Confessions of an Artist

Cruel Game- The Relentless

I Just Died In Your Arms- Hidden Citizens

Cry Little Sister-Gerard McMann

100 Little Deaths- Lilith Czar

Blood 1983- In This Moment

Lost in Control- The Relentless

Edge of Seventeen- Lilith Czar

Tonight is the night I die- Payale Royale

Me Against The Devil- The Relentless

We Lose Control- The Relentless

Dance Magic- David Bowie

Somebody’s Watching Me- Hidden Citizens

Rhiannon- Fleetwood Mac

Heads Will Roll- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Bad Things- Jace Everett

Time of the Season- The Zombies

Superstition- UB40

Darkside- Neoni

Howlin For You- The Black Keyes

Wicked Ones- Dorothy

This or That

1) Hayride or Haunted Houses    

2) Tricks or Treats?    

3) Witches or Ghosts?    

4) Carmel Apples or Regular Apples? 

5) Carving Pumpkins or Painting Pumpkins?    

6) Vampires or Werewolves?    

7) Pumpkin patches or bobbing for apples?    

8) Skeletons or Zombies?    

9) Hocus Pocus or Halloweentown?    

10) Spooky costumes or Cute costumes?    

11) Candy corn or chocolates?    

12) Wigs or Masks?    

13) Mummies or Frankenstein?    

14) Horror movie marathon or Halloween party?    

15) Ghostface or Michael Myers?    

16) Smores or Pumpkin bars?

17) Halloween or Thanksgiving?

18) Apple Cider or Pumpkin Spice Lattes?

19) Spiders or Snakes?

Sounds of Someday- Radio Company

Hold Me While You Wait- Samantha Harvey

Safe and Sound- Taylor Swift &The Civil Wars

Way Down We Go- KALEO

Change- Blind Melon

Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood

Fast Car- Christian Kane

Cardigan- Taylor Swift

Hey Mama- Nathaniel Rateliff

California Dreamin- Jose Feliciano

[HOBBIES] music. art. watercolors. gardening. smithing. sculpting. painting. sketching. fighting. writing. composing. cooking. sewing. training. dancing. acting. singing. martial arts. self-defense. electronics. technology. cameras. video cameras. video games. computer. phone. movies. theater. libraries. books. magazines. cds. records. vinyls. cassettes. piano. violin. guitar. electronic guitar. bass guitar. harmonica. harp. woodwinds. brass. flute. bells. exploring. playing cards. poker chips. chess. dice. motorcycle riding. eating. climbing. running.

 [COLORS] red. brown. orange. yellow. green. blue. purple. pink. black. white. teal. silver. gold. grey. lilac. metallic. matte. royal blue. strawberry red. charcoal grey. forest green. violet. navy blue. crimson. cream. mint green. bubblegum pink. sky blue. 

[FOODS/DRINKS] sugar. salt. candy. bubblegum. wine. champagne. hard liquor. beer. coffee. tea. spices. herbs. apple. orange. lemon. cherry. strawberry. watermelon. vegetables. fruits. meat. fish. red meats. chicken. pies. desserts. chocolate. cream. carmel. berries. nuts. cinnamon. burgers. burritos. pizza. ambrosia. 

[NATURE] grass. leaves. trees. bark. roses. daisies. tulips. lavender. petals. thorns. seeds. hay. sand. rocks. roots. flowers. ocean. river. frozen lake. meadow. forest. desert. tundra. savanna. rainforest. caves. underwater. coral reef. beach. waves. space. clouds. mountains. snow.

 [WEAPONS] fists. legs. sword. dagger. spear. arrow. hammer. shield. poison. guns. axes. throwing axes. whips. knives. throwing knives. pepper spray. tasers. machine guns. slingshots. katanas. maces. staffs. wands. powers. magical items. magic. rocks. mud balls. none. 

