear of commitment and a lot less to do with sharing love and being open

I have heard it said that nirvana is seeing one thing through to its end

Jesus washed people’s feet

The death of monogamy preceded the death of chivalry, and serial monogamy is hardly monogamy

Here’s a problem: people don’t believe in the power of love anymore

Literally the entire internet is a joke

It’s fine, but you’re all cowards, you know?

I don’t feel above anything except I feel above feeling above anything, if that makes sense

I have always quietly felt wiser than everybody else

I have always quietly believed in the redemptive power of love

End of this poem

*

Another poem

Change nothing and nothing changes

Socrates used his final words to repay a debt

Put me in the Large Hadron Collider and smash my particles

I extend further than my body would have you believe

By saying “I don’t care,” you betray your care, for you cared enough to let someone know you don’t

Oddly, neglect hurts more than hatred

America, I thought things were supposed to be different

You can tweet anything you want to

I’ve tried to pick up smoking cigarettes a few times but could never keep the habit

It has always seemed entirely disingenuous to me when cigarette smokers tell others that they should never start

An e-cigarette is very post-modern, because it only exists as a reflection of what it is not

Let’s work together to deplete the environment of all its resources and natural beauty

I was born into the last generation to exist before widespread internet

I can still remember not having a cellphone

I can’t determine whether things seemed nicer then because I didn’t have a cellphone or because I was only a child

There’s just something so unwholesome about flying a kite at night

An eye for an eye and an orange rind

End this one

*

Start of this poem

You shouldn’t accustom yourself to meaningless phrases

You may find that when you need to say something important, your mouth can’t shape proper words

They told me to fake it til I make it, and I’ve just been faking it for a couple decades now, waiting to make it

Watch me seek validation from my peers online

Watch me seek and seek

That’s all for this one

*

Yet another poem

Caterpillars transform into butterflies, and butterflies transform into dust

Hanging a Nintendo Gamecube above your bed is known to stop bad dreams

You just want to reap the benefits of having somebody care about you without having to make sacrifices or being vulnerable in return

You are a mean girl

The details change but the story is always the same

Are artists the only people entitled to lives of their own?

Heems retweeted me asking Heems to save me

Do you have time to improve your life?

If not, why not?

I could tweet circles around these poser-ass poets

/End

*

/Start

I feel like what most people interpret as talent is just them seeing the end result of someone who has practiced a thing for a long time

I could probably be really good at a lot of things if I took the time to practice and become good at those things

Please list your reason(s) for leaving this job:

How about I hated it and it made me want to die?

Kill the Netflix inside your head

Sorry, I wasn’t loved enough as a child, so now I’m extremely needy and emotionally insecure

It’s kind of whatever

I’m kind of chill with it

Come save me, princess charming

Jesus was a fisherman

Die or die trying

Twitter is fun, but you’re all cowards, you know?

Probably the most horrifying thing someone has ever told me is that my loneliness is quote-unquote palpable

Good place to end this poem

*

Another poem

OkCupid asked me whether I am more horny or lonely, and I replied the latter, and I worry about people who’d reply the former

You ever notice how just about everything we do, all this bottomless achievement and ladder climbing, is to try to prove our worth, which, every person has inherent worth to begin with, though?

You know that part in the Catcher in the Rye where Holden’s mom buys him the wrong kind of ice skates, and he’s sad because he knows she tried?

I am just looking for someone to discuss Zeno’s paradoxes with in a flippant yet subtly intellectually rigorous manner

The feeling is like when you put money into a vending machine and the vending machine fails to give you what you paid for

I wish I could meet more twenty-somethings who are into compassion and wisdom and fewer who are into drugs and sex, to be quite honest

The year is 2015, and we are all alive in it

I’m ending this poem now, but there will be another one

*

And here it is

How young can you die from old age?

There are:

No atheists in a foxhole and many fuckboys on the internet

Hot tip if you want a massive following online: just pander

The thing about consuming too much entertainment and amusing yourself too often is that your life begins to lose meaning, and by no accident

Here’s an opinion: Netflix is probably one of the most unhealthy, detrimental, time-wasting things going on in America right now

Lots of people seem to be under the delusion that watching hours of Netflix everyday is somehow less mindless and inane than hours of broadcast television

It’s very insidious

The story of Icarus is the same as the story of the Tower of Babel is the same as the story of Macbeth is the same as the story of the United States of America

Westward, the course of empire takes its way!

