Written Doodles

The Religion of Zaphrod is well-known throughout the world as likely to be one of the truest religions. Its basis is almost total fact on how the human race began. A billion years ago on Mars, robots began toying with the idea of genetically engineered biodiversity. The only thing that existed at the time were one celled organisms. Sensing that there was more to existence than living for oneself, they toyed with the idea of creation. They thought to themselves, “What shall we create? How can we make the singular little organism we know into something that can understand us?”

Ever since the Jupiterites from Jupiter discovered that Earth existed, they coveted it for their own. The problem was, they had no way to defeat the human beings that lived on the planet. Several thousand years ago when Noah built his arc and brought all the animals on board, the Jupiterites beamed the magical unicorns off his ship and onto their home planet. However,unicorns aren’t naturally aggressive and generally love people. They knew they had an excellent weapon on their hands, but they had to figure out how to turn unicorns against us. They bred the magical unicorn into the carnivorous unicorn with a taste for people.

Dolphins with hands are currently the greatest threat to ocean going vessels and coastal regions. Reports indicate that the pollutants that made the dolphins grow hands, also made them very angry creatures. They’ve hunted down groups of killer whales and attacked Japanese fishing vessels, all in the name of revenge. Dolphins with hands have teamed up with giant squids and according to their latest press release, they intend to target cruise liners.

We have all heard of baby giants, born in a mountain with huge bladder control problems. What most people don’t know is that baby giants are America’s greatest threat to infrastructure. Because baby giants have no parents when they emerge naked from the mountain tops, causing horrific earthquakes, they have no one to control them or potty train them. Two things happen when baby giants and their bladders aren’t controlled: they step on everything and pee on everything. Their streams are almost as destructive as their steps causing damage to whatever the target is as well as local area flooding causing huge amounts of water damage.

What can we do about these baby giants? Military force isn’t an option since these baby giants are mere infants. We cannot reason with them as once again, they are mere infants. The answer is simple though the follow through will take time and effort. We must construct giant diapers out of wool and build a baby giant day care center. We can use recycled clothing to get the materials we need for the diapers and use most of Nebraska for the day care center, since who needs corn anyway? Obviously the day care would be run by NAFBGW or National Association for Baby Giant Wellness.