[STYLE] lingerie. armor. cape. dress. tunic. vest. shirt. boots. heels. sandals. leggings. stockings. trousers. jeans. skirt. jewelry. earrings. necklace. bracelet. wrist bands. ring. pendant. hat. crown. circlet. helmet. scarf. brocade. cloaks. corsets. doublet. chest plate. gorget. bracers. belt. sash. coat. jacket. hood. gloves. socks. masks. cowls. braces. watches. glasses. sunglasses. visor. eye contacts. eyeliner. lipstick. ribbons. collar. 

[ANIMALS] lions. wolves. eagles. owls. falcons. hawks. swans. snakes. turtles. ducks. bugs. spiders. birds. whales. dolphins. fish. sharks. horses. cats. dogs. bunnies. penguins. praying mantises. crows. ravens. mice. lizards. werewolves. unicorns. pegasus. dragons. 

[ELEMENTS] fire. ice. water. air. earth. rain. snow. wind. moon. stars. sun. heat. cold. steam. frost. lightning. sunlight. moonlight. dawn. dusk. twilight. midnight. sunrise. sunset. dewdrops. 

[MATERIALS] gold. silver. platinum. titanium. diamonds. pearls. rubies. sapphires. emeralds. amethyst. metal. iron. rust. steel. glass. wood. porcelain. paper. wool. fur. lace. leather. silk. velvet. denim. linen. cotton. charcoal. clay. stone. asphalt. brick. marble. dust. glitter. blood. dirt. mud. smoke. ash. shadow. carbonate. rubber. synthetics. ribbon. limestone. 

Piece by Piece- Kelly Clarkson

Nicola’s relationship with her father has always been a complicated one. She has never felt like she has ever really had a father and she doesn’t want the same thing to happen to her daughter Waverly who thankfully has Theo who she considers to be her dad.

You Are My Sunshine- Kina Grannis

This song holds a special place in Nicola’s heart. It was the song she sang while she was pregnant with Sarah and then with Waverly and now she’s continuing that tradition with the baby she’s currently pregnant with. It helps Sarah go to sleep or calm down sometimes so this song is extra special.

Baby Mine- Rie Sinclair

This song also holds a special place in Nicola’s heart. When she first found out she was pregnant with Waverly she wasn’t sure if she was really ready to be a mother again but after hearing the baby’s heartbeat she knew that it was meant to be. She would hum this song while she was pregnant and while she was holding Waverly.

The Nicest Thing- Jana Kramer

When it comes to Ryan it’s a complicated situation. Part of her is thankful that she met him and the other part of her wishes that she never had. Nicola’s life may have become drastically different if she would have never met Ryan but if she hadn’t then she might not of had Waverly.

Stand by Me- Skylar Grey

Nicola’s go to person, her platonic soul mate, the Doc to her Earp, the Giles to her Buffy, her soul sibling. Gabe has always been there for her whenever she had needed. He is the best friend that she knew that she needed in her life when they first met. It was meant to be. He has been the best as Waverly would say guncle to her and he will be an amazing one to the baby when he or she is born.

Lean On Me- Imagine Dragons

People come into our lives for all different sorts of reasons. Harrison is another one of Nicola’s closest friends. He is someone that she can lean on and vice versa. He helps her out with Waverly whenever he can and she knows that she can count on him no matter what.

Thinking Out Loud- Boyce Avenue

Finding that special someone that you can imagine having everything with is so special. When Nicola first met Theo she wasn’t expecting to fall for someone but she did. She has found the love of her life. Her always and forever. She knows what it feels like to have an unconditional love.

POV- Ariana Grande

Theo loves Nicola for who she is, every part of her. Sometimes she wishes that she could see herself the way that he sees her. She is learning to love all the parts of herself that she didn’t before and she’s doing that because of Theo and his love for all of her.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Theme- Nerf Herder

Nicola and Gabe love BTVS and often have a marathon. He is the Giles to her Buffy. The two of them could spend hours quoting and just watching the show together. Gabe accepts all of Nicola. In many ways she wishes that she would have known him longer. 

