Nicolette Branson

Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part Three - Rio Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part Two - Theo Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part One - Eryk

(back to present day - eryk's living room - continued part one)

Not going to lie; the wine feels good. You feel good? I feel good. Let's do this. Let's talk.

A bit better, yes. Let's. Ladies First?

Well, it has come to mind that I've hated you for longer than I loved you during all this.

That's one hell of a way to start the conversation.

You said you wanted to talk, right? Anyway… I think that's why I keep showing up. And I think that's why I'm here right now.

Because you hate me?

Yes. And, no. But, yes. Most definitely yes.

I'm not quite following you, Rio.

I barely follow mydamnself, Eryk. Let's both just try, okay? Yes, I hate you for the things you did. And, I'm not sure that even tonight, when I walk out of this house, you won't be calling up someone else instead of me. I think I hate you more for that, honestly. For the way that felt. For the way it still feels.

I have told you over and over… there was no one else.

That's no longer the point, Eryk.

It is for me. I need you to know, and understand, there was never anyone but you. Even when weeks would go by without contact.

Your behaviour says otherwise. It always did. And then, probably out of pity, Theo told me things that night, which only confirmed what I had already been thinking.

So, instead of coming to me, you took Theo's word for it.

No, actually. I tried to talk to you about things for months, but it's hard to have a conversation when a simple 'hello' text goes unanswered for days and days, and phone calls go straight to voicemail. It's also hard to have a conversation when every time I tried, you'd change the subject or say you needed to go. I tried coming to you. You didn't want to be came to, so I gave up on the talking.

Gave up the talking, but kept on with the fucking.

If that's meant to be funny…

Yes, and no. You doubted my intentions with you for months, even though I had lined it out in the now famous birthday text. I told you no exclusitivity on my end because I wasn't ready for any of that. To which, by the way, you seemed to agree to because guess who showed up that very night with overnight bag in hand? You. That's right, pumpkin. And yet, I'm the asshole if there was another woman on my radar?

Absolutely, yes. See, I thought when two people start sleeping together, and then move into unprotected territory, there's sort of an unspoken mutualness that says we're each the only ones doing this with each other. My mistake. I thought you were grown enough to know that, and at least protect me in the event there was someone else.

Woman...

Don't you 'woman' me. I trusted you, Eryk. Simple.

Fine. You trusted me, and now you don't. I'll never be able to really prove it to you, so I'll live with that, but I also can't trust you. Remember that.

Can't trust me? Please. I was at your beck and call.

Theo.

Ah yes. Theo. The kiss. The fateful night in the driveway. What upsets you the most about it? The fact that it happened, or the fact that you saw it? Or perhaps, it was your best friend taking a swipe at your girl that upset you so? Did you ever talk to him about it?

I did.

And what did he have to say for himself? I haven't talked to him since that night.

Well, his basement apartment is empty. Shortly after all that went down.

Damn. Did you kick him out?

It was mutual. We decided, that, under the circumstances, it would be best if he moved out.

I suppose that's what you get when you make a move on your best friend's girl.

He was in love with you, Rio. He admitted that much, and I think that's why he kissed you.

No. There's no way. He knew how I felt about you. He wouldn't do that to me. He was always in my corner when it came to you and your shenanigans.

Yeah, and I think he behaved until he saw the crack was finally wide enough to step into. Wait. He was always in your corner?

A time or two, I suppose, yeah. He knew you best, and I needed to understand you. We talked a couple of times.

Jesus. You handed him the keys, Rio. And he drove us into a fucking wall.

Hold on… what? What does that even mean?

The talks. I can only assume they were about what a prick I was to you. Yes?

A bit, yes.

He saw the crack in us. I think he saw the way you loved me, and he saw that not being given back to you. Best thing he could have done for himself was exactly what he did.

And that was…?

The night in the driveway. I'm telling you, Rio, there was no one else here with me that night. I was laying in bed, saw headlights pull up, looked out the window, and saw it was you. I really was expecting you to come upstairs.

And we're back to that. Eryk, I can't…

No, listen. Let me talk. I'm starting to think neither one of us is the real asshole here. Think back to that one weekend we spent together; the one where we built a bonfire and camped out in the backyard, yeah?

And margaritas we toasted the goddesses in the stars with? That weekend?

Yeah. If you remember, Theo was there.

Yeah…?

