nini⁷

Tears welled up in your eyes, and before you could allow yourself to bask in the sadness, in the constant feeling of being a disappointment and just not good enough, you closed the textbook. Maybe a break is what you need right now. 

The chair scraped against the floor as you pushed it back to stand up. Before you could stretch your body to somewhat relieve the knots in your muscles, you hear your phone buzz on the table. 

Three new messages!

Jungkook ❤️: going out with taehyung hyung  Jungkook ❤️: do you wanna join? we can have dinner at your favorite chinese place.  Jungkook ❤️: haven’t seen you in weeks, miss you :( 

Your heart ached at his messages. Because of the exam stress, you started spending less time with him so that you could focus only on studying. Being away from him hurts; you miss being close to him. But it’s just about a few more days; you can do this. Right?

You: sounds tempting, but I can't. i'm sorry :( i need to study

You hesitated a little before pressing send. You quickly put your phone back on the desk and went to the kitchen to look for something edible and to make yourself another cup of coffee. You did know that drinking this amount of caffeine is bad for your health, but you really needed to ace these finals. You have to make do with what you have. 

After having some light snacks, you go back to your desk with your new cup of coffee and get back into those stupid formulas. 

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊

Knock-knock-knock. 

The sudden sound of knocking jolted you up, and you realised you had accidentally fallen asleep on your desk. Glancing at the clock, you noticed you had wasted two hours sleeping. You felt fresh tears well up in your eyes as you bit your lips to stop them from trembling. You only have two more days; what are you doing? 

Knock-knock. Another set of knocks reminded you that someone’s at your door. Who would it be at this hour? You take a few deep breaths before heading to the door. Before turning the knob, you glanced out through the peephole. It was him.

“Jungkook…?” you whispered to yourself, confused as to why he was here, but relieved at the same time. 

You quickly opened the door, and there he stood. Your boyfriend of almost a year was dressed in his usual jeans and hoodie, looking as handsome as ever. His cheeks were slightly flushed, probably because of the cold. One of his fingers loosely held a takeout bag you remember was from your favorite Chinese place.

“Were you sleeping? I’m sorry if I woke you up.” He smiled apologetically, but you could see it was strained. The distance was hurting him too. You suddenly felt that ache return. You didn’t mean to hurt him. 

You nod. “I fell asleep. What are you doing here?” You moved away to let him enter. The sight of him in your small apartment felt all too familiar, with him being here many times before. He took off his shoes and walked to the kitchen to put the takeout bags down before starting to take them out on the counter for you to eat. 

“You’ve been avoiding me, baby. You didn’t even say you missed me back earlier.” He spoke softly, though it was laced with quiet hurt. He finished setting up the food before turning back to you. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” 

There it was. Those eyes. He was looking at you with those pleading eyes that made you feel like shit for making him stay away from you for weeks. You wanted those eyes to always crinkle with happiness, not be filled with sadness. 

You nod, looking away. “I know. It’s just.. exams. I was… studying.” You felt pathetic saying those words. Looking at him was too much right now. You don’t like making him sad. 

You felt him coming closer to you—felt his hands cup your face before turning it back to him, his brows scrunched up in concern. “What’s wrong, baby? I know it’s not just exams.” His words made you want to cry, and before you knew it, your eyes filled up with tears. 

His eyes widened slightly before he pulled you into a hug, one hand behind your head while the other rubbed your back. “It’s okay; you can cry. Let it out, baby.” His soothing voice made you do exactly that, as you broke down in his arms. You truly did miss him. 

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you looked up at him with the tears still flowing down your cheeks. “I- I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I didn’t mean to avoid you, I’m just- so stupid.” You pressed your face back into his chest, letting his hoodie absorb your tears. 

“Hey, you’re not stupid. You’re just going through whatever you’re going through alone, but I’m here, yeah? We’re together in everything, right, baby?” He smiled softly as he felt you nod with your face still pressed in his chest.

After another five minutes, you finally calmed down. He pulled away enough to wipe your face clean with his sleeves before pulling you towards the couch. “I got you your favorite; you hungry?” After receiving another nod, he went to get the food he set up earlier and put it in front of you on the coffee table.  

He handed you the chopsticks before gesturing towards the food. You looked down at the food before looking back up at him. “All this is for me? Isn’t it a lot?” He shook his head. “I didn’t eat anything. I wanted to eat with you.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words. You have always known him to be considerate, but it never stops to make you smile. “Okay. Thank you.” Turning back to the food, you both started eating. The silence surrounding you two was not an awkward one, but rather comforting.

After you two were done, he quickly put away the empty packages in the trash before coming back to sit with you on the couch.  You stay seated in your position, with your hands balled into fists on your lap. A heavy silence sat between you two as you debated how to tell him what you are feeling. 

A surprised gasp left your lips as you suddenly felt him wrap his arms around you, pulling you close until you were settled on his lap. His hands held your hips in place before moving away to hold your hands. 

Warmth slowly crept onto your body as you both intertwined your fingers, letting them rest on your lap. “I missed you.” The words were simple yet held profound meaning. And this time, Jungkook expected you to return the sentiment.

“I missed you, too. I’m sorry.” You looked down, unable to meet his eyes. A soft tug at your joined hands made you look up again. He gave you a comforting smile. It eased your tension a little, your body relaxing. At least he didn’t look sad anymore. 

“You know that my finals are going on right now, right?” At his nod, you continued. “I’ve always had this feeling of…. not being good enough. There’s not much I am really good at. Academics is the only thing I can excel in if I put in enough effort. I thought that if I continued spending time with you during my exams, I wouldn’t be able to focus… I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t help but feel that way. And I ended up pushing you away. It was never my intention to hurt you. I’m- I’m sorry…” You held your breath, waiting for his reply. 

Understanding dawned over his face. “Baby, that’s not true. You’re kind. You’re always thinking of others before yourself even when it annoys me. You’re such a hard worker. You always try to make others feel at ease. I’m the happiest when I’m with you. Even if you were to fail your exams, it would not change the way I feel about you. You’ll always be amazing to me. It doesn’t matter whether you excel in academics or not. Just don’t avoid me, baby. Please.” He finished. One of his hands was now cupping your face softly, eyes gazing softly at you.

It never stops to amaze you just how good he was with words, how his touch could make you feel better immediately. 

You nodded. Maybe it will take some time for you to actually believe those words, but you can at least try starting today. “I- I won’t. I’ll try to communicate better.” 

He smiled softly, with you mirroring it. “That’s all I want. Come here.” 

His hands wrap around you, pulling you into his chest with you still on his lap. He hummed when you shifted slightly to find a comfortable position; your hands wrapped around his neck. “This feels nice,” you whispered. 

Sometime later, you both end up sprawled on your bed, still cuddling. His chin rested on top of your head as you pressed your face into his chest. This is how you want your days to always end, in his arms. “Jungkook?”

“Yeah?” 

“I love you. Thank you for always being here. Even when I’m not being nice.” 

He hummed, his arms around you tightening. “I love you, too, baby. And I’m always here.” 

One of his hands shifted to the back of your head as his fingers started massaging your scalp slowly. The last thing you feel is his lips on your temple before your eyes begin to close, slowly drifting into the sleep your body had been screaming for for days.