Nix

“What do you think she sees in guys like that?” Bucky asks, his eyes once again trained on you.

Bob follows his line of sight and purses his lips. “Nothing. She doesn’t look interested at all.”

Bucky scoffs and takes a slow sip of his beer. “That guy looks interested.”

“Obviously,” Bob says. “Who wouldn’t be.”

Bucky shifts his eyes to Bob and Bob immediately holds up his hands defensively. “I’m just saying. I get it.”

The metal plates in Bucky’s arm shift and whir under the leather of his jacket and he spins the beer bottle between his fingers as he thinks. “I don’t stand a chance.”

“What was that?” Bob asks, leaning forward.

Bucky just shakes his head, sighing and slumping over his beer.

“Why don’t you just ask her?”

“Ask her what? Bucky says.

“What she sees in them? Bob shoots back. “That’s the only way to find out.”

“Yeah, well….” Bucky can’t finish his sentence because you start to head their way.

“Now’s your chance,” Bob whispers before he smiles at you.

“What are you guys up to over here?” you ask when you stop in front of Bucky.

“Nothin’,” Bucky smiles at the same time Bob starts to say, “Bucky was just wondering what you see in those guys.”

Bucky shoots Bob a death glare.

“What guys?” you ask, your eyes on Bucky.

“Like the one you were talking to by the dart game,” Bob clarifies.

“Not my type at all,” you answer.

“Told ya so,” Bob says with a light elbow in Bucky’s shoulder.

“Well not your type is headed our way,” Bucky grumbles as he straightens his shoulders.

You turn to catch the guy that was chatting you up at darts heading your way.

“He just can’t take a hint,” you say under your breath.

“Hey, there you are,” the guy says as he slides up next to you. “I thought you were getting another drink.”

“I’m going to,” you start, “but I wanted to see my…”

Before you can finish the sentence, Bob chimes in and says, “boyfriend.”

“Who? You?” the guy says, pointing to Bob.

Bob starts to shake his head no and then Bucky stands and slides his arm around your waist, tucking you against his side and saying, “no. Me.”

Bob chuckles from behind you but quickly stifles it when Bucky narrows his eyes.

“You didn’t say you had a boyfriend,” the guy frowns.

“Well. I do,” you say as you rest your head on Bucky’s chest.

“I wouldn’t have spent so much time chatting you up if I didn’t think I had a chance of getting some,” the guy scoffs.

Your mouth falls open and you feel Bucky tense next to you. Even Bob slides around front and stands at your other side.

“Now that wasn’t the right thing to say,” Bucky grits out, his tone hard.

You turn your face up to Bucky and smile. “Now do you see why I’m not interested.”

Bucky smiles back and let’s his hand slide over the curve of your hip. “Yeah doll, I think I get it.”

The guy from darts just stands there, looking between the three of you.

“That was your cue to leave,” Bucky growls. “Unless you need me to make you…”

The guy throws his hands up in surrender and backs away, quickly turning on his heel before disappearing near the bathrooms.

“He was going on and on about his big tricked out truck outside,” you say, emphasizing the words “ big and tricked out,” with sarcasm and a roll of your eyes. “Too bad he didn’t get a look at your bike.”

You grin at Bucky when you say it and see his eyes light up.

“I’ll take you for a ride anytime you want doll face.”

“I could get used to this boyfriend thing,” you murmur, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.

“I think he’d like that.”

If your eyes weren’t already focused on Bucky’s lips you would have sworn he said the words. But his lips never moved, and it takes you a second to remember that Bob is still standing next to you.

You whip your head Bob’s way, and he smiles brightly and nods. Your head falls into Bucky’s chest, and you start to shake with laughter.

“What?” Bob asks with his eyebrows drawn in.

Bucky’s mouth lifts into a sideways grin. “Where’s Yelena?”

Bob’s eyes scan the room, and he finds her standing by the dart game with a knife poised between her fingers.

“About to play darts with her knife,” Bob says as if it’s nothing.

“Why don’t you go play with her,” Bucky says.

“I’ll never win,” Bob retorts.

You look over at Yelena and catch her eye, subtly conveying through the unspoken girl bond that you want her to get rid of Bob for you.

She naturally gets the idea and waves at Bob, motioning for him to come join her.

“See,” Bucky says, somewhat shocked but then looking down at you and giving you a knowing smile. “She wants you to play.”

Bob smiles and says goodbye as he rushes off to join her.

“I’d kick both their asses,” Bucky says.

“Of course you would Buck,” you reply and pat his chest.

“Thanks for saving me before,” you tell him, turning in his hold and wrapping your arms around his neck.

You give him a hug and then a soft kiss near the corner of his mouth. “I would never have gone home with that guy.”

Bucky’s quiet for a moment, still savoring the feel of your lips on his skin.

“So then…what’s your type?” he asks.

“Hm. Well…,” you start. “I prefer darker features…dark hair.”

You run your fingers lightly through the hair at the back of his neck. “And I love facial hair.”

Your fingertips trace the line of his jaw, gently scratching through his scruff. “Especially when there’s these little patches of gray.”

He sucks in a small breath, his eyelashes fluttering and the tops of his cheeks turning a light pink.

“Beautiful eyes…”

You hold his stare. “Especially framed by long dark lashes I wish I had.” You follow that statement with a little laugh.

“Your eyelashes are perfect,” he whispers, and you smile.

“But the most important thing is that he has a good heart.”

You follow those words with the flat press of your palm to his chest, right over the rapid thumping of his heart.

He closes his hand around yours, squeezing lightly as he tugs you closer and dips his head.

“Anything else?” he asks.

“A good kisser would be a big plus.”

“I think I can handle that,” he says, his warm breath fanning your lips.

He releases your hand, sliding it down along your arm to your back where his fingers splay and he gently brings you closer. The first contact is just a brush of his lips over yours, the briefest sweep.

You’re already sure it’s going to be the best kiss of your life and when you hear the quietest moan escape his throat he leans in again, pressing his soft, strong mouth to yours and taking your top lip between his, sucking gently, before he turns his attention to your bottom one.

With a smile forming against the kiss, he tilts his head and slides his hand at your back higher, cupping the nape of your neck and taking you with a heat you couldn’t have predicted but makes you feel like you’re free falling backward into the clouds.

His other hand smooths over the curve of your waist and up to rest warmly on your cheek, his thumb caressing your soft skin while he kisses you senseless.

Everything is quiet before you hear cheers from the back of the bar and he slowly releases you, pressing his lips to yours softly again and again before he pulls back.

“Bucky Barnes,” you whisper as you bury your face in his neck. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Yelena and Bob continue to clap, and he takes your chin between his fingers, bringing your eyes back to his.

“Nah doll. Just hoping that kiss was good enough to snag me a date.”

“A date? After that kiss I’ll marry you.”

“Even better,” he winks before his lips meet yours again.

Steve promised if there was ever a day when Bucky’s writing became published he’d be by his side to celebrate too. As much as they liked to give each other shit sometimes about art and how they created it, the support was there through and through. The only catch for tonight was that he had to dress nicely to get into the gallery. So, instead of the usual leather jacket or vest he wore and jeans, he went with a plain black suit and white button up shirt.

He refused to wear a tie since it wasn’t a wedding. He had to draw a line somewhere. No one paid him any mind though as they walked around the gallery, and he was more than fine with that. This wasn’t his night.

“You should be proud, punk,” Bucky said, looking over the art lining the large wall, each piece crafted with care.

“I am proud, jerk,” Steve smiled. He hadn’t worn a tie either, and it made Bucky feel a little better. “And you know you don’t have to stay the whole time.”

Bucky knew that. He also knew members and prospects would be trickling in and out throughout the evening. “Not needed at the bar tonight, so I can stay as long as I want. But I might cut out early since I see your face enough between that and the club.”

Steve chuckled. “Still haven’t sold the place, huh?”

The brunette sighed. It wasn’t the first time Steve asked if he was going to sell the bar to focus more on writing. “Where the hell would you all hang out if I sold the place?” He liked the bar. It wasn’t just a great hangout for the club, but for his other regulars, too.

“There are other bars,” Steve teased. He said that, but he loved the bar, too. “You know I just want you to-”

“Follow my compass. I know. You’ve said that so many…” He stopped talking when he saw an unexpected angel walk into the room.

Well, angel was the word that came to mind since you were wearing a white dress and the light over your head illuminated you like a halo. But as his eyes swept over you, he wondered if there was a bit of a devil in you. He wouldn’t mind bringing that side out of you if you gave him the chance.

And here he used to think love at first sight was bullshit.

“Hey. Do you know her?” Bucky subtly nodded in your direction as you spoke to another woman, jealousy flaring up for a second at the thought of his best friend knowing you and not telling him. And if you knew Steve, that was that before things even started. While the blonde didn’t have much game growing up, he came into his own after his growth spurt, and everyone adored or wanted him.

Steve shook his head. “No, I don’t,” he said, making Bucky’s shoulders slump in relief before his friend scrutinized him. “Jesus, are you eye fucking her? You are, aren’t you?”

Bucky wasn’t the least bit ashamed. “And I’ll keep doing it ‘til she looks at me,” he replied, wishing you’d at least spare him a glance and get a look at him in his nice suit. Maybe you weren’t into guys with tattoos and piercings, but he was certain he could change your mind if that was the case.

“How long has it been since you’ve been on a date?” Steve asked. “Just introduce yourself like a gentleman and see where that goes.”

“A couple of months? Something like that.” Tearing his gaze away to glance at his inked hands, he chuckled. “You think I’m a gentleman?”

He could be dangerous and downright dirty when the occasion called for it, but just because he rode a motorcycle and covered himself in tattoos and piercings didn’t mean he treated others poorly. He was raised better than that. Even with his ex-girlfriends, things never ended because he didn’t treat them well. They just weren’t the one.

“We both know you are. Sometimes,” Steve answered, smirking as a beat passed. “And she’s looking your way.”

Bucky’s head snapped up to find you looking right at him with a curious stare. You had the prettiest eyes he had ever seen. Which was nothing compared to your smile. It was like watching the sun slowly rise to meet the day.

Fuck, he was being sappy. You ruined him with a single stare, and he wanted to ruin you in return. Make it so you wouldn’t want another man.

You whispered something to the woman beside you before she nudged you forward and he realized Steve pushed him to move, too. It only took three more steps before he was right in front of you, the gentle smell of your sweet perfume filling his nostrils. Need slammed into his body as you smiled again, and he actually felt the blue of his eyes shrink as his pupils widened.

If Steve thought he was eye fucking you before…

“Hey,” he said, his voice raspier than usual.

“Hi,” you said. It was a voice he could listen to for hours and he wondered what it would sound like when you said his name.

“I’m Bucky.” He took a smaller step closer, trying his damnedest to block out any other man around him so you’d keep those pretty eyes on him.

You introduced yourself, too, and it was a name he would never forget. “I like your tattoos,” you added almost shyly. Almost.

If he had his way, you’d see the rest of them soon enough. “Thanks,” he smiled, holding one hand up to show you. “Dressed like this, I bet you think I’m part of the mob.” After getting dressed and adding the gold jewelry, even he thought for a split second he looked like a mobster.

“Are you or is that information I can’t be privy to?” you asked, making him chuckle. You didn’t skip a beat, and he liked that.

“Not part of the mob, but I am part of a motorcycle club,” he replied. He wore his patch with pride and that didn’t seem to scare you, which was good. “I also own a bar.” He didn’t know why added that part. You didn’t ask and he didn’t want to brag, but there he was.

“So, you ride a motorcycle, and you own a bar?” You glanced back at your friend to ask her, “Do you mind if I…”

“I’m good. You two talk,” your friend smiled, giving Bucky an encouraging wink. He looked back to find that Steve walked away, too.

You smiled as you faced Bucky again. “Well, I’m happy to hear more about either of those things if you have time.”

“Yeah.” A lopsided smile appeared before he could stop it. “I got time,” he said. All the time in the world.

Over the next hour, the two of you stayed close together and talked in between looking at Steve’s pieces. He told you he was there to support Steve and talked a little bit more about the bar he owned. A hole in the wall kind of place he fixed up. While he wasn’t a big drinker, he loved making them for his regulars, and his profession allowed him to get away with all the tattoos.

“I’ll have to stop by sometime,” you smiled before it faltered. “If that’s okay.”

He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but his heart raced, and he wanted to see you smile again. “I’ll hold you to that,” he teased. “What about you? What do you do for work?”

You told him that you were a blood bank nurse and still fairly new to the area. While you didn’t have too many friends nearby, you liked your neighborhood and the one friend you had made invited you to the gallery since she was an art enthusiast. You also let it slip that you were single upon your move here, which he was happy to hear since he was, too, but he didn’t miss the note of sadness in your voice.

He could help fix it if you were lonely.

“I’m not seeing anyone either,” he stated.

You raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You don’t have an old lady?” His eyes went right to your lip when he bit it. “That is the correct term of endearment, right?”

“That’s right,” he said, his eyes soft. “Both of those things are right.”

You bit your lip again and he wasn’t sure if you were purposely trying to entice him, but now he wanted to bite your lip. “So, do you do anything for fun outside of riding and work?”

He almost groaned when you said “riding” and he had to shake his head to keep his mind from drifting. He couldn’t think of you being on his bike with your arms wrapped tight around him or you riding him or anything like that. “Well…”

He explained that he wrote a bit in his spare time outside of work and the club. It was a hobby mostly, but it would be a dream come true to get his work out there one day. If not, that was okay, too, because he had a decent life and didn’t need much. His bike, his brothers.

But to have an old lady…

“Maybe I could read…” you frowned when you saw the time. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was. I should get going,” you said, disappointment filling both of you.

“Oh.” He scratched the back of his neck. The two of you were having a nice talk, and he hadn’t had a chance to ask about your hobbies yet. “It’s still kinda early. Do you really have to go?” he asked, realizing just how desperate he sounded. God, if the prospects could hear him right now… He just didn’t want the night to end.

“Yeah, I do. I’m actually working a blood drive tomorrow and could use the rest,” you said, smiling sadly. He felt like an ass for asking you to stay when you had work to do. “I don’t know if you’ve heard anything about it, but you’re welcome to stop by if you want to donate. I always have this fear that people won’t show, which I realize sounds ridiculous.”

Bucky mentally kicked his ass for not knowing about a local blood drive. He was usually more on top of those sorts of things. “Where’s it at?” You gave the location and time, which was all he needed. “I’ll be there,” he promised.

And every single club member would be there, too, if they knew what was good for them.

“Really?” you smiled, your hand bumping his when you turned to face him. “You’ll go?”

He let his fingers brush yours and he smiled to himself when he felt the light shiver. “Of course, doll.”

“Doll?” you giggled. He hoped he didn’t offend you. “I hope you show,” you added in a small voice, your gaze focused on the ground.