Train Wreck- James Arthur

Who’s someone that can make you laugh? There are a few people that can make me laugh. My daughter Waverly can brighten any day. Her laugh is so infectious. My best friend Gabe can make me laugh without trying. Theo can make me laugh even when I am having a bad day.

What book has enriched your life? The Diary of Anne Frank.

If you could relive one moment, what would it be? This one is a hard one but maybe giving birth to Waverly or the day I found out that I was pregnant 

What do you love about your life? There’s a lot that I love about my life. My job, my friends, my family which  includes Theo and our baby that’s on the way. Even the little things bring so much joy in my life. 

What do you look for in a friend? There is a lot that I look for in a friend and I have a very close friendship with Gabe who became my person in a lot of ways. He’s is my platonic soulmates in every sense of the word. I do look for someone who is trustworthy. There are a lot of fake people that who want to bring harm to your life just simply because they don’t want to see you happy or you have something or someone that they want.

What unhealthy habits do you need to cut out? I honestly don’t know. 

What healthy habits should you adopt? Maybe eating more healthy snacks. I tend to grab junk food when I want something to snack on.

How have you changed in the last five years? A lot has changed in the last five years. I’m not a workaholic like I used to be. I’ve opened myself up to love and found my person who has really changed my life. We are expecting so getting ready for the baby and getting the nursery and everything put together as expecting parents has been such a joy.

What do you do with a day you have all to yourself? I don’t get a lot of those days honestly but probably just sleep in or watch some TV. Nothing too extreme. 

What are some positive changes you’ve made so far? Probably learning that I can’t control everything. I focus on what I can control and go from there and if I get too stressed or overwhelmed then I take a step back and talk with Theo or Gabe or Harrison if I need to. Another thing is not hiding when I’m not feeling like myself. It’s okay to not be okay and to admit that I need help.

How are your sleeping habits? My sleeping habits change. Right now where I’m pregnant it takes me a little bit to go to sleep. It’s been hard to get comfortable. If I have a lot on my mind then I don’t sleep as much or if there’s a huge event or I’m doing research for a project at the gallery so I don’t always go to sleep at the same time. I am more tired right now so I’ve gotten in the habit of trying to take naps.

The next thing she heard was a loud gunshot,then the sheer pain hit her like a wave pulling her under. Her hand travelled to her lower abdomen. She instantly could feel the sticky red liquid flow through her fingers. She pressed into the wound attempting to avoid as little blood loss as possible. She didn’t know how long it would be before she would start to feel faint.

She heard her father’s voice. Even though she was losing strength quicker than she thought she would fight with whatever strength she had left. “I told you what would happen if you didn’t follow orders.” She smirked. “Then finish it.”Her father got closer to her. “Your fate will be worse than death. You won’t even remember your own name or what happened to you. Right now there’s a compound running through your blood stream and soon you won’t have a choice other than to fulfill your mission.” Looking up at him she shook her head. “I’d rather die than hurt him.”

*Hours Before*

“I guess this means that you haven’t changed your mind.”

She sighed as she shook her head. “You know that this is the only way.” Clint shook his head as he walked more into the room. “There is always another way. If you would just talk to Steve, tell him what’s going on...” “And say what exactly, Clint? Everything that you think you know about me is a lie. You really think that it’s a good idea  to tell him  that the real reason why he met me was because I was sent to kill him.” “Well when you say it like that it sounds pretty bad but Cap…he’s an understanding guy.” “He won’t have anything to do with me if he knows the truth. This….I don’t do….” “Feelings? Love? Face it….you care. You aren’t this soulless, unfeeling assassin that you make yourself out to be.”

