fly!

countless notifications of unread text messages and missed calls from you, his heart aches thinking about the pitiful eyes staring at you sitting all alone in the restaurant until closing hours waiting for him to show up. hate isn’t enough to express what he feels about himself right now. he forgot about your birthday again, that’s twice in a row. volleyball practices have been absorbing most of his time, staying back to practice more of his serves, a habit that didn’t leave him and a habit that has its cons — he always loses track of time.

the sound of dogs barking at the nearby alley cracked the silence embracing the night. oikawa blinks at his phone. 11:43 pm. the day’s not done yet, he still has some time left to make things up with you, just like he always does so he runs at top speed, like his life depended on it. silently pleading he would reach the space where the two of you share.

11:56 pm. oikawa finally arrived by the door, internally sighing in relief. he made it just in time, minutes before the day ended. the minute he enters, a bittersweet smile falls on his face. chocolate orbs landing on your figure sitting comfortably on the hammock swing with a cup of warm coffee on your hands, serenely watching the night sky. his heart fluttered and ached at the same time at the sight of you still in your clothes. he can tell you put so much effort in your look, up from your hair down to your shoes. you look so beautiful and elegant, it’s such a waste the only thing he could make it up to you are endless apologies and two bags of takeout mcdonald’s.

in a soft voice he calls out. “princess.. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i lost track of time again, i ran as fast as i could but when i arrived at the place it was already closed. i promise i’ll make it up to you soon but right now, i can only manage some fries and nuggets from mcdonald’s. it’s the only place that’s still open.” if this were his ex-girlfriends they would immediately throw a fit, yelling at him how dare he forget this special day, consider him single instantly, but you weren’t like them. a gentle smile spread across your lips as you peeled your eyes off the sky and looked at him. he’s breathing heavily, sweat dripping along his temples, strands of his brown hair sticking on his forehead. a heavy proof that he had been running.

you scoot over, patting the space beside you. “it’s okay, tōru. you know i understand your situation, you’ve been working so hard for this.”

oikawa enveloped your body with his arms as your back rested against his broad chest, nuzzling his face on the side of your neck, he muttered in a low voice. "i'm really sorry things didn't go as planned.. again. you got yourself dressed prettily too. i'll really make it up to you."

"hey.." you reached out a hand, cupping his cheek. "it doesn't matter where we get to celebrate my birthday. as long as you're with me, that's all i could ever ask for."

the wind softly caresses the sides of your cheeks as the two of you pull yourselves for a kiss underneath the glistening moon. 

"you don't know how grateful i am to have you in my life. i love you so much."

oikawa's grateful to have someone as understanding as you in his life. 

the entire world knows how much he loves volleyball, it runs in his blood. you understood his passion and desire for the sport and you love it, you've showered him with tremendous support and you're very much proud of him for reaching this stage in his life. all of his hard work and sacrifices finally paid off when he became a professional volleyball player in argentina.

but as his career grew, his relationship started to crumble. 

he spent less and less time with you. leaving early in the morning and coming home late at night, exhausted. you don't see him much anymore. he has started to miss out on your planned movie nights until it arrives to the point where he forgets important occasions in your life.

i'm sorry– he has mastered the art of apologizing. 

like a broken cassette player, he has repeated those words over and over again as if he was a programmed robot. he hates it every time his tongue rolls out to mutter the words. that familiar metallic, ashy taste is always evident in his mouth, something that he has come to realize as guilt.

but oikawa tries his best to make up for all of it. whenever he had the leisure to do so he would take you out on dates, booking a 3 days and 2 nights vacation, showering you with gifts even if you told him it's completely fine. name it, he already did everything he could to suppress the guilt bubbling within him yet he finds himself basking in comfort whenever you assure him it's okay, you understand him. 

everything goes back to normal but after a while the cycle returns and repeats for 365 days, 5 hours, 59 minutes and 16 seconds, the same days as the earth revolving around the sun. 

for 365 days, both of you loosely mutter the words "i'm sorry" and "it's okay" to each other.

and for 365 days, you convince yourself that it's all okay when deep down you know it's not anymore.

you didn't notice the warm tears streaming down your cheeks until you softly sniffled. his ears perked when he started to hear sniffling sounds coming from you, mind racing as he starts to think what's wrong. oikawa freezes when he turns your body towards him, your sniffling turns into sobs and he realizes the reason might be because of him. guilt rushes through his body, heart aching as he firmly wraps his arms around you. gently pressing your head to rest on his shoulders, staining the fabric of his shirt. 

oikawa wonders if he should say something or nothing at all, he ends up doing the latter as he caresses your hair while you sob into his shoulders. his touch was soft and gentle, 

"tōru.. i love you so much." you mumble softly, it was almost inaudible but he caught it. the next words that left your mouth confused him, "i'm grateful for our beautiful relationship, you taught me so many things and i will forever cherish it from the bottom of my heart.."

more tears kept on falling, breath hitching as you struggled to continue your sentence. oikawa wonders why you're crying so much while professing your love to him, were you about to break up with him or do you really love him that much you're crying about it?

and it's a mixture of both. you do, you love him so much you tolerated all the pain. even going as far as convincing yourself everything's fine just to not let him feel guilty for something he doesn't have control of. it's not his fault why practices are taking too long, not his fault he started to miss out the things you used to do with him because of work because you understand that he has a busy life. you understand it, that's why you convince yourself it's okay. everything you're doing is for him, but when would the time come when you're going to choose yourself?

you love him, you extremely do but you're tired already. no matter how much you convince yourself to go on, you simply cannot anymore because you've reached your limit.

hurting him was the last thing you wanted to do to him, but you're hurting too for as long as you could remember. until when are you going to drag this feeling out, who would save you from it other than yourself?

one final sob and you've made up your mind. you're going to choose yourself this time. it may be painful but dragging and acting like this for so long would make it a lot harder for the two of you. you lifted your head from his shoulder, gathering up all the courage to let those words roll out from your tongue. the moment your eyes met with his, you start to wonder if you're doing the right thing.

you found yourself crawling your way back into his arms once again because beneath those beautiful eyes of his lies hope and love despite guilt circling around it.

embarrassingly, you still can't let go of him despite the enormous pain you've been dealing with. holding on to your relationship felt like a double edged sword, and he's unconsciously enhancing it, making it sharper as time goes by.

still staring into his eyes, in a soft whisper you mutter, more like to yourself, "just one more time.."

and just like that the cycle repeats again for another 365 days.