Frowning a bit, he wondered if you didn’t believe him. Did someone let you down before? “If I say I’ll be there…” He lifted your chin, so you’d look into his eyes. He needed you to see the truth in them. “I’ll be there.”

You exhaled, staring deeply into his eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” you whispered.

He grudgingly released you, knowing he had to. Besides, if he kept touching you, there was a good chance he’d pin you against the wall and show you what a work of art you were. “Good night,” he whispered, watching you go back to your friend. She linked her arm with yours as you glanced back, keeping your eyes on Bucky until you were out of sight.

He exhaled, mentally kicking his ass again. Why the fuck didn’t he ask for your number? You two hit it off, and you wanted to see him at least in some capacity beyond the blood drive, right?

Steve made a beeline for him as he stayed rooted to the spot. “It looks like you two hit it off. You know you didn’t even say hi to Chris or Sam or-”

“We’re going to a blood drive tomorrow,” he cut in. He hoped people would show, but he gave you his word he’d be there, and the club was all about giving back to the community.

The blonde’s eyebrows pinched. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Blood drive. Tomorrow. Everyone,” he said, giving his friend a hard stare. “You’re the president. Make it happen.”

“You’re the vice president, which means you supervise plans for club events or gatherings. That includes last minute things,” he pointed out, his eyebrows shooting up as Bucky got his phone out and typed quickly. “You’re serious about this?”

“Is it too much to say, ‘You better fucking be there or you’ll pay for it later’?”

The blonde grinned. A shit-eating, knowing grin, and he wanted to smack him. “This is all for her, isn’t it?”

Bucky sighed. He hadn't expected to meet someone so perfect tonight. “She’s a nurse and I wanna help. Besides, it’s good for the community and you’re all about that shit.” And he had to make a better impression after not asking for your number. “Will you at least promise you’ll be there?”

“To watch my whipped best friend fawn over a pretty nurse? Hell yeah.”

“Beautiful,” he corrected him. “She’s beautiful.”

And while Bucky would fawn over you tomorrow, he also hoped he’d get your number.

So, what do we think so far? Part of this writing style was slightly different for me, but I like how it turned out! I still need to give this reader a nickname and the AU a name, but this is a start. I can't wait for the whole club to show up at the blood drive. I also have something silly and cute planned for these two. ❤️ Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

It was a long day in a series of long days, but now you had a chance to relax.

Reaching for the nearby pillow, you inhaled deeply, a smile tugging at your lips. Instead of the usual fresh scent of your couch, you caught the familiar, warm fragrance of your boyfriend’s cologne. He must have spritzed it before leaving for work. It was like leaning into him and your shoulder relaxed more, even though you wished he were really there.

The sound of the door creaking open a few minutes later told you that your wish had been granted.

“Aww. Long day, baby?” Bucky cooed from the doorway, spotting you sprawled out with no intention of moving to greet him. “You know your bag’s on the ground?”

“Mm-hmm.” You rubbed your temples slowly. “You know I worked a double, right? I’m lucky I made it to the couch.”

His soft chuckle reached your ears as he set his keys down and picked up your bag. “I know and I’m sorry. You work really hard.” He leaned down to kiss your forehead once he reached the couch. “I wish you didn't have to.”

You turned your head, the throbbing in your temples easing when your eyes met his. His black tank top fit him perfectly, complementing the tattoos that stretched across his neck and arms. The skulls and flowers, symbols of death and hope, told stories of his past. Stories he didn't have to tell you about, but he did anyway and you were happy to know every detail. As captivating as the ink was, it was his blue eyes that held you. In them, you saw your future, bright and full of love.

“That’s life. And you work hard, too,” you reminded him.

“Yeah. My job is so honorable,” he mumbled, making a mess of his hair as he ran a hand through it. “I’m really making a difference in the world.”

You frowned sympathetically. Bucky was a gifted mechanic, but his family was dealt a bad hand and he did what he had to do to take care of his younger sister. “And you’ll be out of there soon.”

Once he finished paying off Becca's medical bills, he could quit. That day was getting closer and closer. And one day he’d open his own shop, too, a legitimate shop. You wanted to stand beside him when that dream came true. Becca would be so proud.

Both of you wanted the best for Bucky.

He sighed, sinking to his knees and resting his hands on your thighs. You could see the gray peppering his scruff and you couldn’t help but reach out to run your nails through it. The sound of his groan made you smile, so you did it again.

“I just wanna give you the world,” he whispered, turning his head and kissing your palm. “You know that, right?”

“You already do,” you whispered back, his eyes softening. You had a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and his love in your heart. It was all you needed. “But you know, I could-”

Bucky put a finger to your lips to stop you. “I know what you're going to say and we’re not selling your dad's car.”

You smiled sadly. Your dad’s car was a classic and could get Bucky the money he needed, but he turned the offer down each time you brought it up. He didn't want you to give up one of the only things you had left of your dad. “I won't say a word tonight.”

But you could try again tomorrow.

“Thank you.” He took your hand and kissed your palm again. “You up for a ride later?”

“I don’t think I’m moving from this spot tonight,” you half smiled. “But we can tomorrow.”

“You don’t wanna go for a ride tonight?” he asked, surprise laced in his voice. You usually jumped at the chance to ride his motorcycle with him.

“Feet and head hurt a little,” you admitted, touching his cheek as concern etched his features. “I’m fine, really. Nothing for you to make a fuss about, but I won't turn you down if you want to dote on me.”

“Baby,” he sighed, slipping your shoes off. You gasped when he began massaging the sole of your right foot, the gentle pressure making your body sink deeper into the couch. By the time he switched to your left foot, you were practically melting. “That better?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, combing your fingers through his dark hair. He always took care of you. “I swear, you have magic hands.”

“Oh, I have more than magic hands,” he winked, your heart skipping a beat. “And you know what’s good for headaches?”

“Bucky…” you smiled. There was a warning in your voice, but you couldn't help the amusement in your eyes.

“Yes, me,” he grinned. “I’m very good at helping with headaches and you know it.”

Your smile widened. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, so making you come all over my face before I cook you dinner was not what you meant and will not help your headache?” he asked, his voice deep, dripping with desire.

Whatever ache you felt in your body all went straight to your pussy. A deep, throbbing ache that cried out for him to soothe it since he was the cause. “Is making melt on your tongue as my reward for working a double?”

He smirked at your breathy tone. “That’s exactly what it is.” He didn’t need to ask you to lift your hips when he reached for the waistband of your pants and pulled them off with your underwear. Your body moved on instinct for him, fluid and in sync. “I can feed you right here and carry you to bed, too.”

“I’m too big and heavy for you to carry me,” you teased. His eyes flashed, and before you could react, he leaned down unexpectedly, sinking his teeth into your thigh. Your mouth fell open from the sting, but it felt good, too. “Hey!” You shrieked.

“You’re not big. You’re not heavy. You’re perfect,” he snarled, brushing his tongue along the teeth marks. You wanted his mark all over you. “I’ll blame that remark on how tired you are right now from work.”

Framing his face to lift his head, you met his lips in a soft kiss, hoping to convey how much it meant to you that he saw you as beautiful. How touched you were that he always put your care and feelings first. As scary as he looked to others, you knew the man inside. The one with a heart full of passion.

“I’m not perfect,” you whispered against his lips, gasping when he nibbled your bottom lip. A second bite for once again downplaying yourself. “But I’m perfect for you.”

“You think so?” he asked quietly.

“I know so,” you said, biting his bottom lip for good measure.

He thought you were too good for him some days, and you were quick to shut that down. A good man wouldn’t have taken care of his sister the way he did, and he wouldn’t love you wholeheartedly if he was less of a good person than you. His current profession didn’t define him, and you refused to let him believe it did.

“I...” He kissed the corner of your mouth. “Love...” You shivered when he kissed the other corner. “You.”

A flame lit within your heart. His tender touches and words burned you from the inside out. “I love you, too,” you managed to whisper before his lips covered yours again.

Fresh arousal washed over you when he smiled and kissed down your body. “Now let me show you with my mouth how much I love you,” he simpered, parting your legs to open for him. “Might die if I don’t get my mouth on you and you wouldn’t want that, would you? And we need to get rid of your headache.”

You moaned, also feeling like you’d die if he didn’t touch you. “Do I get your cock, too? It’s a pretty bad headache you need to help me get rid of,” you teased. If your pain actually persisted, he’d make you take something and insist on you resting. And maybe it was selfish to ask for more than one orgasm, but you both knew he wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to rock your world.

“Before and after dinner,” he promised, his pupils dialting as he stared between your trembling thighs. “Fuck, I missed you today,” he groaned.

“Missed me or my pussy?” you asked, certain that you were going to soak the cushion beneath you and you didn’t care as long as he got you off. “Because we both missed you.”

He smirked, his hand inching up your thigh. “Of course, you missed me. Who else would make you come as hard as I do?”

Cocky was a good look on him, but you could play a little, too. “Well…” Your coy smile had him raising his eyebrow. “If you really want to know, there’s-” You threw your head back with a cry as Bucky’s head dipped down to taste you, effectively cutting off your teasing.

It wouldn’t take long for you to coat his fingers and tongue with your release. It never did with him. He’d make you taste yourself when he kissed you after so you could fully appreciate the orgasm he gave you. He wouldn’t give you any reprieve when he’d bend you over the couch and sink his cock into your sensitive pussy. Your sounds would be erotic music to his ears, just like his words were music to yours.

“Grind that pussy back against me. Show me how much you crave my cock.”

“Such a good girl for me. Such a good pussy for me to fuck and fill.”

“Don’t you dare rub your clit. You wanna come? I’ll make you come.”

“Oh, you don’t have to beg for me to come inside you. I’ll give it to you.”

You’d scream his name in ecstasy and pass out in his arms from the best kind of exhaustion. You’d wake up to him kissing your forehead and holding you upright so he could hand feed you a delicious meal. You’d smile when he told you how much he loved you and that he'd be free of the chop shop soon. And you’d tell him you loved him, too, before he fucked you all over again.

It was going to be a good night.

Appreciate you lovelies indulging me like always and hope to share more when I can. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

He doesn’t say this to earn any reaction from you, so he misses the way your eyes soften.

You’ve both had late days. You were finishing things up at the office and he was working with Sam at the VA. Now, however, it’s time to go home and he insisted on meeting you so you could make the trip together.

The busiest part of the day has come and gone but you’re still lucky to find seats together on the crowded train. You watch your reflection in the window opposite you and even in the grimy glass and beneath the harsh, often flickering fluorescent lights, it’s impossible to miss how beautiful he is.

He’s loosened his tie, unbuttoning the top of his dress shirt to offer up a triangle of smooth, tan skin. The open shirt frames his long neck, the tempting hint of collarbone peeking out just enough to make you wonder why you aren’t kissing it right now.

As if sensing your gaze, his eyes shift from the passing blur of the city and meet yours in the glass. Your reflections rock with the movement of the train, and he watches you too, a small, knowing smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth.

More passengers board at the next stop and he moves, giving his seat to an elderly lady with a heavy bag in each hand. She showers him with sweet praise before sitting and smiling at you.

Bucky takes the spot in front of you, his right arm raised to grip the handrail suspended from the ceiling.

You now have an exceptional view of his torso and the front of his dress pants.

Yummy.

The sound of laughter draws your attention, and you see a group of girls seated only a few rows away. They sit with their heads pressed together and if their hushed giggles and wide-eyed stares are any indication, you know exactly what they’re looking at. Or rather, whom.

You look up to find Bucky looking down at the older woman, listening and oblivious to the leering glances being cast in his direction.

You can’t blame the girls. If you saw Bucky on the train you’d do whatever you could to get a better look. It makes you think back to the first time you met and how you were immediately drawn to him.

He laughs at something the older woman says, and you watch his blue eyes crinkle at the corners and the dark strands of his hair fall in front of his forehead. He looks boyish and gorgeous and you immediately glance over like the jealous wife you are and sure enough, every head in that group of girls is turned, eyes wide, mouths wider, swooning.

And even though you haven’t spoken a word, you begin to wonder if every thought you have is somehow projected onto a screen above your head. Because it’s this moment he chooses to glance down at you, eyes soft and warm as he reaches to brush his metal thumb along your bottom lip.

You turn into his hand and press your mouth to his palm.

He’s beaming when the train comes to a stop and takes your hand as you stand and pulls you out the door, sliding his arm around your waist as soon as you’re on the platform.

“I like this,” he says quietly, tucking you into his side.

You laugh. “Like what?”

“Walking you home.”

He kisses you sweetly in the middle of the street, causing several people to part and move around you, their muttered grumbles going completely unnoticed. The kiss is so soft, so earnest that your chest swells painfully and you wrap your arms around his neck to hold him to you.

The group of girls walk by and in the background you hear their wistful sighs and comments.

“She’s so lucky,” one of the girls says.

You pull away from Bucky and look their way, grabbing hold of his suit jacket possessively.

“Did you hear that?” you mutter.

“Hear what doll?” he asks, his eyes on you, having never left.

“Those girls have been swooning over you since we were on the train.”

“What girls?” Bucky asks, his full attention still on you.

You finally drag your eyes away from the retreating group to meet his.

“I wasn’t done kissing you doll face,” he says with the corner of his mouth turned up and his eyes sparkling.

His palm frames your cheek, and he pulls you closer, uncaring that you’re still standing in the middle of the busy city street.

You grab his wrist and lean into his touch.

“Bucky.”

The admonishment is totally empty, and he knows it, bumping your nose with his before the soft press of his lips is all you feel.

“You can’t tell me you didn’t notice them,” you whisper, eyes closed, and face pressed to his.

“Look at me,” he murmurs.

Your eyes open.

“I wish you could feel what I feel when I look at you doll,” he whispers against your lips. “Then maybe, just maybe you’d understand why I can’t look at anyone else.”

“So… you’re a sugar daddy.”

“I am not a sugar daddy, Sam.”

“Sure sounds like you’re a sugar daddy, Bucky.”

Sighing deeply at Sam and Sharon, Bucky looked heavenward and prayed for patience. His two friends and coworkers had been teasing him relentlessly since he had come back to his apartment with the news of his meeting with you. In all honesty, he had expected the ribbing and the questions, he hadn’t exactly left Sam and Sharon’s company once they had found where you lived expecting to offer to you and your son to live at the tower, never mind offering to pay for your tuition, but he had taken one look at how hard life was being to you, and…

“I’m a nice guy helping a dame out. That’s all!” He threw his hands in the air, and turned away from the sickeningly in love couple - who were at the stage of thinking they knew more about relationships than anyone else - and headed towards the running machines.

He had been hoping for a quiet workout to clear his head before the rest of the day which would undoubtedly be incredibly stressful, but no. Sam and Sharon were already in the gym sparring and had bombarded him with the term “sugar daddy” again.