She shook her head. “Do you think I want to do this? If I don’t then they will just send someone else. I can’t let that happen.” Clint shook his head not wanting to accept that she was going to do whatever she deemed necessary but that was who she was. She would do anything for the people that she was the closest to, the ones that she allowed to get close to her. “You do this and you could die.” “Whatever it takes. I have done some horrible things. I have blood on my hands Clint. You spared my life when you didn’t have to.” “You deserved a second chance and you still do. I have never seen Steve act the way he does around anyone but you. You both deserve happiness.” “Maybe in another life….Steve and I could have that shot.” “You are a pain in my ass you know that right?” She laughed a little bit. Even though she knew that she was walking into was potentially a very deadly situation. She didn’t want to say goodbye. She had never been good at them.

“Stay safe.” 

“I always am Clint.”

“No wise ass cranks. That’s….that’s not you. Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

She didn’t say anything. She just wrapped her arms around him. “Take care of him. Tell him— tell him I’ll need a rain check on that dance.” She held it all inside the best that she could. She pulled away slowly and then walked out of the room.  What she didn’t expect was to run into Steve as she was leaving. “Are we still on for later?” She smiled softly. She wasn’t sure what to say. The only thing she could do was lie. She hated that she had to lie to him but it was the only way. If he knew…if he really knew the truth he would try to stop her.  “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.” He smiled as he looked at her. “Is everything okay? You seem…” “I’m fine. I…..I’ll see you later.” She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips. She felt him pull her closer and kiss her back.  She could feel the tears forming and then sliding down her cheeks. She pulled back.

“Hey, hey what’s going on ?”

“Nothing…..I……”

“Something is clearly bothering you. Whatever it is….I can help you.”

She sighed as she felt him wipe her tears away. “I need to take care of something but after that I am all yours.”

He nodded as he watched her knowing full well that she was hiding something.  He also knew her well enough to not push her into talking about it. “7 pm. Don’t forget.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

She kissed him on the cheek and then headed to where her father had instructed her to go. She hated that she was breaking her promise to him. 

*Present Time*

“I’m gonna need some help here.”

Hearing Bruce’s voice Clint and Tony came running. Clint’s eyes widen as he realized who Bruce has placed on the gurney in front of them. “What happened?” “She’s been shot. She’s lost quite a lot of blood.” “Has—has anyone called Steve?” Clint managed to get out. “Why would we need to inform Capsicle?” Clint glared at Tony as if asking him if he was seriously asking that question. Anyone who had seen them together knew. “Never mind I will do it. Since I’m the only one who clearly gives a damn.” Looking over at Bruce he quickly added “Do whatever you need to do to save her.”

Bruce nodded. “We need to get that bullet out of her before there’s way too much damage.” Clint excused himself and went to a quiet place in order to call Steve. He knew that she would probably kick his ass for calling Steve but he felt like it was the right thing to do. After a few minutes Steve picked up the phone. “You need to get here as soon as you can. Something has happened.” “What is it?” 

