Eternal Energy

Cancer. Grad School. Losing Friends. Losing Lovers. Life changing decisions. Being stronger alone. 

FIrst post in forever. Just reflecting on how much I’ve lost this past year. Gained a little too. 

Some days I barely think about you at all now. Some days I don't even miss you, I hate you, and some days I forgive you for every past day and all the ones to come. Then the next day I remember what happened and I hate you again for making me wonder if anyone is going to actually love me like I deserve. Lately I've been looking for a place to live. One bedroom apartments are expensive. I see all these houses too expensive for me to be alone in and think about how we could've lived together there, loving each other the whole time even if we only saw each other as we crawled into bed some days. but that was never really going to happen. you were lying to me the whole time because you thought it was what I wanted to hear.