Apparently they thought it was hilarious.

“Just so you know, Buck,” Sharon ambled over to him, ignoring his exasperated look, “I doubt a single mother who’s been through what she has would be pleased at being referred to as a ‘dame’ who needs ‘rescuing’ by a ‘nice guy’, you know?” She rolled her eyes at the blank look he gave her, “Jeez, your forties is showing hard right now.”

“My what?”

“She’s saying you’re old fashioned.” Sam called over from his stationary place in the sparring ring, “And Sharon is right! No woman wants to be a damsel in distress!”

“B-but…” Bucky dragged a hand down his face in frustration, “She is a damsel in distress!”

“And she can handle it! Have a nice day!” Sharon blinked up at him, pearly white teeth exposed in a too cheesy grin, which dropped when he just stared back at her, “Okay how are you going to engage a woman if you don’t know the Disney classics?”

“Look, can you stop talking in riddles and help me? I don’t want to mess this up. I just want to help a woman out who stood up for me, okay?”

Bucky stared between Sam and Sharon, and finally they both relaxed, their smiles morphing into something more genuine. Sharon looked over her shoulder as Sam joined them, and grasped Bucky’s hand briefly before letting go,

“I’m sorry for giving you a hard time. I think what you’re doing is great, but I hope you’re taking this seriously is all. I went through Y/N’s file. If you drop this, she’s likely to get evicted, and her son will be taken into care. You can’t be anything other than all in.”

“Especially as there’s a kid involved.” Sam added quietly, “You can’t take this as something you can walk away from if it gets too much.”

Bucky sighed, dragging his hand down his face again, his heart fluttering at the thought of your son being taken away from you. He wouldn’t let that happen, no matter what.

“I’m meeting him. Today. We’re going to the zoo in Central Park.” Bucky felt heat creep up his face as they continued to stare at him, “Y/N… she won’t let me do anything if Toby doesn’t like me. She let me pay her outstanding rent ‘as a loan’,” Bucky mimicked your all too reasonable voice fairly well, he thought, “So I have to get today right. I need to make sure they’re okay.”

Sam’s eyes were more piercing than Sharon’s, Bucky was closer with him, especially after Steve died and they both had felt so abandoned by him. They had both spent many a night talking through their respective demons, angers, fears, and losses. Sam knew better than Sharon why this would mean so much to him.

It was why Bucky dropped his gaze from Sam’s. His friend saw too much when he wanted to.

“Don’t worry about it, Buck. We’ll make sure that kid has the best day out he’s ever had in his life.” Sam grinned at him, a genuine teeth and gums kind of smile that eased some of the tension in Bucky’s shoulders, “By the end of today that kid is going to want to beg his mom for some Winter Soldier jammies.” 

Bucky grimaced at the reminder of the merch that had his face on it. Whilst he was glad that he was now - mostly - considered one of the good guys, and it made him nothing but happy to know that there were people who could see some of their own struggles in him and ways to come out of it stronger and healthier than before, it still disconcerted him sometimes.

Barely six years beforehand he had been on the FBI’s most wanted list. Now he was a hero. It was hard to wrap his head around on a good day, never mind that most days were still kind of bad. 

“Okay, so… how do I do this?” Bucky stared between them, “How do I make a kid like me enough that his mom will let me help them permanently?”

“Oh that’s easy.” Sharon grinned, looking at Sam who snorted, 

“Oh yeah. All ya gotta do, Buck, is be yourself!”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “Be myself? What kind of garbage advice is that?!” And then he burst out laughing at the affronted looks on his friends faces, flipping the bird at Sharon, “Oh so you’re the only one that can throw pop culture quotes around like confetti? Get with the times, Sharon!”

“Asshole.”

It was said without heat, and Bucky relaxed a little more as the pair of them talked through the day with him. After an hour though, it was pretty simple, and unfortunately they were right. Bucky did have to be himself. Your face kept on swimming in front of his, eyes wounded after everything you had had to go through, and all he wanted to do was to put a smile on your face, make life easy for the only stranger to stand up for him in a long time.

What if he wasn’t enough?

Toby was the best thing to have ever happened to you. You loved your son more than life itself and nothing was more important than his health and happiness. 

This was the mantra you had to repeat in your head with a rictus smile on your face as your mutinous nine year old crossed his arms and refused to put on his shoes for the fifth time after you asked him.

“No. I want to stay and play video games! I don’t want to meet some guy!”

“Toby, please, just-”

“No!”

I love my son, I love my son, I love my son…

“Toby, please just do me this one favour, okay?” You reason patiently with your beloved son who was rolling his eyes right in your face, “I’m asking you to go to the zoo, not move continents, honey.”

“I’m not a baby. Why couldn’t we go to Coney Island instead?”

You couldn’t tell Toby that the reason you had insisted on Central Park Zoo is because you had been given some tickets as part of a bonus from the previous year's clients before everything had fallen apart, and it was something the courts hadn’t taken from you.

You had some pride left. Bucky had insisted on paying for your rent, so you would not allow him pay for this trip out to meet Toby as well… but technically neither could you, so the tickets had been dug out, and now you had to beg your son to go out and look at some animals with a nice man who would be here any minute.

“Coney Island is too far away, Toby, and Bucky is busy.” You didn’t know that of course, and a part of you panics a little at how much you don’t really know about the man who is being so generous to you and your son, but you can’t let Toby see your worry about it.

After all… if you didn’t accept Bucky’s help, then there weren't exactly a lot of other alternatives. You would be forced to leave Manhattan and take Toby out of school to move somewhere else. And that was if Social Services didn’t take him from you first.

Toby rolls his eyes again, and you clench your fists so hard your nails dig into your palms, but you lean down to take his face between your palms, heart clenching at how tall he was getting already. In just a few years he would probably be leaning down over you…

“Please, baby? I promise we can go to Coney Island next time, but please come meet him with me? It’s… it’s important to me that you get along.”

“Is he going to be your boyfriend, mom?” The question seems to be blurted from your son's lips, and he immediately drops his eyes after he asks it, socked feet scuffing at the threadbare carpet, “I didn’t like your last one.”

You pull Toby to you, crushing him into a hug that, thankfully, he accepts easily. You hadn’t lied to Bucky about your love life after Toby’s dads death - both of them - but the last man you had dated… it hadn’t exactly ended as easily as you had assumed for someone that you had only gone on five official dates with.

Turned out that whilst you had only seen Bradley those five times, he had been seeing you a lot more than that. The restraining order had become necessary, but you hadn’t realised that Toby had been affected by it this way. Your heart breaks as your nine year old son holds onto you, and you run your hand over his back a few times, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, 

“Don’t worry, squirt, your mom is a nun from now on, okay? Bucky is just a nice man who might be able to get me a job.” It was a small lie, but one you didn’t mind telling at this point. If things went well, then you would give more truth to Toby, “So… will you let me take you to the zoo or not?”

Toby lifts his head, eyes a little red, and smiles softly, “Okay fine, I’ll go to the dumb zoo, but mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think you need to be a nun. Nuns can’t have kids, right?”

You open your mouth to respond to the unexpected question, and that’s when the door knocks, and your heart jumps into your throat, 

“Quick! Shoes! Grab the sandwiches too!”

“Awww mom, can’t we get a burger whilst we’re there?!”

“No we can’t, now, shhh!” You rush to the door, ready to tell Bucky - who you assumed heard your sons begging for a burger instead of the pastrami and rye sandwiches you had made an hour ago which cost you a grand total of five dollars - that he absolutely wasn’t allowed to treat you to lunch after the amount you owed him for the rent… but your throat closed up when you opened the door and saw him.

His hair was in a neat man bun, his beard had been shaved back to stubble, he was in a black jacket, white t-shirt, and blue jeans… and he was probably the most beautiful man you had ever seen.

The flowers and Captain America action figure he held out certainly didn’t hurt, either.

“Hey! I’m Bucky Barnes, and you must be Toby Y/L/N?” Bucky smiled brightly for Toby who suddenly looked incredibly young and shy, all nine year old indignation gone from him, and he smiled and nodded mutely, “Well, this is for you.” Bucky handed the action figure to Toby whose smile lit up,

“Wow! Thanks! It’s the limited edition!”

“Actually it’s not.” Bucky grinned at the way Toby’s face fell, “It's the brand new, not even on the market edition with a voice activated Red Wing, and you can make Sam fly through the air with an app edition.” Bucky finished smugly, “Maybe later I can show you how it works? I might’ve had a hand in the design. I’m a bit of a tech geek when I want to be.”

“Sure!”

You laughed at Toby’s enthusiasm, and then glared at Bucky, “I told you that-”

“So, you guys want to go to Five Guys after the zoo? I heard the double bacon and cheese burger is the best.”

“Yes!” Toby punched the air, and then carefully put his new toy on his bed, “I mean… yes please, sir!”

“Oh god, call me Bucky? Sir makes me sound old.”

You snorted at that, ignoring the smirk Bucky gave you, and then rolled your eyes at how politely Toby was giving you and Bucky both the puppy dog eyes treatment, 

“Okay… if Bucky wants to go to get a burger then-”

“Yay! Come on, I was looking at the subway map earlier, I know the quickest way, mom!” Toby ran out of the door - sandwiches forgotten on the side - leaving you to lock the door behind Bucky, after you had placed the beautiful flowers in water, 

“Five Guys, really?” You huff, “You heard him beg for burgers, didn’t you?”

“Hey, you told me that I couldn’t help if Toby didn’t like me. Not my fault that he has good taste in lunch joints.”

“Bucky, I can’t pay for this, and you promised to let me take you out today!”

“No…” Bucky grinned devilishly, “I said I would let you pick the time and place to meet your son, and I did. You didn’t mention anything about lunch. Besides,” Bucky shrugged and winked at Toby as he reached him, “I hate pastrami, sorry, doll.”

Their combined laughter preceded you to the subway station… and you thought maybe this might work out after all.

Thankfully the zoo was pretty quiet, Bukcy was able to concentrate easily on the idle conversation between you and Toby as you passed by each animal exhibit. Bucky liked Toby, he seemed like a sweet kid, and thankfully he didn’t seem to mind Bucky at all, he’d asked him some questions about Sam, and the rest of the Avengers, and breathlessly asked him about Sharon, and then got shifty eyed when you asked why he was so curious all of a sudden.

It made Bucky grin, winking at the kid when you weren’t looking. It was sweet that he had a crush on Sharon, it made Bucky feel a little younger and freer than he had in a while. Like crushes could be possible again, even for someone like him. Bucky looked at you when you weren’t looking… he hoped crushes could be something in his future again.

After an hour of walking around, you went to the bathroom, leaving Bucky with Toby after checking with him it was okay. Bucky stood a little straighter when you left, realising the importance of the trust you had just put in him. Toby was your son, and you thought Toby was safe with him, he wouldn’t let you down-

“So, are you going to be my mom’s boyfriend?”

Bucky almost choked on air, shaking his head desperately, “What? No! I’m just your mom’s friend!” Bucky thrust his hands in his pockets, trying desperately to appear completely calm, “Why, did she say something?”

“No. But mom never tells me the whole truth. She thinks I’m a baby.”

“I’m sure that’s not-”

“I know that we’re in big trouble at home. I know mom misses dad, and that she cried every day all of last year when she thought I wouldn’t know.” Toby’s voice was quiet, his face so impassive that Bucky could almost believe that the kid didn’t care… except he could see Toby’s eyes swimming with withheld tears, see his fingers tremble against the ice cream cone Bucky had bought him when you were paying attention to the snow leopard exhibit.

Bucky could see that this smart kid was holding it together for you, but he was too close to breaking.

He wasn’t the type to initiate contact very much anymore, but Bucky knelt down without hesitation and gave Toby a hug. It wasn’t for long, and he let go almost immediately so Toby didn’t have to hold him back… he just wanted him to know that Bucky cared.

Because he did. Maybe it was too much for a small family he had only just met, but he wanted to make them smile again. Wanted to make them safe.

“I’m here to help you and your mom. I promise.”

Toby nodded shakily, his eyes planted firmly back on the building you had run into, “It would be okay, you know, if you wanted to be her boyfriend. Mom thinks I would be mad if she had one because of dad, but I don’t like seeing her sad. And I don’t remember dad anyway.”

“I’m sorry about your dad, kid.” Bucky felt his face flush at the thought of being your ‘boyfriend’, and decided to ignore that little comment for now. “I think both you and your mom need a friend right now. I really want to be there to help… want to team up and help me convince her?”

Toby grinned then, holding out his hand to Bucky to shake, 

“Sure! But I have one condition first, Mr Barnes.”

Suppressing his smile, Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, painting a mock serious look on his face, “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Can you get Sharon Carter to take a selfie with me, please?”

You hadn’t felt this full since… well, since the last time Bucky had fed you and changed your life.

You carefully mopped your face with a napkin after wolfing your burger and fries down with reckless abandon, uncaring that you were across the table from a gorgeous man who was paying for the food and was offering you a deal that was too good to be true, and sitting next to your son who was laughing at how quickly you had eaten.

You had been starving.

“Mom, can I go to the bathroom?”

“Mmmmhmmm.” You swallow your gulp of coke, “Yeah, of course.”

Toby grinned slyly, “I like Bucky, mom, I think he’ll be a good friend to have. Better than Bradley.”

“Toby!” Your son laughed, and scuttled off to the bathroom, leaving you growling under your breath, face hot enough to fry another burger, “Unbelievable.”

“Who’s Bradley?”

“No one.” You reply grumpily, turning back to Bucky with a scowl on your face, “Just one of the dates I had last year.” You didn’t want to talk about Bradley, “So… you’re besties with my son now, hmmm?”

“Y/N…”

“It’s okay, Bucky, I’m not mad. I wanted today to work out because…”

Take the chance… what other choice do you have?

“I’m going to accept your offer, okay?” Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes when Bucky’s own lights up his whole face, “I got a letter from Social Services… My finances have been so bad, and now I can’t find work, so they’re planning on doing a visit and-”

“They won’t take Toby from you, okay?”

Bucky sounds almost terrifyingly fierce when he says that, and you brush away the tears that threaten to fall, 

“I just… I want to trust you, you know that right? But what if this falls apart? I’m putting so much faith in you, and we only met last week. You don’t know me, you don’t owe me anything, and now you’re offering to become my lifeline… for nothing.” You laugh weakly, “It’s almost like fanfiction come to life.”

“You read fanfiction?”

The heat erupts in your face again, “No!”

“Then how would you know it sounds like fanfiction?” Bucky asks reasonably, blue eyes twinkling with hidden laughter, “Look, do you want a contract for this? Something that protects you and Toby? Because I may have already had one drawn up and signed by my lawyer.” Bucky calmly hands the paper over to you, and your hands trace the words you’re too stunned to read properly, but you see the signatures for Bucky, and the witness signature for his lawyer; two big M’s scrawled together.