1. October or November

2. Pumpkin Spice or Salted Caramel

3. Cardigans or Scarves

4. Corn Maze or Hayride

5. Pumpkin Pie or Apple Pie

6. Duck Boots or Ugg Boots

7. Halloween or Thanksgiving

8. Pumpkin Reeses Or Candy Corn

9. Carve Pumpkin or Leaf Pile

10. Caramel Apples or S'mores

11. Outside or Inside

12. Breakfast Date or Dinner Date

13. Bonfires & Books or Candles & Warm bath

14. Spooky Mood or Cozy Mood

15. Sweaters or Blankets

16. Cold Days or Rainy Days

17. Coffee or Hot Chocolate

18. Walk through the Woods or Explore the City

19. Autumn or Winter

20. Daydreamer or Night thinker

21. Jumping on crispy leaves or Jumping on rain puddles

22. Scary Movies or Haunted House 

23. Soup or Chili

24. Pumpkin Patch or Apple Orchard

25. Bake Pie or Bake Cookies

26. Red Leaves or Orange Leaves

27. Indoor Decor or Outdoor Decor

28. Sit by the fire or Take a Scenic Drive

29. Hocus Pocus or Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

30. Sweet or Salty

31. Fuzzy Socks or Slippers

32. NFL or College Football

33. Turkey or Ham

34. Fireplace or Campfire

Wild Child- The Black Keys

Summertime Sadness- Lana del Rey

You Belong- Rachel Platten

Boys of Summer- The Ataris

September- Daughtry

Sweetest Devotion- Adele

Night Moves- Bob Seger

End of the Summer- Theory of A Deadman

Bittersweet Symphony- The Verve

When A Man Loves A Woman- Percy Sledge

Nicola was trying to get a project finished before she had to go to her doctors appointment. She had moved some things around so that Theo would be able to be with her during this appointment. She had her back turned as she was going through some files that she needed to take home. Hearing the knock on the door she assumed that it was Marc. “Now is not a good time, Marc. I really haven’t had the best day and I’m beginning to run late for my doctor’s appointment.” “Well then it’s a good thing that I’m not Marc.” She closed her eyes for a moment. She knew that voice. “Hello doll. I…I just want to talk.”

“Like I said, Ryan, I am running late so now is not a good time.”

“Are you just going to keep avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you, Ryan. With that being said I have nothing to say to you.” She crossed her arms as she looked at the man who was standing in front of her. “You haven’t talked to me in I don’t know how long and you suddenly expect me to talk to you.”

“Wow! Really I…if you would just let me explain. I just…..I just want us…”

“Let me stop you right there Ryan, there is NO US.”

“I just want to make things right. I know I’m not the father that I should be…but if you would just give me a chance.”

“A chance? Really? Maybe if she wasn’t seven years old it wouldn’t matter. You can’t be a revolving door in her life. It doesn’t work that way. She needs someone that’s constant, someone that can be there for her every day and she has that. She has Theo.”

“HE’S NOT HER FATHER.”

“She may not be his biologically but she is HIS daughter. Blood doesn’t make you a father. He is there for her and he loves her just like she was his. She is HIS in every way that counts.”

“But she’s not his. She’s MY daughter.”

“If you wouldn’t have said that you didn’t want anything to do with me then maybe just maybe things would be different. They aren’t. She doesn’t know you.”

“And whose fault is that? You didn’t even tell me that you were pregnant. I didn’t find out about her until she was two.”

“You were the one who said that you were done. So I moved on.”

“You really aren’t the girl that I know.”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to do this anymore. She just wanted a life where her daughter could be safe and happy, where the little life inside of her would be safe. She knew that that life wasn’t with Ryan, it would never be with him. The life that she wanted, the future that she wanted was with the man who had her heart from the moment that they met. She couldn’t imagine her life without him and she didn’t want to. She leaned against the counter as she watched Ryan.  “Please just go.”

“I know what you are doing. You’re trying to push me away just like you always do.”

“No. I’m not trying anything because there is NO you and me. I am NOT pushing away because you will never be near me again. You have got to go. I’m already late for this appointment and if I don’t leave then it will have to be rescheduled.”

“Do you love him?”

She wasn’t expecting him to ask that. “Excuse me! You really have some nerve asking me that. I don’t owe you anything. We have a past and that’s where it stays.”

“Do. You. Love. Him?” He asked as he stepped closed to her. “Are you in love with him?” He took another step closer to her.

“I have to go. Theo is waiting for me.”

He grabbed her by her wrist. “What is so damn important that you can’t answer a simple fucking question?”

She tried to pull her wrist out of his grasp. She looked him in the eyes as she tried again to get her wrist away. “I’m pregnant. Is that what you want to hear? This appointment is about the baby. It’s scheduled the way that it is so Theo can be there.”

He slowly let go of her wrist. “You’re pregnant?”

“Yes. Theo and I are expecting.”

“Are you sure it’s even his?”

She slapped him as hard as she could. “You bastard. Of course it’s his. What do you want from me? To forgive you? I’m in love with him. He’s my future.”

He looked at her and she could tell that he was angry at her. He grabbed her by the wrist pulling her to him. “Don’t you ever hit me again. Did you ever love me? Tell me that he’s the one that you want.” She struggled against him. “I loved you. I really did but you…you broke me. I put myself back together and it took a really long time but I did it so please stop trying to come back into my life . I’m happy. He’s the man that I want. He’s the man that I love. He’s the father of my children.”

