“My biggest regrets in life are being too damn nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and making unworthy people a priority.”
— Unknown
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“My biggest regrets in life are being too damn nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and making unworthy people a priority.”
— Unknown

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deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”
oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING
after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.
I’ve been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.
I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi’s side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.
I also - just… the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you’re not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can’t become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.
On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won’t give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.
And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.
I’ve seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true.
As a young child he didn’t have anyone’s goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.
(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)
Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.
When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as “like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals”. He can’t resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can’t do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.
Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.
And how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father’s acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian’s own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.
Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don’t think it’s a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.
I also think I’m writing this because I don’t like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn’t want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.
He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being “people pleasing” for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they’ll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it’ll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he’ll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today’s meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.
And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run… breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is).
I’ve seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn’t he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)
And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn’t have the luxury of. And he’s so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.
Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can’t express, that he’s had to protect.
FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.
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The Yiling Laozu’s New Development, Courtesy of Hanguang-Jun
A Movie Rant on a Fic Review blog (LMAO)
So, let me begin this post by saying I'm sorry for being MIA for nearly 2 years. I enrolled in a master's course and I've been majorly occupied by it. Honestly it's exhausting, tiring and it's making me question the way I look at the world every second of my life - I'd hate it completely if not for some of the few points I genuinely enjoy about it.
And it is one of those points I want to discuss in this post. Those few of you who are movie enthusiasts (no matter the language barrier) should have heard some whisper of a movie called 'Kantara' very recently. Today, I'm here to say that this is one of those movies from my home - from my very culture - that is making me proud of my roots. So I want to talk a bit about this movie, not as a review, but as a discussion of my culture and what it means to be showcased in such a context. So I apologise if it doesn't serve as a true review since I haven't really done one before.
'Kantara' (ಕಾಂತಾರ / kɑːⁿt̪ɑːrʌ), translated as 'mystical forest' is a Kannada-language Indian film and is set in contemporary times in Mangaluru in Karnataka and based on the traditions of that land. The reason I say 'land' is because the issue taken up in the film is about the ownership of land: of divine powers that dictate the lives of people living in a close-knit community living on the edges of forestlands, the powers of the state, and the power of greed of a man with respect to that land. The interplay of these factors is brilliantly shown in the film through the direction and screenplay as well as acting. Coming from the banner of Hombale films and director/actor Rishabh Shetty, Kantara makes brilliant use of a relatively simple plot - based on existing legends - through creative means and innovative storytelling that captures the viewer's attention throughout the film. It is comedic, thrilling, action-packed, and scary (in a few, perfect parts) but most importantly it captures the essence of the very issue it seeks to showcase: does divinity have any power over the modern lifestyles developed by work-and-wealth-centric societies?
In my religion and culture (Indic), we believe that nature and humans are equal participants in a healthy relationship which is why we respect and worship the wild. We believe in spirits of the land, descending from brave souls with divine powers, called 'demigods' and we worship them because they protect our existence and well-being. Since they are volatile beings, the rituals of appeasing them are sometimes garish and primitive, but they are also turned into art forms because of the centuries through which they have been performed. You might have heard of 'Diwali' (or Deepavali) and 'Dussehra' (or Dasara) which are widely celebrated festivals in India but we are a diverse land with multiple communities, each one having its own festivals. While I do not directly belong to the sub-culture discussed in the film, I do understand its core ideologies because they are similar to mine. 'Bhoota Kola' (Spirit Play/Ritual) (click on link to learn more about it) is one such celebration that is the subject of Kantara that my definition above describes (and which the above poster depicts too).
For the benefit of those who read this, if anyone will, I will not go into the plot of the film and stick to what I took away from it.
The first half of the film (pre-interval) builds the story, giving foundation to the plot and introducing the practices of the people while the second half (post-interval) more directly engages the viewers with the mystery of ownership, entitlement, and beliefs in divinity. The acting of Rishabh Shetty (Shiva, in the film) and others is instrumental in engaging the viewers and so are the sound effects (if a bit louder and harsher than I expected). What I found most impressive however were the visuals: the set, the costumes, and the filming in creative sequences that elevated normal scenarios. But the takeaway from this film, for me, was the thoughts it left me with.
The film asks very pointed and troubling questions: how influential is divinity in deciding who gets to live and how? Is it even relevant to the modern context for our beliefs to be justified? Why should one even have to believe in 'a' divinity to be a participant in a culture?