I don't know if you'll remember this, but I did just now. When you took your glasses off to rub your face, and I told you how pretty you were without your glasses? What was his response? Do you remember?

He told me I was pretty with my glasses on, too.

And you are. My god, you are. But, do you see? That was an opportunity for him to make me look like a jackass, and him the hero.

This is a little too much, Eryk.

Over time, though. You know, little things here and there. Your head on his shoulder, too. Venting to him, and questioning me to him. The way he would correct me in front of you, if he felt what I said or did wasn't worthy of you, etc, ya know?

I never thought he'd do this, though. At most, I thought he'd come to you and be like 'you're fucking this up, bro…', ya know, man to man or some shit. Because he knew how I felt, and he even told me he didn't want to see me get hurt by you during those little talks.

Again, Rio, the hero. Also, he knew the doubts you had about me and other women, so what better way to keep you from me than to tell you there was another woman in my room that night? He knew you wouldn't bust through my bedroom door to bear witness to what he said was going on. As long as you believed him, he had it made.

And what better way to make sure that I was okay than for him to be the one to do that for me? If this is the case, though, he played the long game. I mean, we were whatever we were for how long?

Two, two and a half years by now, yeah?

By now? As if our time didn't stop that night in the driveway?

Look where we're sitting, Rio. Did it?

I'm going to need more wine.

-----

Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part Two - Theo Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part One - Eryk

(flashback - phone call after theo's kiss)

I hate you for this, Rio.

I've hated you for months, Eryk.

Clearly. What the fuck?

I don't know, Eryk. Why don't you tell me?

Tell you what? That I saw you kissing Theo when you got back?

Yeah? Did you like that?

Do I sound like I like that?

About as much as I enjoyed Theo telling me you had another woman upstairs in your room.

Excuse me? Another woman in my room?

Yeah. She even had shoes at the bottom of the stairs. Based on those alone, I'd say you're a lucky man. Not all women wear those kind of shoes.

There was no one in my room other than me. As far as the shoes go? I have daughters, Rio…

No. Not another damn excuse. I am done with those. For months upon months, you've been doing this, Eryk. From the moment I told you I was starting to feel something for you.

What are you talking about?

Oh, good heavens. Do I really need to recite every single time you stood me up with some lame excuse? Or, all the unanswered texts and calls, unless it was you who wanted something? All the times you told me you were too busy, but then had no problem texting me periodically through the evening? At a certain point, a gal gets the damn hint, Eryk. Even if it takes her eons. Eventually, she gets it. Especially when it was so eloquently laid out, and splashed with a 'Happy Birthday'. I have to wonder why you even give a shit what I do with Theo, or anyone else for that matter. After all, I'm only good enough to fuck, not good enough to feel something for.

So revenge, then?

What?

You kissing Theo. Revenge. For all the times I fucked you instead of holding your dainty, little hand.

You know what? Fuck you! Wholeheartedly. Fuck you.

Fuck you right back, Rio.

That's something that won't be happening again.

Why did you do this to us? How could you?!

I didn't! Theo kissed me, god damn it. He pulled me in for that! I don't know what you think you saw, but that was it! He kissed me, bid me goodnight, and I got back in the truck and left.

Where did you two go when you left?

The bar. He bought me a drink, and I talked about you the whole time.

Sure. It sure looked like I was the one you were worried about.

Oh, well if that's the case, then I have to assume you were standing behind her when you were looking out your window. Because, you know, any other direction you'd be facing wouldn't give you the view.

There was no other woman. You need to fucking stop.

No, you need to stop. Stop the damn lies, and just fucking admit it. Be honest for once.

I haven't lied to you. You, however…

Lie to you? It's hard to lie to you when you saw it. I swear, what are we even doing? It's over, right? You want to live the bachelor life while keeping me cozy enough to bed down once in a while, and I want the fairytale.

I can't give you the fairytale. We've talked about that. I'll never be able to give you that.

Exactly. Except we never talked about it. You laid it out, and that was that. There was no talking.

That's the key, though, Rio. I told you. It doesn't really matter if there was a discussion.

Again, exactly! So we're ov…

Stop saying we're over. And stop saying it all came crashing down months ago, because it didn't. Tell me something, Rio. It's been five weeks since we've spoken, or even sent a text. Five weeks. You keep saying it's been over, but if that were true, would you really have shown up out of the blue tonight?

Maybe. I don't know. I'm an idiot? Who the hell does that? And expects to not…

We do, Rio.