It’s hard to say I’d rather be awake when I’m asleep

I can’t keep this poem going any longer

*

I don’t know how many more of these poems I have left to give

Nothing feels good, is a double entendre

A lot of music I used to like makes me so sad that I literally can’t bear to listen to it at this emotionally fraught juncture in my life

I am a golden link in Lord Buddha’s golden chain of love

I waste time on the World Wide Web

She wore blue velvet

I like when the stock market numbers go up and down

I find it intellectually riveting and deeply emotionally fulfilling

I’ve listened to Fireworks by Drake at least 40 times in the last 48 hours

When people ask me to watch their stuff at the library or coffee shop while they get up to use the restroom, I’m like, I could just steal your stuff now

But I never do because I like people who have faith in humanity

I’m really glad I don’t have the diseases I don’t have

You see, it’s not just money / material things; some people try to acquire New Experiences in the very same way others chase money

Globally, the rate of major depression correlates with the rate of material affluence, by no coincidence

It’s as if we’ve reached the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and have realized, oh, this isn’t working, I’m still not fine

The necessity for prior experience and references is just a sneaky and glorified form of nepotism, to be honest

The sea was angry that day, my friends

Self-evident is my favorite kind of evidence, partly because I suspect it’s also the only kind of evidence

Ok, this one’s done; a few more to go

*

We are getting close to the end of this series of poems now

Hey guys, remember how America is still at war?

I keep forgetting that our country is at war!

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

There might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels

In a way, secular materialism is much more dogmatic than religion has ever been

I will stick up for religion, because nobody else my age will

After Skype sex, you’re supposed to smoke an e-cigarette in bed

Hi, my heart is constantly aching and I’m trying to pull myself out of a rut by my own bootstraps and it isn’t really working at all, how are you?

The road to hell is paved with raising awareness

It’d be cool if the internet weren’t basically a giant tool for making money

Someone’s response to my Craigslist personal ad was, Are you a serial killer?

I am not a serial killer, but I wouldn’t tell you if I were

God damn Tinder

It’s dehumanizing

Death is certain, but taxes can be escaped if you’re rich enough

The lengths we go to avoid admitting we’re wrong are practically always more painful than just admitting we’re wrong

Fuck your sophomoric-ass Cartesian duality

I think Tao Lin is releasing a book of tweets, and I’m envious he gets money for being a jackass online while we don’t

I’ve been thinking about trying to stop doing the same things that make me unhappy and starting to try to do new things that could make me happy

“You have to learn to love yourself before you can learn to love others”

Only a person who has always been loved would say something like that

I’ve been grieving my entire life

End

*

Start

Check out my cellular growth and decay body mods

I’m sick of your tattoos, and the way you don’t appreciate Brand New

My dog seems depressed

What does Webster say about soul?

All I want is a good home and a wife

With nobody in your bed, the night’s hard to get through

The best part about Red Lobster isn’t the seafood but the biscuits

The best part about Red Lobster isn’t the biscuits but to sit at a table with people you love and just enjoy their company

Consider this: all lobsters would prefer not to be boiled alive

End

Start

Follow my blog http://memeoji.tumblr.com, or follow my Twitter @memeoji

It’s bullshit, but not any more than the next thing

I deleted all the old posts on my blog for reasons I forget

Validate me

If I post a selfie, tell me I am sexually attractive, or at least imply it with a like

I need compliments, like anyone else

Tell me I won’t die alone, or at least imply it

The doctor said that when I talk about myself, it’s as if I’m disinterested and talking about somebody else

When I was in the hospital, there was a computer we were allowed to use for fifteen minutes a day, and tweeting helped keep me sane

And I wrote you a letter about how I’d been abused and how I still loved you and how I hoped we could someday get back together, and how I was trying to think of you as an angel, because I couldn’t deal with how you’d hurt me, and I still can’t, and how I was working direly to change my life for the better, and how I was on the verge of something and just needed just a little more time and

Your response was to say you don’t think people can change that fast

And that it wouldn’t matter even if I did change

Jesus Christ

End

*

Start

I went to the Spring Fling at the Zen temple

I’d hoped to meet somebody my age, somebody to talk to, but mostly only old people hang around religious institutions these days

Old people make me uncomfortable, because they didn’t grow up with the internet

Young people make me uncomfortable, because they didn’t grow up with a strong sense of morals

I spent the night mostly alone, watching people

The temple was decorated with guest’s art taped all over the walls

At one point during the night, a picture fell off the wall

It was calligraphy of the word “Impermanence”

It was deemed significant by the Buddhists that the word “Impermanence” fell off the wall

I was too busy neurotically checking my phone for new messages from girls to care much

I bought you a small painting of Princess Mononoke

The painting reminded me of you, but so does everything

It was “pay what you want,” and I paid a lot and wanted to

I told the Zen temple I needed refuge, and they told me I needed money

End

*

Last poem?

You must be as exhausted as I am with this by now, if not more so

The sky has been grey in Michigan for twenty years

My posture is terrible from leading a largely sedentary life

My body holds onto what my mind would prefer to forget

For example, I have an exaggerated startle response

I used to have dreams of being a published author or famous musician

Now my goals are more grounded, like making it through this poem

At one point, I was at the self-actualization level of Maslow’s pyramid, but I have fallen back down to the love-and-belonging level

Things could always be worse, but I find this fact more frightening than comforting

All I have ever wanted is to make someone feel less alone

All I have ever wanted is for someone to make me feel less alone

People need people

End

*

One more?

What’s left to say?

