Momo Marie

AO3 (general)

AO3 (Fear and Hunger: Everyone Lives AU)

Neocities (general)

First of all, lemme just say, I just had the worst fucking week of my entire life. I would even go on to say that this is my worst year of my entire life. Everything sucks ALL the time and I have been hanging by a fucking thread.

But things have been better! This week has started off strong, I am at peace, and I found a doctor. Woohoo!

But most importantly, I've made an epiphany. I fucking hate social media.

I have spent a full week completely off Tumblr, in my own space, writing all (I mean ALL) my thoughts in a journal instead and it's great. You know why?

Because I am completely unreachable.

Because there's no one there to misunderstand me, either willfully or otherwise. There's no one to pick arguments for the sake of picking arguments. To talk for the sake of hearing themselves talk. Nothing!

I don't have to be afraid of my words! I can say whatever the fuck I want and no one can do anything about it! For once, I'm learning to fucking trust myself and not second guess everything I fucking do! It's great!

So, you probably know what's coming. I am not coming back here. Ever.

I think I can leave my accounts up. My appointment with my doctor isn't until late July anyway, so like, I don't think I would have seen much improvement before August 6 anyhow. But like, I spent a whole week completely off of here and while I was really tempted to check, I didn't. I don't think I have to take such an all or nothing approach. Which is great! My art gets to stay here! Yay!

But I won't be posting on here again. I'm going to yoink some text posts to archive on a site where I am still completely unreachable and skedaddle. And like, I was gonna say "Oh, I'll keep this place as a mailbox! I check every now and then when I'm in a good headspace! That way I can still talk to my friends and stuff 🥰"

And then the first fucking thing I see when I come on here to save my pavrin text posts on my main blog, which is hidden from searches, is someone, a stranger, trying to argue on one of my homeschooling posts.

So ya know what! Fuck it! I'm done! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of constantly thinking I'm a rotten wretched human being because everyone wants to argue all the time, and then call me the "emotional" or "sensitive" one when I get upset. This has been going on for fucking years. I am done.

To the folks who have kindly complimented my art, thank you! I'm sorry I don't believe you. I'm trying to get that fixed. To the folks who left kind comments on my original goodbye post, thank you! I'm sorry I don't believe you. Again, trying to get that fixed 🤧

And to the friends that I have made on here, I am going to miss you so, so, SO much!! But I simply cannot take it anymore. I have too much going on irl right now; I really can't afford another mental breakdown.

I will make another (much shorter) post with my AO3 and my Neocities site (though that might be moved to my own server soon; I wanna post nsfw stuff there and I don't think Neo allows that :P) and then I'm gone. Will grab my pavrin posts to archive and kiss this place goodbye. Tumblr was always my comfort site, but it hasn't been a comfort for a long, long time. My fault, I guess. I talk too much. People don't like that :P

I have made the realization that I very, very likely have OCD and that my postings are a compulsion that is making it worse. I am currently in the process of finding a doctor to help with this, but I live in the US where they make it very difficult to do so (and very difficult to make that doctor actually listen to you on what you need).

Which brings me to the point of this post. If I cannot see progress in my thoughts over myself and my emotions in two month's time (that's August 6), I will be deleting all my social media accounts.

As long as I have social media, I'm going to be tempted to post, which may prompt a spiral, which will have me hate myself again. This really isn't good for my mental health anymore, and I don't know if I can fix myself on my own.

Once my main blog is deleted, my art blog will also go. I'd really hate to see it go, but I can't separate it from my main blog, unfortunately. So, and maybe no one cares about this but just in case, I wanted to give you guys a heads-up so that you can save any art that you liked, whether it's pavrin or certain Everyone Lives AU pages or whatever. As stated in my FAQ, I am not against reposting and I do not require credit! The attention has become extremely bad for my mental health anyway.

I will still be posting on AO3, however! I've turned off the ability to leave comments, so I will be able to post without fear of spiral. I may still post the Everyone Lives AU on there, but updates would be much slower and I would have to find a new hosting site for the previous pages (which, redoing all that does not...sound fun.....)

Additionally, I have sporadic art on my neocities site! I might use that as my new Everyone Lives hosting site as well (though again....reuploading all that there.....does not sound fun........). Since it's not as easy to update, it would be updated more slowly. Perhaps that's a good thing.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to stay offline for these two months or until I can see improvement. I know I said I would do the funger pride event, and I still might if I get better! But I don't think it's a good idea right now. I have deleted my Tumblr and Bluesky apps and removed them from being pinned on my computer. Not posting on Bluesky will be very easy. Tumblr will be hard though—it's still readily accessible through my browser app and even logging out won't be enough for me (I have already tried in the past; this is why I need to either Get Better(tm) or delete). So I'll likely still end up making more posts than I should during that time period. But I'm going to try.

I hope I can get better. But I've lost my trust in the US healthcare system a long time ago. I've lost trust in the internet, in social media. And now I've lost my trust in myself.

I really appreciate the friends that I've had in the past and am so thankful for those who have helped me through previous spirals. I also feel severely guilty for it, because it was technically very unfair to y'all, but that could be the OCD talking. Again, can't trust myself at all right now.

“I can feel it inside me, it’s cold.”

“I know, so cold,” he rubbed her thigh with his free hand, then squeezed it, “my girl.”

I am once again asking everyone to read @c-dollanganger’s pavrin fic please please pretty please ☺️

Non text version of first panel below! 👇🏽

There’s no button to push for third base