vampire comedy ideas that will never not be funny to me:
a vampire who was turned as a child sternly telling a much older looking vampire to โrespect their eldersโ
โi could sleep for a weekโ *proceeds to literally sleep for an entire week*
a vampire shouting โhey, weโre not done here! donโt you DARE fly away from me!โ at a rapidly retreating swarm of bats
โyou canโt tell ANYONE what i just told you okayโ โi swear, iโll take it to my graveโ *cut to the next shot in a dimly lit cellar containing several coffins, each with a vampire sitting or lying in it* โso youโll never guess what-โ
a vampire saying โi never look good in pictures of meโ but instead of a photo on their phone theyโre looking at their portrait in an art gallery
*outlandish story about something that happened to them in the 12th century* โyou totally made that upโ โhow would YOU knowโ โbecause i was THERE, assholeโ
a vampire walking into a glass door because they canโt see their reflection in it
complaining about how door-to-door salesmen have made hunting much harder
immediately followed by a shot of two vampires visiting a house where the owner simply says โwhatever youโre selling, weโre not buyingโ and slams the door shut
*sees a house with a welcome mat* โhey, guys, look! an open house buffet!โ
โyour father would be turning in his graveโ *cut to a shot of a casket rattling as if someone is indeed spinning inside it*
someone: you donโt look a day over thirty!
vampire who was turned when they were thirty (200 years ago): *looks into the camera like theyโre on the office*
โgood morning. sleep well!โ