No, we don't. I do. Remember? And I always will unless you hang up this fucking call.

I'm not hanging up this phone.

I hate you for this, Eryk.

I've hated you for months, Rio.

-----

lips lined of ripened melon water bound with sugared, satin berries buried inside her secret-soft breath

breath which glimmers cold gold 'twixt the barest of bare moonbeams drifting before her fairyland eyes

eyes mined from mystical stones sea-deep and sapphired whirlpools full of long-forgotten 'lore and luck

Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part One - Eryk

(flashback - driveway - eryk's house)

Rio? What are you doing here?

Hey, Theo. I came by to see Eryk.

You sure you want to go in the house? I don't think he was expecting you.

Of course, I want to go in. We call this a surprise.

I wouldn't… look, just don't. Please.

Why not? Has he someone else in the house? Because that's really the only reason for me to not go in.

It isn't my place to say.

I think it's too late for that, Theo.

I don't want you to get hurt. Not this way. You have to know you're not the only one, right? His patterns alone can tell you that.

Alright, fine. Now I have an entirely new reason to go in the house, because fuck that, yeah? If I am to know, concretely, that he is in fact fucking god knows what and when, then here's my chance to see it with my own two eyes, right?

Fucking hell. I can't stop you, so c'mon then. I'll be with you for this.

-----

Who's fucking shoes are these?! I mean, they're nice damn shoes, but what the actual fuck?!

I tried to tell you, Rio, but you know you.

I don't believe this…

What's there to not believe? He's been a wishy-washy prick for months with you. Girl, you are smarter than this mess. Don't go up there.

I have to know, though, because there's what, a fifty-fifty shot that you are wrong?

Fifty-fifty, when I saw with my own eyes? I'm not wrong, Rio. And the fact that you aren't up those stairs slamming through the door tells me that you know what a waste that would be.

I don't deserve any of this. I really don't. Not after everything. I just… I can't…

I know you don't. Let's go, okay? You're not going to go up there, and I'm not going to let you leave alone like this. I know a place. Let's go get a drink, and you can scream into the void instead of at a man who doesn't give a single shit about you.

-----

Can you tell me why, Theo? You know him better than anyone. Why?

I do know him better than most, but I don't know why he's doing this shit. He thinks he's stud? I really don't know, other than ego-based macho bullshit.

His divorce really did a number on him, didn't it? I mean, fuck. How do you go around behaving like this?

You only know what he's told you about it, but yeah, it screwed him up real good.

How? Was she a cheating whore? A gold-digging bitch? What causes a man to treat his wife so well all those years, and then treat the next like she's expendable?

I don't know the psychology behind it all, but yeah, in not so many words.

So, what? He gets his revenge on her, after the fact, by sleeping around on me?

I mean, yeah, pretty much. That's what it looks like at least. Problem is, you'll never get the answer, and I've been asking him about it. He won't tell me either.

You've actually asked him about it all?

Yes. I'd say 'What about Rio…?' and he'd just shrug it off, and then go do whatever it is he does. I'd even bring you up in casual conversations, or while making plans. Same response every time.

Well, isn't that comforting?

You wanted answers. I'm giving you what I've got.

I can be grateful to you for that, Theo.

How many weeks, or months, went by last time before you were in his bed again?

A few? Too many? I really don't know anymore because it seems it's always been like this with him, except at the beginning.

Exactly. And you've come to know his habits. Do you really think he wasn't getting laid at all during those times?

Well, no… I mean, I'm not naïve enough to really believe he wasn't, but good heavens, I wanted to believe he wasn't when he said he wasn't. I wanted to believe him, Theo, and I think that's why I kept going back and finding myself in his bed.

And now that you know?

It won't happen again. I saw the shoes. I can't go back after that. It's a little too confirming. I have to just say goodbye, but not to him. He'll never get the satisfaction of hearing it from me. Just… when I drop you back off, that'll be it. Radio silence. Become a ghost. Poof! Gone, baby.

That's going to suck for me, if I'm honest. I have thoroughly enjoyed your company when we'd all three hang out.

And I've enjoyed yours as well, but wouldn't that be awkward? I split from him, remain friends with you, and come over from time to time just to have a beer or shoot some pool?

The mental image has him tortured by seeing it happen like that.

Tortured? Do you really think it would effect him at all? Especially if he's keeping busy inside other company?