After coming out of the theater the only thing I could think of was, just how can we explain the things we term as 'mystical', 'magical', and 'bizarre'? If science - and psychology to an extent - cannot find an answer to these events, does it mean immediately that they are hoaxes? (I have a degree in Engineering which makes me a life-long discipline of the sciences, and I still have trouble believing in divinity but unexplainable events only serve to conclude such concepts can exist in the world)
There are many cultures across the globe similar to Indic culture that highlight the role of nature in the lives of people. But I am writing today as a member of the Indic culture, as a Kannadiga, which is alive in every action, and outlook of the world it inspires its members to have. I am proud to say that this film encapsulates the essence of culture, its importance, and its very imprint on societies. Rishabh Shetty, sir thank you for bringing such a film to life and for giving the world an opportunity to learn what our corner of the world has to offer to the magnificence that is life.
KTH x Reader| The Art of Tenderness
Title: The Art of Tenderness
Rating: Explicit 🔞 MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
Pairing: apprentice!KTH x master’s daughter!reader
Historical AU (handmade mochi / chapssaltteok store)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut
WC: 9.3k
Warnings: patriarchy, gender discrmination, badly researched cooking techniques and historical inaccuracies. PLEASE, suspend your disbelief.
Smut warnings: unprotected sex, sweet and urgent and you know me, there is a baby somewhere…
Note: chapssaltteok is the Korean version of mochi, a soft rice dough wrapped around some kind of sweet / savory filling.
Inspired by: The Princess Bride by Wiliam Goldman– the three famous words “As you wish” make a feature appearance here.
Summary: KTH lands at your doorstep as an apprentice, ready to learn from your father the art of making chapssaltteok–rice flour confectionery wrapped around sweet and savoury filling. Yet, he learns a whole lot more, as do you—about the art of tenderness.
Made possible only by: Julie @thatlongspringnight, Em @miscelunaaa and Ana @xjoonchildx - THANK YOU Jules for giving me the encouragement, Em for looking through with a fine-tooth comb, and Ana for the reassurance that I didn't go too wrong with this. Also special mention to @hamsterclaw who has heard me bitch ad nauseam about my fickle writer's indecision - finally settled on the 4th AU. LOVE YOU ALL SO SO MUCH.
For the very lovely @sugalaritae - I hope you like it!
Happy Possumversary!
—----------------------------
It’s been a long eight months, and he’s learning as much as he can, as fast as he can.
“Pounding the warm rice dough adds–?” your father asks Taehyung, testing him. To help with the large palace order of chapssaltteok as part of the queen’s birthday celebrations coming up next month, Taehyung must prove to your father he has mastered all the fundamentals of pounding chapssaltteok dough.
“Elasticity,” Taehyung answers the first quickly. “Texture. And…” What was that last one? Taehyung’s mind races frantically.
“Tenderness,” you say, rolling your eyes.

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“The time of hot chocolaty mornings and toasty marshmallow evenings.”
Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin (1997) dir. Karl Geurs
7 Fates: CHAKHO with BTS
like or reblog if you save / use ♡
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Me: I hate cliches
Writer: The enemy goes to the main character for help because “they didn’t know where else to go”
Me: THE ENEMY GOES TO THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR HELP BECAUSE “THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO GO” !!!
Taehyung x Billboard

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🐰🐯 throwing jimin under the bus… ↳ for @rainycle
+ namjin revealing the truth
© HORIZON | Do not edit. (1, 2, 3, 4)
killer wink
hobi saying jungkook’s body is too big and buff for him to hug 😭
Favourite Designs: Kiyoko Hata ‘Pink’ Bridal Couture Collection

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Potions
Summary: Magic is banned, to perform it is an act punishable by death, a law brought in by the queen. And yet, here you are, living in the same palace as her, defying that law by performing the magic she so hates. You don’t feel at risk of being found out, you are only a lowly healer, a nobody. But when the prince discovers you and can’t seem to leave you alone, you may not be as safe as you thought.
Pairing: Jimin x reader
Genre: Prince Jimin, Healer reader, royal au, fluff, angst.
Word count: 23.6k
Warnings: Mentions of blood, anxious thoughts, worry and panic, a bit of angst, mentions of human trafficking, problem parents (it gets a tad nasty), medical things, cuts.
Authors Note: This story really took on a mind of its own. I love it, but I started it thinking it would be around 10k and then it just grew and grew into the monster you see today. I hope you enjoy this royal au!
The door bangs open and you scatter your work without a second thought. The piece of paper you were reading gets tucked into the pages of a book, the small glass jar you were working on is pushed aside as if it had nothing to do with anything, trying to blend it in with the other jars just like it along the wall. You weren’t exactly inconspicuous about it. The speed at which you moved, the way you shut the book and shoved everything away, it was obvious you were doing something you shouldn’t, you just hoped it was obvious what you were doing that was so wrong.
