mile

langdon’s back pain flaring up and he hasn’t been able to fuck his wife for weeks bcos of it and he’s venting to mel about how he isn’t getting any cos abby hates being on top and mel graciously offers, as his platonic friend who he desperately needs, to ride the fuck out of him

I recently broke up with a guy who would scroll linkedin in bed.

take me to art museums and make out with me

But they said to not touch the masterpieces

Well somebody’s gotta pin the artwork to the wall

World Heritage Post

the older i get, the more i appreciate the competency and cooperativeness of those politicians who got together to kill caesar 

60 agreed to kill him and only 23 followed through with the plan, if I remember correctly.

i’m american do you know how siked i would be to get 23 senators to agree on direct action 

According to Christopher Andrew apparently only one stroke was actually fatal

that is exactly as effective as I expect most political action to be tbh

I think it’s my duty to tell the world that not only a single stab was fatal, but also a bunch of those senators accidentally stabbed each other (and some of them died because of the wounds) cause they were panicking so much while attacking Caesar

this is it. this is the taxpayers money in action. incredible.

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

World Heritage Post

At the store today I said out loud to myself “you need to stop overbuying potatoes” and someone else thought I was talking to them

Depending on their potato purchasing habits and your ability to just roll with it, you could have set yourself up as some sort of potato prophet

go back to sleep puppy *holds chlorophyll over your face*

haha yay! *starts making sugars*

be careful with what series you watch/read during emotional points in your life because they will forever contain a ghost of your past self within it now

i need the pic of the fucked up looking little dog from a web 1.0 site that’s caption “March Madness”

thank you. it is now march madness time.