“When did you…?”

“I’m not an idiot, and I’m not a sugar daddy, no matter what my friends or fanfiction might say.” Bucky lets you take the paper from him, murmuring that it's a copy and he has the real one in his safe in his apartment in the Tower, “You know who I am, doll. I know what it’s like to be at an incredibly low point and not have a way out. I just want to make sure that doesn’t happen to you, or to Toby.”

Your hands shake as you carefully place the paper in your backpack, and you nod when Bucky mentions you should probably get a lawyer of your own to look it over. 

“Look, you’re paid up until the end of next month on your rent… Think this through and make sure it’s what you want, and when you’re ready, tell me what you want to do next.” Bucky meets your eyes, and you can’t look away, even if you wanted to, “But even if you decide to move away, start fresh, whatever, I’ll still be around. You won’t be alone again, okay?” 

He’s so sincere… Bucky is everything that you had ever hoped for. You shy away from the bone crushing fear of trusting him, even though your heart breaks a little at the instinctive response. You haven’t trusted a man since Will left you.

He didn’t leave you. He died. 

Yeah. Will died twice, abandoning me and Toby, twice.

But Bucky wasn’t a man you loved, and he was giving you the opportunity to protect yourself…

You ignored the mean voice that wanted to keep you from being happy. You ignored the way your heart ached at how you built up yet more walls around it. You just allowed yourself to be grateful. Just this once.

Toby came back then, preventing you from throwing yourself across the table and hugging Bucky half to death, but you nod, and you can see Bucky relax against the seat. You don’t know how the hell you got so lucky, but you weren’t going to be stupid enough to let the opportunity go. You watched your son chat happily with Bucky, more animated and young than he had been for a long time, and you realised you wanted to do this. For Toby, for you, and for Bucky.

You didn’t want Bucky to be alone again either.

𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨! 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈'𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞.

“For how long?” You don’t answer. “Please, look at me. I need to see you’re okay behind all of this.”

As much as you want nothing more in this world than to stare into Bucky’s loving gaze one last time, it’s not worth the potential cost. “I can’t. They could turn them back on at any second and…I can’t risk it.” 

“I’m not worth all the pain they’re putting you through. I don’t deserve this kind of sacrifice—not after everything I’ve done.”

Smiling in his direction, you whisper, “When will you stop blaming yourself for what they made you into and see the man you truly are? The man I love.”

It sounds like Bucky is about to say something else but, before he can, an angry voice from behind you barks out, “I’m tired of this game. Increase the power.”

Bucky screams, “No!”

Suddenly, the pain behind your eyes increases exponentially and the pressure within your head becomes unbareable. An inhuman screech is ripped from your lips. Something in your vocal cords snaps under the strain. You smell the faint whiff of burning hair mixed in with your cooking flesh and wonder if the last of your eyelashes have finally been seared off. Your bare toes scrap against the cold concrete as they involuntarily curl as all the muscles in your body contract. Every other part of your body is restrained by the straps holding you down, but you begin violently shaking as the tension within you becomes too great.

The small part of your mind that’s still coherent wonders if your eyes roll back into your head if you’ll fry your brain and end this torture. Maybe it is worth it to try.

You have no idea how long they keep your beams on this time—all your remaining focus and energy is on keeping your eyes closed. Bucky is screaming, crying, begging, but his voice sounds echoey and far away so you can’t make out his words. You aren’t sure what HYDRA will do to him once you’re gone, but you pray he fights them with everything he has.

Finally, the machine behind you is flipped off and your body sags against your restraints. Without them, you know you’d topple to the floor, no longer possessing the energy to hold yourself up. Everything hurts now, not just your eyes. But you’re still alive which means you aren’t done fighting.

You hear footsteps approaching and you recognize the voice of the man in charge as he curses, kicking one of the legs of your chair. “This is ridiculous. How many of you fucking idiots does it take to make her kill the Soldier? Just pry her eyes open, clamp them in place, and turn the machine back on.”

You grin weakly, feeling blood dripping down your chin where you had bit your tongue. With your ruined voice, you croak, “You can try, but the second any of you put a finger near my eyes, I’m burning it off.” 

The man beside you yanks on the restraint across your forehead, tightening it to the point you feel bones crack. You let out a soft whimper as the man growls, “Fine. We’ll turn it up to full power and leave it on. Let her burn completely through her eyelids. Then we’ll get the results we want.” You hear him turn and march away.

For the first time, your resolve wavers as a small sob bubbles up in your chest. Your body may be resistant to your beams and can repair wounds sustained from them, but it takes time. If these scientists can make you burn through your eyelids—and based on how everything is starting to look a little brighter through your closed lids, it seems like a very real possibility—then there is nothing you can do to stop them from hitting and killing Bucky. 

You hear the scientists murmuring and fiddling with equipment somewhere far behind you, but you still don’t dare open your eyes in case someone is still at the machine and flips it on the moment you look at Bucky. Yet it won’t matter for much longer if they carry out their plan. 

“Doll…” The word is whispered so low you can barely hear it.

“Buck…,” It’s hard to whisper with your ruined voice, the sound more of a croak than a real word. But you hope he can understand you with his super-soldier hearing. “I’m sorry. I-I can’t stop this.”

“I know. You’ve done so good so far.” Even in a whisper, the love in his voice feels like a comforting embrace. “But I have a plan. You just gotta trust me.” 

“I do. You know I do.” 

“Then when I tell you to open your eyes and turn on your beams, whether they’re making you or not.”

You sob, “But Bucky—”

“Trust me!” he hisses. 

“Okay…okay, I’ll do it.”

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Doll. Whatever happens, I love you. And this isn’t your fault.”

A single tear escapes your ruined eyes and rolls down your scared cheek. “I love you too. But we both know, it is.”

Bucky doesn’t respond. However, you can hear a soft scraping and shuffling from his vicinity. Maybe he found a way to escape. Or maybe…he couldn’t be asking you to kill him. After all the pain and suffering you’d put yourself through to keep him alive, he wouldn’t have you take him out now just to end both of your pain…would he?

But you promised to trust him and you do, so when you hear him mutter, “All the way down and to the right. Now!”, you follow his instructions.

Shifting your gaze behind closed lids as far to the right and downward as they’ll go, you open your eyes and blast without a second's hesitation. 

Your beams strike Bucky in the center of his left forearm, just a few inches above his wrist. Even though it is his metal arm, you are horrified. You thought he had found a way to get you to blast open his cuffs or melt his chair, and in a way, even killing him instantly would be better than this. His vibranium arm is advanced enough that it still allows him to feel sensations such as texture, pressure, and—what concerns you in this situation—temperature and even pain. Instead of ending his life with one blast, you are now forcing him to endure the same agony you have been going through. 

As the metal begins to glow under the intense heat of your beams, you want to screw your eyes shut once more. But Bucky told you to do this and you promised to trust him. Even though he is grunting and panting because of the pain, he isn’t telling you to stop so you keep your beams focused on his arm. 

Eventually, the red-hot glow expands and soon reaches his wrist. In moments, the metal restraint liquifies and Bucky wrenches his arm free. Without having to be told, you slam your eyes shut once more.

You can hear the sounds of fighting all around you: guns firing until their clips run empty, flesh sizzling against metal followed by screams of agony, bodies being flung around the room and crashing to the floor. 

But then everything goes silent.

For a minute, nothing happens. You are just about to call out when a pair of lips press lightly against yours. Jumping slightly, you quickly recognize the kiss. You try to lean into it but the strap across your forehead holds you firmly in place. 

Parting from your lips and pressing his forehead against yours, Bucky whispers, “It’s okay. You can open your eyes now. It’s just you and me.”

Slowly, you peel your eyes open. The world is cloudy and out of focus with huge black spots obstructing your vision. And yet, there was no mistaking the person kneeling in front of you. 

Weakly, you smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he murmurs back.

“H-how bad?”

Bucky’s brow furrows as he runs his thumb gently around the edge of your eye socket, the now cooled metal somewhat soothing against your damaged skin. “It’s really bad, but I’m hoping it’s worse than it looks. Once you get checked out—”

“Not me,” you whisper. “How badly did I hurt you?”

You can hear the smile in his voice even though you can’t make it out. “I’ve had a lot worse. And it’s because of you that it was as minimal as it was. You should’ve just vaporized my head from the very start.” 

“Nah. I knew we’d find a way out eventually.”

“Liar,” he teases. Then, with a more serious tone, he asks, “How’s your vision? You’re blinking an awful lot and that can’t be comfortable.”

You try to think of how to describe what you are seeing. “I can see some shapes, colors, movements…that’s about it. No details. But even that’s a miracle at this point. I’ve never burned myself this badly before.”

“Will they…will they heal?”

You try to shrug but you are still strapped to the chair. “They should. They always have before. Healing the burns is tied into my powers.” You swallow and flinch at the sharp stab of pain cutting down your throat. “My voice, however, might be another story.”

Bucky gently runs his fingers down the side of your neck. “I’m sure SHIELD has some specialists who can help you. But first, we’ve got to get back to them. So let’s get you out of that chair.”

He began unlocking each of your restraints and you can’t stop a moan from escaping. Your skin had been rubbed raw where the metal dug into your skin, and your muscles ache from how tensely they had been clenched in pain. Bucky must have noticed this, because as he undoes each strap, he massages the area, loosening up the muscles enough to ease some of the tension. But every inch of you still throbs in pain. 

As Bucky unlatches the last restraint, he asks, “Do you think you can walk?”

“I’m not sure. Everything hurts. But maybe once I get going—” You try to rise from the seat but barely make any progress before collapsing back down. You look up at Bucky sheepishly. “I guess that’s a no.”

Carefully, he lifts you into his arms and carries you towards the exit. You can’t see where you’re going and the slight bobbing of your vision as he walks is giving you a headache. 

Leaning your head against his chest, you let your damaged eyes drift softly closed. Then you mutter, “I think I need to sleep for a bit. Helps my recovery time.”

You feel Bucky’s lips brush against your temple. “Rest, Doll. I’ll take it from here.”

Nodding softly, you begin slipping into a deep slumber. You are still in a lot of pain, but you don’t regret a single moment of what happened. You’d do it all again if at the end you could be safe in Bucky’s arms once more.

Taglist: @green-socks, @mayhem24-7forever, @blue-aconite, @writercole, @wildbornsiren

@tavners, @sunshineflowerchild789, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @merlehs,

You’ve been looking after Bucky Barnes’s kids for a few years now, you loved them like they were your own, and working for the man was no hardship, he was gorgeous. Obviously you liked him, he was kind and sweet and made you feel at home whenever he left you with them, but recently you felt like things were maybe changing into something… different.

It started harmlessly enough, a simple comment on a new colour you had painted your nails, or saying he liked your outfit. Then it was casual touches in the most acceptable places, like he squeezed your shoulder once in appreciation as you left, or his fingers lingered against your palm as he dropped your cash into your hand. The eye contact started to become intense as well, and that’s when you realised you were in danger. The man had eyes the artists would write about, you could easily get lost in them. Soon, what was a harmless appreciation for a parent, turned into a full blown crush.

The night Bucky called you at short notice because he needed you to look after the kids as he had some sort of function to go to at the last minute was the night you decided enough was enough. You couldn’t fall for this man and retain your dignity, he was a father, you worked for him. They told stories about girls like you, and these were not the kind that artists touched, these were the ones that porn directors salivated over. The naïve babysitter and her older boss.

Thank god there wasn’t a wife about anymore, that would be a whole other kind of story. One involving the term ‘home wrecker’.

When you arrived, the housekeeper was there to let you in, apparently Bucky had already left but the instructions were the same as usual and he would be home by midnight. You smile gratefully at the lovely woman whom the kids adored, and then ushered them into the kitchen to get them fed and finish their homework. 

Hours later and the house was silent, the kids were asleep, and you finally got a chance to look at your phone and answer the messages from your best friend; Sharon,

How’s the boss? Did you blow him yet?

What kind of a man goes to a function at the last minute anyway?

Are the kids still cute?

Answer me! Unless you’re riding the boss in which case I can wait.

Have you told him you’re leaving yet?

You sigh as you see all the messages lined up, and decide to bring up the voice notes, you’re too tired to be typing out loads of messages,

“Sharon, the boss is fine, I haven’t seen him yet but we both know he is fiiiine. No I haven’t blown him, and I’m not going to, remember? I guess a very busy and important man goes to functions at the last minute, how should I know? The kids are always cute, you know that. I’m answering you now, and not because I was riding the boss, but because I was busy dealing with the kids! And no, I haven’t told him. I will when he comes back.” You send the message, staring into space for a minute whilst you let your mind try and settle again. The thought of leaving made your heart start galloping in your chest, but you knew it was the right choice…

“It is the right choice, isn’t it, Sharon?” You start another note, mainly to try and speak your jumbled thoughts into existence, to help make sense of them somehow, “I can’t stay here knowing that I want to jump this man’s bones at every opportunity, it’s not fair. It’ll just break my heart and I don’t know if the broken back I’m sure he’ll give me is worth it. Anyway. Speak later.”

You get some stuff done after that, feeling a little better now you’ve definitely made the right decision to leave Bucky's employment before you did something you’d regret. Maybe in a few years you could see him again and then maybe… well, it was unlikely he’d still be available. A man who looked like that with all the money that he has? You were surprised he didn’t already have women and men lining up around the block for him as it was. You feel a pout form on your face at the thought, and despondently turn on the TV, hoping for something mindless to pass the time whilst you wait for the man in question to return home. You must fall asleep because suddenly you’re jerking awake at the sound of keys in the door, and you rush to clear up your mess as Bucky comes in, you’re looking at your phone when you hear his steps, bringing up the Uber app to get home, 

“Hi, Mr Barnes, I hope everything went okay? The kids were great, I’m just- oh…” Your words trail off when you raise your head and look at him… and keep looking… Eventually your eyes rise further to meet his, and you swallow compulsively against a dry mouth, “you ummm, you look very… handsome, Buc- Mr Barnes.” You could feel your heart hammering in your chest as you took him in, the heat in your cheeks was hot enough to burn, but you couldn’t look away.

To say Bucky looked sexy as hell was an understatement.

“How many times have I asked you to call me Bucky, doll?”

Your lips quirk at the soft way he asks that, and you shrug, “A lot. I, um, like the shoulder pads.” You nod towards the jacket of his black on black outfit, another pout forming when he takes the beautifully tailored jacket off and drapes it over the back of the couch, at least until you see the tight fitting turtleneck underneath, 

“The pads took me by surprise, but apparently they made me look broader. Not sure why that would be needed.” Bucky runs his fingers through his hair as he says that and your eyes now drift to his bicep, outlined perfectly inside the soft wool,

“Nope, definitely not needed at all.”

“What was that?”

