MY MUSE WAS A MONSTER !

EVEN MORE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to lighten up the situation at hand.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   It’s sea shanty time once again my fellow bastards of the ocean! ”

“   Partner, I reckon that I ain’t been feeling very yeehaw lately. ”

“   I don’t study; I consult the lore. ”

“   Yeah, I understand women — they all want daggers and swords. It’s all quite simple, really. ”

“   Lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase. ”

“   Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range. ”

“   Yes I’m a gatekeeper and a hater. I’m also God’s most favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world. ”

“   My primary motivations are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ”

“   Man — if I had a sword, I wouldn’t be worried about shit. ”

“   It’s not blood that runs through these veins but glitter gel pen ink. ”

“   If I was in a Jane Austen novel, I would be the one sent to the seaside for my health. ”

“   Half of me is a hopeless romantic, and the other half of me is … well … an asshole. ”

“   I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know. ”

“   I hope I give off the vibe to all animals that I am their ally and their friend. ”

“   I see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. Why is that? ”

“   Normalize letting me talk without making any sense. ”

“   Don’t care, didn’t ask, plus my psychic visions have predicted the outcome of this encounter. ”

“   I could be so much worse. For example, I could start acting like my father. ”

“   Sorry for acting so strange and irregular; It will happen again. ”

“   i love sitting in my room.....alone....a girl in her cave....scheming and plotting and drinking tea. ”

“   These man made horrors are beyond YOUR comprehension. I get it though. ”

“   I’m a goth girl on the inside. On the outside? A father figure. ”

“   I don’t need to face reality; I’m not just that type of girl. ”

“   DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A frickle-frackle? ”

“   I’m about to cha cha real smooth off a fucking cliff. ”

“   Sorry I told you about my trauma. Do you still think I’m hot? ”

“   My priorities aren’t straight and neither am I. ”

“   I have felt permanently guilty for no reason since I was like eight years old. ”

“   Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, you fool! I’ve been the same height since I was twelve years old! ”

“   I was born for shock value. ”

“   Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem. ”

“   Oh, I slept miserably because I was tormented by terrible visions all night. I hope none of them were prophetic! ”

“   Be the surreal nonsense that you want to see in the world. ”

“   Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot. ”

“   My hobbies include knowing things and being right. ”

“   This is good advice, but don’t tell me what to do. ”

“   I hate the idea of authority. What the fuck is someone being superior to me? Bitch I’m gonna take your kneecaps. ”

“   Stop forgiving my crimes! I worked so hard on those! ”

“   My hobbies? Uhhhh, symbolism mostly. Metaphors and implications and the like. ”

“   I may not have any braincells, but I make up for it by having many heart cells. ”

“   I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one guys! ”

“   Not all your life decisions have to be smart. Some can be purely for cinematic value. ”

“   Sometimes I wish I looked more fragile and feminine like a dainty flower, but I do enjoy looking like I hate everyone. ”

“   Any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ”

“   girl help there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure. ”

“   BRO, you NEED to stop SUMMONING DEMONS in the FRAT HOUSE. ”

“   I just gave your address to some spiders! ”

“   I disappoint my father as a hobby now. ”

“   I think that the dark circles under my eyes add to my aesthetic actually. ”

“   Good news! I’ve successfully replaced all of my emotions with jokes! ”

“   I have half a braincell left and I’m very scared to use it! ”

“   Listen, son — in this world, it’s either yeet or be yeeted. ”

“   I appreciate the advice, but I think that I’m old enough to make my own bad decisions. ”

“   I’m disappointed in me too. Y’all aren’t special. ”

“   Running from your demons is the best exercise! ”

“   Sorry; I can’t commit any crimes with you. My mom says that I have to study. ”

“   Time flies when you don’t know what the fuck is going on. ”

“   If I run out of tacos, I can no longer maintain my human form. ”

“   Bestie, I don’t think that I can girlboss under these conditions. ”

“   Yeah I’ve had combat training; I can do anxiety attacks! ”

“   Swag is earned, not learned. ”

“   Contrary to popular belief, violence solves a lot. ”

“   I CANNOT STAND YOU ALL so I will SIT DOWN. ”

“   Please God no … I don’t need any more character development right now! ”

“   If you can’t beat ‘em, yeet ‘em. ”

“   Do not put me in a situation. I’m at my limit and I am very tired. ”

“   I may be depressed, but at least I’m not basic. ”

“   It’s MY LIFE and I’ll sabotage it myself, thank you. ”

“   Think twice? Bold of you to assume that I think once. ”

“   At the next inconvenience, I will start biting people. ”

“   Oops I think that I just experienced an emotion. ”

“   Did you know that rats spelled backwards is star? ”

“   One day, I’ll be reincarnated as a pigeon, and I’ll shit on your head. ”

“   On the outside, I’m a baddie — but on the inside, I’m a saddie. ”

“   My grandma bullies me through the Ouija board. ”

“   I’m a cool person if you can just look past my personality. ”

“   Beetles don’t have to do taxes, and I think that is a beautiful way to live. ”

“   I hope that you get your character development arc soon. ”

“   Those are some nice kneecaps … It’d be a shame if someone stole them … ”

“   I’ve wanted to be a trophy wife ever since I was a little boy. ”

“   I’m done being baby; I want POWER ”

“   Wait, “Just Standing There Ominously” doesn’t count as socializing? ”

“   Yes I am smart, and yes, I am stupid. It’s called being flexible. ”

“   I am NOT delusional!!!!! I am OPTIMISTIC! ”