Yeah, I really do. Because, while I know you weren't the only one, I do believe you were THE one. If that makes any damn sense?

Three drinks in, Theo, and you're asking me if something makes sense?

Right. You need water and time. You have an hour drive home after this.

An hour drive. Let's talk about that for a second. An hour drive. Who was making that drive? ME! The whole time. I don't think he ever once came my direction. And the one time he had made plans to do so, he cancelled/changed things that morning, so then I had to make the drive… again.

Patterns, Rio.

Did he ever tell you about the text he sent me on my birthday? I should have put a stop to it then. Stupid, silly girl, I am.

Not stupid. Not silly. You showed your heart to him. He's the fucking idiot.

You're absolutely right about that, but in handling it how I handled it, I showed him how to treat me. I gave him permission to dismiss me, and then pull me back in again. Over and over. I did this.

But he abused that privilege, and then he went and took a shit on the whole thing. And you never deserved that, even if what you say is true about showing him how to treat you. Only cowards continue the charade this far into it. How long has it been with you two?

Well over a year, Theo.

Damn.

Yeah, and I'd have given him the next twenty if he had ever asked. That's where I fucked up, but this is where it ends. Let's go. I can't deal with it anymore tonight. I'm fucking exhausted, and my own bed sounds better right now than his ever did.

-----

so, live a little, I’d say and her response was always outlined by a devious smile - half-turned to the heavens and the other half falling straight to hell full of laughing fire and brimstone - knowing she shouldn’t dare but provoking the gods, both old and new I can still see her and the way her chestnut-hued curls bounced in the sun - twisted, tangled by the gusts and blown backward away revealing a forest inside her deep, phthlao green eyes - far-reaching and expressive and armed with well-kept, sunlit secrets

I can still hear her and the giggle buried inside her voice over things past - standing on growing stages and dancing as they knew we would showing the vanity in the laws of youth’s misled wisdom - twisted, and trying to become anything other than all the betweens

Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part Two - Theo

(present day - eryk's living room)

I was looking to be held in place where no anchors existed for me.

Me, damn it. I was the anchor, but...

You? Eryk, please. You couldn’t even hold yourself down. In fact, the only thing you held was the belief that you could do whatever, and whomever, whenever you damn well pleased, all while making sure you were the only one for me.

You. Kissed. My. Best. Friend. And not only did you do that, but you made damn sure I saw it!

I was coming to see you! Only the stars know why, but there I was, coming to see you. Little did I know, you’d have another woman there!

Do you really think, that if I had another woman in my room, I would have been staring out the window at you? Really? Come the fuck on, Rio.

Actually, yeah. Because I know first-hand what a great view of the driveway there is from the foot of your bed. Come the fuck on, Eryk.

I was excited. I watched you pull up. I saw you come in. And then, I watched you two leave together.

I saw the shoes at the bottom of the stairs, and Theo made sure to tell me what I’d find behind your closed door...

Nothing. Nothing except me waiting for you to come through.

I crumbled at the bottom of those stairs. He got me on my feet, back out to the car, and asked if I needed to get out of there. He took me for a drink, Eryk.

And then, what? Half an hour later, you’re dropping him back off, and making out with him?

Making out with him? No! He kissed me. You say you were watching, so you’d have seen him lean in, grab my face, and kiss me.

You didn’t pull away.

No, I didn’t. And, why should I have? You made it absolutely clear months ago that I was good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love. So, why not? And why the hell do you even care?

When, Rio? When did I make that clear to you?

On my birthday! You sent an eighteen-and-a-half-paragraph text saying how wonderful it had all been so far, and how strong and beautiful I am, and then you said it. You actually had the audacity to tell me you weren’t ready for what I was, but you were hoping the amazing sex wouldn’t have to end. On. My. Birthday.

I thought we were passed that. And besides, wasn’t it you that still kept our plans to celebrate your birthday that weekend? Wasn’t it you, who showed up with her overnight bag in hand? And on more occasions than just your birthday?

Choices I regret to this day. Are you going to explain the shoes, or... ? I mean, if we’re going to ask the really important questions at this stage in whatever the hell this is between us.

Sarcasm won’t get you anywhere, Rio. You know that.

It’s worked thus far, I must say. Shoes?

You know I have daughters...

Not with feet that big, you don’t. And speaking of, I really wouldn’t know how big their feet are, would I? Aside from names and ages, I know nothing about them. We were together for over a year.

Together?