You start at his question, realising you spoke out loud, and quickly gather your things, dragging your eyes away from his abs you can see outlined under his top, “Oh, nothing, I need to be going, got a busy day tomorrow, so-”

“Wait, Y/N, hold on-”

“I’ll get an Uber like usual, just send me the money on PayPal, okay? I really need to-”

“Don’t you need to talk to me about something first, doll?” Bucky’s question stops you in your tracks, and you turn back towards him, a frown on your face, 

“Talk? About…?” You’re wondering if you’d forgotten something you’d mentioned in passing to him, but there’s nothing, so you shake your head and shrug, “No, I don’t think so.”

Of course, you know you need to quit this job, but not tonight, not when he looks like he does right now, and is staring at you like that… his eyes drag up the length of your body, from the bottom of your sneakers, up your legs and over the skirt you’re wearing, and the higher, over the t-shirt that covers you and, finally, he meets your eyes, 

“Are you sure, doll? You don’t want to talk about leaving? Or about how me blowing your back out wouldn’t be worth you staying?”

You blink, the blood drains from your face, “Wh- what?” You take a step back towards the door, your heart pounding in your chest, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You play ignorant, you have no idea why he’s saying this to you, he couldn’t have heard you… 

“I put a nanny cam in last week, I should have told you, and I’m sorry I didn’t, I didn’t mean to spy on you, doll-”

Now the blood rushes back to your face, your cheeks burning hotter than before, embarrassment ploughing into your bloodstream, “A nanny cam?!”

“I had to leave an engineer in here on his own last week. I get paranoid, especially with kids around. I meant to disable it, but-”

“You were spying on me?!”

“Not deliberately! I was bored at that stupid event, I opened it up hoping to catch a glimpse of the kids before bed, and instead I see you talking to your friend…” Bucky catches your wrist in a gentle hand as you’re turning to leave, “I didn’t know you felt that way, doll,”

“Please..” you tug at your wrist, turning your face away, “I’m so embarrassed right now, can’t I just-”

“I don’t want you to leave, I think you should stay.” Bucky lifts a hand, his thumb and index finger take a gentle grip of your chin and slowly turns your face to his, “Stay with me tonight, doll. If you want to go after that, then go, but now I know you want me too… I don’t want you walking out that door without letting me taste you.” He’s close, this man who’s a dad, who’s older, who’s so attractive your knees quake at the proximity of him, so close you can feel his breath over your lips, feel the heat radiating from his chest pushing so close to yours…

“I shouldn’t…” The words are a whisper between you, “I want to, b-but-”

“We’re both adults, aren’t we?” Bucky pulls you closer, you can now feel his steady heartbeat against your frantic one, his cologne fills the air between you, “C’mon, doll, don’t tell me that you haven’t had the same dream I’ve had.” You back hits the wall, Bucky’s left arm rests next to your head, his right drops to your waist, just barely laying against the fabric of your skirt, “You know the one I’m talking about,”

“I-”

“You’re on your knees in front of me. I’m staring down at that pretty face as I fuck it-”

“Oh…”

“- after that I’ve got my tongue buried inside you, drinking down everything you’ve got before I flip you onto your stomach and… well then I wake up, hard as a rock, wanting to be balls deep inside you for real.” Bucky’s blue eyes hold you captive, his right hand presses more firmly against your waist, drifting higher, it takes you just a second too long to notice that you t-shirt is lifting as well, “Tell me that you don’t have the same dream, doll,” air chills the skin of your waist, your ribs… you then feel the fabric lift high enough that the underside of your breasts are exposed, and you just stare at Bucky as his thumb traces your now exposed skin, “I knew you would be soft as hell here…”

You gulp at the touch, and then close your eyes, “Yes, I’ve had the same dream, Mr Barnes,”

“I think you’d better start calling me Bucky, doll,” Bucky growls before capturing your lips in a kiss that makes you lose your breath instantly, your head swims as you try and keep up with the passion in him, it’s almost too overwhelming, your nails dig into his pecs through his top, caught between wanting to pull him closer and wanting to shove him away, and that’s when he slows down… his arms constrict around you and hold you close, the kiss deepens and you can think again, “Sorry, doll, I got a little carried away. You taste like vanilla.”

“That’s my lip balm,” your eyes open, Bucky’s eyes stare back at you, pupils blown wide, “I liked kissing you.”

“I love kissing you, think I’m gonna do it again,” Bucky grins, and does just that, one hand going to the back of your head, the other going back to your top, gently tugging it up and over your breasts and folding it under neatly so your chest is completely exposed to him, “no bra, doll?”

You face heats as he pulls back to look down at you, both hands now reaching to cup you, his thumbs brushing over your nipples, a hungry look in his eyes, “That feels good, I-”

“You feel good, you’re so fucking gorgeous, Y/N,” Bucky pecks another kiss to your lips, and then pulls back, whipping his own top off and stealing your breath when you see his ripped torso, “fairs fair.”

“You’re so hot, oh my god,” your smug grin stays on as Bucky leans forward and kisses you again, his own smile merging with yours, you sigh when he pulls your top up and over your head so you’re both equally naked from the waist up. You both take time to kiss, to touch and melt into each other. You gasp when Bucky’s thigh pushes between yours, when you can feel how much he wants you grinding into you. Bucky’s hands grab your hips when you start to ride his thigh, desire a storm inside you that makes you feel like you’re going to explode, and you groan when he steps back, leaving you feeling bereft, “what?!”

“You’re coming against me fingers first, not my thigh, you greedy girl,” Bucky holds your shoulders as he positions you against the wall how he wants, “ask me to touch your pretty cunt and make you come,”

You’re breathless, staring at him incredulously, “I wouldn’t make you wait, why are you being mean?!”

“I’m making sure you want this, because I know that I do,” Bucky starts lifting the front of your skirt, his eyes on yours as he does so, “I want to see you, touch you, taste you, be inside you…” your skirt is tucked into itself so the front of your panties can be seen, Bucky looks down and groans when he sees the pink lace you’re wearing, his fingers stroke over your inner thighs, “open your legs, doll, be a good girl and I’ll have you screaming,” 

You do as you’re told, opening your legs wide enough that Bucky can cup you through your underwear, and you gasp at the contact, almost coming then and there, at least until Bucky whispers in your ear, “Don’t wake the kids up, Y/N,”

Then he slips his middle finger under the elastic of your panties and pushes slowly inside you, his free hand pulls your underwear to one side and his thumb starts drawing little circles on your clit, “Does this feel good, doll? Tell me.”

“Yes, shit!” You throw your head back on your shoulders, “Please, Bucky-”

“You’re so tight, your perfect pussy is going to look so good stretched out on my cock,” Bucky adds his index finger, pumping and stroking and petting, “come on, doll, all over my hand, good girl,”

You clamp your hands over your mouth as you come, your whines suppressed as Bucky mercilessly finger fucks you until your knees feel like they’re going to give out. Bucky pushes your hands away, his free hand grips your throat, his lips meet yours as you come down from your high, and still he’s buried inside you, idly stroking your soaked pussy as your head clears, “That was amazing… thank you,”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” Bucky chuckles, kissing you softly, and then taking your hand and tugging you towards the stairs, “I want you in my bed for this next part,”

Nerves, trepidation, maybe even a little shame suddenly stop you, your feet feel like they’re stuck to the floor, “I ummm… are you sure?” Bucky frowns at the sudden uncertainty in your voice, “It’s just, w-what if… I should go…”

“You’re not going anywhere, doll,” Bucky tugs you to him, “neither of us are doing anything wrong here, I want you, you want me, and now I get to have you? I want to treat you right in my bed, not fuck you by a wall, you understand me? This does mean something to me, I’m not just some old guy who wants the babysitter's ass. You’re perfect, and I want to treat you right.” He’s as sincere as you’ve ever seen him, and you duck your head, a sappy smile forming on your face. You can’t get your hopes up, that the man who employs you might like you like that. 

You can let him have his way and fuck him in his bed though.

“Lead the way, boss,”

Bucky pushes you ahead of him, swatting your ass as he does so, “You must like the idea of me spanking you for you to call me boss,”

“It was funny, don’t pretend it wasn’t, you grump,”

You both fall into the bedroom, laughing into your kisses, the remainder of your clothing and his is kicked and tugged off in quick succession leaving you both to fall to the bed naked, breathless and giggling. Bucky rolls you to your back, slotting himself between your legs, rolling against you in a way that drives you mad. His lips are at your neck, his hands are back at your breasts, before he jumps off the bed, taking you by the hand and putting you on your knees in front of him, 

“Put your mouth to good use, doll,”

“Yessir!” You giggle when Bucky growls, pushing himself at your mouth, “What? I mean boss, I mean, yes my liege, I mean-” you gag when Bucky successfully shoves his dick down your throat, you’re pretty certain that your throat is going to be sore in the morning, but you do as he wanted, taking him down and sucking him to the best of your ability. He’s big, your jaw aches stretching around him, and Bucky pulls away before he finishes, 

“On your back, doll, I want to be inside you,” Bucky strokes himself idly as you do as you’re told, taking a condom from the drawer next to the bed and rolling it down himself. You have a sudden moment of insecurity, as you’re waiting, your legs close and you cover your chest… “Hey,” Bucky takes your wrists, guides them back down to your sides, “you’re beautiful, remember? Let me see you, Y/N,” You’re hesitant as you open your legs again, but your confidence grows as you see how his eyes darken as he looks you over, “most beautiful woman in the world in my bed,”

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Bucky rolls his eyes at your tease, and settles himself back in between your legs, 

“Nah, doll, just you. Always has been you.”

It feels like he’s coming home as he thrusts inside you, the way he moves is like a practised dance. You suppose for him, it is. He’s done this a million times before, tonight just feels different. He’s kissing you, holding you close, and you don’t fight when he brings your hand in between your bodies, pushing you to touch yourself. Bucky lifts your leg up over his hip, his forehead against yours, breath mixing together as he starts to pump furiously inside you, 

“You good, Y/N?”

“Yes, go, Bucky, it feels- oh!” You clamp down on him on a cry, you can feel Bucky’s thrusts grow sloppy as he finishes too, his grunts filling your head and the air almost crushed from your lungs as he holds you close to him. You can feel a beard burn against your neck, a pleasurable sting that you hope lasts the night. Bucky collapses next to you on a groan, and you giggle as he tugs the cover up and over you, grumbling about how he’s not a young man anymore, “You still fuck like a young man though, Bucky.”

You’re tucked up against Bucky’s side now, your favourite position in the world, as his breath slows back down and he kisses the top of your head, “You bring it out of me when you get these ideas, what can I say?”

Your smile could definitely be counted as smug as you lay with your husband of over fifteen years in the dark, but all too soon the glow of post coital bliss starts to dim, and you sigh. There’s only silence, so you sigh again, changing a look at the dim shape of Bucky… before sighing again-

“Doll, stop being in your head and go to sleep.”

“I’m not in  my head!” You lie through your teeth, “I’m just-”

“No, we’re not weird for roleplaying.” Bucky huffs himself, rolls away from you, turns on the lamp, and then rolls back to face you, “Not that we need to, but it keeps us young, right? There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of fun and change in the bedroom. Plus you looked hot as fuck in that skirt, I don’t know how you thought I would be able to control myself.” You grin, still amazed that after all these years he could make you feel like a schoolgirl with a crush, 

“I know we’re not wrong, I just… I don’t need it, you know? I want you to know that. I love us, at any age, at any level of sexual libido.” You lean forwards and peck him on the nose, “I love you.” Bucky actually blushes, and then reaches out and cups the side of your face, his thumb brushing over the apple of your cheek, 

“I love you too, doll. Always have. I don’t mind doing this, it’s fun, especially when Sharon and Sam have taken the kids so we can relax. We’re perfect, no matter what, besides,” Bucky suddenly grins from ear to ear, pushing you back onto your back, “if you think we’re not playing this game again, you the hot MILF in a silk dressing gown, propositioning me, a hot, young gardener-”

“Bucky, what?!” You’re laughing as Bucky pushes open your thighs with his own, “You want to do an ‘oh no I have no money, how can I ever pay’? You’re so old!”

If only Addison could hear your thoughts now. She’d tease you for not living it up and enjoying the single life. Nothing new.

Your mouth fell open as you walked into the living room, but no sound came out as you skidded to a stop. Your heart nearly burst out of your chest and plummeted to your stomach at the same time as your phone fell from your hand. It was like you couldn't breathe. Because a man was sitting on your sofa.

And you lived alone.

“What…” you exhaled, no louder than a whisper.

The man didn't speak as he stared at you. He didn't even blink. The staring contest gave you a moment to take in his appearance. Intimidating even though he was sitting, his dark suit looked tailored to perfection on his broad frame. Dark brown hair framed his face and matched the stubble on his face, with the exception of a few gray hairs. The dangerous glint in his hard blue eyes did little to put you at ease, but there was something soft there as well.

In any other circumstance, you would've said he was handsome.

You bent down to pick up your phone before he let out a tsk, a subtle warning for you not to try anything. “Who are you? Why are you in my home?” You asked as you straightened up, hoping your tone didn't betray how terrified you were.

Nothing looked out of place. If he was there to rob you, there wasn't much worth taking. While you weren't struggling, you were far from rich.

He smirked and leaned back further into the cushion, his eyes roving over your body. You hadn't noticed right away, but the hand draped on the back of the sofa appeared to be metal. Or was it a glove? He didn't have to stand for you to know he was larger than you. If things got physical, you wouldn't stand a chance.

“Okay…” If he wasn't going to give you any sort of answer or clue as to who he was or why he was there, you’d just leave. You could go to a neighbor’s place or Addison’s to call the cops. But he didn't seem to like it when you took a step back since he pinned you with a glare and crooked his finger, beckoning you to go to him.

Your legs wobbled with the first step, but you righted yourself as you continued to move forward. If he noticed your misstep, he didn't acknowledge it. You swallowed, worried that bile would rise to your throat from how sick you felt when you stopped in front of him. That feeling only grew when he leaned in to grip your waist and roughly pulled you toward him.

A scream escaped this time around, but his hand clamped over your mouth to smother the sound. The cold fear that trickled down your spine would stick with you for days to come as he pulled you onto his lap and shook his head with another tsk. There was no mistaking the evident lust in his gaze as his eyes bore into yours.

What was he going to do to you?

You put your hands on his shoulders to push yourself away, but the hand on your hip held you tighter. You squirmed in his lap before you brushed against the outline of his cock, your body stiffening when he let out a low groan. With wide eyes, you decided moving wasn't a wise decision.

“Keep moving your hips if you want, but don't scream again,” he warned, his deep voice rumbling from his chest as you breathed through your nose. “There’s time for that later.”

Blood rushed to your ears as your heart pounded faster. You wished you could've stopped the tears from filling your eyes, but you weren't that strong. Was he going to hurt you? Kill you? If so, why?