But while you take the few seconds to scatter you work the person behind you doesn’t say anything. Normally one of the girls would have been half way through their request while barging through the door. But while the door banged open, it had also banged shut, deep breaths sounding out in the quiet room as if the person had just run a marathon to get here.
Spinning, you turn to look at the new occupant of the room, and immediately freeze.
Even from the back, you can tell it’s the crown prince. Park Jimin. Even without all the almost literal flashing signs telling you it was him; without the navy, gold embroidered clothing, without the tall, slim, well-cut figure, without the regal grace that literally flows off him, you’d be able to tell it was him.
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𝐄𝐐𝟓 ♔♕ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | autumnal metanoia | winter flower | first bloom | vernal tribulations | summer redamancy
♔ SERIES PAIRING: king!namjoon x princess!reader (south asian reader) ♔
♔ CHAPTER WARNINGS + RATING: nsfw. 18+. fluff?? i guess??? smart people discussions??? smut [ unprotected sex, praise, body worship, cunnilingus, slight bondage (just namjoon’s hands wink wonk), choking, fingering, handjob, impreg, breast play, bulging ]. a dumb attempt at me trying to make it come full circle. ♔
♔ SERIES SUMMARY: namjoon’s hopes for a blossoming relationship between you and him withers little by little with each passing day like a tree’s leaves between autumn and winter. a particular, significant dispute between the two of you becomes the last straw, marking a hiatus in your relationship as you depart his kingdom in favor of home. your husband allows you to spend your winter away from him, promising a return when the flowers bloom again. however, you’ve seemingly plucked the petals out of spring’s first batch of flowers, adamant on staying until your voice would be heard. ♔
♔ SERIES GENRE + WARNINGS: JODHAA AKBAR!AU, royal au, my attempt at something somewhat historical (joon —> king of goguryeo) [ i apologize for any inaccuracies ], angst, ARRANGED MARRIAGE, big cultural differences, sword fighting but make it romantic (if you’re namjoon) [with hints of sexual tension, but it’s a pretty casual fight], eventual smut. ♔
♔ A/N: wow….here i am….closing the book of my very first completed series. i would say it took me a good 6 months to plan and write out equinox in its entirety? a very hectic, stressful, but worthwhile 6 months at least, especially because i got to share this story with all of you lovely people. i am endlessly grateful for all the support equinox received, especially because it had a really bumpy start. i especially wanted to shine a spotlight on all my desi readers who stumbled across this fic as the representation doesn’t come easy. so from the very bottom of my heart: thank you thank you thank you! this chapter was also read over by my bbs @lovetrivia and @monvante who supported me so much throughout the writing process, as well as many others who know who they are. ♔
♔ WC: 7.4k ♔
♔ TAGLIST (OPEN): @imcompletelyok, @aamxxrii, @veeparkersstuff, @missmadwoman, @igotnotype, @honeybeesrec, @suhdays, @neverthefirstchoice, @missgeniality, @xjoonchildx, @shaybeans, @missseoulite ♔
Namjoon waited for you to place your hand on top of his so the two of you could clasp the book closed together.
“So…” he started, gaze shifting from the closed book to your eyes, “What did you think?”
As he asked a question of his own he began answering it in his own mind. He could certainly remember the first day you came to his study with a chosen tome, eyes wide and curious because you wanted nothing more than to read with him. Namjoon could even reminisce when he’d joked about reading before bed together because of the occasional sleepless nights the two of you would face, and you seemed to take him seriously.
He knew for sure he couldn’t say no to you. The way you shook your head when he suggested to set the book by your bed tonight was all too vivid to him too, especially as you told him you wanted to read it in the library with him so you could familiarize yourself with the literature that shaped your husband, and your kingdom.
That was what brought the two of you tucked deep in the corners of the palace library every night shoulder to shoulder with bookshelves that were decades old pressing against your backs. You couldn’t complain about the spines of books that pressed against you because you knew Namjoon had to experience it as well, and the slight mutualistic displeasure that came with your chosen spot was what was keeping you from choosing somewhere else.
The two of you would read until one would sense the other was getting tired. No set page limit, but just as soon as you took note of when Namjoon’s eyelids drooped a bit more than usual or vice versa, the book was closed immediately.
However, tonight was different from other nights because the prospect of being on the last few pages of your chosen book kept the two of you awake. Both you and Namjoon had lost count of how many pages you’d read to finish the book, but you knew based on the plot that everything was coming to an end.
Namjoon’s question to you was well-fitting, and you were glad he asked because it was something you’ve been thinking about ever since you came to the terms with the book about to end.
“I enjoyed it thoroughly,” you kept your answer sweet and simple, “I thought a boring exposition would not reel me in but here I am now wishing there was more.”
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