“   I deserve compensation for not being the menace to society that i could be, like i'm skipping out on a lot of fun here. ”

“   Do not ask me if you should or shouldn't do something !!! Before I am a friend I am an enabler !!! ”

“   i am the WORLDS PRETTYIST PINK PRINCESS and im gonna KILL YOU WITH MY HUGE FUCKING HAMMER ”

Quotes taken from Jenna Marbles videos posted between January 2019 - May 2019

❛ CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?! ❜

❛ It’s easier to talk if I have some background music. ❜

❛ I just want to walk into a room and be That Bitch. ❜

❛ No, no, no, no, no. You put that sentence back in your mouth! ❜

❛ Bitch, I look like Pauly D! ❜

❛ Would you like to play a game of pick up basketball, where I will most for sure dunk on you? ❜

❛ I have art fear. ❜

❛ I take back all of my confidence. ❜

❛ I was going to say that I don’t hate it, but you know what? I fucking hate it. ❜

❛ That is so nasty. ❜

❛ There are two ways that you can go through life: one, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride, or two, you can scream the entire time. ❜

❛ It’s okay, sometimes I feel like screaming my way through life too. ❜

❛ I feel like everyone just wants to watch me fail. ❜

❛ Alright, I guess I’m just gonna sit here and space out for a while. ❜

❛ I might just fuck around and get some sun damage. ❜

❛ Y'all bitches are trying to fucking troll me. ❜

❛ I love it, but this is stupid. ❜

❛ Don’t. Don’t. Whatever you’re doing – don’t. ❜

❛ You’re embarrassing me in front of the beautiful people. ❜

❛ I mean, I only fucked up like seven times. ❜

❛ Hey, maybe chill? ❜

❛ You really just went for it, didn’t ya, bud? ❜

❛ What a dysfunctional squad. ❜

❛ Mine. Mine also. Mine also. ❜

❛ Your protest has been heard. ❜

❛ Come get y'alls shit. ❜

❛ What’s happening to him? Is he buffering? ❜

❛ Dear God. It’s me. Ya girl/boy, [name]. ❜

❛ As horrid and terrible and awful as it is, it kind of fucking rules, and I kind of want it. ❜

❛ I have two pairs of jeans, and I resent them both for being uncomfortable. ❜

❛ This is like the weirdest murder scene ever. ❜

❛ I’m getting dumber from doing this. ❜

❛ Well, here’s our semi completed circle of hell. ❜

❛ It’s ugly, it’s stupid, it’s infuriating. It makes me so angry. That’s why it belongs in my house. ❜

❛ Welcome to a journey of mediocrity. ❜

❛ You can eat anything you want. It’s just a matter of whether you want to die from poison or not. ❜

❛ If you eat this, it’s just like Darwinism at its finest. ❜

❛ Are you okay physically, but also like, in general? ❜

❛ I know I already fucked up, but like, I also don’t care. ❜

❛ I got accused of running a rain forest cafe in my house. ❜

❛ I want a tree in my house! ❜

❛ I don’t know why any of these succulents are alive. ❜

❛ Sometimes I go on instagram and I just start to feel real bad about myself. ❜

❛ I look like I’m cosplaying as Jesus. ❜

❛ Is my face the problem? ❜

❛ That’s a hairstyle that just screams ‘I’m a basketball’. ❜

❛ Bounce me, mommy. ❜

❛ Are you telling me I’m never going to be a wig braider for Daenerys? ❜

❛ Honestly sometimes it’s like speaking to a goldfish. ❜

❛ I’m here. There’s food. Turn on the cute. ❜

❛ You’re lying, and I’m recording the whole lie. ❜

❛ Oohhhh! Rosanna Pansino! Please help my cakes come out okay! ❜

❛ Thank you, lord and savior Rosana Pansino. ❜

❛ I do what I do, and you do what you can do about it. ❜

❛ You know, sometimes you don’t have to do it to 'em. ❜

❛ How about we put our hips together, and you use your left hand and I’ll use my right, and we floss as one? ❜

❛ Sometimes I read wikipedia and I don’t really know what going on. ❜

❛ The Easter bilby gets a knife, and murders children! ❜

❛ Although you’re very cute, that was sooo much. ❜

❛ I go to place where food was before. Maybe food spawn again. ❜

❛ I’m like so mad but also like so impressed with you! ❜

❛ Oh here he comes! Seabiscuit himself! ❜

❛ We’re going on a long, long life journey together. ❜

❛ Maybe they’ll cry at each other and create a dimension and then both go into it. ❜

❛ Welcome to week two of no self care whatsoever. ❜

❛ I left for ONE week. ❜

❛ Oh, what’s that smell? It’s bullshit. ❜

❛ Sometimes trying to open your tiny mind is exhausting. ❜

❛ Me and my dog are here to find your bullshit. ❜

❛ How do I delete a clip while I’m filming it? ❜

❛ Now no one can eat that cause it’s covered in your feral. ❜

❛ Go unconscious again. Go to your happy place. ❜

❛ Mouth is hungry! ❜

❛ Papa, I’m so starving. I haven’t eaten in 84 years. Papa, please feed me chip. ❜

❛ For me? I can has? I can has chip? ❜

❛ Oh my god! Is that ramen? Thank you ramen god! ❜

❛ I would never bite the hand that feeds me. ❜

❛ Yum yum. Whatchu got for me? ❜

❛ Good morning motherfuckers! ❜

❛ Nooo! Now I have to live with my reality! ❜

❛ Now I have to actually face the fact that I sat down and spent time doing this. ❜

⚠️ PLAY TO WIN ⚠️