It’s 2015

There are known knowns, known unknowns, and most frightening of all, unknown unknowns

I still remember September 11th

I was in the second grade

Our teacher let us watch the TV in class as the planes hit

We were confused and too young to know what happened

We are older now and still don’t know what happened really

My teacher retired that year

She wrote the class a book to say goodbye

It was called “Mrs. Nelson Tells Her Age”

It talked about getting older and moving on

She seemed sad then

We were too young to understand why

Hey, remember how I played you Landslide on my phone as we walked in the dark, by the church, and I started crying, and it made you start crying?

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you

And time has made me no bolder

I’m just a child who got older

I miss you

age : 24 body : skinnyheight : 6’0” (182cm) status : single

Hey lol.

I know a lot of people browse Craigslist pretending they’re just doing it out of boredom or curiosity. Maybe that’s what you think you’re doing. That’s fine.

I know you’re lonely and looking for Something from people. I know because I’m just like you.

Everybody is basically the same. It’s just the details that differ.

Who am I?

I am a 24 years old mostly straight white male. I graduated from the University of Michigan. I’m Smart. I’m not stupid, just stupidly alone.

I write, play music, people watch, exercise, meditate, dance, go to bars alone just to read books in an interesting environment. I eat food everyday. I used to drink the drank and smoke trees, but I don’t like drugs anymore; they stopped working for me. I don’t care whether you like to drink or smoke—it really doesn’t make a difference to me. It’s not even interesting to me. In fact, it’s boring.

I like Dogs more than Cats, but I like people who like Cats more than people who like Dogs. I’m Buddhist. I also think it’s meaningless to say “I’m Buddhist.” I literally don’t care whether you believe in God or not. But I tend not to like people who make it point to let everyone know about how they’re an Atheist and therefore very Rational and Intelligent. I think it’s meaningless to say you’re an Atheist in the same way that I think it is meaningless to say I’m Buddhist.

I’m at a sort of crossroads or limbo right now in my Life, and I am trying to make new friends. I -need- new friends. Will you be my new friend? Don’t be shy. I’m putting myself out here for You. Take it or leave it.

After I graduated from university, I couldn’t find suitable work, and I did a lot of Wandering. I’ve been to almost every state in this country. I’ve volunteered in the Dominican Republic. One day, I hope to emigrate from America.

I am considering going to graduate school for just about anything. School is so f*cking easy, and if you feel it is difficult, I feel sorry for you, no offense. I’m not trying to brag or say I’m a Boy Genius, I’m just trying to be honest for a change, even if only anonymously online. I’ve been a liar for most of my life.

Telling people things that aren’t true isn’t the only way to lie. Another way to lie is just to give people an impression that is different than your own, and I learned / stole that from a long free lecture series online. It’s a really good lecture series, and I’m looking for the right person to share it with.

I haven’t the slightest clue why people idolize Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs was lucky to be successful imho, and not particularly intelligent imho. I’ve heard he died from a very curable form of cancer because he refused the standard treatment and opted for some new-age pseudoscience medicine instead.

I don’t think Capitalism is Good. If Capitalism is anything, it’s just the most comfortable.

I think Marxism is maybe Good, but it would probably be less comfortable than Capitalism. Does that make sense to you? I’m just writing things. It doesn’t matter.

I don’t think America is a Democracy, despite what they teach in school and say on Fox News.

I don’t believe in “staying informed,” and I ignore the newspapers and magazines and CNN and Reddit and similar websites.

I spend a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter.

Having had many male friends, I think most men are pretty terrible tbqh, and I would prefer to mostly have female friends from now on, I think, even if only because females tend to be more empathetic than males.

Does that make me a self-hating male haha? People have been talking a lot about gender lately, have you noticed?

I don’t hate myself at all, although I have pretended to hate myself sometimes in order to elicit responses I wanted from people.

But I also don’t love myself. Idk

I’m just one person alive with a brain encased in a skull. I’m just trying to cope with reality. Life is suffering, the Buddha said, and he was right, I believe.

If you know what I’m trying to say at all and I’m not terrifying you right now, maybe we can get coffee or watch Netflix or people watch at the mall or paint a picture, or do whatever it is that humans are doing these days to pass the time. I would pretty much be down for whatever whenever. I’m bored and lonely. I am very, very bored and lonely.

I am basically a normal, kind guy—some quirks notwithstanding.

Don’t be shy. In a world where so many people seem to be lonely, it’d be incredibly selfish to be lonely alone.

I don’t know how to construct a Craigslist personal that would attract the right person for me, but I do know 99.9% of the personals on this site seem f*cking stupid to me and make me sick haha. I’m just trying to be honest.

So I don’t necessarily want your picture, and I won’t ask you to reply with anything specific, because I just want you to reply with something real for once in your godforsaken life.

Right now I’m swiping left on literally every girl on Tinder and listening to the new Drake album, “If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late.”

I was discharged from a hospital just this morning, and today I feel pretty Lucid and Grateful.

I think what I feel like saying is, if you’re still reading this, it’s not too late.

Lol.

With Love and Hope I hope isn’t misplaced,