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I was with you. You were never with me. You were just using me for sex. From the very beginning. I’m actually grateful you told me I was nothing but a toy to you. At least then, you handed me the choice to be used.

And boy, the choices you made. Regrettable, as you said.

Why am I even here, Eryk? You fucked other women, and I kissed your best friend. It’s not quite even, but I’ll take the wash. I’m leaving.

Because you made the choice to be here, Rio. If I handed you the choice... Well, here we are.

Why did you call me? After all of this choice making along the way, and after three months of radio silence. Don’t you have a little black book, or something somewhere with a treasure trove of phone numbers you could have called? Why mine?

I knew you would come. Look, as much as we hate each other, here we are. You kissed my best friend, I called anyway. Supposedly, I fucked other women, and look at who all I didn’t call. I’ve been wanting to call you for months, but how do I come back from that?

And how do I come back from what you were doing that night? It isn’t just you who was hurt by everything. I would have went to ruin for you. You fucking know that. So why? Why the other women?

There weren’t any other women. That’s what Theo told you, I know, but there weren’t any. Ever. If it wasn’t you, it wasn’t anyone.

But it was never even me because you wouldn’t accept all the pieces of me. I wanted to love you, and I tried, but that birthday message you sent packed all that away.

So let’s unpack it. Rio. C’mon. Don’t leave.

No. I’m gone. I can’t do this again.

It’s true that I wasn’t ready.

What?

The message on your birthday. It’s true. Every bit of that part is true. I wasn’t ready. And I thought that I would be able to fuck you on my way through whatever it was I was starting to feel about you. To, uh... bury it, so to speak.

But why? I mean, if you wanted to bury your feelings for me, then you picked a hell of a target to get buried in. Who continues fucking the one they’re starting to feel something for if they don’t want to feel that way? Who actually does that, Eryk?

Me, apparently.

Yeah...

Why didn’t you pull away from Theo? No bullshit answer, either. Just tell me why.

He said you had another woman up there, and I thought about how little I must have really meant to you in that moment. Every moment spent flashed, and it all led back to that birthda... And shoes, remember? Just... the shoes. They’re not your daughters’. Just tell me. I think I can handle it at this point.

They belonged to the ex-wife. She had been over earlier in the evening to talk about plans with the kids. She bought some sneakers at the store before coming over. She changed out of her heels before leaving. Forgot to grab them on the way out.

I’m supposed to believe that?

I tried telling you earlier. I have daughters. You interrupted me, though, as usual, and went off the fucking hinges.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation. You could have told me this months ago, before you fell off the face of my planet. And now, I just supposed to say ‘Okay! Cool! That really makes me the asshole!’? I’m not going to be the asshole here, Eryk.

We’re both assholes, okay? Can we admit that?

No. Because for months, I’ve been torturing myself, and wondering if I really was the asshole in this scenario. What if you hadn’t really fucked other women? What if the goddamned shoes had an explanation? What if I would have come into your room that night to find out for myself?

The door was unlocked. Why didn’t you?

I didn’t want to see it! What the hell? Why didn’t I? Because the odds were not in my favor, and I would have either went to jail, or broke in front of you, and I wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction going in either direction. Besides, you could have called me. Or sent me a text. Or chased us down the street when you saw us leaving. Something! Anything! You say you were excited that I showed up in the first place, but you had no problem letting me leave almost immediately after getting here. You didn’t even question it! Fuck!

Thought maybe you two were running up to the store or something. Thought you’d be right back.

But then we weren’t, and you still didn’t call, text... send a smoke signal... a carrier pigeon...

A carrier pigeon wouldn’t have caught up with you, as fast as you peeled out of here.

Sarcasm won’t get you anywhere, Eryk. You know that.

It’s worked thus far, hasn’t it? C’mon, let’s put your purse back down. I’ll pour a glass of your favorite red, I’ll grab a beer, and we’ll talk.

My favorite red, and a talk? If you remember, red causes trouble.

I remember. But no trouble tonight. Just talk, because we need it. At the very least, for closure.

And, at the very most, we’ve both made another regrettable choice.

~~~~~

(continued at Stories in Dialogue - Graceland - Part Four - Little Talks)

-longing for lawless liquidity the throes of a twilighted trifecta wanting, woven in and wound around atop the abundant abandon of a tailored-true talisman-

ever daydreaming, the flicker in the rust reciting her own mirror’s plated wanderlust