She winced as she felt him tighten his grip on her wrist. “Ryan…you are hurting me. Let go of me.” “He is not the father of Waverly. I still love you. I will always love you.” “I don’t love you. I will never love you ever again. Now let me go. NOW!” 

“You are a real bitch you know that? I can see why he likes you….I mean you are pretty good in bed and now you’ve got two kids by two different men….what does that say about you?” Before she could respond she felt Ryan’s grip loosen and saw him up against the wall with Theo’s hands around the collar of his shirt pinning him to the wall in her office.

The pregnancy had made her tired, more so than she had been with Waverly. She had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a movie with Waverly. Cooper had curled up next to her while Mylo was laying with Waverly fast asleep. Nicola hadn’t slept very well. She was finding it harder to get situated the right way and she hated how much room the pregnancy pillow was going to take up. She had gotten up and got on the couch the last few nights and she hadn’t expected Theo to follow. She was having the most vivid dream about their family. She could see Waverly chasing Mylo around the yard of their house. She smiled as she heard a little voice call her “Momma”. She bent down and she could feel their arms wrap around her. She smiled. “Now where is your daddy?” Nicola picked up their child and stood up. Seeing Theo she smiled. “There’s daddy.” She smiled as she put their child down and they took off running towards Theo as they screamed “Dada.” She woke up to the sound of notifications going off on her phone. She groaned as she reached over and grabbed her phone. Some of it was from Marc who was taking over a lot of her work load, a few missed texts from Gabe and Theo checking to see if she was okay or if she needed anything. She loved how attentive Theo was being with her since they had found out that they were expecting. Even if it meant going out late to get whatever she wanted to eat he did. 

Sitting up she felt Cooper stir next to her. She smiled as she saw that Waverly was still fast asleep. Nicola’s relationship with her biological parents was not as it should be. She didn’t feel love from either one and she didn’t want her children going through that. She stood up and grabbed the cover that had been knocked into the floor and placed it back over Waverly and Mylo. She leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed into the kitchen. She shook her head and smiled when she saw the cotton candy grapes that she had fallen in love with since the beginning of her pregnancy.Theo always made sure that she had way more than enough or anything that she was craving. She grabbed the grapes and some apples. She grabbed a plate and cut her apple into slices and sprinkled a little bit of salt on them. She grabbed the peanut butter and smeared some next to the apples and then placed some of the grapes onto her plate. She placed a hand on her stomach. “I just want you to know that you are so loved by me and your daddy and your big sister. I really wish that your other big sister could be here. She would love you so much. She had such a big heart just like your sister Waverly but I can promise that Sarah will watch over you and protect you.” Tears filled her eyes and slowly fell down her cheeks.

Hearing her phone ring she smiled as she saw that it was Theo. “Hey honey. I just woke up a little bit ago. I’m fine I promise. I was just talking to the baby and then I started thinking about how Sarah will never know her siblings and it just hit me all of a sudden but I’ll be okay.” She smiled as she listened to his voice. “You know you look so good in my clothes.” “How do you know that I’m wearing your clothes?” She questioned. “I bet you are standing in the kitchen with those grapes you love so much and apple slices with peanut butter and probably just a little bit of salt.” She laughed. “Turn around.” At first she thought she was hearing things. “Honey just turn around.” Shaking her head she turned around. She hung up her phone. She laid her phone down and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him. “I needed this.” She admitted. “I told you I’d be fine.” She looked up at him. “And like I’ve told you I know you and when you said you are going to be fine you are anything but.”

Nikolai Marchette/Biological Father

There’s nothing worse than a man that can be everything to everybody else except a father to their own child.” – Anonymous

Nansi Donely/Biological Mother

Trust is like paper. Once crumpled, it will never be perfect again.

Artem Marchette/Biological Paternal Uncle