The brunette cooed as a tear slid down your cheek. “I’m not going to hurt you, okay? But I will gag you if I remove my hand and you scream again,” he promised, his tone lighter than a moment ago. “Blink once if you promise not to scream.”

You blinked, another tear falling from your eye.

A pleased look crossed his face when he removed his hand and you complied. “Good girl,” he whispered and you ignored the new kind of shiver that rolled down your spine. “I didn't mean to startle you, but I couldn't wait any longer to see you.”

You exhaled as he used his thumb to wipe the tears away, your body still stiff as you focused on trying to stay calm. Couldn't wait to see you? You had never seen this man before in your life. “Who are you and what do you want?”

“My name is Bucky Barnes. And don't worry. I already know your name.” He smirked as he rested his hand on your cheek. You managed not to flinch at his calloused touch. “Did you have fun at my club?”

Confusion flickered in your gaze. “What?”

“My club, The 107th. I own it. Did you have fun?” He asked again, looking at you expectantly.

The 107th was the most luxurious and expensive nightclub in the city. Chic and glamorous in design with a friendly staff who waited on people hand and foot, you felt like royalty as you hung out in the VIP section. The upscale venue wasn't one you frequented often. In fact, you had only been once.

For Addison’s bachelorette party.

“Y-Yeah,” you replied, still confused as to what he wanted. “It’s a nice club.”

He hummed, his thumb brushing across your trembling lip. “I’m glad to hear it, but you didn't seem to have as much ‘fun’ as your friends. Did you?”

You nursed your drink as you gazed out at the dancefloor from your seat. The place was packed, the strobe lights flashing over the crowd in various hues as they grinded to the beat. You adjusted the hem of your short black dress as you debated going out to dance. You decided against it since you weren't looking to hook up.

“Come on! Another shot!” Addison yelled, adjusting her tiara on her head. She was lucky the “bride to be” sash was still on straight. “Shot, shot, sh-sh-sh-shot!”

You giggled as she plopped down beside you. “I did a shot. I'm fine,” you hollered back.

Your best friend grumbled something you couldn't make out as she put her head on your shoulder. “But you aren't even driving.”

“I don't want to deal with a hangover tomorrow,” you argued, thanking the server as she brought another bottle.

“Ugh. If you won't drink, at least get laid,” Addison whined a little. “You're wearing a slutty black dress and everything.”

You looked around at the group. Addison was the only one in white since she was the bride. Everyone else wore black. They looked great, but you weren't dressed to get any sort of attention.

“Yeah! Get fucked!” Dana shouted.

“Is that encouragement or an insult?” You teased, glancing at the small blinking light in the corner of the VIP section. You didn't notice it before.

“Raise your hand if you think our girl should get laid!” Addison announced, raising her hand high and spilling some of her drink on the seat. “Whoops.”

The group raised their hands as you attempted to clean up the small mess. “I’m not hooking up with anyone tonight,” you said to their disappointment. “This night isn't about me and my love life.”

“Your love life? Babe, it doesn't exist!” Addison grabbed your left hand and held it up to stare at your bare ring finger. “I don't get it. You're the only one not engaged or married yet. And you're, like, the sweetest one in our group. And you're so pretty! It’s not fair that you don't have a man. You deserve one.”

“And sex!” Dana chimed in. “You deserve lots of sex!”

You gently pulled your hand away and pushed down the sadness that surfaced at the reminder that you were the only single one left of your friends. You didn't know why you hadn't met the right one yet. It wasn't like your standards were too high and you were a good, loyal partner. You wouldn't say you were supermodel gorgeous, but you were pretty. You knew how to have a good time.

Right?

Addison's lip wobbled when she saw the look on your face. “Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry. I didn't mean anything by it,” she rambled, hugging you from the side. “I just want you to have what Brady and I have. I want someone to love you.”

Guilt crept in before you shook your head and flashed your best smile. You know she wasn't trying to make you feel bad and you didn't want to ruin her night. “And one day, I will. Someone will love me the way Brady loves you and I’ll love him, too,” you assured her, giving the other girls a shrug and wishing they'd stop with the pitying stares. “Shots?”

“Shots!”

Your eyes briefly went back to the blinking light before you put a small smile back on your face. Addison was having fun and that was what mattered. You could worry about yourself and your feelings tomorrow.

“I’m sorry, but did my friends and I do something wrong?” You asked, dodging his question. You booked and paid for the section well in advance. Your group danced around in the area, and behaved overall and kept to yourselves. The server got a nice tip at the end of the night.

So what was the matter?

“Not at all,” he said, tilting his head. “I’m just sorry I couldn't introduce myself to you that night.”

“I don't understand. You broke into my home just so you could introduce yourself to me?” You asked as he traced small circles on your hips, the motion making your head spin a little. “How do you even know where I live?”

He chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling, before he got serious again. “I have my ways. And I can be a little intense and forward at times, but you’ll get used to it,” he said, your eyes wide again. What was wrong with this man?

“Okay, Bucky,” you said slowly, seeing something wicked flash in his eyes when you said his name. “Being intense and forward doesn't excuse breaking into my home. And since my friends and I didn't do anything wrong at your club and you formally introduced yourself, I think it's time for you to leave.”

A second passed before he shook his head. “No, doll. It’s time for you to get the love life and man you deserve.”

Fingers brushed your throat as you struggled to take your next breath. “What did you say?”

“I'm going to take you out to dinner tomorrow so you can get to know me and you’re going to wear the dress I bought for you,” he explained as if he didn't hear you, nodding toward the hall. “It’s waiting for you in your bedroom and, yes, it’s your size.”

How did this man have the nerve and how long had he been in your place? “You went into my room? You-”

“And I bought you that perfume you recently ran out of. I know how much you love it. I know everything about you,” he continued, running his nose along your neck as your blood ran cold. “Oh, we’re going to have so much fun together.”

You moved back, desperate to get away as your stomach twisted. He didn't let you get far, easily yanking you close again. How did he know anything about you? How did you catch his eye?

The blinking light in the corner of the VIP section …

“And if I say no?”

Bucky pulled back, his eyes calculating as he studied you. “I’m not going to force you into going out with me. It’s your choice to say yes or no, but I want you to think carefully about that choice.”

Dread pooled in your gut. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I obviously know where you live and I can get in and out undetected,” he pointed out. You wondered now if this was the first time he had been in your place. “I also know where your friend Addison and her fiancé, Brady, live.”

A wounded sound escaped at the thought of anything happening to your friends. “Please, leave them alone.”

“And the shop you work at, I know where it’s located. Those floral arrangements you make are stunning. Your boss even gave you a raise recently. You should be proud,” he smiled.

Your eyes watered again. The man was certifiably insane. Maybe this was a sick joke or a bad dream. Soon you'd wake up in your bed.

But the iron grip on your body reminded you that this was very real.

He waved a hand dismissively. “But we both know you’ll make the right choice because you're a good girl… a smart girl,” he said like he hadn't just threatened your friends or livelihood. “Just take the night to think it over. Have a glass of wine and draw yourself a nice bath while you do.”

He surprised you by moving you from his lap to the sofa. His hands and eyes lingered on you momentarily before he released you and stood up. Towering over you, he gave you a tender smile as he buttoned his jacket.

“I’m going to lock the door behind me when I leave and I’ll be back tomorrow at 7pm so you can give me your answer. And if you try and tell anyone I was here tonight, I’ll know about it,” he said, grasping your chin when you tried to look away. “It’s taking all of my control not to drag you to bed, but I can wait a little longer.”

Fear prickled the back of your neck as you tensed up. “You couldn't just ask me out like a normal person?”

You almost regretted asking when he narrowed his eyes, but he huffed out a laugh. “Where's the fun in that?” He winked as you shrank back in your seat. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I won't hurt you. And you know what? I just thought of something. You still need a plus one for the wedding. I’m free. I’ll get a suit to match your bridesmaids’ dress. We’ll look perfect together. And Addison will be so happy that you aren't going alone.”

His tone was light and happy like it was a suggestion and not an order, but the ferocity in his gaze had you trembling. “Why are you doing this?” You asked above a whisper.

“Because I want you and I get what I want,” he said as a matter of fact, releasing your chin. “Like I said, it's time for you to get the love you deserve. And I know you'll give it to me in return.”

It was like your spirit floated out of your body as he bent down to kiss your forehead. You couldn't move or speak. Was this what shock felt like? Or was it complete and utter fear?

You stared ahead as he picked up your phone and unlocked it with your passcode. He knew that, too? “Can’t leave without giving you my phone number,” he smiled, putting his information in before he set the device down. You didn't respond. Once he was gone you could scream and cry. But you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of breaking down in front of him. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, 7pm. Get some rest. You'll need it.”

Even as he left you alone and locked the door behind him as promised, you didn't move from your spot as tears streamed down your cheeks. You didn't dare go to your bedroom to see the gifts he left for you, your hand shaking as you wiped at your face. The scent of his cologne lingered, as did his touch. It was like his shadow covered you, leaving you cold and afraid. Your home was no longer safe.

You weren't safe.

With his subtle threat looming over your head, you’d have no choice but to go out with him. Maybe he’d get bored of you quickly and move on. Or maybe not. You had no way of knowing. All you knew was that your average life was upheaved by the owner of The 107th.

And you were going to be his girl whether you liked it or not.

Bucky isn't wasting time. Where is he taking you on your first date? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

You’d take a quick nap and be on your way, right?

“You sure I can't carry you in?” Bucky offered as he stopped in front of the door at the end of the hall, sneaking a glance at you over your shoulder.

He trusted you enough to have his back to you.

“Don’t you dare,” you said without a hint of malice, biting your lip when he smiled and opened the door to let you go in.

“Worth a shot.”

The rays from the sunset seeped in through the window curtain before Bucky turned the light on. The bedroom was beautiful, as expected, with a king-sized bed, a chair near the balcony, and a fireplace. You imagined him sitting and reading after a long day. But the vanity didn't appear to be his style at all.

It looked like something that belonged in your room.

Bucky didn't attempt to move toward you as you met his all-consuming gaze, which somehow made the tension grow. It would’ve been easy to drag him to his bed or let him shove you down and make you his the way he claimed you were. But one taste wouldn't be enough for either of you.

“As much as I'd love to see you in my clothes,” he said to break the silence, gesturing to a door along the wall. “You might find something more to your liking in there on the right side.”

“I can't sleep in this?”

He dragged his lip along his teeth and shook his head. “The bastard who hit you may not have touched your clothes, but I’d sooner burn them before they touch my bed.”

“Possessive bastard,” you muttered, part of you liking it.

His watchful eyes followed as you crossed the room and opened the door, your mouth falling open as you looked around. The closet was larger than your apartment living room. To the left were suits, shoes, watches, and more that clearly belonged to the mobster. But to the right…

Your heart raced as you walked over and pushed through the clothes, something heavy settling in your stomach when you realized they were all your size. Not only that, they were designs and styles you wore and liked. Many of which you'd never be able to afford, let alone have the pleasure of feeling the fabric under your fingertips. You had long accepted that working for a living would never give you a life of luxury.

There weren't many times in life where you had the rug pulled out from under you, but this was something else entirely.

“What is this?” You whispered, turning toward Bucky as he strode through the door.

“Your closet. Well, our closet. You like it?” He answered, pride in his eyes as he glanced at your side. “I figured you could look at some of the shoes and jewelry after you get some rest. And you’ll love the lingerie almost as much as I will.”

You took a deep breath. And another. It did little to calm you down. “Bucky. I am not your girlfriend and I sure as hell don't live here, so why do you have half of your closet set aside for me?” You demanded.

Bucky lifted a shoulder, unbothered by the fury and touch of sadness that simmered in your eyes. “Girlfriend isn't really a title I want you to have. Wife and my queen, yes. Those will do. And you will live here, so I had to make sure you have clothes,” he said as his eyes bore into yours. “Though I don't mind if you'd rather walk around without wearing anything.”

Your face heated up as he stepped toward you and you wished you could ignore the throbbing between your legs. “You're delusional,” you stated.

He chuckled low, the sound sending more heat through your traitorous body. “No, Kisa. Not delusional. Prepared and excited, but not delusional.”

You scoffed, trying to cover up your arousal. Why did he put more into obtaining you than any other guy who crossed your path before? “Whatever you need to tell yourself to get to sleep at night, Winter.”

“I'll sleep much better when you're beside me.”

The softness in his voice surprised you, like you sleeping beside him would bring him some sort of comfort as well as satisfaction. “You say that like it's a sure thing.”

Your stomach twisted in knots as he smirked, all confidence and swagger. “Oh, you and I both know I always end up getting what I want.”

But what if he stopped wanting you one day?

Your back was against the wall, nowhere to go as he took another step forward. “You can't have me.”

The words sounded empty and you both knew it. “And why is that?” He asked.

“Because I can't let you have me,” you answered, pausing as your gaze shifted away from him. You almost regretted the next words that slipped out of your mouth. “You cloud my judgment.”

The admission didn't lift the weight from your chest because it didn't change anything. At the end of the day, Bucky would continue to do terrible things and you wouldn't bring him to justice. You couldn't bring yourself to do so. Yet you brought others in.

How many times could you justify letting Bucky roam free because he had a heart beneath the surface?

You willed your knees to keep you upright when he rolled his sleeves up more and smugly smiled. “Is that so? Hmm, I like the idea that you can't think straight around me.”

You held up a hand when he moved closer, as if it would stop him. “Don't let it go to your head. My job comes first. You know that.”

He grasped your wrist and brought it to his mouth, his lips barely grazing your skin. The spark between you continued to ignite when his tongue darted out. “Well, if I had it my way you'd come first every single time.”

The breath left your lungs in a rush. “Bucky, please,” you whispered, hating how weak you sounded when his scruff touched your skin.

He hummed as he pressed his lips against your pulse. “That's one of the things I imagine you saying before you come.”

You didn't rip your hand away, enjoying the attention far more than you should have. “You're being ridiculous. You know we can't do this.”

“No, I don't know that. Though you keep saying we shouldn't,” he said, taking your hand and placing it over your head against the wall. His grip didn't hurt. You almost wished it did so you'd have more of a reason to fight. “Maybe you're the delusional one.”

“Maybe I am a little,” you said, tears pricking your eyes. “Because I've crossed the line enough by not bringing you in.”

Maybe your hands weren't as dirty as his, but they sure as hell weren't clean.

A sympathetic smile tugged at his lips. “Because you want me and want to be with me.”

His eyes traced along your face as your breathing got heavier. You didn't object or deny him. Doing so would be a lie and wasn't life clouded enough with too many of those? But to speak the truth would be to lose a part of yourself.

“It doesn't matter. When the chase ends, you’ll stop wanting me,” you said, his brows furrowing when your voice cracked.

Because the game would be over and why would he want to play again? How much of you would he take with him? What would be left in the wake of his victory?

His fingertips ran along your sore cheek and brushed away a tear that fell. “The chase will end because you’ll be by my side, but it doesn't stop there. I’m still going to court you and show you every day why I’m nothing without you.”

Tilting your head, he placed a tender kiss on your cheek. The same way he had in his den. Would it be so wrong to let him seduce you further? “But you have the world,” you whispered.

“You are my world,” he whispered back before he pulled away and released your hand, your body suddenly cold. Your breaths felt shallow as he ran a hand through his hair and he still hadn’t kissed your lips. He looked like he was restraining himself as well. “Those aren't just pretty words. I’ll do whatever it takes to show you, Kisa. Starting with the man who hurt you.”

The resolve in his eyes before he turned and walked away tugged at your heartstrings. “Don’t kill him. Please.”

He stopped in the doorway with a sigh, but didn't face you. “I told you I can't let it go,” he said, grunting as he flexed his fingers. “But I'll try not to kill him.”

You couldn't ask for more than that. “Thank you, Bucky,” you said sincerely, pushing yourself away from the wall. “But you really don't have to do anything to him in order to prove something to me.”

His blue eyes lit up with purpose when he looked back at you. “No one hurts someone I love and gets away with it,” he said, leaving you all alone with your thoughts.

Because what were you really afraid of?

That Bucky Barnes loved you or that you maybe loved him, too?

UGH. I love them. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

There’s a comfort with living here with Bucky and Alpine. You’re able to relax, not fully, but you are getting there. Alpine definitely helps. Bucky. You want to let him in as easy as he let you in, but you just can’t. You could sit and listen to him talk, but don’t want to talk about your life just yet.

You want to, and then you don’t. You need to, but you just can’t. He is giving you so much of himself, including a place to live. Refusing to even take money from you. You weren’t poor, in fact you had done well with your books. That ugly piece of shit house had insurance, so yay for that.

But Bucky. He’s a mystery to you like all men. You know you shouldn’t, but you compare them all to your father. It’s why you wrote; you want to make stories of men that were good, honest, and didn’t have crippling and poor coping mechanisms. Bucky didn’t seem like that. In fact he gave you just enough distance, and you craved him more.

Was crave even the right word? You dream of him. Wished he would close the gap a bit more so you could count the colors of blue in his eyes. Had a desire to snoop in his room just so you knew what cologne he wore or if that scent was purely Bucky.

Why did he haunt your thoughts? Your newest male character was Bucky. Down to the cleft in his chin. The very dimple you longed to poke a finger in, hoping to bring a smile big enough to make the faint dimples appear on his cheeks. You liked when you could get that to happen.

Why couldn’t you be more comfortable with him? Why couldn’t you just speak more than a few words? Every evening he even asked if he was talking too much, and you’d respond by shaking your head no. You’d never been given much of a voice in your home, yet another reason you wrote. Your writing gave you that voice. Those moments to say what you wanted, even if it was fiction. There is always a bit of truth in the midst of fantasy.

If you could have made the perfect man, it would be Bucky. He is handsome without question, but his patience astounded you. He never once raised his voice. He saw you look in the fridge at the beer for too long, and the next day the beer was gone. You still haven’t found remnants of even beer garbage. He watched you curiously as you traced your finger along the walls, asking what you were doing. “They’re spotless.”

There aren't burns, dents, or ripped out wiring in his home. It is fascinating that there was a man that could no doubt live in a world of turmoil and danger, and yet his home is a safe haven for him, you, and even the cute little kitty that snuggled up to you every night.

Alpine is a godsend to you. She followed you around like a lost puppy, well cat. When Bucky came home, she would stand between the two of you, making sure there was a safe distance, but that you could hear her purring. You liked her purring. When she greeted her dad, Bucky would look at you but you kept your eyes trained on Alpine. Only random looks would move up to him. You were a puzzle that he couldn’t quite put together, but he knew once he did that you would be beautiful, even if there were missing pieces.

You kiss the top of Alpine’s head as you allow yourself to drift off to sleep. Sleep still scared you, and you found yourself panting and in a puddle of sweat almost every night, so far you’d been able to keep it within the four walls of your bedroom. “Goodnight, sweet girl. Keep us all safe.”

Sleep was always fraught with dreams that transformed into nightmares. Dreams of how you wished your life with your father was, but morphing into nightmares of how you viewed things with the eyes of you as a little girl. Parties that would get too loud, and your father would start cussing and pushing everyone around before they’d leave.

Parties where he would pass out early, and you’d have to hide in the closet as people would have sex in your bed. You’d sit in the corner of your closet with your fingers in your ears and tears running down your face as you try to block out the noises just a few feet away. You got smarter as you got older, but their gazes would follow you if you wanted food or to go to the bathroom.

Those slobs begged for the days that your father would pass out and they would beat on your door. They never made it in there with you, but their lingering eyes and words to each other was enough for you to swallow bile on more than one occasion.

Your nightmares held the fights that you had with your dad. When he’d drunkenly throw whatever he could get his hands on at you, or punch walls. Even ripping the phone off the wall because the sound of it annoyed him. How many fires had you put out because his disgusting self fell asleep with a cigarette.

This dream is your worst. His ghost is chasing you around the fire that you started on purpose. Letting you know that you would never get rid of him. His voice would be in your ear for the rest of your life, and would even haunt your children. You would never know peace because you were the reason his wife was dead. It’s what you deserved.

His voice repeats ‘It’s what you deserved’ over and over again. Marking itself in your very soul, until you believed that no good could come into your life because you didn’t deserve it. You deserved to live a miserable and loveless life like he did because it was your fault, and you deserved every bit of suffering that ever came in your life.

“No! Nonononono!”

“Hey,” Bucky whispers into your ear, giving your body a light shake. “Hey, come back to me.”

“You’re a liar!” You shoot up in the bed, and see his face trying to touch you. “Stop touching me! Don’t touch me. You’re wrong! You’re always wrong!” Your arms swing at him a few times and he starts to step back with his arms up in surrender, “I don’t want you to touch me!”

“It’s me, Bucky,” your body freezes, but your eyes blink a few times as he comes into clear view. Bucky isn’t your father, and your father isn’t Bucky. “I can leave.”

“No!” You should have let him. Why did you stop him? What is it that you want? “I don’t want to be alone. I’m always alone because he isolated me. I’ve never had a friend, and I don’t want to be him. I don’t want to blame everyone for my problems. I don’t want to be without…touch.”

You extend a shaky hand out to Bucky. Who are you? You didn’t want touch, you wanted to be left alone. Bucky’s head twists to the side as he looks at your trembling hand. His eyes move down to Alpine who is on your lap, and ready to pounce. She never took a defensive approach towards Bucky, “Can I hold your hand?”

“I don’t know,” you answer truthfully for the first time. You wanted him to touch your hand, and you wanted him to go away. Conflicting emotions were complicated.

“How about I hold my hand here?” He holds his hand straight out to yours barely an inch between you, and you close the space and press yours against his. Your fingers look so small compared to his. You bet he could play the piano beautifully. He has long lithe fingers that you wanted to weave yours into his.

His rings are cold against your skin. They were menacing to so many people, but to you they just looked like Bucky. You look up at him and start laughing. Laughing so hard that tears spring to your eyes. This is what crazy is, you just know it. He was going to walk away from you, and you’d never see him again.

Your hand just looked so tiny against his. Holding up your other hand, Bucky meets it with his metal hand, and you can’t stop yourself from weaving all ten of your fingers with his, continuing to laugh. He doesn’t retreat, his mouth just turns up into a crooked grin before he laughs with you.

“Are you okay?”

“I gotta break the cycle,” you laugh even harder, and aren’t sure why. Was this the mental break you assumed would eventually find you? If this was a mental break, you’d take it. You had no desire for alcohol. Didn’t want to turn to drugs. The only thing you wanted was to know that Bucky is smiling, and you wanted to keep learning all about him.

“You are. You’re breaking the cycle,” he answers with so much certainty that it cuts the air off from your lungs. Your laughing stops as soon as it had started, and he smiles as he sits down beside you. “You got yourself a little guard cat. Alpine, I don’t want to hurt her. Are you okay with me here?”

“Actually, yes. I hate men,” his mouth tightens as he watches you. “They’re thoughts of defiling a woman are so evidently clear in the way that they ogle you, and…the things they say.”

“Has anyone ever…”

“No,” you cut him off. “I’m not just saying that to avoid a trauma talk. It wasn’t without trying, but no. Not like that. Not sexually,” Bucky takes the abrupt finish as you wanting to move on past this talk. And yet you’re still looking at him, and opening up.

“Your father?”

“He was a mean drunk, and can we leave it at that?” Bucky gives you a head nod in response. He wouldn’t dig, he never did. “Thank you. I just…I don’t want to be alone anymore. Not in my life, and not in here,” you point at your head as you study his eyes. How were there so many shades of blue? “I’ve never really lived before. Had friends, but as soon as we got close, I’d push them away, and they’d give up on me. Bucky, if I push…don’t give up on me?”

“I’ve devoted a lot of time to you. I don’t want to give up. I always see things through.”

“Thank you,” two words have never held so much power for you before. You could never thank Bucky enough for the things he’s done, but mostly for the things he just said. Everyone with their good intentions always gave up on you. You couldn’t blame them. There’s only so many times that you push someone away that they give up on trying.

You bump your hip into Bucky’s as you look up at him with a genuine smile. Dates. You have been on six of them now, and he is still as much of a gentleman as he was the night he brought you home with him. The man slept in the bed with you, and still wouldn’t initiate anything. And heaven forbid if the two of you kissed at home. It’s like he had a timer that went off, and he would pull back.

“Bucky!”

“What is it?” His silvery blue eyes look down at you. His lips pull up with a smirk. He knew. He knew exactly what you wanted, and you were trying to get his attention.

“You know!”

“Just tell me then. Use your words, and tell me explicitly what you want,” it sounded like a bigger invitation than what you were wanting at this moment. What you wanted when you got home was entirely different. “Shy?”

Your fingers tickle along his as you will him to grab ahold of your hand. “My sweet little Shy Violet, all you have to do is use those words that I know you have.”

“Well…aren’t you my,” you stop your words. Could you call him that? You lived together. You saw him everyday, and talked to him throughout the day, there was no other woman. But could you say boyfriend?

“I think we’ve earned the right to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend,” Bucky would say those words over and over again just to see your sweet smile, hear the little giggle that rose up your throat, and even feel the warmth that was circled your body. “Shy, you’re my girlfriend.”

“I want my boyfriend to hold my hand then,” you blurt out. Bucky chuckles, but he does entangle his fingers with yours, pulling you as close to him as he possibly can as you walk back home. Your steps match each other, and you’ve never felt safer than you do right now.

“Shy, what are you feeling right now?”

“Right now?” You look up at him with your brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“Explain your feelings towards me and us like you would in one of your books.”

“Oh…well,” Bucky winces as he looks at you, fearful that he overstepped his bounds, and pushed you too far, too fast. The two of you had been making great progress with this new step in your relationship, and he doesn’t want to offset it or have you regress.

”Never mind. Forget I asked.”

”No,” you strain out a giggle. Grabbing his arm with your free hand. “It’s not that simple, bubba. It…words don’t always flow, they just get caught in my throat, and don’t want to come out. And I usually close my eyes before I start writing, and imagine the scene. What are you doing?”

He stops in the middle of the sidewalk, removing your hands off him before he steps in front of you. Squatting down a bit as he peeks over his shoulder, “Hop on, and close your eyes. You can whisper it in my ear.”

Exhaling loudly, you jump onto Bucky’s back, resting your cheek on his shoulder as you close your eyes. Letting your body feel everything that you feel about Bucky. “It’s new.”

“But good?” He asks. You give a quick peck to his neck. “I take that as a yes.”

“It’s so good,” you hum, wanting to express everything that you’re feeling at this moment. “It’s like this warmth deep inside my soul. It rushes out into every part of me, and wants me to always be with you because I don’t want to miss any breath that you take, or any blink of your eyes. I want to hear every groan of pain that you have because I want to be the one to make you feel better. It’s this rumbling fluttering feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I’m in knots. It scares me and excites me all at the same time.”

Giving him a few nips to his neck, you move to right your head. Placing your mouth right behind the shell of his ear as you continue to whisper all the things that Bucky makes you feel. “Every time you touch me I get goose pimples, and this flood of…heat throughout every part of me. All the way to my soul, and to places I’ve never felt before. And I want you to explore those parts of me. And it’s like I’m home.”

“Hmm?” His voice is a whispered groan. You can feel his body tense under you, and you know why. He’d been starving his body of sexual gratification just to make sure that you were comfortable. He could also feel just how heated you are, right at your core. You meant more to him than a good lay, but each part of the past few minutes has his body on edge. Hyper alert of how your body is craving him as much as he craves you.

Your heated core presses into his back, making his aching cock twitch with a fervent need for your warmth. He is just about in a state of not seeing things clearly because of your pulse. The pulse that is in sync with his, and he felt it in your entire body. Throbbing harder than even he is. He’s tried to deny his animalistic needs because he felt like it was what you needed. But maybe you needed him in the same ways he needed you.

“Because my home is wherever you and our daughter are. Bucky, you can start calling me her mommy if you want to.”

“Please,” he strains out. Not even realizing himself how much he wanted Alpine to belong to both of you. Hearing you call him her daddy just felt so right, and he wanted you to feel the same way he did. That…yeah, the warmth.

“James, I love you,” he stops his walking right before you get to the complex. His body freezes as his eyes well up with tears. “I love you,” you whisper right behind his ear, and softly press a kiss before you wiggle out of his grasp.

Going to stand in front of him, your arms wrap around his waist. And you rest your chin on his chest as you stare up at him. “And I’m never going to get tired of saying that. I love you, James Buchannan Barnes.”

“I love you,” two broken people that had created a weird codependent relationship had no business falling in love. He needed you. Needed you every day and in every way. You are his best friend. The best thing that had ever happened to him, and he wanted to learn you all the more because of it. “I LOVE HER!”

Bucky throws his head back, yelling up at the sky before he looks back down at your scrunched up nose, and your eyes shining with the tears you weren’t allowing to spill over your lash line. “I love you.”

“And I want you to have all of me,” you slide out of his embrace, and pull him towards the door. “Tonight. I want us to rush into the apartment, and struggle to get each other's clothes off. But once we are completely bare in front of each other, I want our hands and lips to discover our bodies. Trace each line and curve with our fingertips. Intertwining every limb with the other until we’re too close to avoid your cock going into my cunt, and…”

His mouth crashes into yours as the two of you stumble into the building. A mad dash of hands roughly roaming over each other. Undoing buttons in the elevator until the two of you hit the door of the apartment and it’s a struggle to get in with the way you’re pulling off jackets and pulling apart shirts.

Crossing the threshold and the clothes fly at an alarming rate. Some in pieces others being tugged off at awkward angles because you need your mouth back on his. Thirsty for the taste of his mouth and you revel in it every time you get that tiny sip.

And just like you promised when you’re both naked, and pressed up against each other in a heated embrace the kissing stops, and his eyes peer so desperately into yours. He gulps, squeaking as he tries to talk. You can feel his pulse through his heavy cock that is pressing up against your stomach, “We can…we can stop whenever you want.”

“I don’t want you to stop,” you whisper as you start kissing down his chest. His hands caress your back as he watches you discover the hills and valleys on his chest. Dipping lower to kiss over every hard line that makes up his abs. Gazing up at him through your lashes. He isn’t sure if you knew how crazy you are making him feel, but he hopes you did.

No woman has ever shown him the care that you are. Making sure you kiss every scar with the most tender press of your lips. All this time he was spending hoping you were okay, he didn’t realize he wanted someone to do the same. And you had been. Not with words, but with how you took care of him. How you would jump up and run to the door with a smile just to greet him. Jumping into his arms, you would rub on his shoulders asking how his day was.

You felt real because you were. You didn’t want the amazing sex he could give you; you wanted him. His heart, body, and soul, and you had it. You had every part of him wrapped tightly around your little pinky finger, and he didn’t want it to ever unravel. He craved you like an addict to their next hit. He wanted to experience every part of life with you, including growing old.

Bucky never thought he was going to have a long life, and now he didn’t want to die before he was five hundred years old, and that still wouldn’t be enough time with you. Eternity was just the start of enough time with you.

His hands grip the underside of your ass before he picks you up. Letting your legs wrap around him as he takes the two of you to the bedroom. You are drenched and ready for him now, but you were right, he wanted his fingers and mouth to discover you first. He didn’t want this moment to end.

Sitting you on the edge of the bed, he yanks you back down the mattress when you try to scoot up the bed. Sinking to his knees, he starts at your toes, and kisses all the way up your leg. Stopping at the top of your thigh, he steals a glance at your glistening folds, kissing across your thigh before he makes his decent back down.

Moving to your right leg, he does the same motion. Finishing at your feet before he sits up a bit more. His eyes bore into yours before he leans forward, kissing over your mound. Right above the split, and you tremble. He is everywhere but where your body needs him. But you needed him more than your body.

His lips trail all over your soft pliable skin, and your fingers ghost over his arms and shoulders at the same speed. The tips of your fingers paint every inch of his flesh before he hovers over your body, and you take a haggard breath, giving your head a nod, “I can’t stand it anymore.”

”Good,” his legs move between your own, and he pushes you further apart. His digits slide down your arms, before he weaves his hands within yours, and pulls them above your head. “I can’t wait either,” slipping one hand free, he lines himself up with your entrance, “Don’t take your eyes off me,” he grunts.

”Okay,” your voice croaks out before he slowly descends inside of you. Moving at such an achingly slow pace, and making sure that your body memorizes the vein that runs over his cock. He makes sure that your velvety skin feels every inch of his head as it spears through your walls.

Biting on your lip, you are overcome with so much…just so much, but he shakes his head, “Do not withhold any sound from me, Shy. I need every part of this. If you wince, I want to know that it’s because of the stretch you feel as your body adjusts to me.”

“Okay,” he couldn’t fault you for becoming breathless, and unable to form words. He knew you’d been out of commission for a few years, and he could tell. Just like the proverbial walls around your heart, he would break, well stretch, these walls, too. He’d make sure that you learned how to take every inch of him. “Why did you stop?”

“Baby, I’m too deep.”

”No,” you want to cry. He wasn’t close enough, “I need to feel you on me. I belong to you, Bucky. Because you belong to me. I just,” Bucky slides completely home, and your words stop. Balls deep, and his weight is on every part of you. He is the most perfect feeling on you. Covered in Bucky. It’s what you wanted to be for the rest of your life.

Letting out the sweetest whimper when Bucky starts to slowly and steadily rut into you. Your body sounds vulgar with how wet you are, but your voice is the most angelic noise. Mewling, and calling out his name because nothing else mattered in the world. Only Bucky and you. The two of you had created a bubble of safety and care, and you had no desire to leave. Just wanted him. Always him.

“You’re my home,” you whisper as the constant fluttering knot in your stomach tightens. This is happening way too fast. No way is this going to last all night. You didn’t want to stop this feeling ever. “It’s…”

“It was always you,” Bucky pants out as his thrusts quicken. Normally he could last longer, but not this time. This time is overwhelming and feels too good. Nothing was better than this, and he was going to spend the rest of the weekend inside of you. Learning all the secrets to your body.

Even though you are struggling to hold on, he could feel your walls fluttering around him. Keeping your intense gaze just on him just like he asked you. “Thank you, Shy,” he coos, changing his angle he starts to drive into your warmth, and you gasp. The build up of the most beautiful high is becoming unbearable, but you weren’t finished just yet.

“Shy, let go for me, and we’ll do it again. And again. And again.”

“Promise?” your voice is hoarse as you choke down the need to come again.

“I’m never going to stop making love to you,” you let go as euphoria surges through every inch of your body. Racing through your blood, and making you all dizzy in the brain. Not even getting a chance to come back down when your walls grip around Bucky’s length so hungrily that his balls tighten and he shoots sticky warmth into the depths of your body, and you release again at the feeling of him in your belly.

”I love you,” you whimper, trying to ground yourself so you don’t lose sight of the face Bucky makes as he releases in a woman for the first time. Letting your body milk every drop of his thick cum as it blooms in your tummy like the best warmth.

“I love you, forever, Shy.”

”Forever.”

“Shy,” Bucky gives you a lingering kiss on your cheek as his left hand presses on the swell of your belly. He claims he could feel the baby better that way. His left hand is much more sensitive, and he wanted to feel the two of you growing and ‘swimming’. “Sweetheart, why don’t you ladies go whip up some lunch?”

“Of course, come on,” you grab Dove’s hand, pulling her into the kitchen. That was code for Bucky and Steve needed alone time. But his spoiled brat didn’t even want to leave him. She turns her head to look back at Steve giving you a clear view of her mark. She is completely stuck on him. Guess he finally sealed the deal.

You clear your throat, looking at her with your eyes wide, “They need a moment.”

“But…”

Ugh. You snap your fingers, and point into the kitchen, but she still looks back at Steve, “Dovey, follow Shy into the kitchen, and make me something real tasty, and we can share, okay?”

“Okay,” her body swishes back and forth, and she stands up a bit straighter, dropping your hand, and following you willingly. He tamed the brat. You were sure she still would stub up on him, and become a bit too childish for your liking, but even Bucky is watching Steve in an odd way.

“So how was it?” You ask with a smirk, as you pull out a few things from the fridge. The least you could do was talk to the girl. Maybe she wasn’t that bad.

“How was what?”

“Weren’t you a virgin?” Bashfully she looks down at the counter, finding her a seat in one of the stools. You’d have to hand her some things to chop, and hope she knew how to handle a knife. Her eyes never move back up to meet you, and you worry you made her shut down. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I just don’t even know how to begin to explain it,” you smile, sliding over a cutting board, knife and veggies. Without hesitation she starts slicing things up, and thinks? “It’s the best thing I’ve ever felt, and I can’t even begin to describe it. He loves me.”

“Steve told you that?” She shakes her head no, but her smile never fades. It’s the one thing Bucky said Steve claimed he’d never do again. Love. Of course he wouldn’t tell her, but sometimes a woman just knows.

“He pretty much told me without saying the words. We’re going to get married, and have babies like you,” sweet summer child. You and Bucky have built a relationship for years. Strangers to saviors to friends to lovers. She wouldn't understand your dynamic. “Every love story is different, but I do love mine and Steve’s.”

“Because he stalked you?”

“No,” she giggles, clearly forgetting the way that they met. “Because he had a goal, and he achieved it,” by breaking her down. “I’m not the person I was before. I feel like I have power, and a voice, and I’m desirable. I’d never felt like that before. My parents somewhat sheltered me. I don’t talk about Steve to them. They both want different things for me, and I just have spent so much time being the perfect girl for both of them. Dad wanted me to teach at a university, mom wanted me to be a pediatric nurse, so I went into early childhood education.”

“Do you have anyone you do talk to about Steve?”

She shrugs her shoulders as she bites into a carrot stick. “Just my sister. They don’t even know I talk to her. She’s my mom’s daughter, not my dad’s. She stopped trying to be perfect a long time ago,” there’s a sadness laced in her eyes as she stares at the cut veggies. “I don’t think they’d much approve.”

“Fuck ‘em,” she looks up at you with her brows furrowed, and a smile tingling to spread on her lips. You could see why Steve melted in her presence. You didn’t like seeing her sad because her smile is radiant. “How do you feel about Steve?”

“I love him,” no hesitation and with so much conviction.

“If they can’t see that you love him then why have them in your life? So what is it that your sister does?”

“Currently? Uh…changing her phone number again,” there is more to that story, and you’re not sure what.

“Their job — you’re around the business a lot. Are you using?” Her head shakes rapidly, taking a moment to look back where Steve and Bucky were, and her body goes frigid. “They’re just in the study with the door closed.”

“Steve doesn’t allow me to. He only lets me shotgun with him, or drink if he’s around. I’m a cheap drunk. And I get too flirty,” her giggle is awkward, and she avoids your eyes.

“IsYyur sister a junkie?”

“Not that bad. Steve says he doesn’t sell to her. I showed him her picture, and he told everyone while I was there not to sell to her. Told her that he would pay for her to go to rehab, and pay her phone bill so we knew where she was, and she disappeared for a while. She…she’s going to be okay. Steve will help.”

Walking over to her side of the counter, you open your arms wide. You understood addiction in people you love better than most. “Or you can just hold the baby?” With a sweet smile, she meets your hug, pulling back only to feel around your belly.

Steve shuffles in his seat as he stares at the monitors. Bucky doesn’t say anything as he watches his friend. “Shy and I like knowing where each other are in the house. She works here a lot and it’s a way for her to just see where I am.”

“I wasn’t questioning your need for cameras in your house. I’m just observing Dovey.”

“You’re looking awfully hard,” Steve straightens up only when you step away from Dove. Turning to look at his friend, but his eyes still wander over to the monitors. “So, why did you want to come here?”

“I want to apologize for what I did, but also the things I said about Shy.”

“Why?” Bucky cocks up an eyebrow at him. He’d love to have Steve graveling on his knees for the things he said about you.

“What do you mean why? I’m just apologizing and there’s no other fucking reason.”

“Don’t smoke in here,” he points a finger at his friend who started to touch his pocket. “We can walk outside, but this is a smoke free house. I’m asking why you’re apologizing because if it’s to ask me back, I’m not ready for that.”

“Why not?” Steve’s question shocks Bucky as he’s the one that turns to the monitor, pointing one of his fingers at the screens where you are. “I get it.”

“I don’t think you fully do, but you’re getting there.”

“So you’re just going to sit around and be a house husband for the rest of your life?”

“I could,” Bucky smiles, leaning back in his chair. “I could do that. Shy has had another successful book, and I made good investments. Just like you. My priority is my family now, Steve. And I can’t jeopardize her or our…you haven’t even asked me what we’re having.”

“This is a new thing for me,” he sighs. He’d been a horrible friend. Dove had told him as such. The more he talked to her, the more he realized how he had good people in his corner that wanted what was best for him. “What are you having?”

“He’s a boy. He’s all boy. Ember. Shy is insisting that Buchanan Barnes stays as well. She’s a bit of a romantic like that. I wanted a girl, but I hope he’s as in love with his mom as I am. She deserves another good man in her life. Speaking of family; I haven’t heard anything about Dove’s sister, Larkin. I still have our underground crew that stake out the trap houses,” he shakes his head, knowing it's the one thing that Steve couldn’t protect Dove from. That ugly world.

“Two weeks, Buck. That’s a long time out on the streets.”

“Look at me right now, and promise me that you haven’t done anything or sold to her,” Steve’s eyes roll up to look at Bucky. His face is somber and full of anger at the audacity in the question. “You love her,” Steve shakes his head no, confusion laced in every one of his features. The dramatic tonal shift in the conversation gives him whiplash. “I didn’t ask, you do.”

“I can’t love anymore.”

“Oh, bullshit, Steve. You can walk around acting like your heart is impenetrable because fucking Peggy left you for Rumlow, but you can’t fool me. You love her, and you need to tell her. Sam the other day was saying how different you are, and how you were already making preparations on a wedding, and future children, and where the fuck does that come from if it isn’t love?”

“Loyalty,” Bucky rolls his eyes as he looks at Steve. “It’s close enough to love, and it’s all that she’s going to get.”

“You’re a fucking dumbass, you know that? You have got Dove sitting on your cock asleep while people who can switch on you any minute see it. Yeah, information gets out, and it’s not just fucking Sam telling me this shit, Steve. You’re in love and you’ve gotten goddamn sloppy because of it. You show her the same fucking love that you gave Peggy, or you let her go. This life already consumed her sister, is that how you want to see Dove? Strung out? Selling her body for a hit, and too ashamed to seek help somewhere? You give her the same life you would have given Peggy. You tell her what she means to you, and you keep her away from that fucking life. Since when did you get so stupid?”

Steve sits in silence, letting his friend berate him. The only person besides Dove that can talk to Steve like this, and get away with it. “You got stupid when you let that little brat into your heart. You smile now. You’re looking for her fucking sister on the regular so Dove knows she’s okay. You have her lips burned into your skin just like she’s burned herself into your heart. Eventually if you don’t let the fire die down Steve, it burns away.”

“And only ashes and embers remain,” he smiles at his friend, almost laughing at the name Bucky and you chose for your son. Ember. The last remnants of a fire. The tiniest bit of spark that burns bright amongst the ashes. The light in the darknes.

“Do you want to lose Dove?”

“No,” his voice is ragged as his eyes move back to the monitor. Watching as her hands slide over your belly. Dove on her knees, whispering something to your son that Steve couldn’t hear, but he is addicted to seeing her so soft. Longing for the day where she was you.

“Steve, you’re going to. Whether it’s because you’re too fucking stubborn, or because of your stupidity. Do right by her when she’s with you, or let her go. She deserves someone who can give her this. When is enough, enough? Why are you still in this game? We’re getting too old, this is a young man’s game. You have more money than you could have ever possibly need.”

When was enough, enough?

“Steve, I love you, brother,” Steve meets Bucky’s eyes, and Bucky knows there’s still a human still left in his cold soul. “You see how easy that is? And I love you enough to tell you, I can’t go back into that life. I won’t leave my wife and son behind because of jail or death. Let’s go eat.”

When is enough, enough?

Next

Masterlist